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3,280 Public Reviews Given
3,328 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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801
801
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.
*CakeP*


Dear Carol,
         When I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be dropping by at least once this month to send you an Anniversary. Happy 6th WDC Anniversary!

         I don't think there's a lot I can say about this wonderful story. Your friendship with Connie must have been very special, I found myself a little envious of that. *Smile* I must be getting a little gray though, because I don't understand the practical joke she pulled by having you read the book. I did love your reaction over it, and your progression as you started. Skeptical at first, fretting over things in it, starting to doubt why Connie would have you read it, then finally throwing everything aside and just immersing yourself in the story. I love it when a book/story does that to you; pulls you in so deep you forget everything else around you, and you feel consumed to finish it. This was a very beautiful story about an amazing friendship, I'm glad I found it to read. *Smile*




Sum1

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802
802
Review of Burned Bottoms  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Kenzie,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         Your story brought back many memories of holiday meals with family. Though I have few memories of holidays as a child, I remembered those we had in the 80's, when we shared time with the in-laws. I usually made the pies and dinner rolls, and because they were made well before dinner, the bottom's were never burned. These rolls were very soft, a bit sweet, almost like Hawaiian bread, and could be easily heated in a microwave. Yes I know, a male baking for a family meal? Yep, but it still didn't interfere with the football on TV. *Smile* I love your description of some of the smells from your youth. Pumpkin pie, roast turkey, coffee! (Yummm), but for me, one of my favorites is freshly baked bread. We tried a bread maker, but it wasn't the same if you ask me. Of course after the meal, we'd sit around the fireplace and talk about recent things, or whatever came to mind. The kids would run out and play a bit, weather permitting. All in all, a wonderful day. Thanks for bringing back so many pleasant memories.




Sum1

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803
803
Review of For Five Hundred  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty humorous story here, it flowed quickly, and well. The one thing that hit me about it though, was that I thought he lost his temper too quickly. It seems that any vulgarity while taping would be edited out of course, so either that part would never air, or he would be asked to leave the set. I have no idea how they run things like this, but swearing like that wouldn't be tolerated. Of course, they could always redo it, but they are on a schedule too, so your guess is as good as mine. I loved his mother's appearance, and how she was cut off before she could answer the question. Nicely done, a pretty enjoyable read.



Sum1

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804
804
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear W.D. Wilcox,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Reviews page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I can really relate to this poem, it's something I've always wanted to do, but have never tried. Yet. *Smile* I think you realistically portray what would really happen should one try it though, and you do so in a nice rhyming pattern. I could see the two of you though, trying to complete a fantasy of yours, and I've always wondered myself, who gets on top? *Bigsmile* Either way, it would be awkward at best. I guess once you get past the chill, all would be well. Have to use some mind over matter, that's all. But, could you keep the passion going while doing that? That's the question. I do have one small comment for you though about it.

1. The first three verses are eight lines each, while the last is four. I think this would look really good as quatrains though. Just my opinion.

         Very nicely done overall, thanks for the enjoyable read.





Sum1

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805
805
Review of By the Book  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Loti,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         Once again I lost my reviewing hat while reading, and became a pure reader. Your story flows well, I loved the plot, and was wondering what was wrong with Allen also. Being an avid reader, I could see something like this happening (I believe in things like this too, so that helps). But there were a couple of things that threw me in the story. You mention Allen walking with a woman in the story, a redhead. But that seems to have nothing to do with the rest of it, almost as if that was just thrown in. The other was the ending. It came up so quickly, everything seemed thrown together in a rush. Not that it was bad, but after the build up of the story, it seemed to end too soon. Overall though, a nice, enjoyable read.



Sum1

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806
806
Review of short story  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Revising Novelist,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         Very short, but very cute. I look at this as more of a poem than a story though, it just seems to flow like a poem. I do see a couple of minor edits you could do to this to help it flow a little better. (Sometimes, less is more)

Original

They strolled down the lane together.
The sky was studded with stars.
They reached the gate in silence as he lifted down the bars.
She neither smiled nor thanked him,
Because she knew not how.
For he was just a farmer boy
and she was a jersey cow.

