Dear Treebie,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!
You tell quite the tale here, and since this is the only item in your port, you should consider writing more. I read a story very similar to this one a while back, so you and someone else share the same thought process. This is very good, it flows well, I liked the link to Simon's mother at the end. There are several things you may want to look at in this though, it does need some editing help.
Title: Perfect for this story.
Description: Very good, it describes the story, and also warns those of us who are too trusting in real life.
My Favorite Part: The end, it worked for me.
General Comments:
1. There are formatting issues throughout the story. Several sentences seem to end with a hard return before reaching the end of the line on the screen. Here's an example.
But through the combination of thunder and the howling wind, a chill is sent up even the
bravest spine.
2. For as each of us strive to leave our mark on the world, this creature has devised a way to remain in the hearts and souls of generations to come. Strive should be plural, strives.
3. "That's college town right?" This really needs an 'a' in it. "That's a college town right?"
4. Rain faded to drizzle as the stranger stared into the darkness, lost in deep thought, his mind focussed but distant. He appeared to be lost in deep thought, processing some major strategy he had to develop to perfection. Focused needs just one 's'. You tell the reader in two consecutive sentences that he's lost in thought. That's a bit redundant in such close succession, you might want to consider deleting one of them.
5. Robert, a hunter at heart and excited to see the Magnificat beast, raced over to see the spectacle. It should be magnificent, not magnificat, and it shouldn't be capitalized.
6. The body dropped like a deer blasted by a shotgun, while the killer remained emotionless, staring silently down at the carcass as though saying to himself, "nice job." Since nice job is dialog, even if only to himself, nice should be capitalized.
7. First he caught his second girlfriend this month in bed with another guy and now he's stranded in the middle of nowhere. The way this is written, it's in present tense, but he caught her sometime in the past. So you should add 'had' before caught.
8. Towards the end when Simon is picked up by Michael, there's a point where the reader isn't sure who's talking, or who Robert is. You go back and forth between calling Simon Robert, and vice-versa. This causes a little confusion on the readers part.
9. Simple truth being he was extremely close to his mother. You are telling the reader a little about Simon's background, and how close he was to his mother. But, in the next few lines, you tell us how she was killed. So it seems that was should be 'had been'.
10. They never found the guy, and to this day her son becomes enraged to the point of murder when someone tries to take away his only feasible association to his loving mother; a girlfriend. Again, this is in the past, so becomes should be became, and tries should be tried.
11. His hands stopped fighting with the wire, and with his few remaining seconds alive, when he knew death was inevitable, he said to himself, "I'm coming mother," ashis body went limp and fell against his killer. You need a space between as, and his.
Overall impressions: An eerie story of a hitchhiker that can make goosebumps appear on your arms.
Sum1
WDC POWER RAIDER 
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