Storyline: Oh so very creepy. Damn, I'm still trying to shake that chill from my spine! Alex and Melissa are on a drive in the middle of nowhere. The GPS cannot tell them where they are. They trade banter about it when the car suddenly dies. Their dog, Sheba, is excited to get out of the car and go on a walk to try and find help. That's when they discover One Way.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: None
Description/emotion: You can always tell when a couple has been together for a while by the way they interact with one another. I liked this couple a lot, and their banter was great. Good description of the narrow road they are on, worried about an oncoming car. And the sudden disappearance of their vehicle and the house, which appears out of nowhere. That truly creeped me out. That older man put an image of Lurch in my mind. Tall, slim, gaunt. Not sure if that's what you were going for, but that's where my mind went.
Overall Impression: What a choice to make. Their options were clear enough, pointed out by the older man, and I wasn't surprised that Melissa wasn't fooling around and went for it. That character has spunk. Alex seemed thankful and relieved that Melissa took the decision out of his hands. Great job.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Whoa. I am still shocked by this flash fiction short. I was hooked right away as her husband gave up so easily and left her all because she couldn't give him physically what he wanted. What a bum. Fate of course stepped in, as it has a tendency to do and gave her something in return for her heartache and sorrow.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: No issues
Description/emotion: Good job showing the accident as the rain came down. Miss Riveria works quickly to extricate the child from the crashed vehicle and then she makes a monumental decision right there and then. The parents have died in the wreckage, who will look after the child? It's funny that the husband had her prepared for emergencies by keeping a flashlight in the car, and when she used it, it would be for something he desperately wanted.
Overall Impression: I didn't expect that outcome, though I should have I suppose. It's not like you weren't leading the reader there. Being that close to Mexico, it's understandable that this was her chosen route. Who would question that the child wasn't hers? No one really. Three years and she holds no regrets which means it was the right decision for her. Customs didn't even second guess her coming into the country on foot, with a strolled and small child.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: One of the scarier thoughts happening right now as technology takes over, and we still don't fully know how we fit into all of this. They love to pretend we're not going anywhere, but the powers that be don't know how to keep their mouths shut, and this leads to conspiracy theories running rampant. The whole chip thing is something worth getting a little upset about. If you can't trust the government, who can you trust?
Spelling/Grammar Issues: None.
Description/emotion: Wow, the whole blowing your arm off thing sounds pretty freaky, but in this climate of insanity, who are we to stay with one hundred percent confidence? This could or will never happen. I've lost faith in all these institutions that are supposed to keep us apprised of situations and safe. They are doing a bang-up job already.
Overall Impression: Many people have already put the chip into their pets hide. It does make a person wonder when they will start doing this to their children to track them.
Funny story: my daughter-in-law has an iPhone, as does my son, my husband, and her entire family. Imagine my surprise when I found out that she and her parents, who live in France, watch my kid drive to and from work daily. It is this exact reason I refuse to get an iPhone. I do not want them tracking my movements.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: I swear it is always the case: when one thing breaks, expect at least two more appliances to decide it is past time to time and make you fork over more money for new and improved versions. At least the companies claim they are new and improved. I have been on the fence for a solid year now about getting one of these things, hoping it will keep my wood floors clean while I'm at work. I think I'm too cheap to break down and actually do it.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: No issues.
Description/emotion: The visual of the planks and the Roomba getting stuck was comical. So was the Roomba hiding under the couch and waiting for the exact moment you decide to walk by and it creeps out and knocks you off balance. It sounds scary, and I'm not sure I would appreciate something like that happening.
Overall Impression: Your comedic timing in the midst of all these things going on in your life is impressive. However I must say, that these days, it's almost imperative that you keep a sense of humor because when bad things happen, they tend to happen in rapid succession. It's like the fates lined up and said one slap is not enough, it should come in threes. I don't know, but that's what it feel like anyway, and this story leans toward proving me right!
