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Review of ETS- Prologue (A)  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello KR,

I read 1.1 and looked over this after consulting your message as a plea for help with writer's block. I don't know how much I can help. But, I have some thoughts.

Plot points are important in developing this. The structure of your story can help you visualize what you'll write about. If the ending is fuzzy, don't try to make it a plot point yet. You can add or subtract stuff from your story structure as you write.

Plot points can be used as prompts to write chapters or scenes. You might write what you think are chapters three and four before you think of events that count happen between. Reordering chapters can happen later. Even writing stuff out of order is fine. Just so long as you're getting it down.

First draft of plot points/prompts/chapters could be: they got out of the cabin. They went to buy medical supplies. She was afraid of running into the man she ran away from. They talk at a local market. They eat at a public restaurant.

Anything you plan on having them do in a particular chapter just write down. You can fill it in later, especially dialogue...good to write conversations later. Makes more sense to just outline stuff when you're blocked. The process of setting this up creates little bursts of writing energy. Capture whatever comes, but if you get stuck just ... leave and fill later.

You could also develop your characters while doing this: commit to names, occupations, motivations, descriptions, etc. Make them real. Write everything in each character profile, listing each trait, even if you don't use the info. As you write, add or subtract stuff from profiles as needed. It helps to know what each will do in particular situations. Writing them out commits them to your memory, like meeting them.

Tricky idea: Dreams. Keep thinking about your story and characters as you drift to sleep. Really hash it out and keep your writing tools handy. Many times I wake and all kinds of scenes are dreamed waiting for me to jot down. The more I chew on the story, the more my dreams seem to want to take over. Your dreams might have other stories. There could be interesting parallels to what you're working on.

You could journal about this writing process. Try to write 10 pages a day about anything. Your brain needs this exercise. Transcribe whatever comes into your head. It will produce eight or nine useless pages at first, but keeping it focused and sharp it will take over and an outpouring of needed stuff will come. If ten is too much, do a few, take a break, write two more. Just do it.

Schedule times during the day when you won't be distracted. No fun trying to write in a din. When that precious quit time arrives, I get myself set up with whatever vices like coffee and any writing aids, get comfy and go.

Too much? I'll stop. My thoughts for you now. I'll check back.

You want this? Envision your outcome, enjoy the process. Make it fun. Wear a silly hat when you write.

*high five*

Brian
WDC Angel Army
24K Luminous Reviewer
WDC Survivor...12 years


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Ruwth,

Not bad. I enjoyed your take on the Short Shots prompt.

If I were to attempt to edit (and I'm no editor: just something to consider from my take), this is what I might (did) come up with:

Mesmerized by the painting of autumn, an elderly woman stood quiet in the museum. She day-dreamed, pondering what might be around the bend and down the path in the scene. "I wish I was walking down a road like this right now," she bemoaned. There was a stark difference between the meandering dirt road and the drab city street where she lived.

The woman had one thing in common with the fall scene. The painting's shades of orange and yellow reminded her of that. It was also the autumn of her life — her own golden years. And, like the painting, she could not see what was beyond the bend.

(As the woman squinted to view) the warm colors of the artwork, it was easy to imagine something pleasant just out of sight. In her bleak existence, it wasn't easy to trust she would be blessed in her golden years.

Backing up from the canvas for a better look, the woman stumbled into a bench. It was a perfect place to sit and ponder both the painting and life. She thought again about what was around the bend.

"Father," whispering a prayer. "Show me what to do. Show me where to go. Help me with the choices facing me." She knew what the Bible said, "Lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He would direct your paths."

"I acknowledge you, God. I acknowledge your wisdom, your goodness, your love. I do not understand why I find myself in poverty at this stage of my life, but I choose to trust you to be with me no matter what.

"Give me feet to follow you to the mountain tops, praise and trust when my cupboards are full and when they are bare. In both times, you are good and You are my strength and my song."

The old woman gathered her books and headed for home. (A sense of calm overcame her?) Soon she would know what was around the bend, good or bad. She trusted who held her future and would sleep in peace that night. She might even dream she was walking down the dirt path of a golden autumn scene, just like the painting on the wall of the museum.


I would try to show something about her: clothes, hair, belongings. Describing yourself at a museum? What brought you there? Readers need motivation or conflict...lost lamb seeking a sign? Lonely? Family? something more to tie in with the poverty angle? And, you could give her a name to help us connect.

