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You have entered my blog. I take no responsibilty for your reaction. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** MY NEW CAR....WELL IF I HAD THE MONEY TO BUY ONE!!! Thanks Thea!!!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Well, I've done it this time.........Yeah I am lost. I can't figure out what I did to get here. By that I mean I have lost my reason ......my reason to be excited about the next day.... No....not depressed or anything like that...more like in general...I do have some exciting things coming up, like the rock and roll marathon in Arizona and .....and.....well that's it I guess.... I have always had some dream dangling in front of me like a carrot to chase. That dream would fuel my drive ....right now there is no carrot.....Oh i'm feeling pretty good and I am happy ......but my goals are gone......what am I planning to do with my life? I am tired of my job, I am tired of all the demands, but ironically I still need the comitment .....I need to feel like I make a difference and if I didn't have a job, I don't think I would satisfy that need......So Besides the financial aspect, I have to keep my job.. Personally I would like to explore the world more and experience more things....but again with financial restrictions and the time eliment...I don't see that happening.. Sooooo....I get up at 3:30am...drive to work....do my job ......then go home...at home I work out (running mostly) three - four days a week and then relax for a few...go to bed and get up the next day...then start all over again........ The excitement is the thing that is missing......At 51 years old, I feel that daydreaming about great and wonderful things hapening to me when I grow up is spent...as I am now grown up..(well almost)...... I am at a crossroad with no map.....I can go strait, turn left, turn right......but what difference does it make? I don't know where they are going.....does that make anysense? I would love to travel and see more of the world..but that takes time and money...also the ability to set asside responsibilities....I don't seem to have any of those three right now.. I will have to think this delema through and contemplate a move in the right direction......I feel I am somewhat boxed in though...kind of a catch 22 as I have created my own chains.....now I just need to create a huge chain cutter!!! Anybody got one of those? I mean a huge gigantic pair....cause my chains are pretty big and I think they are made of a special metal that can't be cut with normal effort .....Yeah like super hero chains!!! |
| On the way to work this morning I saw a very bright light in the sky...I don't remember ever seeing this one before. When I was very young, I dreamed of the E T's coming and taking me away. I wonder when I stopped wishing for that to happen? I guess I never did, just stopped thinking about it...things get busy and the daydreaming seems to stop. I wish I could just sit and daydream again...it was so exciting to think of things that way. I always thought they would come get me, just pluck me right off the earth and show me their world. I would learn all these amazing things and perhaps how to accomplish world peace....then they would transport me back at exactally the same moment they took me. I would remember everything and have this glow about me that rubbed off onto everyone I met. My mind would suddenly grasp those massive things that used to confuse me. I would understand the most difficult so clearly... I would use all that I learned to make the world a better place..........Yeah, that light sure was bright this morning and you know what? It made me daydream again.......In a way I was taken to anouther world, only the other world was in my head. Someday, I will be taken and I will learn all those amaxing things....right now though, I realize that there is a wonderful place to go that I seem to have long forgotton........my day dreams........... That light is still there.......perhaps I did get taken and brought back at exactally the same moment in time, perhaps they did bring my awareness up to a higher level only they won't let me remember it right now.....perhaps...I will wake up some day and my repressed memory will shoot to the front of my brain and I will tell all of my adventures with the E T's Maybe I was taken today, maybe we all should daydream...just a little.... |
| I read a story this morning.......I was in awe as I read and lived it....some people are so damn good at writing, it is no wonder that I kneel before them. How is it thay can put a flow of words in one row and create overflowing emotions from the reader? I realized the instant I started reading that this person was a real writer...merely 19 years old but paragraphs of life radiate out of her words. A sad protrayel of a forgotten soul seemingly set asside by her passion and differences. I can't help but feel her words hide a ring of truth that is a reflection of her true identity. How could that be at such a young age? Could a person live a life time before they are merely twenty? Just a couple short years from adulesence and high school, and already beaten up by life itself. I emplore you all to read this story.....