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: The California school system leaves much to be desired in this short story of a mom dealing with the powers that be and a child who has taken it upon themselves to skip off to do some afternoon shopping. Honestly think I'd lose my mind if my children were still in a public school these days. School shootings are out of control and our lawmakers do nothing. Don't even get me started on that subject.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: None
Description/emotion: I loved how you told the principal what would happen with your daughter from then on. Way to go. And I agree with you about the way things were done when we were in high school. Those entitled kid today are clueless about the way the world works, and they only have their parents to blame, honestly. In 7th grade, I was in a Catholic school and saw the teacher toss a kid and his desk out the damn window for spouting off. Having a teacher sit there and tolerate the abuse, although I'm assuming there was some discipline for that student later, is beyond me.
Overall Impression: Another great story, reminding this generation of how things worked, and the stark contrast to how they work now and teachers lose everything and kids think they are the ones in charge.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Moving to Wyoming was an experience right from the beginning. From the Texas winter you were familiar with to a new Wyoming winter hell, for lack of a better word. I've read plenty about their extreme winters to know it's best to stay put if a storm is brewing.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: None.
Description/emotion: As always, great descriptions. It was easy to connect with you through the worry and the tricks your mind played, sending you from one horrible scenario to the next in record speed, all while drinking some vodka on top of it. I will say that I like this husband, as he seems to be a stand up guy, though things might not work out the way he thinks they will, props to him for giving it the old college try.
Overall Impression: Wow this was a memorable move for certain. That is one determined man you have, returning after moving into the condo just to get that Suburban to your place. I liked that he made friends with the hotel cook, who helped him out, to police officers as they did their best to get that vehicle up the hill and went out of their way. You do not find this kind of unwavering help in the big city, at least not around here. Locked out, huh? In the winter with just a robe. Webbie, you are just a doll.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: This author often moves around the country. Leaning in Texas and learning how to make hot wings became a must, and this dish moved with her from one state to the next, with the same results. It becomes a feeding frenzy, an addiction where everyone is welcome, and once the word is out, they come in droves to experience this delightful spicey dish.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: None
Description/emotion: It's great that you look back on this with fond memories, wondering if those you'd dished up the hot wings to over the years also have. They certainly should! I cannot wrap my mind around how big and heavy that cast iron skillet must be to accommodate two pounds of chicken wings. Good job with the visual aids and aromas you described. That made it easy to close my eyes and picture it and inhale that peppery aroma as it wafted its way outside to the waiting army of hungry schoolers.
Overall Impression: I liked that this became a Friday staple for everyone. Even though the move went from Texas to Wyoming and then California, everyone agreed on those Buffalo wings. This is what shows the kids that home is where family is, no matter where you're living. Great job.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Vacationing in California leads to a scary, albeit funny story that can be told for decades to come. Finding humor in the most unexpected places is always a good thing, and this was great. The family on a fascinating vacation, cameras in hand, ready to see the sites and then something inevitably goes wrong. Isn't that always the way of it.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: None
Description/emotion: I had to feel bad for the father chasing after his teen who didn't get off the trolley car, screaming obscenities, running as fast as possible, though it was comical too. You made it easy to picture that scene with the daughter's horrified reaction to realizing the rest of the family had gotten off.
Overall Impression: I am enjoying these little tidbits from family life and how you manage to make the best of what could be really scary situations. The reactions fo the family are spot-on, especially the grandmother in tears. I've been there myself with one of these situations where they think their loved one will never return, or horrible things are about to happen. Solid advice for the rest of us when it comes to family vacations and staying alert and together. Nice job!
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Isn't it great when true life is ten times better than fiction? Taking your mother to Reno for her first foray into gambling bliss is serious business.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: None.
Description/emotion: I don't even know where to begin with all the fantastic gems you laid out in this short story. From begging magical monsters to granny from hell to a giddy, giggling grandmother. This piece did not disappoint it went beyond what I thought a five-hundred-word short story would entail. This would be great in a longer piece.