This was somewhat sad. The revelation was God talking to you? God is heavy on physical signs. We say he talks to us, when he is really showing us things that remind of His message. Falling into the bench was part of it. Maybe, something new viewed from that perspective? Maybe, part of a word on a gallery sign was obscured to give a word that reminds Ruwth of His message?

Good work. Go girl! *Laugh* our inside joke *BigSmile*

Keep writing,

Brian


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's whistful, nostalgic and definitely sentimental this short story written for prompt. It's a slice of life with little story but a lot of well crafted visuals.

What I liked: There was a great sense of place, describing the apple orchard and the introduction of an apple to the small boy, given by the grandfather who holds down a branch and teaching how to pick, clean and eat apple.

What I felt: the bond between child and grandparent over the desire to learn how to craft stories.

What I envision with this story: a better understanding of what grandfather wrestles with. His dialogue is aloof and difficult to understand with his warnings. His motivation to teach writing seemed to change without knowing why.
I also wonder if the age of the boy is too vague. He seemed a toddler at first, eating his first apple. Then, he's old enough to write.

I did not struggle with this. Easy to read, visualize, appreciate characters and scene. I think with a little thought, this could be chapter one of something longer describing a grandfather passing on his story telling skills to a young boy with life lessons and gramps personal demons with how writing might not have always been easy.

Good write,

B


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Review of I am Sam  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Ghost*I was intrigued by this poem because I wanted to know what a creepy pasta is. The creepy part I get. Does the shape of the poem have anything to do with it?

*Bat1* There's some really great storytelling in here and it's about a friendless boy who needs eyes so he can see his mom one more time and the creepy part is how this describes how he goes about taking people's eyes.

*Grave*Now, as a poem, you find good rhythm at times, the rhyme though is not consistent. But, I think with some work, you can get there, if that's your goal.

*Cat2*I didn't understand how being trapped in time caused his condition or what that was about. I think keeping it about being a creepy, lonely boy is enough of an introduction to keep the poem interesting. If people have unanswered questions it distracts from the good parts you have written.

*Monster11*Great character development at Work. This is the type of character that acts out of necesssity and does not recognize moral dilemma, as with a child who acts on needs without realizing intentions are bad. Only now it's real disturbing.

*Wolf2*The descriptions of eye removal are good. I would play that part up more.

Write On!


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for entry "~ Proverbs 18:18 ~" Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Thank you for this contest ruwth Author Icon. It reminds me to revisit my origins with good memories of my mom who taught me to recite Psalms 23 before going to sleep each night. The calm it instilled in me reverberates in my writing to this day.

Did you know we are connected in faith by that song of David? You have inspired me on several occasions to write how I feel when confronted by someone who causes me bear witness. Little did I know when I penned "Efflorescence Song" Open in new Window. [E] (which started as a blog entry), it was because you popped into my notebook to let me know I was loved. Whatever the intention, unbeknownst to me, Psalm 23 was alive and well in my responsive discourse. But, I don't know if I shared with you, or linked your name in my reply.

The poem defines my relationship to the world and where I take comfort. Wherever I go in life, adverse situations appear. But I hold Psalm 23 in my heart because of mother.

Thank you for opening my eyes that I might see. I do not walk on the valley of darkness alone. I worry more for you and others than I do myself. I find when I fail I can look up to him and be reminded of my faith. I do not serve man, though some might create conditions that force Him out of our lives.

Though I do not quote scripture or point to my faith as I should, I shall remain with the meek. Each day I tell myself God decides when life is turned upside down. He decides if I should offer my writings to the world or keep thoughts to myself. When I feel it intones His message, he tells me to share with you.

Do you doubt yourself, the vision for the future he promises? Remember Psalm 23 wherever life takes you.

Brian Keith Compton
(He Lives!)

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He causes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul; He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even when I walk in the valley of darkness, I will fear no evil for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff-they comfort me.
You set a table before me in the presence of my adversaries; You anointed my head with oil; my cup overflows.
May only goodness and kindness pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for length of days.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psalm_23

Hopefully, I have not exploited His message for the purposes of man. His love is to be shared, not used to prey on innocent lambs.


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Review of Just a Poem  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello Blank Page Author Icon,

Thank you for entrusting me with your writing. My review is affiliated with "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. . I feel this poem deserves attention and wanted to offer some insight, since we've had little time lately to discuss the finer points of poetry and its analysis.

