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851
851
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of My Love Affair with Writing

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Just as we move on in life with many things so also with our writing. I am still picking up a pencil and a steno book to jot down ideas. There is something about the skill of writing that makes working with the simple tools more gratifying. I will often be found in McDonalds with my laptop creating or at least editing some current story. But I can also be found occasionally with that number two pencil and working because i am not ready for the computer.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

All writers know the feeling of working up a story. The joy of scratching out and overwriting which can never happen quite the same on a computer.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Share more of your feelings about writing and how it has progressed in your life. I enjoyed what you have written.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Your WDC anniversary is tomorrow. Hope you have a great day.

dblameck
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852
852
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Return to the Lord

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I read your treatise and I understand where you are coming from but I take a slight exception to what you are saying. The Bible is fine reading and should be read and reread to gain understanding as in many ways it is a text book in how we should live. It however should not be all that we read. Just as to have a proper diet we need to eat foods from all the food groups in moderation in order to be fit and healthy so should our opening our mind to reading,

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The person in your story may need to spend more time in the scriptures. i believe that we need to open ourselves and believe that God can also lead us in the direction for our secular reading.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Share with the world your thoughts by sharing them first with your friends on WDC.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and I hope you enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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853
853
Review of Grandpa, Tell Me  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Grandpa, tell me.

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

This was the only thing that I found in your portfolio. It is an interesting little exercise in trying to tell a story using song titles. I am not sure if this is the real tale that Grandpa would have told without these constraints.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A young girl and her grandfather sharing a special moment and using song titles to share that moment.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I would love to see more of your writings,

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed this trip in a nostalgic sort of fashion. Enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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854
854
Review of Car Wash Girl  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)

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Review of Car Wash Girl

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A man who is obviously is infatuated with a girl working in a car wash sharing his desire to have her come home with him. It is entertaining and a well written poem.

FLOW & BALANCE:

There are eight four line stanzas. The rhyming pattern is A B A B.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Second line should be cars. I would use the second verse as a reprise/chorus for the entire poem.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and sharing with all of us. Enjoy you WDC anniversary.

dblameck



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855
855
Review of Working  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*


Review of Working

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

At first I thought that this was a disjointed story because some of it did not seem to make sense to me. Then I find it is all a dream or perhaps a nightmare. Then we are made aware that the writing of this story is the real object of the story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Only one character and he seems consumed in the completion first of the mystery and finally of the story. It seems he is failing at both.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Use a larger font and look at better spacing of your paragraphs. It make your work more readable.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC aniversary.

dblameck



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856
856
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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Review of The Thoughts of a Prisoner

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I would not normally review such a short piece but the thoughts behind this one demand I spend the time with a review. You don't mention age of the prisoner or what concentration camp. The feeling of the prisoner are very negative. Obviously not the thoughts of a survivor..In the Holocaust it is those who had a positive attitude and a desire to live '

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The expressions of the prisoner say it all. While it is a defeated attitude I can image many people felt that way. Well presented. I could almost taste the fear and pain.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Extend this story. I am sure you could make this into something longer and better.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck



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857
857
Review of I Write  
for entry "Ruby's Revenge" 
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)


Review of Ruby's Revenge

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I don't quite know how to connect the title to the rest of the poem. What is this revenge that seems to be roaming over the countryside. While I enjoy poetry I do like the simpler formats.

TONE & FLOW:

I read poems aloud to get a better feeling. This poem does not flow for me. Perhaps for some of the words were too long and not simple to read aloud.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Writing a poem with word content is never easy. I think you did well to get all included.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep working. Ten more weeks for the summer.

dblameck



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858
858
Review of I Just Sat There  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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Review of I Just Sat There

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

This story is really a mass of description. It seems to me to be a very good attempt at exercising the descriptive powers of the author. i found no other purpose other than for the author to test and expand his descriptive powers in this piece. I suppose that was the intent.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The plot is limited to the object which is in this case an old door. For some reason the author is infatuated with this old door.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more. The descriptive exercise shows talent. Take the door and open it and reveal the real elements inside.

FINAL THOUGHTS: \

Enjoy your WDC anniversary and share more of your writing with us.

dblameck
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859
859
Review of Mage  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Mage

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short poem that warns that practicing magic at too early an age can lead to not really being able to be a true Mage. It seems that the wisdom required comes with an attaining age.

