My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Rema and Corey find a map while at a cookout. When they follow it, what will they find?
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the plot and the mystery of the map. I thought that it was very creative.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. I might suggest an edit for the narration and I would have the narrator accompany Rema and Corey on their adventure, but have him get away "by the skin of his teeth," so he's alive to relate the story. As it is now, narration switches between 1st person and 3rd person which can be awkward for readers, especially without line breaks.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I think the visual descriptions are spot on, but I might amp up or included descriptions to include hearing and smell. I think that would increase the "eerie" feeling the story is going for.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?
This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Narrator, Rema and Corey
Rema and Corey want to figure out the mystery of the map. Again, having the narrator accompany them and then get away would flesh out his motives for wanting to share the story.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. I might also suggest spacing between paragraphs and dialogue here on WDC. As it is presented, lines back to back, are hard to read. The opening has a good voice which draws the reader in. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Anouck likes to race snakes.
WHAT I LIKED
The story embodied many fantastical elements and really captured the essense of the genre the author was writing for.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Anouk. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Skinny thing, aren't you?" he said, his quill scratching across the parchment before him.
MY SUGGESTION: The racemaster glanced at Anouk before scratching his quill across the parchment. "Skinny thing, aren't you?"
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest really taping into smell and show me what the world smells like.
SETTING
TIME: ?
PLACE: ?
This is something that tcould be clarified for the reader by a simple block at the start of the story. Example:
The planet of Saturn
2211
The Snakes Pits in the dorian delta
CHARACTERS
Anouk
There's enough here to understand her motivations. It's all about racing the snakes and the thrill of the adventure.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. While full of adventure and excitment, the prompt was for Pirate Adventure. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
Thoughts and modern commentary by the author. I especially liked the posts about So Cal since I'm from the area.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved variety of topics and conversation starters.
CONTENT
Blog entries weren't that long, yet they engaged the reader. I especially liked the blog about the Kindle vs the Nook. Both are appealing ereaders.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctution mistakes. I'm easy with blogs regarding mechanics, but the mechanics in this blog shine and really make the blog stand out.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. Good use of WDC ML. Very engaging! Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
The blog focuses on writing prompts and creativity.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the entries tackled the prompts. You could see real craft building going on. Very inspirational for other aspiring writers.
CONTENT
Blog entries weren't that long, and they were expressive.
MECHANICS
I'm easy on spelling/punctuation with blogs because it's about how one expresses oneself.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be to make your introduction more appealing to blog readers. Add a graphic or use WDC ML. Set the tone for your blog so readers get an idea of what to expect from you. Good luck in the Bard's Hall Contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dan's sock drawer isn't where he expects it to be.
WHAT I LIKED
Great comedic elements that play on the human condition. (How comfortable we get when we're married for a long time.)
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Dan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
The author uses a good economy of words to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: house
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Dan
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's trying to be considerate by not turning on the light, and so his wife by moving his sock drawer. This where the humor is. We're both on the same radio but men are on FM and women are on AM.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I really have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader by creating a great character voice. The story has great comedic elements and is well deserving of it's awards.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Kyle and Mary dare each other to hold a K-Mart Pickle.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the dialogue. It was very snappy and moved the story forward well.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Kyle. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Get back to work," stated Kinsworthy, not even looking at the jar.
MY SUGGESTION: Kinsworthy crossed his arms and glared at Kyle ignoring the jar. "Get back to work."
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: K-Mart deli
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Kyle
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's trying to impress Mary through a little "humor."
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader right away. Snappy dialogue makes this story shine with comedtic elements.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A young man is reluctant to see the gem in front of him.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the ending. It inspires hope and faith in love.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Aiden. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Aiden, you are such a rock," said Callie as she placed her wine glass back on the coffee table.
MY SUGGESTION: Callie placed her wine glass back on the coffee table. "Aiden, you are such a rock."
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Aiden
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's hurting over losing his girlfriend. We can all identify with that.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A good character driven vignette. The ending resonates. Well done.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
I am reviewing this for the SHOW OFF YOUR BEST AT THE SANDBOX CONTEST. Forgive me for being very late with this. Real life has greatly interfered with my ability to submit this review to you in a timely manner. Thank you so much for your patience.
THE STORY
Reece decides to teach her children the correct names for human anatomy.
WHAT I LIKED
This is a very cute story that embodies how children relates to adults and the world around them.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the 1st person by Reece. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward well.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: car ride
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Reece
There's enough here to understand her motivations. I think every parent wants to be honest with their children like Reece was.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader. A very humourous vignette. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
I am reviewing this for the SHOW OFF YOUR BEST AT THE SANDBOX CONTEST. Forgive me for being very late with this. Real life has greatly interfered with my ability to submit this review to you in a timely manner. Thank you so much for your patience.
THE STORY
Sarah is hurting after the death of her father. When she makes an important, she find the inspiration to continue.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved the characterization. The author uses a good economy of words to convey Sarah's struggle.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the 3rd person limited by Sarah. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration, which is used in flashback. Well done.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting?