Overall Impression: I see this kind of craziness in what we call 'the scratchers' at work. You know, the people who come in with a hundred dollars and start buying scratch-off, go out, scratch, come back, and buy more, never truly cashing in winnings, just giving it back to the lottery Gods. Let's face it: no one gets ahead in the gambling frenzy. I could picture you snatching that bucket of nickels from your mom and hightailing out of the casino. This is a family story that will shock the younger ones as they try to wrap their minds around the woman they know and love turning into a gambling demon. The comedy you promised was top notch!
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: A man is dragged to the bar by his friends Melissa and Frank; though he doesn't consider himself dance material, he hangs out at the bar. It's crowded, and he almost has his drink knocked out of his hand.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: No issues
Description/emotion: I liked how he was mesmerized by her eyes and even though he might not like dancing, he finds himself on the dancefloor with her for more than just one song. She waved her hand before his face as he stared at her. Speechless was easy to picture and as a reader, you knew he was drawn to her. You did a good job giving glimpses of what she looked like and what the pull was for him.
Overall Impression: The portions you had to include for this contest entry, were used well and didn't seem out of place. It was a little shorter than I was expecting. You had the opportunity to make this hot as she stayed in his arms on the dancefloor, their bodies close together. You could have taken that further, had his body respond, or thought about all of the things that could await him in the future with this woman. With a few little additions here and there, it would have had all of the elements of a Weekly Quickie entry.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline:k Barney's dog Skip is missing. He hangs posters around town. His parents don't seem as concerned as the little boy does, but they do their best to appease him.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: No issues
Description/emotion: Barney is attached to his dog, and all he wants is to find him and bring him home. That connection was there. He painted a good picture of his life with his parents. His mom ensures she and Barney take their shoes off but lets his father skip that. She also has a strict rule that he's not allowed to be out after the street lights come on, which Barney does do his best with. The excitement when the phone rings and they learn there is a sighting of Skip had me hoping that the boy found his dog and it wasn't a wild goose chase. Good descriptions of the dog's state once found: Dirty, hungry, and happy to see his owner.
Overall Impression: This story is about a little boy and his beloved dog who is sweet. I enjoyed reading Barney's journey to finding Skip at the dump. A happy ending for Barney, and him knowing that his mother would insist on Skip getting a bath was a good way to end the story, tying it back to the beginning as Barney described his home life.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: A man sits in a coffee shop and another man sits down at his table, asking if he's read certain books. Man #1 has no idea why the second man has sat as his table when the coffee shop is empty. But it's eerie enough to make him think that the other man is going to kill him.
Spelling/Grammar Issues: No issues.
Description/emotion: I didn't quite get a feel for these characters except for the waiter, who was always confused by what was happening. First, the customer tells him the other guy intends to kill him to the woman at the back door looking for someone else. Aside from nervousness, I didn't detect any fear if the man truly believed he was going to die; there should be some fear or sense of danger.
Overall Impression: Mystery genre set as a short script. I understand the concept of moving from one character to another in a script and getting different points of view. I never quite understood why character one thought character two was out to kill him. Was the old lady at the back door a distraction so that the murder could take place? And why would a waiter open the back door? That seemed out of place, especially if he'd already called 911 to get the police to the coffee shop. This feels unfinished. Perhaps having the man do something to show his fear, other than whisper to the waiter. Fidgeting with his cup, looking around, over his shoulder, just a little something to add to it.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Story: More than meets the eye
Windell discovers a magic wand with a promise of untold beauty. He makes his wish to look more appealing, more like Zeph. He finds everything about Zeph intriguing. Going to a school that day proved to be a one-eighty for him, as he finds he's suddenly noticed by his peers, Zeph in particular.
Spelling/Grammar/Issues: {e;thumbsupl}
Description/emotion: It was easy to connect with Windell and his insecurities about himself, as we tend to dwell on what we deem the bad parts of ourselves instead of all the positives. Vibrant eyes and an easy smile take over Windell's appearance noticeably. With the magic wand and how Zeph jumps right in after Windell arrives at school, his heart soars, though he knows time is ticking. As the boys walk him from school, the fear in Windell, knowing the magic is wearing off is painful.
