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Review of A Grand Adventure  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Storyline: Maggie heads off on an adventure, which doesn't go as planned. Running out of money fast, and dwindling hope, she stumbles upon a Hostel. All she wants is a room and a shower, and she hopes to find someone who, at the very least, speaks English.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: *ThumbsUpL*

Description: You made seeing Maggie's surroundings easy. Describing the stench of stale urine added to the visuals. You did a good job describing Supna from the past and linking her to the present. The condition of the hostel gave me a clear image. I could imagine the heaviness of her backpack. The description is fantastic when she first comes face to face with Supna. From the gappy grin to the scarf, it gave the impression that Supna had a rough life.

Overall Impression: Maggie's journey to figure out what is next in her life took an unexpected turn. It was only supposed to be a year off to figure things out, but she ended up settling down with former students. Her generosity to a younger Supna was paid forward. Good deeds of the past were not forgotten. Maggie has fond memories of the couple, yet still seems surprised to find them far away. Seeing that Maggie's initial despair had turned into something good was nice.

Final Thoughts: I liked that Maggie seemed lost initially, yet found something to keep her occupied and worth doing. Who would've thought this would be an opportunity for her to start anew? Staying to work at the Hostel and caring for Supna and Jason's child seems to be her path. It took me a moment to realize that Supna and Jason's parents had indeed come to accept their elopement. That wrapped this short story up nicely.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review of Hope  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Storyline: With all the world's problems, one has to ask themselves why they even bother to keep going. What makes you want to get up in the morning, knowing the world will not have changed overnight. Knowing that the issues continue to grow.

Spelling/Grammar Issues:
CITIZENS TO BREATHE LESS.

The only other thing I thought could be addressed would be breaking up the long section. It would be more visually appealing. It's easy to get lost in line when they are all clumped together in a very long section.

Description: I loved the description of your girlfriend, which made me smile. You painted the world in 2017, the way it remains today. War, famine, disease, and poverty never seem to end. The only difference between now and then is which countries are now the object of these never-ending atrocities. You were spot-on when you said war becomes the global version of high school drama. It is so accurate I intend to start using that line!

Good descriptions of a first date, your heart swelling, evil, and destruction. I was right there with you through all of it.

Overall Impression: With all of the crap happening in our everyday lives, with leaders who make the decisions for us, whether we agree with them or not, you still hold out hope that perhaps one day, things will get better. It's all we have these days to cling to.

Final Thoughts: Though this started as a dark piece, you tied it up nicely and brought about hope by the end. It's easy to get caught up in the negative and let it rule your life. I'm glad some things still give you hope that the world can change and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hope is what brings us together.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Storyline: A Teifling is running, clutching a book to her chest as she is chased down by guards and a very angry guard captain determined to catch her. His disdain for her is evident in every derogatory name that comes out of his mouth.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: The structure of this short story could use some cleaning up. Perhaps setting the dialog apart from the storytelling. It would make it easier to read and look better on the page.

Description: You do well here, painting the scene of what is happening. Her fear at being captured was easy to grasp. There is enough backstory of what happened to her ancestors to know that her fear is warranted. That, coupled with the conversation between a guard and the captain, lets the reader know that if she is found, it wouldn't be good for her. Good job showing the alcove she hides in, and that she is out of breath as she waits for them to pass.

Overall Impression: I do not know enough about this genre to understand some of the terms you've used, but the story itself was enjoyable. You captured my interest right away with the chase. I wanted to know who she was, why she was running, and why the guards were pursuing her. There is enough backstory to understand that her ancestors were once important and she is carrying on in their place.

Final Thoughts: I was curious as to the importance of the book she guarded with her life, as well as who her boss was. These questions have piqued my curiosity enough to make me want to read more of this story. I see you have another one in your portfolio, and I hope to get a chance to read that one as well.

Happy Account Anniversary!




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review

Subject: This poem concerns a severely broken heart. This author showcases the emotional aspects of what loss feels like. They also convey what, in turn, that kind of loss can drive a person to do when the feeling is all-encompassing. Physical and emotional suffering converge, creating paths to follow that sometimes lead to more tragedy.