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Sarah
There's enough here to understand her motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be to remove "she wondered" in the second paragraph. The 3rd person voice is strong enough for the reader to know that it is Sarah who is doing the wondering. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox. Thanks for entering.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Herra is fed up with Crom's leadership.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the characterization. Herra was full of courage. Crom was a perfect foil.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Herra. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You might consider touching on the 5 senses, especially smell.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Aleutian Islands
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Herra
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She's frustrated over losing her pups and enough is enough.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
I have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader right away and keep them reading. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An autobiograthical look at how the author lives.
WHAT I LIKED
The comedic elements brought a smile to my face.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. Tap into the five senses. You mention the song, "Bad Day." Expand on it.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Kuwait
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's lonely for an American lifestyle.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spelling out "okay" in manuscript writing. It's ok for jounalistic writing, but editors want to see the word spelled out.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening needs to be tweaked. I might start with "Who cares anyway about a ..." The character voice from there will engage the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
After time in space, humans come down and discover some humans managed to live on Earth.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the premise of the story and I think it has a lot of potential as a Sci-Fi story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with narration. Present tense is used. I might suggest using past tense. Most professional editors prefer past tense when writing. Present is usually reserved for children's stories.
DIALOGUE
There's a no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might use the five sense. What does the new world smell like?
SETTING
TIME: the future
PLACE: Australia
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The beginning could be tweaked to be more engaging. Maybe something like: "The future is cleaner than you think." I would tap into character voice (the narrator's) to really draw the reader in. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The narrator heckles a rooster. In the end, it's not a good idea.
WHAT I LIKED
I can so get into this because who hasn't heckled an animal before? Who hasn't teased a cat or a dog. Now, heckling a rooster...
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by the narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scene, but this is something that could be expanded on. You don't need a lot. Just a sentence or two that's strategically placed. What does the rooster smell like? Does it make your hair stand on end? Does it have a comical look to it like Foghorn Leghorn?
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: rural setting/farm
This is something could be clarified a little better for the reader. I wasn't sure if this modern day or in the mid 1950's.
CHARACTERS
narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening enages the reader with character voice. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The narrator and his friends expect their racehorse to win but they are given a ton of excuses of why she won't.
WHAT I LIKED
Wow! That was a lot of excuses. Some of them were very funny!
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by a narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue is engaging and moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. What I liked about the excuses is that they were really descriptive.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting/race track
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's concerned if his prize race horse is going to win.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/puncutiation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be try to set the scene a little better. I got the impression this was taking place at a racetrack, but really cement that in the reader's mind. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A celebrity and a hard working doctor fall in love during their time in Haiti.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the modern take on the story. Haiti was a unique place for the setting.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited from Sam (Samantha's) perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could tap into the five senses. What does Haiti smell like? Does Jack have a scent that attracks Sam?
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Haiti
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Samantha
There's enough here to understand her motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening interests the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Val finds herself transported to the land of Vikings and realizes that Erik is the one for her.
WHAT I LIKED
I loved how the author's sense of humor shined in the story. It engages the reader from the first sentence!
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person by Val. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I suppose I'm being picky here, but you tap into the five senses using carefully placed sentences to heighten the description.
SETTING
TIME: modern day/approx. 900 AD Vikingland
PLACE: city/rural Viking land
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Val
There's enough here to understand her motivations. Who'd you rather have? Harold Kravitz or Erik the Viking?
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story flows well. Great active voice!
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Adhamh was married to Selkie but she dies. He finds another but confuses her with his previous wife.
WHAT I LIKED
I enjoyed the setting. I could easily picture the story playing out.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Adamh. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue moves the story forward.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the five sense to heighten the description. What does Bradana smell like? Sea salt? Or a flowery scent. Does this attract Adamh?
What I liked is the emotional description. "Fear leapt in her throat." Not only is this sentence active, but it "nails" the emotion for the reader perfectly. I'd like to see more of it.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: Ireland, Castle Bharraich
This is something that could be clarified a little better for the reader, specifically, the time period.
CHARACTERS
Adhamh
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He seeks to find his wife.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for spelling mistakes. I did not spot any pucntuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening is interesting, but I would suggest going a step further and the reader in the heart of the action. Put Adhamh in the fight. Make it heart pounding.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Duncan is a ranger at the Glenbogle Wildlife Centre where he meets a nice young lady, Rosie.
WHAT I LIKED
Good voice. The voice helps to keep the reader reading.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Duncan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Do ye think we'll be ready fer tomorrow?" Duncan asked, his smudged knees showing from beneath his kilt.
MY SUGGESTION: Duncan glanced at the smudged knees under his kilt. "Do ye think we'll be ready fer tomorrow?"
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the five senses. The story is set in a wildlife centre so tap into the earth scents of the forest.
SETTING
TIME: modern day?
PLACE: Scottish wildlife centre
This is something that could be clarified a little better for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Duncan
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's interested in Rosie but she might be "the enemy's" sister.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening is a little telling as opposed to showing. It is a bit of an info dump. The info can be weaved in the narrative a little later. I might suggest starting with the paragraph "It was early spring" and put the reader in the "action"
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My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
WHAT I LIKED
WHAT I LIKED