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You have entered my blog. I take no responsibilty for your reaction. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** MY NEW CAR....WELL IF I HAD THE MONEY TO BUY ONE!!! Thanks Thea!!!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I realized something today… My office is me….it has my personality. I am the only owner of this office as it was built for me and I designed the functional capabilities of it. My old office was quite small. there was not much wall space as two of the walls were taken up by doors…one to the rest of the offices and one to the shop area. There were no windows and at times I couldn't even tell what the weather was outside. I felt like a mole and I hated it. My new office was actually a loading dock. We pulled the dock out and built a structure that consist of two ground floor offices and on top of that a conference room. We built this inside our existing building. Though I am not on an outside wall, one side of my office is facing the shop (which usually has the big doors open.) I had them install a window so I can see in the shop and see the outdoors. It has a fairly large oak sill that I put pictures and stuff on. I actually have a replica of a crane there that has a hand made wooden tractor hanging from the boom, one of the mechanics father made it.…it is pretty cool as we are a crane business. Sometimes I will change the position of the boom so it looks different when people come in. I also have a Smokey glass sail boat mounted on a piece of driftwood (it was a present from someone I did a favor for) pictures of my kids, a clock with the company name on it, a golf ball with a lepricon sitting on it, a little oil can that is actually a lighter, a Mack Truck coffee cup and a plastic heart that once had M&Ms in it. Oh, and a spare battery for the cell phone that I had before the one I have now. I didn't realize until this very morning how much my office portrays who I am. It is very functional and is the rock or base to the operations I control here. Everything starts and stops right here. It is roomy but not overly large.. No wasted space. Every part has a purpose and function. It is professional yet homey….I have a small round table with two large office chairs. When customers, salesman or the mechanics need to discuss things, the table is there. I also have a large office chair on the other side of my desk so people can sit down when talking to me. My door has a large window with no shade…. this tells people that I am available and never hiding….though the closed door demands a degree of respect. I have four large shelve units that house all our reference material pertaining to the equipment. We have 98 pieces of equipment that I am responsible for. I handle every aspect of that from purchasing to maintenance. Also we sell cranes and I handle that end too. Next to the shelves is a counter, I call it a high desk and it's function to have a place to stand and open up reference books or system schematics. On this desk is a second phone and a run of receptacles for misc items like chargers and engraving tools. this counter is held up by three metal cabinets with drawers and a door. I have many various things in those drawers from tools to pictures to batteries, to shipping products. Above the high desk is a sliding window (like you would see at a ice-cream place) I put that there so the mechanics could ask questions or get guidance with out actually walking around the corner and coming in my office…this works well when I am tied up or on the phone. My desk is directly across from this counter and window so I can see someone standing there when working on the computer or on the phone. My desk is quite large and L shaped. Plenty of room for my computer, the printer, and all the paperwork I do on a daily basis. On the wall are pictures of cranes, plaques with certificates of my work related achievements, a replica of a crane I sold to someone burnt into a piece of wood (pretty cool). A large board with all of our equipment listed on it. and in the corner, a locker with my spare cloths, coats, sneakers and a bunch of personal stuff. All together an organized room…not messy but cluttered…sort of a look of being used on a daily basis. It is full of 14 years of special little interesting things that show many aspects of my life…..I guess like my brain, many little unknowns that can sometimes surprise people when they come across it. Some things in their place others look like they were set down one day and just never put away. Yeah, this place is me alright………organized but cluttered, functional but homey, dusty but full of quality information, used but comfortable, easy to take but still a hint of mystery, A rock for all it's occupants to stand on, The core of my essence , my base for each day. I can even run this computer from my house….well that could be a bad thing………And another bad thing, people tend to migrate here like it is a meeting place before they do what ever job of the day is and before they head home for the evening. Even My boss feels comfortable here…(well I do have air-conditioning and he doesn't) I actually spent the night here once as we were building an expansion and we had pumps running continuously to keep the ground water away from the curing cement. Unfortunately for us, the power company had a scheduled power shutdown the same night so I had to stay and make sure the three pumps keep running with a generator. It was quite relaxing and the whole place was totally different in the dark. I had this little flashlight and felt like a night watchman as I made my rounds….in between I would sit at my desk and snooze on and off.. Overall, this is a pretty cool place and if I was to design a man room at work….well it would look just like this!!! |