Flow: The second stanza had perfect rhythm and flow.

Structure: I liked the form you laid out and the centering of the poem on the page, which made it an easy read.

Overall Impression: You conveyed the heartache, tragedy, and loss well. One loss is difficult to get through; multiple losses leave one shattered, trying to pick up the pieces and feeling cut off from the rest of the outside world. If this is based on true events, then I am truly sorry that you have had to experience this kind of heartbreak and trauma. I am thankful that you are willing and able to put that into meaningful poetry that speaks to me.

Final Thoughts: The heart is fragile, and I understand the compulsion to close yourself off from the rest of the world, protecting your heart and keeping emotions tucked away. Personally, depression, anxiety, and loss are things I try not to dwell on. I am one of those people constantly picking myself up putting one foot in front of the other, and forcing myself to think of other things. This also leads to issues as sometimes all those bottled-up emotions just come flooding out like the gates of a dam were just opened. This reminds us that we all cope differently; there's nothing wrong with that. However, self-harm is scary. Thank you for taking the time and showcasing your poetic talents. You made an emotional connection to your reader.




The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review of Love lost...  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Storyline: A woman wakes from a nightmare of being lost and alone. She goes about her daily routine, bumping into her ex whenever she rides the bus. Finally, she is determined to end the constant tension between them and approaches him on the morning bus ride from home.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: The use of the term cold war to describe their tiff doesn't fit with what you are trying to convey.

Whatever that she desperately

Her eyes feeling dizzy, she felt the palpitation and an emotional spasm ravaged her brain cells. -- This sentence is a lot. She felt dizzy, yes, her eyes, not so much. If you are referring to a headache as an emotional spasm, I understand that. If you mean something entirely different, you'll need to clarify that. For instance, your head doesn't feel palpatations. Your heart or chest, yes.

Description: When it comes to describing things, your word choices seem to be mixing up physical sensations with emotions. Editors look at these types of descriptors as rookie errors.

Overall Impression: I understand where you were trying to go with this love story, but the descriptions, and sentence structure took away from the story itself. There is one part when it seems the point of view is from his perspective, not Sheila's, and quickly reverts.


Final Thoughts: Adding spaces between the paragraphs would help the reader and appeal to the eye. The way it is now, it gets a little confusing if you have to look away for a minute.

I suggest going back to the beginning of the dream sequence. Take each sentence individually and focus on what you want to say. Pay attention to the things you like to describe and play around with word choices.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Subject: Instilling values into today's children so they can continue to be productive members of society.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: *ThumbsUpL*


Thoughts: I see that you wrote this as a college paper. Initially, I thought it would be a story, but after the first few paragraphs, I realized it was more of an article. I liked that you showed there are two sides to every story. It seems that the more time passes, the less children are being taught family values at home, which is falling more and more upon the teachers and the school system.

I agree that television and politicians lie to the general public, skewer facts, and put their interests first, further dividing us. They certainly don't practice what they preach. The division is felt in households, religious organizations, schools, and communities.

It is a sad reality that people can be so easily swayed in their opinions, or put their own beliefs in front of everything else. People don't seem to be bothered by the fact that the United States Constitution clearly states the separation of church and state, and they want to shove their belief system down everyone's throats, further dividing us as a nation.

Religion is a great tool for teaching good life lessons. Problems arise when the subject matter is taken out of context and twisted, which tends to happen in every religion. There doesn't seem to be any escape from this.

I appreciate that you pointed out how damaging Jerry Springer's television show was. Yes, it was supposed to be entertaining, but in all honesty, it brought out the very worst in humankind. With every decade that moves us forward, we move further from basic humanity. When we stop to remember that we are all humans, flawed, but together can accomplish great things, the petty grievances disappear, and our common goals, raising the next generation to be better than we were, would make the world a much better place. Thanks for sharing.

Happy Account Anniversary!! *Balloonv* 17 *Balloonv* Years! *Balloonv*







The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review

Good morning!