Potential revision

They strolled down the lane together.
The sky studded with stars.
They reached the gate in silence
He lifted down the bars.
She neither smiled nor thanked him,
Because she knew not how.
For he was just a farmer boy
And she a jersey cow.


Just a thought I had about it is all, I thought it read pretty smoothly, except the third line was a bit longer than the rest, and thought two lines would do fine in place of one.



Sum1

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807
807
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear DRSmith,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         You have a way with humor, I think I smiled the whole time I was reading this. I've been around about as long as you, and have seen many of the people you mention in this story. So I know they exist, and do walk amongst us. *Smile* I loved some of your characters though, especially the one who thought the building was sinking that fast, and the couple who wanted to spend the night. (Wonder what they 'really' wanted to do that night. Live out a fantasy?) What hits home for me most, is that I live in the Chicago suburbs, and would love to see the area you write about in this. One of those 'have to see it' type of things. Not that I could ever afford it. *Frown*

         Thanks for the enjoyable read, I'm still smiling.






Sum1

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808
808
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Bhaskar,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this fine occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         Wow, I don't really know what to say. I loved this, every word of it, and not because it's about my country, the place I love. While I don't think you saw every side of America on your visit, I think you saw the essence that makes us who we are.

         I know what you mean about the knowledge an average American has about the rest of the world. I am often ashamed about some of the things I hear or see on TV. Of course I realize they show only shows what they want us to see, but I can't believe people can be so ignorant. The tour guides comment about General Cornwallis is a prime example. However, I'd like to think it's not just us, I'd like to think that people all around this wonderful planet can be as ignorant about things.

         I think that if you come back here again, I'd recommend visiting the middle of the country, the small towns and such. These are the people that make American what we are. They are the backbone and heart of America, at least in my humble opinion. Mind you, they may not be as well educated as those on the East Coast, but they are the most polite and caring people you'll meet. Then visit the West Coast, and you'll see that the farther you get from the turmoil of the cities in the East, the more relaxed and laid back people can be.

         Thank you for the encouraging words about my country, and about the world in general. I've come to realize that it's not people who make war on each other, it's those who have become too powerful, too hungry, and want to make their mark in history. Maybe one day we as a race will realize that this small blue-green planet is very unique, and will learn to treasure it more.



Sum1

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809
809
Review of The Painter  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear MustFillPage,
         I saw this on the "Unreviewed & New" Page and thought I'd drop in to give it a look. I found your story to be very interesting, would love to see more when you get to it, you have my curiosity up. *Smile*

         Your story tells a nice tale of Teresa and her meeting with a man known simply as 'The Painter'. This is where my curiosity got to me, I have a character in eight poems called 'The Jester'. I find myself wondering about the connection between Teresa, The Painter, and cats. The story centered around this for now, and I'm wondering where it's going. I do have a little feedback for you on it.



Title:  Perfect for this story/chapter.



Description:  You might want to add this to the body of the text, and explain to the reader there what this is. Here, I'd give a small hint as to what's contained in the story. Maybe something like, Teresa has lunch in the park, and meets a mysterious man known as 'The Painter'.



Grammar:  You have a tendency to mix up your homonyms once in a while.




My Favorite Part:  The end. It makes me scream for "MORE!" *Smile*





General Comments:  

1. “Aren’t you going for lunch? It’s a beautiful day today; you’re not going to let it go to waste sitting in the dingy office are you? You are missing the closing quotation marks.

2. It had been raining for days, and she was beyond tired of eating lunch in her office, when she was able to take lunch that is. You can delete the comma after days and not change the read of this sentence.

3. Yes. Well, um, I guess. I’m not very religious, but I do like art, and your painting, well, its very good.” I think a semi-colon would work well after painting.

4. She responded embarrassed by her stammering. This sentence is immediately after the previous comment, and I'm not sure I know what you're saying with it. It seems this paragraph should be with the previous one, or at least this sentence should.

