Dear LadyGrace,
I dropped by your port for the Power Review raid, when I saw this, I knew what I would read on this visit. Happy Raiding Day to the crew!
While I love to write, one would be amazed at what I don't know about famous people in literature. Helen Steiner Rice is one of those, but she's one I'd love to read more about, as well as read more of her writings.
This is a nice essay you've written about her, I think your love of her, and her work is obvious in nearly every word. I would venture to guess that she has inspired you, and probably influences your writings, as well as how you feel about life. If that's the case, I'd say you've chosen well, and have been influenced nicely by her. I do have a little feedback for you on this.
Title: Very good for this essay.
Description: Very good, this is what made me decide to read your essay.
Grammar: I noticed no errors.
General Comments:
1. Have you ever been inspired by a great poet? Apparently, the answer to all these questions is Yes. It appears that she has influenced you most definitely, but I don't see how you can use the second sentence here to answer for everyone. That being the case, I think the second sentence needs a little editing. All you'd have to do, is add the words, "For me" in place of apparently.
2. These volumes of poetry are written by a great American lady,
Helen Steiner Rice. She is known as the "poet laureate" of popular verse.
She is the source of inspiration to many people because of her life and her writings.
Helen Steiner Rice's writings are for all ages. They are full of human
emotions. Her best-selling books are "Someone Cares," "Loving Promise," and
Notice how these lines appear to be cut off at the end, as if a hard return has been used? (At least they do on my monitor). They do not reach the end of the line in the document as I view it on my monitor is what I'm trying to say, almost as if you put in a hard return to make them shorter. Right after this area, the sentences all reach then end of the line as they should, so I'm a little confused as to what caused this. (Unless you copied this from an external source, and did not check it to make sure it fit in the window properly).
You say in this area that "She is known as the port laureate of popular verse." Has she been given the title of 'Poet Laureate'? Or is this an honor bestowed on her by people who can't give her the title, but still call her that.
3. They make people aware of the pr esence of God in their lives and the need of His presence. You can see that you have an extra space in the word 'presence'.
4. In your example of one of her works, you should use the {center} command to center the poem on the screen. It would look so much better that way. There is a toolbar at the top of each item you create, it looks much like the toolbar in Microsoft Word, just highlight the text and press the center button.
5. She is a strong lady who undergone storms in life but able to stand. It appears that a couple of words are missing in this sentence. I've provided an example here of what I think you left out, but only you know for sure. She is a strong lady who has undergone storms in life but is still able to stand.
6. Helen Steiner Rice married Franklin Rice, a bank vice-president in Dayton,Ohio.Franklin lost his job after the stock market crashed then he suffered depression and never recovered.Franklin committed suicide.Helen Steiner Rice's most satisfying outlet is writing poetry. These three sentences are not separated by a space, and seem to run on. You need a comma after 'crashed'. You might want to make these lines 'warmer' too. What you write here are facts, but they seem very cold. Here's an example of one. Franklin committed suicide. You then move to poetry being Helen's most satisfying outlet, almost as if his suicide was nothing. Elaborate a little, tell us more, make this a warm, emotional story, not a cardboard one.
7. Every time you mention Helen in this story, it is always 'Helen Steiner Rice'. Why? Is that how it is in every story, that the characters names are always completely spelled out? If so, why isn't Franklin's name spelled out all the time. It makes reading this a little cumbersome. Change most of the names to just Helen, it will make it a lot easier to read.
8. She became a lecturer and a writer for a prominent greeting card company called American Greetings.Her books sold about nearly seven million copies. Again two sentences that are not separated, and a big jump in thought. What do her selling almost seven million books have to do with writing verse for American Greetings? This second sentence belongs above where you mention her best selling books.
9. Your last line, 'Hats off to her!' belongs with the preceding paragraph, it does not need to be a paragraph of it's own.
Overall impressions: A very interesting essay about Mrs. Rice, it makes me want to read more of her poetry.
Sum1
WDC POWER RAIDER
|
|