A shop dedicated to November - National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, Nano for short. I have participated in this activity and made it to the 50k mark, and I know what it takes to get there and also to drop out when the muse goes silent. This community note shop is perfect. There is a little something for everyone who participates in NaNo, from the humorous note with the Dinosaur reminding you that it won’t kill you to the booted foot standing atop a guardrail emphasizing that writing fifty-thousand words in the span of one month isn’t that bad. Yes, it can be overwhelming, but it's just a project like any other you may choose to tackle.

Whoever managed to capture that expression on the cat's face is a genius. That shocked look of horror is absolutely priceless. Every time I look at it it makes me laugh. This would be a great pick-me-up for a struggling writer.

But I suppose my favorite of the ones in your collection would have to be the Batman note. Just reading the caption put the theme song from the television show in my head, making it next to impossible not to sing along. This leads me to another idea for you: Mork from Mork & Mindy with his famous...NaNo NaNo! It's just an idea swimming around in my mind if you were thinking about adding more images to your shop.

Each image is creative, with specific messaging geared toward the NaNo participants. There is nothing quite like a little bit of encouragement when you're facing a difficult task, and NaNo tends to stress writers out when they get caught up on the word count. Thank for sharing inspiration.



The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review

Good Morning!

Overall Impression: What a great concept with these interactive cnotes! Random Acts of Kindness - ROAK for short, receiving the proceeds to help other members on site. You didn’t stop short regarding the price sticker on a community note that engages the buyer and their intended recipient. Five Hundred gift points is not much to spend to get a nice, frozen splat on the screen. Most other shops are pricier when it comes to interactive c-notes. I commend you for this.

I love that you took it up a notch with the winter theme and included some characters here. What winter is complete without the good old Grinch? The image was great as he wound up getting ready to throw that snowball with a sinister look as if he were a pitcher on the mound. That Grinchy Grinch put all of his might into that one throw!

The cannon filled with snowballs brings back memories of snowball fights in the schoolyard. We all wished our arms could shoot frozen projectiles that quickly at our enemies.

You couldn’t leave out the other staples of the season. For instance, a decked out for winter Reindeer. That animal looks like he’s ready for payback from all those years of pulling Santa’s Sleigh. And, of course, we couldn’t forget the best that winter fun has to offer, a snowman.

I can only imagine the work that went into not just a regular c-note, but ones that come alive and bring the recipient some fun as well.


I hope that these snowball fight c-notes have been a great boost every winter for your group. Great community spirit!







The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Storyline: A man is floating in a raft in the ocean, confident that he will be rescued soon. He replays conversations and the things they've done to him while he waits to be found. He's not wrong in his assumption that they will come to find him, only in what happens when they locate him in the raft. It does seem that some people have no sense of humor, which made this a memorable story.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: *ThumbsUpL*

Description: Yacht people seem to be a major problem for this onboard cook who makes one little mistake. The Yacht people have taken matters into their own hands after a few incidents that set the cook adrift. You did a good job of showing the events that led to the cook floating and emphasizing how the yacht people reacted to everything that went down on their boat. I did enjoy the cooks rants as we waited for them to come back, so confident that they would and all would be fine afterward.

Dialog: Inner dialog was great. As a reader, you know exactly what the main character feels, who they blame, and what they believe will happen. The dialog gives background information on why he is adrift in the ocean in the first place. A fire, using actual food for bait, drinking all of the wine. The further we get into the story, the funnier it becomes.

Final Thoughts: It was interesting to have the story from one perspective after the fact, but easy to connect the dots of his plights. The references to Yacht people were hilarious. Nothing wrong with incorporating humor while someone is floating in the middle of the ocean, hoping to be rescued. And with that, we don't know if he's still floating out there, but with his insights into all that went wrong on this excursion, I'd bet he still is.



The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My signature for GOT 2024
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85
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Storyline: A little boy named Carl, and his brother Teddy become trapped in the Gardener's Shed, surrounded by Guinea pigs. Upon further inspection, rabbits, hamsters and snakes join into the mix. Carl soon realizes mistakes of the past have come back to haunt him, and does his best to save his brother.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: *ThumbsUpL*
The only thing I wondered about was possibly putting the warning in italics for impact.