5. She said kneeling for a closer look having never seen anything quite like it. You need a comma after look.

6. “So you’re not very spiritual? When did you stop attending church?” At first look, it's not obvious which one of them is speaking now. You might want to add something about who is saying what here to make sure the reader doesn't get confused.

7. She met his eyes for the first time and was entranced 'Endless blue.' It seems this should be two sentences. I would also add 'instantly' before entranced. I think if you made 'Endless Blue part of the follow on sentence, it would read a little better. The words 'Endless Blue' popped into her head, something she had read in a novel somewhere. They were quickly followed by 'A sculpted face with a precision beard.'

8. She looked at his painting, and found herself entranced by its radiance. This is the second usage of 'entranced' in a short space, you might want to consider changing this with a suitable replacement.

9. I could never do that. I could never capture what you have in you’re painting. You're should be your.

10. Maybe its the glory of the building when it was new. Its should be it's.

12. She asked him as she pet Lazarus. If anything, pet should be petted, but that doesn't really read right. You might change pet to something like rubbed.

13. Lazarus following him a few steps behind. This sentence on its own is incomplete. Make it part of the previous one and it reads fine.




Overall impressions:  A very nice start to an interesting story. I would love to read more.


Sum1

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810
810
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Ordinary Jyo,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         I found this poem to be amazing! I loved the flow of it and the message you relate. Honestly, I'm not sure which appeals to me more, both are excellent in their own right. As I read this, I thought it written by one of the 'Masters' of poetry. This had a flow to it like the flow in "Stop All The Clocks", by W. H. Auden. I know the message is far different, but I had the same feel as I read this, and immediately thought of that beautiful poem. I do have a couple of questions for you on this.

1. The first four verses are rhyming couplets, then three of the next four are quatrains, with one long verse at three lines. With those questions asked in the first line of the first four verses, you could do a nice quatrain with them. I'm just wondering why you used Couplets first, then a Quatrain, then the three line verse, and ended with two more Quatrains.

2. Maybe you intended it this way, but the three line verse really stands out. I know it's a separation from the rest of the poem to show when the person walks apart, but it just seems odd is all.

         Just so you know, I liked the original version better. There's just something more emotional about it, I can't define it, but I know it appeals to me more.





Sum1

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811
811
Review of For Either Of Us  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Dear Lexington,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         I had the impression early on that he wasn't aiming at a human. You did set it up well though, no response from the 'victim', he was a little shaky holding the gun. I loved how you described the victim too, "You worthless, no good, thievin', germ infested, slime ball, " That being said, I do have a couple of comments for you on it.

1. "You worthless, no good, thievin', germ infested, slime ball, " You should delete the space between the end of the dialog, and the closing quotation marks.

2. My mouth getting dry as I spoke; I reached for my glass and took a swig from my drink. It seems there's a word missing between getting, and dry.


Nicely done short story though, loved the twist at the end.



Sum1

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812
812
Review of Phoenix  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Kayla,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         I've learned so much about poetry since joining Writing.com, and love it's many forms. Due to its format, the Nonet is particularly nice, but challenging. I think it's wonderful to read a short poem that makes sense in such a short space, and yours does not disappoint in this regard. But since the format is so short, I find myself wanting more every time I read one. Perhaps more verses, or a mirrored Nonet, 9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9. *Smile* For in your poem here, there's a story that I'd love to read more about. Nicely done, I just like to know more is all. Because of the syllable count requirements, it seems your second line is missing the word 'the'. I'm wondering if it had to be a desert night, could black work? That would then help the read of that line also, you could slightly re-word it, without changing the meaning. My mind was reading this as I read,,,,

we flew free through the black night like
thieves. American women.

Just a thought is all.



Sum1

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813
813
Review of Silent Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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Dear Max,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 5th WDC Anniversary!