Overall: A story about learning to accept oneself and see past our appearance regarding matters of the heart. Great job with the prompt. Usually, writers tend to go for monetary items, and you go in the opposite direction of that. I liked your characters and knowing that Zeph had seen Windell all along, even though Windell hadn't realized that.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Story: If Coffee were outlawed, I would go this far to get my hands on coffee beans! I still cannot wrap my brain around that. Great job with the prompt and telling us all about Clyde and the lengths he went to to get the coffee beans back to Grosenwitz for the dictator's nephew.
Spelling/Grammar/Issues:
Description/emotion: Starting the story with why Clyde is on this mission, and then going into these particular coffee beans set the stage for the rest of the story. I liked how he hid the beans in medical supplies, never once considering that their strong aroma would attract others. Kudos to Miss Bonnie for instantly knowing what was going on. I feel others have come to that hotel with their loot, ready to attempt to cross the border with the contraband. Bonnie is certainly knowledgeable about border crossings. Clyde offering her her salary to accompany him on this adventure was cute. She didn't waste any time accepting the offer.
Overall: Great ending. I chose not to read the prompt at the beginning, and I'm glad I didn't because it wasn't until the very end that we learned his name, Clyde. That worked well with the modern-day Bonnie and Clyde prompt. These characters would work in another short story if you were so inclined.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Reviewing: Poor Old Hieronymus Bleeg
Hieronymus lives in a galaxy, considered the backwoods of Arphitrite, a remote planet. They are not used to getting deliveries, so when a delivery man shows up looking for him, and he cannot recollect ordering anything, he lies and pretends that Hieronymus isn't home. The delivery man makes a deal to get him to sign for the package and he'll leave it. Once the large box is inside his home, he is curious but studies it, looking for clues before he finally opens it. One box, inside another, and then, a naked, silver woman appears. She's a robot that has the ability to carry on conversations, yet her main task is to clean.
Spelling/Grammar/Issues:
Rita put it on-- Angela?
Description/emotion: Good reactions from Hieronymus as she discovers Angela, him being uncomfortable with her nakedness, and happiness at having someone to talk with and get his home in order.
Overall: The backstory of how Angela was invented was creative and scary, I must admit. With all of the AI stuff happening now, you never know if this is the direction we are headed in the future. It was nice that Hieronymus had a companion of sorts and that he made a connection with Angela, wanting to hurt someone for how her previous life linked to her robotic one.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Abby has just been released from prison and is ready to make a fresh start. She looks forward to the waitressing job in Bear Valley. It's winter, snowing and the parking lot holds only the bus waiting to take her to her destination. The journey takes her to a Roadhouse. She realizes how hungry she is, and can't wait to get inside. Once seated and spooning her soup, she sees a little boy with a purple backpack outside, no coat, freezing the wintery weather.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
Description/emotion: How you described the stench from the bus had me turning up my nose. Good job! You did well showing us what Tommy Lee looked like, too. Abby seems to have a good heart, giving up one of her possessions, especially one she needs, to help the little boy.
Overall Impression: Old Man Hawkins knows exactly what is happening, and even though he tells Abby Tommy Lee's story, she has a hard time believing it, which is understandable. Once she reaches the bus to board for the rest of the journey, she turns to see Tommy Lee with another parolee, and his little voice repeating the same words he'd said to her. That was confirmation that he's a ghost and wrapped up the story well.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Stephanie is worried about reflections in the mirror she thinks should be there, but aren't. In her quest to figure out why this is happening, she goes to see Dr. Mars, of Unique Cases. Everything is normal as she signs paperwork and waits for the doctor to see her. She makes notes of pretty things, for instance, the nurse's scrubs, and the receptionist. When the doctor arrives, she tells him what has happened to her.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
Description/emotion: Good descriptions of Stephanie's surroundings. I liked that after she tells the doctor that she's not crazy, it made her feel a bit uneasy that she blurted it out that way, though the doctor did not seem put off by it. His suggestion of seeing an eye doctor throws Stephanie for a loop, which it should. She's young. She didn't realize this could be possible at her age, but she moved forward and headed off to see Doctor Webster.