Description: You did a great job of pulling the reader into the story and putting them on the edge of their seat as the fear and tension mounted in the shed. The beady little eyes and the smells of death heightened the level of fear and urgency. Good job with creaking the door and describing the dirty window that would surely plunge the boys into darkness as the animals moved in on them.

Overall Impression: To know that all of this was happening because of Carl's neglect as a child, just added to the tension. They do say actions have consequences, and that point has been proven in this short story. That ties this story together, and then the reader learns it's a tall tale told by a grandfather to his grandsons. I burst out laughing as the daughter tried to scold him.

Final Thoughts: This was absolutely fantastic. I had no idea this was how the story would end. I can imagine what it was like for the grandsons to try to sleep and decide who was telling the truth: their mother or grandfather. I bought into this as an adult, so those kids would definitely be struggling. I can see this story being handed down from one generation to the next during family camping trips. I really enjoyed it. Congratulations on getting the well-deserved awardicon!




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review of Miss Fit  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Storyline: Sara is sheltered because of violent outbursts. Therapy hasn't worked. Even her father, a doctor, doesn't seem to be able to help heal his troubled daughter. Moving to the country seemed to be the best path for them. All her father wants is for his daughter to have a chance at some normalcy without being dependent on drugs.

Spelling/Grammar Issues:
dad had madeher a -- made her
about whole idea of communicating -- missing the

Emotion: I did feel for Sara's plight. She leads a lonely existence and seeks ways to get her life on track.


Overall Impression: I like the concept of this story, but felt a rushed ending that disconnected the story itself. The book of spells that sent Sara on her quest to capture mosquitos and the work she put into making the cage to capture and keep them together until it was time to release them drew me in.

Final Thoughts: I followed along easily enough, until the last paragraph. This is when the story seemed to try and wrap up, but felt forced. I realize that contest entries have word counts that you must stick to, but this ending confused me unless I missed something. How did Sara suddenly know that Hecate was the voice she was hearing? Was it because of the release of the mosquitos? I also wondered if Sara is a werewolf because of her penchant for being up late into the night and listening to sounds that encroached upon her. That is coupled with the fact that she sleeps during the daytime. Am I on the right track here?

There is a positive note at the end when Sara realizes she has the power to control her own destiny. I liked how involved her father was, trying to do right by his daughter yet unable to heal her like he wanted.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My signature for GOT 2024
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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Overall Impression: Wow! You've compiled a thorough list with many ideas regarding being in a writing slump. I like that you not only pointed out ideas on how to overcome them but gave clear examples, too. Getting into a rut is easy, getting out of one takes some actual effort. A lot of the lessons you've pointed out I have used over the years. If anyone is at a loss for where to begin, you've clearly given them a fantastic place to start.

Final Thoughts: There are good breakdowns between writing blocks, a lack of story ideas or direction, and just minor and major details when it comes to writing in general. We've all been at a crossroads, at some point or another, when putting pen to paper. I have the book of baby names, but I never thought about changing the spelling to make a name stand out. That was a great idea. Music and television are my go-to for writer's block, and I like the idea of going for a drive or a walk. A change of scenery really can have a positive effect. This is a really well-thought-out list you've made giving us writers alternative ideas.

Some may work, others may not, but the whole point is to keep progressing on this writing journey. Also, it was smart to include information about plagiarism. It is all too easy to take an idea and run without realizing you've followed that specific scenario right to the letter. Making the idea your own is essential, but sometimes, it is not easy. Sometimes, you may fall in love with a storyline and become so caught up in it that it becomes difficult to differentiate between someone else's story and your own. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this subject.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review


Storyline: A WDC Convention! Well, I'll be damned. I have heard it was a thing, but never had the pleasure and from the sounds of it, you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. What great insight into all of the people you have met on the site and then in real life.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: a few little things, but I won't point them out. This was too raw emotion and fun to bother.

Emotional: Your excitement at meeting everyone comes right off the screen. You were totally invested in the friends you met online, and it was nice to hear that they were the same in person and you were hoping they were. It seems there were a lot of activities for you to participate in, and it looks like you managed to a lot on hardly any sleep!

