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826
826
Review of My Bookish Life  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Review of My Bookish Life

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I have the impression that you like to read. Are you trying to impress us? This reviewing seems to be your real hobby.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

You are the character in this story. But you tell what you do but you have not quite shared with us your passion for this reading and reviewing. Get personal not about facts bet rather about feelings and emotions.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Use a larger font. I know this is about you but too many sentences start with I. if you like to read you should make what you write easier for others to read.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and sharing with all of us on WDC.

dblameck
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827
827
Review of In Fairytales  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Review of In Fairytales

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I enjoy most of your poems. I found this one to one of the most enjoyable. It is almost like a little jingle or song. You bring to mind all the fairy tales and then your climax brings us back to the real world. What a bonus.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

All the characters both good and evil that come to mind throughout the wonderful literature that we consider fairy tales. They are brought to life in our memories.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I am not going to suggest that you write more. I won't suggest it because I know you will do it anyway. Perhaps what I would like is more like this one.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well done. I don't give a lot of fives.

dblameck
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828
828
Review of Bejeweled  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Bejeweled.

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A woman going after jewels gets mezmerized by their beauty and decides to stay with the jewels and therefore is never heard from again.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Victoria is the girl going into the cavern and Joseph her friend is trying to convince her not to go.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Add more to the conflict within your story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and more often and please enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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829
829
Review of My Planet...  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of My Planet

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Well I am not sure your planet is habitable. Is it not the distractions from the norm that make life truly what it is. You seem to have no order there either. It is by rules of order that existence is maintained in a creditable state. Do you wish to comment?

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

I see no characters or plot. Without those does not writing become boring?

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Bring a little conflict to your planet. Let us have something to write about.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and please enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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830
830
Review of Miss Cleo  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*



Review of Miss Cleo

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An impression of an English woman of society and her activities

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Well presented look at the activities of Miss Cleo, a lady of fashion.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Use a larger font.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck

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831
831
Review of A Mirror Image  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of A Mirror Image

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story with a major twist at the end. There is a threatening or foreboding nature in the meeting with the woman's sister.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

You presented and described the young woman very well and I could envision her in my mind from your words. I write mostly erotic stories and this could easily be blended into that genre.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand your story. I would like to read it again if you make it longer.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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832
832
Review of A Word  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of A Word

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I read what you say but I interject that this has not been my experience on this site. Yes we all have needs. Who has hurt you. i suggest bringing your complaints to those who manage the site. Story master and Story Mistress is the way i would go. I notice that this was written six years ago. If there was a problem then perhaps it has been rectified. I challenge you to try again.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A very disgruntled individual who it seems was once a member. Perhaps a reconciliation is required.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Bring your conflict to the top and see if this cannot be resolved.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This is your anniversary of your membership on WDC. it would be nice to have you back.


dblameck
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833
833
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of What Golf has Taught Me.

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Great essay and a great understanding of the place golf has in our life. I particularly like the last paragraph which is the principle that exists not only for golf but everything in life including writing.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A man trying to deal with his affliction of trying to make the best golf shots. He shares his process and what he eventually realizes. A very good description of the things that he has had to go through to gain that understanding.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I found no grammatical or spelling errors in this essay.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing. I enjoyed this essay. Enjoy you WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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834
834
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of City Girl Goes Frogging

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A city girl gets into an adventure of hunting frogs. Of course this activity happens at night and frogs can be slimey and attempt to escape. Roll all these things together and you have all the elements for a funny scenario,

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The unnamed writer goes frogging with the ex-husband's family. I suppose this happened before the end of the marriage. Characters are not well defined.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Fill in more of the details for us to have never gone frogging.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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835
835
Review of Blood And Love  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)


Review of Blood and Love

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A kind of a weird episode of which I have no way of telling what the purpose you were trying to arrive at. Biting and then eating and actually devouring of one's mate.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Male and female, one of each. One gets devoured by the other.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS: Aside? perhaps beside. Make your story a little clearer. Also using a larger font would make the story more readable.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A little more detail would help.

