~ "...her mother’s cigarette smoke curling into eighth rests..."
~ "Its waves hummed lullabies in minor keys, and its tides left sheet music etched in seaweed..."
~ "...a single line of sheet music, its notes shaped like apologies."

~ There was one glaring thing that snapped me out of this for a minute—the word "tactile." The vocbulary and phrasing you use is enchantingly diaphanous, like the wind, free of shape and full of intent. "Tactile" was like have a stick blown in my eye; it's so deliberate, so rigid. Is there a better word to use in this context? "Palpable," maybe? I'm not sure, but for me, "tactile" was exactly the wrong word.

~ Similarly, but far less starkly, "barnacled" just felt wrong. Because of the consonants, maybe? Maybe...

~ I mentioned the mood before. The mood in this story was heavy, heavier than Lichthaven. Be careful not to brutalize your reader. If Mother had sniped at Nessa one or two more times, I might have finished reading the story only as a courtesy to you, not as a devotee to the wonderful prosetryishness of it.

~ The last thing should have been the first thing, probably. "Our Throats" seemed extraneous in the title. Maybe it has a particular meaning... Does it imply that we don't speak when we should, don't defend ourselves? That the weight of those unspoken words chokes us and kills us inside, perhaps? I think those two words feel like an afterthought because we're so used to the old phrase "the ties that bind," which you also play on. Adding to such a common phrase feels awkward. That's all just an observation, mind you, not something that is "incorrect."

~ “You’re breaking the wrong things,” she said. We do this so often, and so badly. We will wreck ourselves just to try to impact someone else.

~ "...oysters spilling from her palms." All those uncollected pearls of wisdom. Superb, superb metaphor, so beautifully nuanced that it could easily go unnoticed by the careless reader.

~ "...the violin case beside her filled with saltwater and starfish." This is a perfect snap back to reality for the reader. Well...something very close to reality anyway.

~ "The town of Lichthaven existed in the parentheses between midnight and dawn..." Where you came up with that, I have no idea. But I hope that muse visits me one day.

~ "Eleanor wore her mother’s moth-eaten cardigan and ate lukewarm tangerines in the booth..." This is a brilliant statement of the decay and disappointment. "Lukewarm" was the word that made this phrase golden for me.

~ “The films aren’t memories...They’re what’s left when memories rot.”

~ "...her mother sobbing in the projection room, splicing the storm into a canister..."

~ What if the person who is dying is not going to heaven? Or is passing by violent means? How can he help them be at peace?

~ Is he the grim reaper, or one of many? If there are others, are they all the same? (Try the book Insomnia, by Stephen King, which deals with this.)

~ Where does he come from? Does it matter? Does it matter for you, perhaps, but not the reader— so you understand the motivations for the character's choices and behaviors?

~ Can he be destroyed?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? (Luke 12:25-31)

~ Keep a strong eye on your punctuation. Punctuation is often neglected or even omitted in poetry and chalked up to "poetic license." However, it can be just as important in verse as in prose. For instance, the last two lines in your first stanza pose a question, but you have ended the fourth line with a period instead of a question mark. That one's more of a grammar thing, but more importantly, punctuation in the second stanza, depending how it is applied, can subtly change nuances of the verse, if not the overall concept. There is no hard-and-fast rule to the punctuation in a poem, but I encourage you to look at it closely, and make it reads exactly how you intended.

~ Consider the vocabulary you use in poems. Some phrases are trite or cliche—you don't have any of these, particularly, but it's something to avoid. Be sparse with articles—the, and, a. You have a tight window to convey your point; don't clutter it with unnecessary words or syllables. Maintain a consistent tone. For instance, beginning the first line of the third stanza with "Sure..." doesn't quite feel like the same confident tone of guidance as the rest of the poem.

~ Don't wander from your point! This is the trap I fall into with stories and poetry, very frequently . Stay on topic. I mention this because the third stanza in your poem points more toward the future than living in the present. It subtly intimates that the reader can or should shift their focus away from the present, which is counter the overall theme of your poem.

~ Periods/Full Stops. Take a breath. Think your thought--just one. If you were saying it to someone, when would you stop for about two to three seconds to take a breath and start s new thought? That's where a period goes. They enable the reader to parse your ideas and statements as he it she reads, and they are indispensable. Without them, the reader feels winded and fatigued. Here's an example:

I am the third 4th oldest of 4 brothers, 2 half and 2 biological-- well one being my twin. When I was born, me and my twin brother got separated, because my mom's best friend couldn't...

The period here ends the thought of your birth, and the thought of your separation behind in the next sentence.

~ Line Breaks/Paragraphs. Once you've converted a collection of similar thoughts, hit ENTER a couple times. It provides a visual line break that cuts me, the reader, that you're done with that part; I can take a second and interpret it before moving on to your next set of ideas. Like periods, paragraphs are absolutely necessary in writing.