| I was talking the other day with someone who visited their old homestead....it remined me of the farm house where I grew up. That house was built in the 1700s. I was one of the largest farms in our area... milking cows of course as that was one of the big industries here back then. When my parents bought it, the cows were long gone and the whole place was in rough shape.....but I loved it...so much character and mystery. The barn was 100 feet long and two stories high. The farm house was attached by an L and there was a separate garage. The previous owner had dug three individual gravel pits out back and they were linked by roads. Total there was 105 acres of land. The water supply was 1500 feet from the house and was a natural spring. The house and barn had lightning rods on the roof to direct the lightning to the ground instead of ruining the house.....we got hit a lot. I drove by the other day....well actually I drive by every day on my way home from work....the farm is totally gone......everything was ripped down....it is so sad....all there is there now is a bunch of tree growth........I wish I could stop and walk in the front door and go in the barn......but I can't.....I can never go home because it is gone...... That is why I can't sell my house......I haved owned this house and lived here 29 years...... this is the only place my kids have to remember their childhood.....they lived in only one place....that is so rare nowadays...... They come home now and I can tell they love the feeling of being in their home...they seem so relaxed and comfortable.....how could I take that away from them? I have always wanted a small log cabin somewhere out of the way.....I could only do that if one of the kids wanted our house....it is so much a part of us......it would be like losing one of the family members....... I realized that last night as I drove past the spot where the old farm stood...part of my childhood was taken away from me.....the lost is huge........my feelings are so strong.....I don't want my kids to feel this way someday................I don't want to feel this way! |
| I sometimes wonder if something is wrong with me....... What do you think of a person that gets up in total darkness.....sits very still in a chair and does absolutely nothing? Even when I was a kid, we lived in a big old drafty farmhouse. In the kitchen there was a hot air duct in the wall next to the floor. If you stood at the stove it would blow heat out at your feet. Kind of odd now that I think about it. I would get up at 4:00 in the morning. Hours before anyone else. Take a shower and then lay on the floor to dry my hair. Then I would sit up against the cabnet and stare into the darkness.. No lights on, no radio, just pure silence...Now of course in an old fram house (or any house for that matter) it is never complete silence. There are noises everywhere. Silence is not really silence at all...it is made up of many different noises.....so I would sit there and listen to the silence...I remember how peaceful it was.... I guess it was my style of meditation....I could almost "feel" other spirits in the room. Not like most people think of as ghosts, but more like a feeling of presense....not scary or prevelent, just awareness. Sometimes, I would doze off for short periods of time onle to be waken up by the silence.....I think I rested my soul when I did that...To this day, I love to sit in the total darkness....all alone feeling in tune with something much larger than me. Though lately I haven't done it much. Thinking of this today causes me to miss it....I guess that is the strange part...I miss sitting in the total darkness all by myself and letting my brain just romp free as a bird............I think that is the only time my brain is actually free!!! Here is another one.... I am attracted to wood! That's right....take my sitting in silence and add in a big old barn and I am in heaven......I could spend hours in an old barn or a log cabin or just the woods......I love the smell of fresh cut wood....I still go into my pool house I built last fall and just suck in the scent of the wood.......Is that sick? |