         I was enthralled with the telling of this story, and couldn't figure out why Tim was out walking so late on Christmas Eve. Meeting his lover Luke was a bit of a surprise, but I still didn't have a clue as to what was really going on. Even the line, Tim's heart ached to see his lover's body, once so athletic and alluring, now ravaged by age and infirmity. did not make me realize that Tim was a ghost. But I realized it at the end, and it was at that point that I realized why Tim's boots didn't squeak as he walked over the new fallen snow in the first line. You hid that well if you ask me. Nicely done. I hope you have many more WDC Anniversaries, and look forward to reviewing more of your port in the future.



Sum1

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814
814
Review of They Do Exist  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Dear DreamWeaver,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         While this is a little predictable (your description gives it away), it is well written and flows well. The dialog between Brian and his mother, with the snide comments of Matthew really made the story. This sort of reminded me of the movie, "Little Monsters", which was also cute. There are a couple of things you might want to look at in this.

1. Change your description because it gives the whole thing away. Something along the lines of Brian see's a monster in the hall, but his mother won't believe him.

2. In your current description, to exist should be do exist.

3. “Whaaaaaats was that! I don't think all the a's in what's help bring more emphasis to this. I know you were under a word limit, but you're not now. Flesh this story out some, make it last more than one night. Build a little suspense for us. *Smile* If you leave it as it is, delete the 's' at the end of Whaaaaaats.

4. “THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS MONSTERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!” I would delete the extra 'S' in Monsters, and make this line bold to bring emphasis to it. This line is in quotes, but I don't believe anyone is speaking here.



Sum1

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815
815
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Dear Dragonwrites,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page, and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I decided to review this because I thought it would be an interesting read, and I was right. However, it was also tedious trying to translate the entire thing. It's a fun thing to do, for a few minutes. But trying to read an entire paragraph or story, is tough. That doesn't mean this is written poorly, far from it. But I think you'd be a little better off if you gave examples of Pig Latin first, then the English equivalent. Using some cute phrases from today would make it more fun. Then you could challenge readers to read an entire paragraph, and see how well they do. Would be sort of like a mini lesson in that language, then seeing how well they do. Maybe questions in Pig Latin, with their responses in multiple choice questions. Make it fun for them, while you have fun creating it. *Smile* Overall though, a fun read, until one gets tired trying to translate.




Sum1

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816
816
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Dear Sue,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         I really liked your story centered around Mabel. I could envision her as she drove to the mall, looking somewhat like Estelle Getty. *Smile* She was a curious person, one locked in her past really, but getting along as best she could on her own. And that's something I wonder about here. She is relatively well off, I would think her children (Deborah in particular) would be caring for her, or making sure she had help. Of course, she may have refused all that too. I do have a bit of feedback for you on it.



Title:  I know what you meant here, and it does fit, but I think there's a better title for your story. However, that's up to you.



Description:  Again, I think you can do better here. Maybe something like, Mabel has a special gift, it only appears at odd times, and is not easily controlled.



Grammar:  Very good




My Favorite Part:  The incident at the mall with the young girls. Serves them right.





General Comments:  

1. Written as an assignment to the following prompts: 93 year old woman, shopping mall, sometime in December, how things have changed. This was the prompt, and the story is to take place sometime in December. If that's the case, the shopping would have been all about Christmas (if before the 25th), and not Mother's Day. Mother's Day would not be mentioned in stores until after Valentine's Day, and Easter have passed.

2. A sign overhead announced Mother’s Day was coming. See comment above.

3. She sipped the tea and looked at to her garden. You might want to delete 'to' in this sentence.

4. She remembered older teenage boys teasing her daughter in high school and all of a sudden there had golf balls in their mouths. There should be they.

5. People honked and stared, half frustrated with her speed, half wondering if anyone was driving the car, as Mabel’s nose barely surpassed the threshold of the dashboard. Using the word 'half' twice in close succession detracts from the quality of the story a little bit.

6. Julia pointed to another turning display case. You introduce the sales woman's name here, but you don't tell us who Julia is, but it is inferred. Later when Mabel is talking to the shopping assistant, she learns Julia's name. You might want to change this so we don't know Julia's name until Mabel is told by the shopping assistant.