RYTHMN & FLOW:

Eight lines with four rhyming couplets.. it flows nicely.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Extend the poem and give some more reasons for waiting to learn magic.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and enjoy your WDC anniversary

dblameck
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860
860
Review of Tennis  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Tennis

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story of overcoming the pain to win the game. This is usually not the type of action you would expect from a tennis match. Your words got into the characters emotions and drove him forward.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Having competed in other sports while nursing an injury I know what it takes to overcome the body and carry on. Your character does it by concentrating on the pain. I did it by ignoring the pain like it wasn't there.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

This is a good vignette of a person dealing with a personal struggle. He battles against the pain of his injury and is able to overcome the pain and win the game.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

You haven't written in a while. Please come back and write more. Enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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861
861
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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Review of A Haven of Darkness

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A very descriptive story of how a vampire seduces a new victim into becoming a vampire themselves. The story flows well and I felt it was a very easy read. Great emotional comments and facts. a well told story.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A woman attacked by a vampire is turned into a creature of the night by being fed upon the creature. The next night the vampire brings another victim and the woman must now deal with the thirst for blood that the vampire has caused within her.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Perhaps more about the feelings that the first woman felt in now drinking the blood of another.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Time to get back to the writing. I hope you have a great anniversary.

dblameck
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862
862
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for writing this poem. It is not the words that give it honour. It is the emotions of and for those young men who faced death each moment in conditions we cannot hope to imagine. Having served my country in peace time has been a blessing. Being a part of three peace keeping missions has opened my eyes to the horror of conflict. Finding time in that conflict to play is a true blessing.

I appreciate your efforts with this poem.


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863
863
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of The result of failure

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

In a real nuclear attack the eastern seaboard of the USA would be destroyed. However the prevailing wind direction would carry radioactive fallout eastward making the results of that less important. Most attacks on the USA would have to include centres on the west coast as well. The rockets trajectory would not be visable by the human eye.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

An account of what could be but there are many things that stoop it from happening.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You misspelled death and England.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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864
864
Review of The Storm  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*


Review of The Storm
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story where the wind is personified and after a great deal of good description of the effects of the wind it becomes in contact with a young girl who enjoys the almost dance like qualities of her time enjoying and playing with the wind.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

There are only two characters. The wind and the young girl. The girl is actually only the anti-thesis for this story and it is her connection with the wind that is important. The terms used in the story help to promote the action of the wind. This is well done.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

One small flaw I will point out. You wrote Hell's Angles. I presume that is some geometric device unless you meant Hell's Angels, the motorcycle club.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A good story. Write more and enjoy your anniversary

dblameck

A MEMBER OF THE HOUSE OF LANNISTER




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865
865
Review of The Third Option  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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Review of The Third Option

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Having had dark visions and dreams to fill my nights I understand where your words are coming from. You have expertly brought these types of images to mind. Your choice of words is simple but poignant.in nature. Whatever the cause of these images; they come both day and night.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

You share feeling that are personal and deeply felt. While your poem is simple it is well written.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I think you need to write more or perhaps share more of the poems and stories that you have written.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

Once again thank you for writing this poem. Please enjoy your anniversary.

Dblameck
A MEMBER OF THE HOUSE OF LANNISTER




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866
866
Review of A Summer Season  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Review of A Summer Season

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Many strong words but I found the division of lines of the what is really a poem difficult to read. don't force your words together. let them flow. There is really a lot of different thought here.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

It is almost as you just listed a large number of thoughts without finishing many of the ideas. Consolidate and then give us something to act upon.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

a larger font and breaking your thoughts into lines of poetry will improve readability and make your challenges more understandable.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Get back to writing and enjoy your anniversary.

Dblameck
A MEMBER OF THE HOUSE OF LANNISTER




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867
867
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*



Review of Waste Not, Want Not

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Meant to funny. It hits the mark. Now I know how to get rid of those extra things that are always sitting around the house. I thought that Don was going to sell them to homeless people who pan handle on the street to use instead of the worn out coffee cups they shove in our faces. (Have you ever noticed how many of those came from high end coffee speciatly stores). While your story did not get a belly laugh from me it certainly got a smile.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Selling left over hospital supplies. The whole concept is not funny in these days of high medical expenses but you did bring a little humour to the situation. I enjoyed your characters and they seemed realistic to me.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I see you have written many interesting short stories. I hope to get back to raid your portfolio again in the future.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and please enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE HOUSE OF LANNISTER