Overall Impression: For some reason, I half expected Stephanie to look in the review mirror and see that everyone is a Vampire. It was probably the reference in the story eluding to Stephanie's thought process. It's nice when things work out easily, though wearing glasses for the first time can be an adustment.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Merari and her brother, Jabari know something is wrong by the hushed voices of their parent. Jabari tells her that he cannot complete his chores because the crops have been destroyed, and the locusts have arrived in droves. Before long, the darkest night arrives, which later they discover lasted three days.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
Description/emotion: The reader and Merari have a good connection. I could feel her confusion, dread, and fear as things transpired around them, out of her control. She looks to her father to clear things up, but he, too, is trying his best to keep things together as the battle between Moshe's God and Pharoah continues. When the night encroached, and the children couldn't even move from their spot outside, you made that easy to see. Her father's happiness when the sun came out and he located his children could also be felt.
Overall Impression: This is an impressive take on what happened between Moses and the Pharoah. Good job using the prompt of the Darkest Night. This story was very creative, taking history and weaving it with the prompt. I can only imagine what the fear of knowing you will lose your firstborn would be. Congratulations on winning the Writer's Cramp. Well deserved.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Jenna has powerful dreams, as she struggles through regular life. One night of dreams leads her to a land of small fairies in the most beautiful land she's ever seen. Learning that her dreams lead her to other realms and dimensions, Jenna is excited and cannot wait for night to come back so she can explore more.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
Description/emotion: Fantastic descriptions. The first of Jenna all tangled in her bedsheets, then onto the plush green and vibrant flowers. The little fairies fluttering all about painted a wonder picture of this realm. In her second dream, Jenna knows instinctively that she is now in a more evil place. No sounds, no pretty lights, no beauty. She is quickly captured and taken underground. Dank walls, dripping walls leading to a prison, and bars so big they were made for Giants, not humans, but the giant standing guard, makes it impossible for Jenna to escape.
Overall Impression: Fantastic job with this prompt. You have a wonderful eye that puts brilliant images in one's mind as they delve deeper into your story. I was immediately hooked at that mention of alternate realms, and parallel universes. This could become a much larger story if you are inclined to take it on. A Novel perhaps?
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: A Giant tells his tale of a common saying, going off subject and coming back, adding in information he deems part of this tale. He lays out the tale of the exploding daisy, how it came to be, and what happened in the aftermath.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
Description/emotion: I found the Giant rather charming in delivering this tall tale. He didn't mince words, was a little sidetracked here and there, and explained why - all those words in his big brain, racing to get out! It must be excruciating. Good moments of humor make the reader smile as the story unfolds. Once the daisy becomes a dandelion, the reader can understand where this tale of the exploding daisy is headed. I didn't expect to find a dragon included, but that also worked well in the story. I could picture that sneeze so clearly, and the description of the poor dragon being launched up into the air was great.
Overall Impression: I liked that the story was directed straight at the reader. The Giant was indeed telling it all to me. It is an engaging story and you worked the prompt in really well, right off the top we know what the objective is, and the story didn't disappoint, just changed to fit this lovable Giant.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Subject: An infliction that forces someone to tell the truth. Very interesting idea as lying, or twisting the truth seems to be the new norm.
Flow: This had great flow, rhythm, and rhyme. You never disappoint with your ability to tell an entire story with your poetry. I couldn't decide if I should feel sorry for his plight, or laugh because I know how difficult it is to bite your tongue, yet sometimes things have a way of coming out.
Description: As a person who lives in the gray, I got this poem. It's easy to remind yourself to think twice before you speak, especially when it comes to touchy subjects. I could picture him annoyed that this thinking had changed in a big way. He didn't even recognize the way he spoke anymore.
