Dear Misty,
I want to thank you for requesting a review of your story, "Savaged". I consider it an honor when someone I don't know asks me to provide them with a review on one of their items. As a result, I am a lot more attentive to detail in doing a review like this.
I found your story interesting, but you tend to be a bit on the 'wordy' side. I'm not an English major by any means, so I am at a loss when it comes to telling someone that they overuse verbs, or leave hanging participles, etc. Not that I'd recognize them if they were in your story. 
Your story has nice potential, but man, you really start it out slow. You feed the reader a lot of information early on, when it may be best to spoon feed a little at a time. What I saw in your story is one that can entice readers, make them yearn for more, but before that can happen, it needs a lot (not a little, but a lot), of editing. First, generic comments:
1. You should either double space your paragraphs, or indent the first line of each to set them apart from one another. In writing a long story, I frequently will do both. I saw many places where a paragraph was started, yet the text fit well with the previous thought or action occurring. As a result, it's hard for the reader to stay focused on the flow of the story.
2. You overuse certain punctuation marks. Your story has 3,095 words in it, and in that space, you've used an exclamation mark 24 times. An exclamation mark should be used to show excitement when someone is speaking, or when someone has done something exceptional, etc. What I saw, was exclamation marks seemingly tossed in just for effect. This takes away from their importance, and diminishes their effect.
3. Some of your dialog is very stilted, or not very realistic. What I mean is, your characters don't talk like you or I would on in discussing something. Their speech is very structured and not realistic.
4. There are numerous places where you have incomplete sentences, or typo's that are words (example, will, instead of well, her instead of here). Again, this really detracts from a nice smooth, enjoyable read.
Those are general comments. I saw quite a few specific things you will want to look at, and sadly, I didn't complete reading the story. However, I will be happy to return and read this again if you choose to edit it, and change my grade accordingly.
Specific Comments:
1. The secretary in the lobby shot him a sweet smile, even made eye contact, after scrolling him up and down with her eyes, undressing him with them obviously, not to mention giving of a the light fragrance of sex hormones. This is one of those wordy sentences. It could easily be two sentences. Here's an example of how you might edit it. The secretary smiled at him sweetly, momentarily making eye contact as she let her eyes travel up and down his physique. Ryan felt slightly violated, as if she was undressing him with her eyes. The unmistakable fragrance of sexual hormones drifted on the air to his nose, demanding his attention.
2. Not that wasn’t flattered that he had always seemed to attract strong attention from the opposite sex, his self consciousness would not allow with to even consider that anyone would feel the same attraction to him if they knew the truth about who and what her was. You are missing the word 'he' between that, and wasn't at the start of this very wordy sentence. Look at the part here, "His self consciousness would not allow with(?) to even consider that anyone... Again, very wordy, even in the middle of a sentence. I think you meant him, not with, at the point of the question mark.
3. He felt it would just be easier and safer if he just introverted himself and played oblivious to any kind of flirtation, no matter how obvious they were. You use the word just twice in less than ten words in this sentence.
4. He then stopped and felt am uncomfortable shudder go through his body. Am should be an.
5. Thankful that was over, Ryan pushed hard on the large Victorian doors into the office and the door creaked open. This is a bit wordy, even for a short sentence. Perhaps this would work. Thankful that was over, Ryan opened the large Victorian doors of the office, and walked inside.
6. Great! Just what I need. He thought. Wow, a short sentence! However, it is an incomplete sentence and makes no sense. I know, it's three sentences. A little work here would fix them. "Great, just what I need." He thought. Notice that since he's thinking this, I put it in Italics to offset it some.
7. She got up from her mahogany desk and walked over to Ryan to greet him with his hand shake. Ryan did not return the handshake. He was annoyed, obviously. Very wordy again. This part, She got up from her mahogany desk and walked over to Ryan to greet him with his hand shake. His hand shake? How about she greeted with a handshake? Then the second part of this. Ryan was annoyed at having to be there, and did not move to shake her hand.
8. Ryan watched her soft strides back behind her desk and as she plopped back down on her chair. This sentence is incomplete. He watched her stride back behind her desk and as she plopped down on her chair. Use of 'and' is a conjunction, tying two thoughts or sentences together. So the second half of his is as she plopped down on her chair. That part makes no sense at all.
9. He could hear her heart pick up pacing, it was loud. This is worded very oddly, or as I call it, quirky. Here's another suggestion. Her heartbeat was loud in his ears as he heard the beat of it pick up speed.
10. In a swift motion she grabbed a pin from out of a small cup on her desk and began tapping it incessantly on her desk. You don't need to use 'out of' in this sentence. She grabbed a pin (or did you mean pen, as in writing pen?) from a small cup on her desk....
11. He struggle to keep his calm demeanor, it was like his inner beast was ready to burst out him. Again, this is worded a bit off. Struggle should be struggled.
12. Ryan was beginning it cave.“Dr. Simmon’s I am a good cop. Ryan was beginning to cave, not it cave.
13. “That is understandable Mr. Savage, but what concerns me is that your anger might be keeping you from effectively doing your job; as well as stresses you out to the point you give yourself a heart attack at an early age.” Stresses should be stressing.
14. “Mr. Savage to telephone calls during sessions.” This is an incomplete sentence. To take? telephone calls?
15. Ryan stormed out if the office passed the horn dog secretary. If should be of. Is the use of 'horn dog' secretary really necessary?
16. Ryan did not hear her. This sentence should be part of the previous paragraph.
17. This had only agitated him more than he already. Another incomplete sentence.
18. Son of a bitch! Did Ryan swear out loud to himself? Or were these words only thought in his mind? In either case, they either need quotation marks, or perhaps use italics font to show he is thinking these words. I'm not sure why they appear here in the story. If they are part of the previous paragraph where he was cut off by the white corolla, then they belong there. As they currently sit, they are out of place, and don't make much sense.
19. It was never that he thought that he did not have a problem, he was sure of it. Never should be not.
20. Ryan surprisingly found a close parking space and went toward the police tape the scrolled the crowd for Aaron, his partner. Again, worded awkwardly. It should be, "Surprisingly, Ryan found a parking space close to the area,,,,"
21. “I let you know when you get here! I should be I'll.
22. Ryan got back in his truck and then headed back to the police station. This one is a bit obvious I think. You used the word back twice in less than ten words.
Overall impressions: A good beginning, but it needs a lot of editing TLC to be able to receive good grades from future reviewers.
Sum1
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