| I miss so many things in the last 5 weeks: I miss a long soft kiss....... I miss the comfortable feeling of a yawn. I miss sleeping on my stomach. I miss the freshness of a newly brushed mouth. I miss Friday nite pizza and beer....(well I have the beer) I miss being in the shadows......Yeah...too much attention for me...I have explained my accident and injuries at least 100 times .....I just want to be me. I miss being me! Maybe I will never be the same me again? There have been some good things; I lost 10 pounds so far. I like the way my shirts fit. I like the ability to say no, when I really don't want a big meal. (I have no choice) I like the feeling that I can overcome (just about anything) I like the positive feeling I have maintained since the accident. I like that I have found who my true friends are. I like the way my wife treats me...well and hate it at the same time! I like V8 juice....I would much rather get my vegies through a drink as I don't care for the taste of most of them. I like the fact that I have had a chance to look deeper inside myself. (don't know what I see yet, but it is a step) I like to be able to eat desert when I crave something good...I have had some fantastic and full of mega calorie shakes... Some bad things....... I hate the fight with bad breath. I hate not being able to eat the stuff that smells so good. I hate not being able to stick out my tongue.....(at or in someone) I hate the dry lips. I hate the constant battle to talk coherantly. I hate most of the attention. I hate the feeling of uncertainty I hate being treated "special" I hate not being able to take my wife out for breakfast on the weekends. I hate going to parties (thanksgiven, christmas etc.) and not being able to eat. My company Christmas party is Nov 2nd......I will at least drink a couple beers.... I hate change that I have not prepared for.... I hate that people think I am incapacitated just because my jaw is wired. I just want my old life back............................... |
| You know what I always hated? Well when you are going to say something like thank-you or to respond in some way and before you can, someone pipes up and tells you to do it. Well then you can't do it or say it without feeling the other person gets all the credit and you feel the recipient thinks you may not have done it otherwise. That discounts the whole act and I tend to not even do it in that situation. Why can't people give you the oppourtunity to do it on your own? Well I feel that way about the blog update thing.......I would tend to not update when they blog me to tell me I haven't done it....like I am required by law and they are reminding me of my commitment.... Blogging is supposed to be more spontaneous...and that is how I view it....exactally why I will never have a blue month....too structured then and I would feel it was a comitment and a "job" to continue....that takes the whole fun out of it. Seriously..... if someone sneezes or does something nice for me, do not tell me what my response should be....just trust that I will do the right thing....OH....thanks for listening!!!! Ski |
| I ran cross country last night....the hills were tough but my collar bone did not bother me at all....I can offically say "I am running again!" Of course this is not my first time out running since I was laid up...actually I ran 3 miles with my daughter 1 week after .... 5 times since then....and Sunday it was a 7 mile run...the difference is those were somewhat easy and flat as last night was competative and hard. I felt tired and great at the same time....then when I got home, the wife and I went for a walk (my cooldown). I start the trainning for the half marathon next week...I feel I am right on track........It feels good to be back!!!! Now I just have to start eating solid food...only 3 more weeks!!! The ribs were a little sore this morning, but I expected that because of the hills. I am so looking forward to the weekend.....TGIF!!!!! |
| I guess I can't put this off and I have to respond to my tag.. Sorry if I do not actually do it right but the 8 people I know on this place have already been tagged.. OK>>>>>>>TRUE FACTS ABOUT ME!!!! 1. I like being right..........I do...I think I stand two feet taller when I am right....and when I am wrong, in my head I find reasons to soften the blow to my ego. 2. I want people to need me.....OH I complain about it.....yeah poor me the go to guy......but I love being able to complian about being that person....perhaps that is why I am that person? 3. I only work hard enough to convince people that I am a real hard worker......When they arn't looking, I get rather lazy.....my point? I am writing this blog right now at work......nuff said.. 4. I too spend a lot of time and energy to show people only my good stuff.....problem is I don't have too much of it so I pachage the same stuff differently to give the impression of a lot more than I really have.. 5. My childhood was not excellent.....but I complain more than I should compared to some I have read here.......I was never beat, or abused and there was love in my family...we never went without.....yeah my mom was (and is) crazy so there was some real off the wall stuff going on .....but it wasn't a "bad,horrible" scene..... 6. I may not relay it or show it but I do love my wife ... I had to say this one as sometimes I tend to flirt .... well probably more than I should......and I honestly love doing it........I am harmless though and it doesn't change how I feel about her. 7. I am too dependable and just wish sometimes I could be a little more reckless....I talk about it, dream about it...but would probably never do it....I don't think you can really change who you are.....yeah you can do different things....but your real esssense does not change. 8. I honestly am real glad I made it to number eight....I struggle talking about myself and you will find most of my admissions are hidden deep in my writing so you have to search and seek to try and "get" me...... I finally made it to 8!!! Probably none of you learned anything new as I believe people know more about us than we think.....we are not as good at covering up as we think!!!! |