Overall Impression: There are some people who really should catch this illness. Wouldn't that make for an interesting world? I enjoyed this piece, and I keep smiling over the last line. Life can make you crazy when you're constantly running around, but the second you're sick and down for the count, all you want is to get back out there. I suppose that's human nature. Painful truths are hard to swallow sometimes. Yet, I think that there are times when it's warranted.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Amanda is good at spelling, and Francine envies that ability. Francine is better at coloring without going outside the lines and Amanda praises her for that. The two girls are friendly. Amanda learns that Francine doesn't have a mother when the girls discuss the tooth fairy. They discuss important things like the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and schoolwork.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
Description/emotion: Amanda drags Francine to look at the fish, but the boys don't want the girls there. This is where the personalities of the girls shine. Amanda is bolder and doesn't take crap from anyone. Francine is more subdued and stays away from conflict. When the girls go to the books, the boys follow intending to dump water on them. Francine finds the inner strength to stick up for herself and Amanda.
Overall Impression: Sometimes you forget how innocent and forgiving young children are. They see right through the crap and get right to the heart of the matter. You showed that well. Good dynamics of second graders and how they interact with one another, especially the boys not liking girls and trying to tease the girls because they didn't like Amanda threatening to kiss them if they didn't let the girls near the fish. I loved that Amanda tells Francine they can share her mother. Very sweet.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: Ray and Laura have their life planned out for them, especially the baby timeline, which is still three years away. Ray has made chili for dinner, and the couple have playful banter until they sit down to eat dinner. Ray is quick to make jokes to try and lighten the mood when things turn a little ugly, but Laura isn't having it. Suddenly, a sound rings out and sends Ray and Laura under the table, taking shelter.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
Description/emotion: I loved how these two characters have fun with each other, five years into marriage. They certainly know each other well enough to take things a little further, and Ray seems to know when he should stay silent, though that's tough for him. The emotional crying and laughing from Laura were great. I could identify with those conflicting emotions, and you showed them well. The chili explosion was unexpected, but it brought these two back from the brink of an argument.
Overall Impression: When I first read the description for this short story, I seriously thought it would be more of a physical explosion, with Chili in the title. Nice to be proven wrong. Very enjoyable story.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline:
Kate is having a rough day, torn between going home to freshen up or heading straight to the hospital to visit her dying father. She hates seeing him there, in that condition, and is flooded with memories of her mother's passing, and what watching her father wither away is doing to her emotionally.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
much more if it she - of
Description/Emotion:
Great imagery in this short story. I could feel Kate's despair while seeing her father now and remembering what he once was like. You made it easy to follow along on her journey as she made decisions not only about the day but how things were going to go moving forward, with the added insight into what happened when her mother passed away. This linked everything together nicely.
Overall Impression: You penned a well-crafted story. You tackled this heartbreaking story well, letting the reader know Kate's mindset, history, and why she refused to leave her father alone, even though he insisted she go to work. The memory of what they experienced when her mother was dying, and the actions Kate took tied everything together. The reader knows that even though it will be difficult, Kate is going to make sure that her father does not die alone, knowing full well he would the same for her.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Storyline: The author focuses on their life, as a new puppy has been thrown into the mix. He lays out his morning routine, family life, and how, after all these years, his wife still appreciates him.
Spelling/Grammar Issues:
Description: You made it easy to see your morning rituals, your family life, and how you felt about getting a puppy after the dog had passed away. I liked the description of your youngest daughter rushing to get off to school, and finding moments to bring up the puppy. I could see Marsha under the covers, poking out her head just enough to reply to your monkey comment.
Overall Impression: A solid short story. It's difficult to fill that void after having a pet for so long. It's challenging to say no to our children, and getting the new puppy would still keep up the usual schedule you have made for the morning. The backstory filled in nicely, letting the reader know how life used to be as opposed to now and the impending empty nest.
Final Thoughts: The comment about getting a monkey to make the morning coffee instead of a dog was funny, and I liked that your wife ran with it. There is nothing quite like being appreciated for the simple things you do.
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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