With "Just a Poem " Open in new Window., you have a tight construct that delivers a clear exposition. It's smart with the setup and use of its central theme about time. All of this leads to a proper summation, including a moral. Making it short and sweet with these tight lines help punctuate the final thought. This is a gifted offering for a beginner.

I don't see this poem as something you edit or improve on. This poem is a stepping stone for other writes to come. Its wisdom cannot be altered or refreshed. My belief is that we might write the same poem for the rest of our life with 100 different approaches. A unique voice is defined as we hone our craft. This is just one layer of who you are as a poet. Keep writing, keep creating new layers. You are developing a textile for the masses each time your muses spill a little more ink on the page.

What I'm impressed with is your handle on language. It's not easy to construct words that flow intelligently, play with one another. It's difficult to do this and create a concrete message easy to consume, easily understood. But, on the flipside, this is poetry. Poets prefer not to tell but show. So, let's talk about that.

Poems rely on imagery to depict. In radio, we called it writing with 'picture words,' because our audience needed to visualize what we were reporting. Time is not easily shown. But, when you pen your next poem, something like time can be constructed using words like clock, calendar, or seasons from fall to spring. These words could work best as expressions, verbs especially. His poem clocked like a metronome.

Let's look at your poem in sections:

Time never ceases,
Halting for no man.

Grammatically sound, you can flip the two parts and still have a perfect thought. Your subject is immediately introduced and offers an aphorism. Already a great start!

Even now, it moves ever onward,
Not pausing once for friend or foe.
End - of time, that is - is nowhere in sight.
Not for us mortals, at least.

Advanced use of indentation on second line allows pause but also showing that movement after 'onward.' Bet you didn't catch that one. These lines add another aphorism about time. It uses the time honored 'friend or foe.' Not cliche, bordering the overused; yet used properly, it fits.

Then, the hyphens! Yes, I say. You push the words apart. This does show. Punctuation can show! Last line in this section might be weakest in poem. It's a fragment, but perhaps a comma at end of the preceding line will fix. If worried about too much punctuation, my belief is it's acceptable to remove comma before 'at least.'

Don't waste what little time you have.
It's the only time you'll get.

The last and punctuating aphorism here. It's also what's known in the ad industry as a 'call to action.' Very true, in this case. *Laugh* I think adding the indentation on last line does more for symmetry than affect inflection.

There are many poetic devices you could use to show through your narration. Personification or symbolism could give depth, if pots and tea kettles could talk. A grandfather clock? But, another day...time. *Wink*

It's more than a little ditty penned. It's more than 'Just A Poem.' So, if you change anything...maybe re-title? It's a wise, sensible and poignant discourse. It's the first step for a poet heading in the right direction.

This writing thing is going to challenge. There may be something that begs you lay down your pen. Keep your head up; soldier on when it gets tough. Poetry has many bad days. Take time to discover; take time to rest your weary mind. But, always come back and write.

I'll be here as long as you need me,

Brian K Compton Author Icon
24K Luminous Reviewer


Invalid Photo #1053018

"Explaining Poetry to my son" Open in new Window.



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Review of Free Fallin'  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Dan,

You make skydiving sound like a rewarding, exhilarating experience. Such a natural telling of story that puts a reader in the moment, making me laugh, making me feel.

I'm connected to the first person narrative as if I am skydiving, too. There were about four minor editing issues with missing or misspelled words, most just in the last eight graphs.

There were a lot of great moments and expressions like the descriptions of that rickety plane and the sensation of it leaving the ground or the comparison of caffeine to hemoglobin in your body getting to the hangar.

Great story on overcoming fear: funny, insightful, informative. It draws you in and keeps you reading without distraction to the end.

Brian


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Review of A Northrup Moment  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Interesting prologue and two intriguing characters to possibly have a will-they-won't-they affair, though not if Laurel has anything to say about it. I picture Northrup akin to a more sophisticated John Wayne type. This reads like a period piece -- 40s or 50s.

You have a mystery serial rape case and she's a woman determined to get the scoop ove Northrup. The feminist will likely get the scoop and the man.

I liked the dialogue and the set up for this story.

B


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is such a fascinating, heartwarming story than would be perfect for illustration. An endearing tale about this moose that confuses shouts for a newfound name and misunderstands all the commotion as acceptance by the happy children.