| That is right! I am sure that I am undiscoved.....at some thing.... I am not sure what and have spent many hours thinking about it....But I know there is some very valuable reason for me to be here. Someday we will all be in awe of who I am supposed to be.....in the mean time I will just keep plugging along and waiting.... what can it be? I have no real stand out skills other than being understanding, fair, objective, strong willed, dependable and sometimes a little bit funny (or maybe I should say silly). I look at those qualities and I just can't place them in one important catagory....I must not be thinking hard enough..........I am ready though to step up to my destiny....I feel the greatness just lingering around my soul waiting and wanting to get out.............or maybe that is just gas? I was thinking this morning on my way to work.......have you ever seen it rain on a sunny day? isn't that wierd? And usually it ends in a rainbow....don't you wish there really was a pot of gold? I don't know but something about a shower when it is rainning causes me to believe there are miracles out there...I mean isn't that a miracle? We had frost on the windshield this morning and I could smell many woodstoves burning as I drove....fall is so special.......many years ago that was how you could tell from a long way away if someone was home...if there was smoke from the chimmney or not.......I wish I had a fireplace...that is one thing I don't have at my house....I love a warm fire on a cool night.....all I do now is turn up the furnace....not quite the same........no that smell of burning wood almost forced me to drive right past work and look for a cabin in the woods. Then spend the day walking around enjoying nature.............. |
| I am not happy.......I ahve been struggling at work in the last 2-3 months to keep things on an even keel.....well it is not happening! I deal with some pretty tunnel visioned bosses and one wants out with as much money as he can....so he is not easy to deal with...the other thinks we have to find ways to work around this and pick up the slack for his inattention...as told him this mornig that I should not be exoected to step it up to do someone else's job.....I have enough to do...it did not go well...it fell back on me as if I am not doing my job.....I am doing some real soul searching here....I have to decide how to handle this problem the right way.....not sure what that is............ Oh...some good news....the dr had said that no matter what he was leaving the wires on my jaw for 12 weeks and suddenly yesterday, he said he was so impressed with my healling that he will take them off Nov 7...that's only 7 weeks... am I good or what???? Ski |
| I was answering a blog earlier and talked about the circle of life and the food chain. I touched on the subject of our existance and why we are here. It seems that if there is a hell, this place would sometimes qualify for it. I mean the world is so torn...All these different cultures and we all think ours is the right one. How could we all be right? I advocate peace and love but would have no problem standing up for my family if faced with danger. Does that make me bad? Or put me in the same catagory as the same people I so vividly disagree with? I am willing at times to drop to the level of the advasaries to protect what I believe in.....What if I am wrong? What if I just plain got the wrong values? What if I am protecting the wrong thing and I never learn the lesson I am here for. Yeah, I believe we are here for lessons, this is our school and if we don't learn then we keep coming back forever.....for---ever----- So where is the guide book that tells us what we need to believe and what we need to do? Yeah, no such thing.....so we can't prove who is right... we have no choice but to decifer the world around us and come to our own conclusion...... So what do you all think? Would you fight tooth and nail for your family or friend or country in danger, Even if you are a peaceful person? Or would you sit back and hope your love overpowers the world and solve it's problems? It is such a huge question....perhaps, if we really are on the right track, we should sit back and let the love fight for us. If that is true then I have not progressed as far as I thought. I have so much more to learn.....why is it we have to find these answers out ourself and then until we die, we still do not know if we were following the right path. How can people be so sure they are the right ones? What is it they have found that I have not? The preachers yell for us to follow them and use tha Lords name to convince us.......but some of them do not live what they preach -----our laws tell us something else and then 1000 different religions say yet another story........ I can only feel what I feel and step to the level I believe....what else can I do? |
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But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer. 