Final Thoughts: A lot happened on this four-day retreat. I liked that you had so much to say about everyone, that you just gave glimpses of them all, pointing out the most memorable things that happened on this trip. I can imagine what it would be like to meet so many people you've only known through this site. You seemed to have a lot of fun hanging out and getting to know other members better. It was nice that you put your memories down for all of us to read, but it was nice still that you added a few paragraphs to let them all know how much you enjoyed the convention. Let's hope this tradition comes back around. I knew a few years ago there was talk of another one, but I can't say that I ever heard that it did, in fact, take place. There is nothing quite like putting faces to names or their handles and learning that people are just like you imagine them to be. Thanks for sharing.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review
Storyline: A Halloween poem set to the song, The Unicorn. I admit I am unfamiliar with the tune, but that really didn't seem to matter. The title of the poem itself let's you know what's to come.

Flow: Great rhythm and flow. I'll never know how you managed to name off almost every candy and treat given out on Halloween while keeping up this pace. It felt effortless in its delivery. Matching Swedish fish with delish was fantastic.

Structure: I liked that you offset every other stanza, which probably has everything to do with the melody choice. Even though I was unfamiliar with the song and the way the stanzas were written, there was a definite melody in my head as I continued to read through the poem. Candy corn is mentioned in the last line of every stanza, which ties it together.

Overall Impression: This piece has great imagery. Anyone who has ever gone trick-or-treating remembers grabbing the pillowcase to get their goodies on their excursion. Racing from street to street to grab as much loot as you can carry, all the while praying you will have an abundance of your favorite candies.

Final Thoughts: I loved your Halloween take, and you made me hungry and think back upon my childhood. I do agree that candy corn is a holiday staple, but I am one of those people who enjoy it. It's ironic to me how, as a child, you consciously decide to eat the best candy first, which always leaves you with a small bag days later with the candy you disliked the most. I'm glad to learn I'm not the only one who did this. Your poem is a feel-good piece despite being about a despised candy.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review of A Bit of Doggerel  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Gaby Author Icon Review

Story: A simple dog walk turns upside down as a woman is out with her dog when a car approaches them, and parks. It seemed harmless enough, but the intention was soon revealed. A doggie-napping is in progress. The dog takes the lead by jumping into the awaiting vehicle, but this dog gets the last laugh!

Flow: This poem flowed well throughout the first stanza, and kept the metered pace throughout the poem. You didn't go for easier word choices in your rhyme scheme and instead used words that somehow made me feel it would be an almost impossible task to find something that did not interrupt the flow. Once I saw the word Chevrolet I swear I thought that was it. Great job proving me wrong!

Overall Impression: Great word choices to wrap up each stanza and keep the rhyme and rhythm going. I'm not great at poetry, but I know what goes into making these word choices that keep the rhythm and storyline intact.

Final Thoughts: The first stanza is an attention grabber, pulling the reader into the unfolding adventure. You made it easy to follow along with the story being laid out. I did not find that word choices slowed the pace of this piece. You definitely have a natural grasp of poetry and storytelling. You made it easy to picture the scene as it unfolded, as well as the events that happened during their walk. The second to last stanza made me laugh. I cannot say for sure if this pup was a little thing, or a big dog, but in my mind, she was on the smaller side, chasing a grown man up into tree. This was a fun read and I appreciate you sharing.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.



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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
~~Thank you for entering "Write From the Heart - Story Contest"  Open in new Window. by Purple Catching Up Author Icon . This review is my opinion, take from it what you like, discard what you don't. Good Luck!~~

Plot:
Carl is frustrated with dating in the age of Covid, and feels that finding love online is too much. Enter Stacey. Stacey just moved into the apartment above Carl. They talk on the balcony and quickly have a mini date, making plans for the rest of week. It's unconventional, but toally works.

Characters:
Stacey is sweet and funny, totally annoyed with her brothers, and happy to have met her new neighbor. Carl is relieved to be off the computer and having an actual conversation with someone else.


Use of Prompt: *Checkv*
Included Word Count: *Checkg*

Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:
There were a few instances of mixing up too and to. Also missing quotes on dialog.


Overall Impression:
I liked the way these two met, and Carl's frustration with online dating came through loud and clear. They hit it off right away and definitely enjoyed each other's company, even though they were separated by a floor.