You pace the story well, bringing Lookout to each new scene and misunderstanding. All the time, he wanted to prove to his mother that people are good to animals. You wonder if it will end bad. When he unwittingly steps up the the burning house, little does he know his act will endear him to the people.

This story makes me feel this moose could go on many adventures with the girl and her dog. Very touching story.

Brian


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
These are beautifully expressed thoughts for a father-in-law that you wanted to grieve at the time of his passing. Such strong emotions were expressed in this non-fiction piece.

One thing that came to mind was, did you try to convey these words somehow so they could appreciate your loss? It felt like maybe you felt they would not understand how he made you feel like family...and not sort of. I'm sure enough time has passed that his family can know the bond that was formed.

I really appreciated reading this. All the best.


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think there are some good thoughts here for battling depression and it is not lost on me the importance of spirituality in one's life, no matter what form. Religion seems to have a calming appeal with promises from God and the strength of Jesus' love. Using scripture to remind ourself of those acts, how Christians were saved, can be reassuring.

But the other half of this is busy work and staying in touch with people. The rehabilitative process requires some kind of structure, hopefully with companionship. I'm impressed with how you lay out a day with activities. Keeping the mind focused and functioning doesn't allow time for negative thoughts. It would seem doing constructive, productive things can help with a positive outlook.

This was a good article. Needed some editing to weed out some articles like 'the' that weren't needed and repeated some thoughts, but otherwise good.

B


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Eire (unique name),

I enjoyed the imagery presented in the scene you constructed. I connected with scene and character and could imagine this becoming a full story. It is a good start but could use fewer passive passages. Focusing on the first graph mostly:

Instead of: 'The dew on top of the tall green grass in the garden in front of her glistened in the early sunlight.'

You could try: The tall grass glistened with dew beneath her feet in the early sunlight.

Also: 'Butterflies flew from blade to blade in order to get to the fragrant yellow flowers.'

Could be: Butterflies flit blade to blade in their search of fragrant yellow flowers. (daisies, dandelions, buttercups more specific, maybe?)

I would remove the introduction of house in that opening graph, because it's really being introduced in second graph. You could say she arrived home, if you wanted to change in opening. Because you do well to present that house in second graph, it would make sense to make proper introduction there.

In second part, instead of 'so the speak' I would just say, "It seemed the house was surrounded by a sphere." Or say, 'the house seemed to be surrounded by a sphere.'

This seemed like it needed restructuring: 'Dark and gloomy in the otherwise peaceful garden, the house stood in a world of its own.'

What if: The house stood dark and gloomy in the otherwise peaceful garden,
And if you had to add as if in a world its own.

In third graph, I would remove 'in a way' to get more directly to: 'The metal fence that protected her would soon lock her inside.' -instead at end.

And you could end with the reaction of spooked butterflies fluttering away. It gives more action, shows more tension, that way.

Just some suggestions. I hope you write more. Maybe, describe her clothes, hair, too. Something should imply her age, though I think around 10-12?

Best wishes,

Brian


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
A fun little poem about a little girl and the strawberry she is fond of.

This poem started out very well because I could imagine the narrator teasing the little darling who holds to her gem. There is nice setting with the sound of shore and birds. But I think that's where the poem gets away a little bit and doesn't know where to end.

I like her dreaming about strawberries. Maybe, that strawberry goes into the jam she eats, or joins her for her breakfast? I like her in settings with that strawberry. Will she love it too much or will she eat it? It could be a special berry she picked, but from where?

Like this a lot. Found your item on the Read & Review page.

Brian


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very ntriguinig start to a story about a mother and daughter leaving a 'ghost' behind in their move to a house where she'll go to college.

So much about the home's description tells more about the teen who sizes it up like a bland mental institution, until she finds a room inside that would likely be her sanctuary.

The chapter doesn't rush and takes its time getting the reader a feel for setting with hints of story to come. It cleverly uses dialogue to describe characters, too. The daughter's age, the mother being tense and speaking fast. Even the budget moving truck tells money is tight.

I like that the language wasn't showy or predictable. It gives the reader a chance to size up the characters, not tell us too much early so we can't pass quick judgment on the pair while being set up for ensuing story.

My early inclination is the parents split and that she is doing this to protect her daughter who acts ghost-like.