7. Julia noticed the diamond pendant hanging from her neck when she was driving home thinking about the old lady and the naked girls. You might want to really separate this part of the story from the rest. Perhaps something like ~~~~ across the page between the two paragraphs would work for you.

8. “Right here. That lady that died bought it for you. Closing quotation marks are needed in this line.

9. There's no department, no number for a sales clerk." Opening quotation marks are needed in this line.



Overall impressions:  A very good story about an older woman going shopping in the mall, and a special 'gift' she possesses.



Sum1

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817
817
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Dear Writer of the Winds,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very entertaining poem about Luscious Lou and Mean Gene LeGreene. I've played a bit of ping-pong long ago, loved you description of the match. Your whole telling of this story made it sound like the location was a Wild West saloon, with everyone gathered around, except having six shooters on their hips, they had their own paddles. *Bigsmile* But, there are a couple of things you may want to look at in this poem.



Title:  Very good for this poem




Description:  Also very good for this.




Rhyme/Rhythm:  Both were good, but a couple of your rhymes were off a bit, the rhythm even more so. Your syllable count ranged from a low of 4 in one line, to a high of 13. I don't believe every line has to have the exact same syllable count, but it does need to be more consistent.




General Comments:  

1. Here is your syllable count verse by verse. To me, the line with only four syllables can be 'forgiven', since I know what you were trying to convey there. But I've highlighted ones that caused me to pause as I read the poem.

11/10/11/11/11/9/9/10/8/9/7/8

10/9/9/9/10/10/8/9/9/8/4/13

11/10/11/8/7/10/10/9/9/8/8/8

8/8/10/9/9/8/9/9/10/10/10/10

7/8/10/7/8/10/9/13/8/8/8/10

10/8/10/8

         As you can see, the poem seems lend a really nice read with a syllable count of 8-10, and flows well there. If you want to change that, you can with just a little editing TLC.

2. Since your first five verses are twelve lines each, it would be easy to change this to a series of Quatrains, like the final verse. This would lend a more appealing to the readers eyes, and can break this story into smaller portions.

3. This is a personal preference only, but if you edit this to a more consistent syllable count, the poem would look much better centered on the page.




Overall impressions:  A very cute poem about an epic ping-pong match between Mean Gene LeGreene, and Luscious Lou.



Sum1

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Review of Space Holder  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This made me chuckle. I'm the same way sometimes about silly things you don't need. I sat here for a few minutes contemplating this, and just smiled the whole time.
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Review of Empty Vessel  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Katrina,
         I am so ashamed of myself, I thought I'd rated this one long ago. As you know, this is by far my favorite of all your stories. I read this over and over, and always amazed at it's simple beauty, it's depth; then it hits me again, and I'm in awe over it once more. Thank you for writing this, and allowing me to read it. It is a treasure.




Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Coltraz,
I saw a review of this, and was intrigued enough to come by and read it myself, and offer you another Anniversary Review. Happy 1st WDC Anniversary!

         I love the idea of this story, and it was given away a little in the review I read, but it was still very enjoyable. I could see 'them' talking back and forth, two men with a lot in common, neither wanting to give way to the other by leaving first. Their banter was very good, but there was one line that gave it away a little too, so you might want to consider a small re-wording there.

I close my eyes as tight as I can, wishing that sordid image away. The word image gives this away a little, maybe you could just change it to 'him' to lead readers on a little more. Your decision of course. *Smile*

         Overall though, a very enjoyable read, I just wish it was a little bit longer, a little more detail about the men.





Sum1

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Review of My Personal Hell  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear aralls,
         I saw this on the static item page and thought I'd give it a look-see. I found it to be pretty entertaining, well written with a nice flow to it. You had me smiling throughout as I imagined my local Wal-Mart, and me having similar problems in the past. I loved it when you met Harold, and helped him find Edna. I sort of pictured Hume Cronyn and Jessica as I read that part. I did notice a couple of things you might want to check out in this.