This would be my name.
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Review of Desire  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
*Thumbsup*

Flow of Scene~
This one lost the flow for me due to the overuse of the word fumble. Try replacing some with stumble, flounder, scrabble, etc.

Characters~
I liked that these two characters made it through everything and came together, even though Teo still isn't thrilled at the risks Annette has been taking. I also was glad to see that she sent Carl away so that she could have a honeymoon.

Thoughts~
You have two strong characters. Both are determined, but in different ways. Annette has the weight the world on her shoulders, but she always tends to find a way forward and deal with it. Teo grounds her, and let's her know it's all right to step back once in awhile and enjoy life.

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93
93
Review of The problem  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)


Assignment Objective Met~
Great conflict! *Thumbsup*

Character Development~
Teo is a man who wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to Annette. He was totally believable when he found out what made her late. He held nothing back as anger and fear assaulted him learning what his fiancée was up to.

Flow of Scene~
This moved well from Teo's frustration at Annette being late, to her arrival, and then learning that she had been risking her life in order to save others. He really ran the emotional rollercoaster. You made it easy to picture his reactions as he learned more information and tried to digest it all.

Thoughts~
This is a great set up to the last lesson. Looking forward to see how these two characters you've created adjust to this new life together.

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94
94
Review of The Kiss  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
*Thumbsup*

Character Development~
Annette is going through a range of emotions as she meets up with Teo. Because of their connection and her abilities, not to mention her own assumptions, she is standoffish when Teo arrives. It doesn't take her long to figure out what this rendezvous is all about.

Flow of Scene~
It was easy to picture the beach and all of the things that Annette likes filling everything she laid eyes on. When Teo arrives and they get closer, she is still holding back and it made the scene a little disconnected. Her emotions are key to bringing your reader into the scene, letting them explore this journey right alongside her.

Issues~
Let's take these pivotal moments between your couple and enhance them.
Yours:
Teo’s hands went back to her cheeks and positioned her for a kiss. Annette’s body anticipated the tingling sensation of contact with his lips. Her mind was in an uproar, arguing he didn’t mean any of this. Her heart tried to beat in rhythm with his pulse. He planted his soft warm lips on hers, she kept hers firm willing herself not to give herself over to it so easily this time. He pulled away and stared into her eyes for a moment.

Through the space between them, Annette could feel both his physical need for her and the emotional satisfaction he felt just to be in her presence. here is a good place to describe the need.The time apart had been as much torture for him as it had been for her. He leaned forward again and planted his lips on hers. The contact strengthened her telepathic connection to him. She caught thoughts of marriage, life together, children, grandchildren. Annette relented and softened her lips to his.

Suggestions:
Teo reached forward and rested on her cheeks and tilted her head for a kiss. Annette’s body, anticipating the tingling sensation of contact with his lips, was ready to take flight. In contrast, her mind was in an uproar, arguing he didn’t mean any of this. Did he? It became a battle of will, her heart versus her mind. Her heart struggled to beat in rhythm with his pulse. He planted his soft warm lips on hers and the impulse to let go pulsed through her veins. She kept her mouth firm willing herself not to give herself over to it so easily this time. He pulled away and stared into her eyes for a moment.

Through the space between them Annette absorbed both his physical need for her and the emotional satisfaction he felt just to be in her presence. His heartbeat raced and desire sparked in his eyes like fireworks. The time apart had been as much torture for him as it had been for her. The knowledge sent a warm sensation trickling down her spine. He leaned forward again and planted his lips on hers. The wall she'd erected between them tumbled, crumbling into a thousand tiny little pieces. The contact of his heated mouth upon hers strengthened her telepathic connection to him. She tapped in. His mind swam with thoughts of marriage, life together, children, grandchildren. Annette softened her lips to his hungry kisses.


Grammar/Spelling~
She settled an official expression on her face,
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95
95
Review of Dissension  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)


Assignment Objective Met~
Definitely hit the jealousy nail on the head! *Thumbsup*

Character Development~
Our first insight into Teo was his jealousy over Carl. I liked that he went to see his friend about the way he was feeling, instead of letting his emotions fester.