This is good writing,

Brian


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Review of Weird Book-Buying  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an intriguing question that I would imagine someone at Amazon could explain. I have a few thoughts on why an older version of a book priced higher might outsell a book that is updated with necessary info and more pages.

One, is access to a particular book might be limited by region. Second, is google searches or other engines might be directing people to the older book where the newer hasn't gotten as many hits to get it the best attention. Three, Distribution a problem? I assume plenty in stock. Four, what's the markup on that older book? Is Amazon secretly pushing it over a desire for greater profit? Discounting the second book hurting profit margin?

You might be right that people assume the higher priced book seems like it could be the more reliable of the two. I wonder, would it be necessary to take it off the market? It's win-win when talking about earnings. Though, will it hurt future sales of other books? Lots to consider.

Brian


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
While this doesn't read as prose, there are some interesting but undefined characters (outside of gender) talking to one another in dialogue. I assume college aged based on their ideas for their own college and story of tending bar.

Their attitudes hardly make them likeable but typical for people of that age and socio-economic status. And it does reflect a lot about working class and gender stereotypes, sexism.

I'm sure this could be developed into a short story with a basic plot. Good luck.

B


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842
Review of The Weird Divide  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I get this. It is feeling cloaked in fiction. It is something I feel, too. We are left behind by loved ones who don't get why the struggle to succeed.

This prose you shared read like someone had parachuted from a plane and missed their landing, offended that those who made it to the other side of the canyon were celebrating rather than showing concern. Not a single soul? But then, it's paper airplanes with notes from loved ones, so it becomes dreamlike, surreal, reading 'wish you were here.' And I imagine they really do, but for someone who struggles it's not enough.

This person views their attempts to communicate as pity. I would have settled for a helping hand. In time, you learn to understand they are to be pitied for not knowing how special our world is. So sad that they cannot know or appreciate it. Takes someone special, who is also not the best parachutist, but survivor.

Surviving was the most important feat, no matter what side the canyon. Though, that descent to meet with them becomes laborious. If only one could imagine an easier way.

B


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Het nonyaB, *Laugh*

I like the idea of stringing together a group of acrostics, making a list. Would be cool if you could build a theme with a sentence, or something? Each stands alone with unique thoughts. The first one likes to rhyme, some others get deep and wordy.

What I like is your vocabulary strength. When I think of a word to use but am not 100% sure of its meaning, I check definition or synonyms to see if intrinsic is poetic enough or if boon best describes the mood of what I'm writing.

You can approach your thoughts like a painting. Each word is a brush stroke laid over another word. Do the colors compliment each other? Your painting will show your meaning. Using descriptive words helps color your meaning. I think of it like how dreams are trying to tell you something you must interpret from all the images and actions that occur in sleep.

I like 'silhouetted hands' because I can visualize this, but how do they cast shadows in darkness without light? It could be an expression, if you can make it work. Otherwise, add moonbeam or streetlight, as this will add mood or location.

That last acrostic sounds more like a story wanting to be told. A mysterious man has assisinated someone? Begs who, what, where, when and why? Could be about the mind of a person who does this. Is there inner conflict? Or do they kill without a second thought? What confliction/resolution could face a person like this in story? Morality is very important to storytelling because it is being lost on modern society.

I'm sure I could give more comment, if you want. I think if you experiment with acrostic, use motifs, themes, as much as you can. Challenge yourself as you would with a difficult puzzle and Google words and other acrostics to get ideas and inspire future writes. I think this is a very good start.


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Review of beach umbrellas  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This haiku was inventive. Equating beach umbrellas to mushrooms. It's shorter in syllables than a normal haiku, but this is acceptable in th' sense haikus in Japanese before translated were fewer syllables. Could even drop the 'ing in feeding to shorten more.

Adding summer as a season holds with the nature theme. Nicely done.

B


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Review of Creeping In  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dearest Miss Cellar Door,

Oh, wow! That's my first thought as I finished reading your poem "Creeping In" Open in new Window.. After getting through the first stanza your depictions reeled me in.

First off, I think a retitle could draw your gem some attention. I liked the words "Absinthian Nightmares" because this is essentially what the poem is about. When your lines pare down to a word, drip like that candle wax, I could feel every word, ever thought from the wicked dream and memory replayed. Last two stanzas are brilliant in my estimation.