1. I’m obsessed and downright pissed at the situation I find myself in walking through the automatic doors to be greeted by someone who has a worse disposition than I. I think you need a comma after 'in'.

2. As clear as the ringing at Customer Service that has gone unanswered for five minutes, the answer arrives. It seems you're missing the word 'phone' after ringing in this sentence.




Sum1

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Review of The Basement  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Maidy,
         I was crediting Anniversary Reviews, and reading a previous one for this story prompted me to drop in and read it too. Happy 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty gruesome story here. A worst nightmare you might say. It has a rapid flow to it that never let's the reader go. The ending was especially different, quite harsh, and unexpected. I do have a couple of comments for you on it.



Title:  Excellent for this story.



Description:  This could be improved it seems. It's nice, but I think this might be a little better. One minute she is watching TV, the next, she wakes in an unfinished basement.



Grammar:  Very good





General Comments:  

1. As I opened my eyes, I found myself staring at a man’s face. I jumped up off the dirt floor. I was standing in the middle of a wooden staircase without any steps. Also, it wasn’t just one but two bodies with me. Both seemed dead. I think the first sentence could be strengthened a little, maybe like this. As I opened my eyes, I found myself staring at the face of what appeared to be a dead man. Now tell us more about how she felt. Wouldn't she jump up startled? Tell us how she reacted when she realized she was with two dead people. For the second part of this paragraph, you might want to strengthen it some too. I was standing in the middle of a wooden staircase without any steps, but there were two, not one body lying on the floor near me.

2. I heard scratching at the door. There was a dog but its collar said cat with a number. How did she see the dog? Did she open the door? Show us what she did, how she reacted to all this. It seems that if she called someone and their first words were to ask if she'd found his dog she'd be a little suspicious.

3. “Now, I’m not a heartless man. I planned on making sure you were dead first before I ditched the evidence.” This is a very chilling line. But surely he'd say something more, maybe something about since she's alive, she won't have the benefit of not feeling the pain.



Overall impressions:  A very gruesome story of a young woman who's kidnapped and put into an unfinished basement.


Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dear Susan,
         I just had to drop by your port and find something to read, I'm glad I found this. I don't write horror, or about crime, or anything along those lines. Or at least I should say I don't write it well if I do. *Smile* I liked this story, I could picture him walking along as you described. I had a friend once who lived somewhat like this, and said he used to sleep in the adult movie theaters, it was the only place he could go and feel safe. Haven't thought of him in years, but your story reminded me of him. I did see one area you may want to look at.

1. I stopped abruptly, my eyes taking in the dark shape lying prone on the ground before me. Noiselessly, I pressed close to the side of the alley. The story is told in the present, yet using the word stopped, and pressed, puts this part in the past. You might want to change those to stop, and press. It would still read fine with the change.


Thank you for the nice read, I do love horror and suspense, just can't write it much. *Smile*



Sum1

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Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Daizy,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very cute poem about butterflies. Your rhyming was spot on, while telling a story about these little creatures that I've never thought of. I think they are amazing things, I've seen them emerge from the cocoon, and that's amazing. I loved the idea of them forming a new rainbow to replace the one that was gone. Then becoming snowflakes just made it all the better, at least for me. Well done!



Sum1

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Review of Wish I Was There  Open in new Window.
Review by Sum1 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Dear Melinda,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop by to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very special poem written to your husband, you express your love for him very well in it. While I loved the poem and what it says, the rhythm was intentionally off (intentionally if you ask me), ranging from a low of five syllables in one line, to as many as thirteen in others. This just makes the whole read a bit choppy. I know it was also intended to stress the refrain in the first line (Wish I was there), but that also tended to detract from the read. If I may, I'd like to show you the same first verse, slightly different words, but one that reads a bit smoother, a syllable count of 10/10/10/11 (as well as a rhyme scheme of abab)

Wish I was there to feel you caress me
as you gently touch my special places
only you know of my special key
and make me quiver with your soft embraces


But it's your poem, only you know how you really want it to flow. Very well done overall, a beautiful love poem for your special man.





Sum1


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