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| You know, I realized something this morning....The world is so small now....that's right, I sit here and read the comments from everyone and write my own remarks with out even thinking about the different cultures and regions. I throw all my little selfish thoughts out without thinking about the people receiving them...In my head, you all live next door or down the street.. Like we are all neighbors. Just like any neighborhood we have our ups and downs and sometimes it is our family on the outside that doesn't get invited to the "block" party.....other times were are accepted....like a family...nothing is perfect and each day brings different events. I guess I am a little dissapointed now as I realize that some of you can't appreciate the things I do and I can't enjoy your traditions. That makes me a little sad as I know that some of the "junk" I write doesn't have the same meanning to some of you. I guess I need to wake up a little and open my eyse to the world around me...it is so hard for me though....I don't "feel" a difference between us...I accept your beliefs to you as much as I accept my own...I have no preference or predjudice. I really feel that I can drive down my street and wave to all of you living in the houses next to me...I don't feel thousands of miles apart...Isn't that strange? It just feels like world peace when I visit this site and cruise around stating my little unimportant opinions.... I guess what I am saying is thanks for letting me visit here.......Thanks for being such good people and such great friends.....So be happy what ever you are celibrating and don't change your beliefs for anyone as long as you let them keep theirs!!!! SKi |
| Is it me or has the excitement been diminishing? Here it is Thanksgiving and almost Christmas.........But it is like just another day..... I watched a movie the other day with some Christmas music and it struck me.... I love this time of year...the holidays...I love seeing people happy and being nice to others......giving and helping.....I can't wait for the first snow..... But, you know what? No one seems excited this year.....no there are no lifted spirits around me...I don't understand......where did it go? Is it because I am older and the kids are all out of the house? Maybe I don't see the excitement because I have become older and blind to it? No....I feel the world around me is different somehow........people are not happy...they are grumpy and complaining.... I can understand, money is tight for all of us that have to heat our houses this winter and everything thing is getting more and more expensive....hey milk is up to almost $5.00 a gallon.....but come on! Is that really a reason to loose spirit? I think it is just one more excuse that people use to feel they deserve to be mad at the world and not except things and events for what they are......Hey in the past, people took their short comings and set them aside to celebrate the holidays... I think it has a lot to do with the schools removing God and prayer .....now kids are not allowed to enjoy the season at school.....no they can't have Thanksgiving or Christmas or even Easter....not anymore! So now the commercial world has followed suit and they are also catering to the extremist that want to remove our heritage....I enjoy all nationalities and feel I am not prejudiced but it drives me crazy when I have to push 1 for Spanish and 2 for English and the recording recites it in Spanish first....... I am proud of our country and my heritage.....shouldn't I be allowed to get excited about it? Can't we just enjoy the holidays like we used to? I really just don't see and spirit this year.......what is happening to us? Where will we end up? Most store personal can't say Merry Christmas any more....now they have to say happy holidays.......what is up with that? Shouldn't we be able to say what feels good to us, what our heritage has brought us? Should other people decide what we can and can't say? I don't think they have the right........I say Merry Christmas!!!!! God bless you!!!! And I will pray before I eat my Thanksgiving dinner.....not because I am religious but because it is tradition...it is my heritage...it doesn't matter if I am Catholic or Atheist!! Who is judging? I am just excited for the get together and the meal and besides, that is how my family always did it....it is more heritage than religion... I just want the excitement back......hey do we all have to watch 36th street forty or fifty times to knock that spirit back into us?? Damn!! I wish it would snow!!!!! |