I struggled with the first stanza only because of word placement. I wasn't sure if the mermaids were monsters. I felt you didn't have to say floating and could find a better way to describe the depth of the water. Just overall setting or scene was fuzzy, though I get the disassociative nature of nightmarish dreams.

The trick to getting someone hooked I find is to grab them right away and not let them stop to wonder about what they are reading. I see you could easily work this out with your gift of describing connection to a melting candle.

The third stanza left me wanting to know more, though I get the feel of handprints on hips. Tight grip, but it really meant something. Can the boiling red heart do something other than be 'dropping?' Could describe better the relation of how they are talking to visualize or feel how your unconscious is reacting. I'm assuming something is said or actions intimated that extinguishes hope or happiness. Is it what they say, or is it peer judgment or is it the self that is struggling? Maybe 'they' could be more descriptive to capture. Are they the monsterous mermaids?? It just hit me.

Obviously, your dream, your poem. You know; you get what this is. What happened to inspire this is your reality. As a writer, you can explore further if you feel needed. You have something captivating here. I'm intrigued. Even the experience can be altered to become more fictional. You can stick with what's real or embellish, give it a life of its own. Who's to say you won't write 100 poems in your life about one drunken nightmare.

It's inspiring. Awful good, but don't go Poe on us. We need more writing like this.

All the best,

Brian


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846
Review of Length or Width?  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed stumbling upon this little ditty. The poem sort took off and sailed professionally into that second stanza. The rhyme/meter and ease at which you articulate knowledge made this a very clever offering.

I especially enjoyed the final two lines. It's wise and comical, affable. One suggestion: remove 'the' before sand and just get right in it. I think it might add a little punch to that delivery.

Good stuff, write on!

Brian


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847
Review of Walking South.  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello All Smiles,

Walking south is a good direction...warm in my thoughts. I enjoyed reading your poetry tonight and took time to linger over this piece. You write honestly and directly from the heart. Your poetry speaks directly what it needs to say, not wrapped up in hidden meaning. It's refreshing to see such forthrightness.

Your poem reminded me what it's like to be with someone new in that setting...romantic, hopeful. The poet could imply more with the repeated direction. That's why I feel it is suggesting good things for this couple. The act of saving her when she stumbles is a good moment to show a trust bond forming between the two. You did well to show intimacy forming.

Impressed and pleased to read your writing,

Brian


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848
Review of Toressa  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I see you write and perform your own music. You must have recorded this? I bet if you add a link to the song from your website, readers could get a better feel for the rhythm of your words.

Torressa is a beautiful name and makes me think of someone Italian overseas. The more I reread, the more I can get a feel for the flow of these lyrics, though I may have a entirely different song in my head. Had you wanted to rhyme with the name? because then you could have something really Italian with something like 'it's you I wanna caressa.'

The expressions and sentiment in your lyrics are straightforward. Her name gives me visualization, but if there were just a few things to describe what she wore, hair, perfume. The whole where is she now or what happened makes me wonder about the pining. But, maybe it doesn't matter. It is a fun, carefree song because, oh well, it's in the past...I think.

Best of luck with this and your music,

Brian


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849
Review of flutter  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Way to bury hope alive while seemingly giving it a chance for life. The imagery is stark and effective, the feeling of having that small fluttering feeling encased deep within nothing. It could be nightmarish to live through that feeling and come out alive. Unnerving feeling of a life ever altered while still sustainable. Interesting read.

B


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Review of Lonely Crow  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Someone Author Icon,

You have some excellent imagery and symbolism at work in your poem! I was very pleased to discover this as I wanted to repay you with my thanks for taking time to recently give attention to my writing.

I initially had a humorous reaction because of my relation to your main character. It reminded me of the TV show Monk when the main character would frequently say, "it's me, isn't it?" I was pleased with how much I related to your words.

The opening lines are vibrant in the elements that give your subject such rich depiction. Black in shade like invisible and voice of the voiceless having no voice spoke to me. I also like how stained by the color black felt. This crow still persists despite how it is viewed. I, however, stop drawing the comparison to myself when it does its bidding for the devil. Being hated for being selfish I accept.

Though, I can relate how one can be viewed as evil or be labeled as such through misunderstanding. It's hard to shake that image once you've been stained by perception based on color or assignment.

This is very strong in imagery, a good companion to Poe's raven...which symbolizes darkness within. Thanks for stopping by to read and give me feedback. This was a pleasure,

Brian


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