dblameck



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836
836
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)



Review of Humanity's Humanity, Lost at Sea

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

It was an American Civil War General that said "War is hell" Having served in the Navy and seen the conditions in the North Atlantic I realize the difficulties. I can state that every sailor that had to leave men in the water was torn inside. There is a relationship amongst those who go to sea. It is an unwritten rule that we give all we can to save each other.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

During the Battle of Britian the submarines of the German navy sank many ships. They could not pick up the survivors because of space and having to stay submerged and hidden.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS: Share more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more I enjoyed this piece.

dblameck



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837
837
Review of i am a geniuss  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (2.5)

Review of I am a geniuss

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I see this is your initial entry in writing dot com. Thank you for taking the time to put your story down where others can read it. That is the first step. The second is to make what you have written read by others. Your story as if is does not make that an easy task. Size of the print, spacing and spelling are all working against you. However this can be corrected and you can learn by doing it.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Ms. Johnson, your ninth grade teacher is the prime character in your story. I think it would be beneficial to show her your story and ask if she would help you to edit it so more people could read it.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Firstly I am going to ask if you have a dictionary. A dictionary is the essential tool for writers. Your spelling needs many corrections. Most of your grammar is relatively good. With a little editing you could make your story more readable. Also I you increase the size of the font and use spacing between paragraphs it improves the look of your work.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

This is the first step. Hopefully you will choose the next step which is to edit your story to correct any flaws you may have. I am sure you can find those who will help you. If you need help then contact me and I will try to help you get started.

dblameck
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838
838
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Review of A B C 's for your Brain

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Some suggestions for the improvement of brain health are provided for the letter a thru k. They are just suggestions of the writer.

CHARACTERS & PLOT:

There are no characters as this in written as an information circular.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Extend your suggestions to the end of the alphabet.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Remember writers need their brains.

dblameck
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839
839
Review of Yet Life Goes On  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)




Review of Yet Life Goes On

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story/poem to remind us of the brevity of life and how all the things that we may see in this world as important are actually just the passing of time. All will pass but life will go on. But I scream at the top of my lungs "I can make a difference. Life will go on so we have to live it with all the gusto and strength we possess.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The plot is that things happen and life goes on. Of course there is a un-numerable cast of characters involved in that living. To each that life is important.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more. Share your ideas with all of us here on WDC.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well written and a premise that should make us all think and look at what we do each day.

dblameck
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840
840
Review of Unexpected Hunger  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


Review of Unexpected Hunger

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good little episode where a woman is a little confined because she likes a friend of her brother. She wants to make it obvious of her need and he is also unsure. A meeting in the kitchen brings sparks and opens the story for more to happen in the future.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Katherine is in need of a man. Erik the friend of her brother seems to the exact match. Both are attracted to one another and they play a ritual game until in the kitchen they finally kiss. This is the opening for more but it does not happen in this story.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Create a little more passion between the two people in the kitchen. A kiss can lead to a caress. The caress can deepen the kissing and then let nature take the course of your writing.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A good start, Carry through the action between Katherine and Erik.

dblameck
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841
841
Review by dblameck (David)
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

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Review of The Worst Summer Vacation

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

After the terrible time our unnamed traveler in London we knew that the surprise trip had to be to London. A good story of a terrible collection of mishaps that hopefully never happen to anyone.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Alex and her male friend are not well described but I feel that the young man is under some kind of spell with all the bad luck he has encountered.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

A good and somewhat humourous tale of disasters which befall a young man on a vacation to London, England.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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842
842
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Would You Like Meat with That

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I read all this I wonder if this is really important. Having to make getting a fast drive thru breakfast should not be as challenging as this story seems to point out. Perhaps there are too many choices. The difficulty for the employee is made clear. However it is the difficulty of the patron which should have higher importance.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Perhaps the writer of this could offer some methods to make this problem a little more solutionable (that can't be a word). The characters at the drive thru are multitude in number and different desires.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Is this meant to be a logical argument or are you just poking fun at the situation? Make it a little clearer.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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843
843
Review of Master's assault.  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)