| If only we could cough up a fur ball! I know it sounds crazy, but think about it...A cat "cleans" themselves by licking their fur and then all that "junk" ends up in their stomaches.......once they are done, they just cough up that furball and they are clensed......Surely it must feel great to them! If only our lives were that easy........we work on all our "junk" and when the pot is full, we just "cough" up the "furball" and we feel great!!!! If only we could purge our problems that easily. Actaully It seems that it could be that easy....if we trained our minds to purge the undesireable when the pot is full, then the huge load off would feel as good as a fur ball protruding through the air heading for that newly vacuumed carpet...... Yes, That would work ......I am planning right now as we speak to conjour up an "emoball" and spit it right out onto the carpet.......sure hope it cleans up easy and doesn't stain .........Ski |
| This name came to me in my sleep last night......It kept coming and now is stuck in my brain......James Gay (or Guay, gaye...something like that) What does it mean? I do not know anyone with that name. I wonder if it is meanningless or perhaps it is a sign...trying to tell me something. But what? Strange when something just stands out so strong in a dream that you can't get it out of your head.....Then exciting things you just can't remember.....you know it was great and you have the feeling...but you just can't remember it. The other thing that bothers me about dreams is when you are in a great dream and just about to the best part ....then bang!!! you wake up.....I hate that...sometimes I try to go back to sleep to finish...but that never works......... What is it with that? I also had a great dream last night about some great love making...it started real slow and kept progressing..I'm not sure who the girl was, but I sure did like her a lot.........problem is it just stopped in the middle...don't know how it turned out.....I hope it went well????? So, keep your eye out for James Gay...............I know I will! |
| I realized that this morning as I got up at 3:25....the same time I get up every morning....then I walked into the kitchen and gat a drink of water...yup do that every morning too.....as I walk into the bathroom, my wife is just getting out of the shower.....Yup I see her naked every morning before I go to work!!! Then I lather up my face....after I weigh myself, and jump in the shower to shave.......that is when it hit me......the same thing every day! So I changed! That's right...I changed my routine......Instead of shaving the bottom under my chin first (as I always do) I shaved the sides first!........yup I started on the sides and did under the chin last.....no one is going to accuse me of being predictable!!!! Then I wished I didn't have a time schedule.....well cause here are two people running around half naked and we get dressed then leave......something wrong with this picture.......very wrong ........I think it is time to make a big change in my life.........One of these morning....I will not get dressed and go to work.....honest....I am going to do it!.......OH yes I am!!! (thank's Bugz, I hope I don't lose my job) it will be all your fault!!!!! |
| I waas reading Southern Diva and she mentioned her Tarrot card...thought I would try......I was surprised considering my recent trials..........here it is...by the way I uesed my handle here and then my username and got the same results....EERIE HUH?! ***You Are The Star*** You represent the ultimate in truth and purity. Insightful and illuminating, you provide guidance for others. You also demonstrate unselfish, unconditional love. You posses many spiritual gifts, including the ability to heal. Your fortune: Your future is looking brighter by the day. The near future will be a time of both hope and healing. Luck is about to come your way, perhaps the best luck you have ever seen. Life is about to get a lot easier and much better! What Tarot Card Are You? http://www.blogthings.com/whattarotcardareyouquiz/ |
| Did you ever get the feeling something is wrong but you couldn't pin point it? Yeah kind of strange.....I feel good...normal and there are no problems (other than this damn bridge that pokes into my lower lips when I try to eat). But something is not right...I can feel it but I can't put my finger on it.. I tried thinking of different people and things last night but it led me nowhere. It is funny, things like this happen to me a lot and it would be great but i don't find out until after .....then I say "oh...that's what it was"....well by then it is too late! I have to do a better job understanding these feelings....but how do I do that? I know the "force" out there is in turmoil right now..........any ideas? Does this happen to any of you? Do you get "feelings" or visions? If so, how do you channel them or make sense of it all? It is surely not like you see on TV.....though I do get visions sometimes but again, they make no sense and sometimes I wonder if it is just my overactive brain fooling around. I do feel connected to something though.....wish I knew what it was.......perhaps my brain is just full of some imaganative rubble caused by an odd chemical release? |
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But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer. 