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868
868
Review of Vegas Nightshade  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*


BY A MEMBER OF THE HOUSE OF LANNISTER


Review of Vegas Nightshade

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I knew there was a reason I didn't want to go the Vegas. This small story is a little horror microcosm. The magician vampire awaits to feed and then is attacked by a considerably younger vampire. You set the stage and the feel quite well and I could almost feel the dark bar where the magician waited.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

I could feel a plot developing and then I was totally surprised with a nice twist. You developed both of you character with finese.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

This story needs other to join it. Your portfolio is almost empty. I am sure you must have written more in the last five years. Please share you writing with us.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I want more. Write more. Send us some more. No matter what however I hope you enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck

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869
869
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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{c}(b)Review of A Grumpy Old Woman

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A very different idea of what would usually have of a nun and particuarly a Mother Superior. I found her tirade as she ascended the stairs to the third floor balcony to be quite entertaining. The efforts of the other nun were also good.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

a plot not many might think of considering the importance the church places on the next day which is All Saints Day. The two nuns were painted with a great degree of humour which was very fitting for this theme.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You need to get back to writing for those of us who are looking for your humour.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck


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870
870
Review of Can you keep me  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Review done for House of Lannister




Review of Can You Keep Me

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting poem which I think is about road kill. I found the thought hard to follow.

RYTHMN & FLOW:

I did not find that the words flowed together that well. Even being read aloud did not improve this.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Adjust your spacing and perhaps your font. Small poems can get lost and not provide the impact that the words deserve.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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871
871
Review of Dear Me - 2014  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Review of Dear Me 2014
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

So are you on track? You have certainly set a large set of goals for yourself. I could not set up the goals like you have, I find the weekly goals are good because in life priorities changes. Because they change we look back and wonder if we made wise committments. I hope you feel that you have,

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The plot is the structure of your list of goals. There are really two characters. You and that other thing that writers must deal with. Time. I hope you make your plan work.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

The thing that I would change in your list of goals is to set them in a type of priority. Sometimes we have to give up one goal to meet a new and previously unrecognized challenge.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

They say you must plan your work and then work your plan. I have worked all my life and tried to keep to that. It worked for me when I included, family, friends and personal time in that planning.

dblameck
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872
872
Review of One fine Lady  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great image. Keep it Classy and Fabulous
873
873
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of A Busy Day in Bailey's Corners

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An interesting and compelling story. A woman continues to write to her husband. She has written to him for nine months but does not need to send the letter. The folded flag and the date are all that is necessary to know that Cal will not read the letter. I liked the home like effect of the story including the little bit about a man drowning in an outhouse.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A husband dead on the beaches of Normandy and his devoted wife cannot stop writing to him. It is enough of a tear jerking story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

There is one slight error. If you are trying to tie the Normandy invasion to the death of Cal then he would not be a marine. The Marine Divisions were committed to the war in the Pacific. The Army comprised the American forces at Normandy. I am sure however you know that the army dress uniform is also a deep blue in colour.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well done. Keep writing and enjoy your anniversary.

dblameck
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874
874
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

A review done for the Spring I Write Contest


Review of April Fools Rush In

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I hope I am never considered to be an april fool. Well told tale that makes me squirm in the reading of it. Erotic horror genre is a growing field. Perhaps there should be a contest just for that groups. Your story is told well and I felt that something was amiss early but did not expect the surprise that Martin felt.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Marin, the victim in this story and Cassandra the woman who entices Martin and then gets him into a very compromising situation. While it is a good story it does make me feel uncomfortable. I guess that means that it works. With a short word count you did well with the character definition and description.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You wrote "she off the bed in the most graceful move" you need an adjective to describe the getting off the bed. The bare groin means that she would remove both the testicles and penis. That is very messy usually not required. Using castration alone (removal of testicles) would make then eunichs. The penis can then still be used for urine removal. With no penis urination would be difficult and very messy.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Other than the physical concerns for your story I think you did a good job. Keep writing in March, April and May.

dblameck
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875
875
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Review of Makes Me Think of You

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I read the poem several times and then read the longer lines ans asked why for each line. I didn't get a lot of answers. The idea of the poem showing the concern for a person who is obviously loved by the writer. A strong connection of caring and affection.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

The third last line it should be happen not happened

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I obviously do not have to encourage your to keep writing. I enjoyed this poem.



dblameck
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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