Review of Master's Assault
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Well written story of a couple trying to stretch their limits. The master is using the submissive woman to the limit of her ability to respond. Finally she has to use her safe word because she is exhausted. I am unsure exactly how he wears her out.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

He is referred to as Sir but she is limited to She. I can understand this, but it gets impersonal in a story trying to show the connection between the two. .A little more description of the characters would be beneficial.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

more description of characters and perhaps to use a larger font.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing. Keep sharing your work and good luck in any contests you may enter.

dblameck



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844
844
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)


Review of The Twinkie Defense

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

This story seems to be almost a series of rants without a firm connection. A large number of statements but not really saying a statement. Make your comments but them into premise and defend it. Too many open ended statements without following the conclusions to a reasonable argument.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

No plot and no characters.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

The company was know as Hostess not Hostest.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep sharing your thoughts. There must be some truth in what you say.

dblameck
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845
845
Review of Wolfs pain  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Wolfs Pan
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A very gory story about werewolves. Not normally my reading material I found this story to be well written and the descriptions of the death and gore to be actually well done. The twists within the story of course make it most enjoyable.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The wife of the werewolf hunter has become a werewolf and must therefore be hunted and killed. The main characters are the hunter and his wife who it seems is a very strong and intelligent werewolf. The werewolf hunter becomes infected himself and hereby becomes a werewolf.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You have a knack for this type of story. There are readers who will enjoy reading what you write.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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846
846
Review of Under Your Skin  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Review of Under Your Skin

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

You certainly have a talent with words because this story makes my skin crawl. It causes me to think of the beetles in the movie "The Mummy" and those that followed. This story is a must read. Thank you for taking the time to share it with us.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Jared is afflicted by a strange bump. I wonder if somehow his wife and her icing has anything to do with it. There is aso a doctor who removes the beetle from under his skin.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

My only suggestion is to make the story longer.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck
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847
847
Review of Sensuality  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*


Review of Sensuality
First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A poem about two lover enjoying an autumn picnic and packed with the visual images of the season.

RHYTHM & FLOW:

The poem is free verse and does not really much rhythm as it more a collection of visual aspects of the moment. In that it is done well.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Rather than a poem perhaps this could be made into a short narrative.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck



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848
848
Review of Lucky Johnny  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*


Review of Lucky Johnny

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Johnny won the big prize in the lottery, Now he struggles with people trying to get him to invest and sending money of takeout food and video games. In the end he finds that he has again won the lottery.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The horror of winning the lottery and the difficulty with dealing with having all those winnings.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Extend the story and give us more problems that Johnny is dealing with.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and enjoy your WDC anniversary.


dblameck



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849
849
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*


Review of The Journey of Terror

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story of the suffering of a slave taken as an example for some reason. It seems that examples were often taken and for no specified reason. The young woman's suffering is in comparison to the oppulence of the palace where she is taken.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

This is merely a portion of the story and it suffers because of its incompleteness. You have brought the story of Xiong Zi-Yan forward i feel that you must continue it.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

What you have done is well written. You need to continue the story.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing. Please enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck



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850
850
Review of Glory and Honor?  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM item:anniversary}*CakeP*


Review of Glory and Honour?

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good story with an additional message other then the one I expected when reading the title. I have been part of the society pushing the glory and honour aspect and have also been part of the group expected to provide that honour and glory. Most of the glory is not worth the cost it takes in skin and blood. That is my personal comment. The gung ho comments are easy to say but someone has to pay for them. Saying that this article is well writtten.


PLOT & CHARACTERS:

This character sounds like someone working in a recruiting office. There is a task that must be done and the recruiter share his own personal experiences. He does as he tells some of the fictional history of a battle between humans and some creatures from another planet.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I think the article could be lengthened

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and please enjoy your WDC anniversary.

dblameck



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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