~ Slow Down. Take a breath before you write a line, every time. Hold it a couple seconds, and let it out. Write your thought. Repeat the process. Why? I can tell that your thoughts were racing when you wrote this. Your sentences veritably sprint across the page. Take some breaths, take your time. Tell me clearly so you don't have to tell me again, and I don't misunderstand.

GUIDE: Romans 2:4—"Or do you...not knowing, that the goodness of God leads to repentance?" The people being spoken to are simply ignorant, and they need to be guided, taught.

BULLY: Isiah 48:9—Paraphrased, "if you don't kiss my ass, I'll kick yours!"

CONTRADICTION: John & Psalms—One is made perfect when the Lord loves them. One must seek forgiveness of the Lord (merely for existing, apparently, but that's a different discussion) to attain this love. Forgiveness is provided by the Lord so that fear of its withholding can be used as a lever against people. But "the one who fears is not made perfect in love." Again, this breaks down in my mind as: "Whether you fear me or not, whether I forgive you or not, you fools will never be worthy of me."

~ First, "Dullahan" is a proper noun. As such, each instance of the word should be capitalized.

~Second—the only other mechanical correction I see—you don't need the apostrophe in "relative's" in the third line.

~ "Forgettable chiding" seems to want a little more context. Is grandpa's correction such a common protective action that it has become routine and is now ignored (touching again on desensitization)? That seems to fit the rest of Annie's carelessness, but a clause or sentence of context would make this a little smoother.

~ Annie's ghoulishness is at first described as curiosity. Is there room, again, for some contextual expansion? Perhaps a sentence or two about her fascination with the morbid, or a reference to her penchant for horror video games (pure conjecture on my part, there)? You clearly show us she's a bit of a bloodthirsty little brat, but I'd personally like just a little bit more of a frame around her.

~ "Annie listened blankly" doesn't convey what you intended, I think. This seems to imply Annie herself lost understanding or focus. Was she, perhaps, listening "expectantly?"

~ Nice job slipping in the fact that the girl's mother is Protestant. Does it bear on the story? Probably not, but in one phrase, it deepens the grandfather's Irishness and thus his connection to the legend .

~ Again, the question of whether she saw the Dullahan because she put herself in peril of death, or she was in peril of death by agency of the Dullahan itself is wonderfully compelling, at least to me.

~Consider expressing George's thoughts in italics. This helps set those portions off from the narration of the story. It lets the reader more easily consume those lines in the voice of the character. For instance:

        He put the gun back in its holster. No, he thought. Not this time...

~I don't think you need to obscure the foul language. You have this rated at 18+, so let us read it that way; the probability is in the high 90's that we've all heard it before. We're all big kids here. There's a reason for it, though. Curse words feel like curse words only when you make an issue of them. "Oh, Bobby's such a...a 'b' word!" That calls attention to the word much more then "Bobby's a little bitch." Taking away the asterisks in your story will help the flow and decrease the risk of the reader being momentarily jarred out of the story.

~The last three lines are still a little problematic for me.

    + For one thing, instead of revealing Eliza's presence through narration, consider using George's voice: "Eliza?!" or "Eliza, what--how did you get here?!" Something along those lines.

    + The second example above actually addresses the next issue I have. Eliza's comment about the shortcut needs just a little bit of contextual setup. George simply asking where she came from would work. Even a questioning look. I feel like something needs to prompt her to offer the explanation of where she came from to both George and the reader.

    + The hospital. This is a real dilemma, man. Our killer-cum-courter has two severe wounds that need to be treated immediately. But if he goes to the hospital, there will detectives and cops piled up outside his room like cordwood, waiting to investigate the origin of those wounds. But you can't exactly just have him go home with Eliza and get a couple of Band-Aids, either. Maybe just leave that immediate part alone and skip to his convalescence in their home? I'm not sure, but it's something you might want to look at, I think.

    + Finally. (I know, I'm droning on and on like Elmer Fudd; sorry.) I think the story would be better served by Eliza's dialog in the second-to-last line being broken around the hospital/recovery issue. She talks about the shortcut; then immediately to the hospital or aftercare or whatever you choose to do there. Then they have time to talk a little; now you have a little room take a line or four to explain (or use dialog to explain) Eliza's heretofore secret past that actually does align with George's lifestyle. At that point, closing the circle with the proposal--now free of inhibition or internal conflict--closes the circle quite neatly.

~"You must of" should be "you must have." That's the only concrete correction, really. The next ones are just observations, suggestions.

~Consider using end-line punctuation. Even if it's just a comma, it helps the reader parse where your thoughts begin and end, help shape the images in which the mind thinks.

~A line break at the period (full stop) in line 10 would help the visual presentation maintain more consistency. (Remember, they're just opinions.)

~The line about the police is brutally true but stated awkwardly. Something about that line breaks the rhythm, the feeling of the volume turning up and the writers voice getting a little quicker and a little sneer starting to appear. That's the best way I can put it.