Flow of Scene~
Was this scene supposed to repeat like a time jump? I wasn't positive about that. Other than that it moved along well as Teo grappled with his jealousy.


Max seems like a good friend, watching out for Teo and putting his best interests at heart instead of creating a bigger rift between Annette and Teo. Annette uses the word honey a lot in reference to Teo. Try breaking that up a little and addressing him by name.


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96
96
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
*Checkv*

Character Development~
Pair-bonding! Wow this really will set up massive dynamics in this budding relationship. It makes it easy to see why Annette is on shaky ground here. Does Teo love/like her for herself, or it is a given? How does free will play into all of this? Can't wait to find out.

Flow of Scene~
The only thing that really stood out was the kiss that moved at lightspeed. Back that up. It is that pivotal for these characters. Focus on it. Are his lips warm and inviting? Filled with the promise of things to come? Why is Annette relieved? What did this one kiss make her feel? Elaborating here will really give your reader a sense of what she is feeling physically and emotionally. Make that connection.

Thougts~
Teo genuinely seems to care about Annette. Just the fact that he took her to that restaurant shows that. Love can be a tricky thing when putting your heart on the line. Both of them seem to know that and hold back. Nice job.

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97
97
Review of The Meet Up  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


Assignment Objective Met~
Annette seems really conflicted where Teo is concerned. As a powerful woman, she seems wary of others and how they perceive her. Good job with the emotional aspects of her job and not seeing Teo for a few weeks.

Character Development~
Annette will have to work through her feelings regarding Teo, and her position. It seems she's been taken advantage of before, which leaves her a bit guarded.

Flow of Scene~
The scene moved smoothly with enough background information to catch a glimpse of the world you've created.

Issues~
"Oh, sorry," Annette recognized the voice before her eyes found focus on the man it belonged to. - period after sorry. It would work better if you moved Annette recognized to the beginning of the following sentence.

Annette recognized the voice before her eyes found focus on the man it belonged to. "Teo?" ...

Try putting inner dialog in italics, or adding she thought to the end of the questions she's thinking about.

Thoughts~
I don't read a lot of sci-fi, so if I ask a lot of questions in the future, bear with me. The mind-reading aspects will be interesting as this couple grows closer.

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98
98
Review of Two Twisted Tales  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was great. I've had a horrible rotten day, was finally able to sit down and this is what I was treated with. I'm still trying to figure out how you managed to weave all of those children's stories into great rhymes, adding one character and then another, connecting each effortlessly. My favorite part is the last two lines of the last stanza. Thanks for sharing. Much appreciated!
99
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for entry "~ He Made Me Whole ~" Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Purpose and Audience
This is a personal story about an event that happened in the past. It is interesting to both those who are religious and those who are not, since it shows a clear message.

Structure
The insight at the beginning of the recollection starts strong and you gain insight into the writer's mindset. It left me wondering what happened immediately after the healing, as I imagine this to be a significant moment in life.

Style
The subject matter piques curiosity in the reader as they learn about this spiritual moment. It is easy to read and understand as the events of that day are described.

Personal Response
I read this twice, and it is what I would refer to as an out of body experience. They seem like they are happening in real-time and leave you with overwhelming emotions and insight. It's an interesting perspective on seeing yourself with the sores. I don't think I personally wouldn't have made the connection of sinless versus sinful, though I totally understand where you were coming from. Thank you for sharing this thought-provoking experience you had. I'm still wondering what happened immediately after this. I can't help wanting to know the incredible emotions that take hold after something like this happens.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Rhythm/Rhyme:
Nice rhythm and flow in this poem about heartbreak.

Critique:
You truly captured heartbreak in this poem. The very first stanza is haunting. A vengeance of good memories providing a reminder of what once was. You made it easy to feel the longing, yearning for what you've had before, but that shifts to regret, wishing you could forget.

I love the line - how sad that no one else seemed to see. This reminds me of seeing someone for the first time with new eyes, seeing the beauty in another, yet knowing others haven't taken the time to take a good look.

Good imagery. Nice job conveying a broken heart.

This would be my name. }
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