What a great story! I loved it and instantly feel in love with the ragman. I picture him to be in the minds of children an idol and intriguing, which is why they follow him. His horse I picture to be old and somewhat raggedy, the same as I picture the old man yet I see them as respecting and loving each other.
I enjoyed your poem and I thought the flow was nice. I could relate especially to "Yet slowly, but surely
You drew me in." I found this part to be partially simple and timeless. Something everyone will be able to relate to, yesterday, today and tomorrow.
I enjoyed your poem very much. I am glad you used this heartache to make you stronger and wrote about the strength you received from it instead of the disappointment so many focus on. Like the old saying, what doesn't break you will only make you stronger. Thanks for sharing.
You have great style and excellent flow. I enjoyed your poem and found it to be very uplifting and encouraging.
My favorite part was:
"break the silence that held you back
step out front, leadership you don't lack
follow your heart, let it lead the way
never return where you don't wanna stay"
The only thing I found was "an anazing flight." Did you mean "an amazing flight?"
I found your poem to be very interesting and the flow and rhyme were perfect great job, keep it up. If you had any mistakes, even a single typo, I missed it.
My favorite part is:
"So hold my hand as you go
For the way I do not know
Of life’s play I’ve grown quite bored
Now warm death is my reward"
Powerful! I loved your poem, the flow, the rhyme... simply perfect.
My favorite part is:
"THE WHIRLWIND TWIRLS AND CARRIES MY NAME.
THE BADGE OF THE WAREWOLF IS JUST THE SAME.
THE BITTERNESS OF THE WIND TRIES TO SPLIT ME IN TWO.
TO THE LORD I BOW MY HEAD AND ASK WHAT TO DO."
I would suggest that you retype your poem and only capitalize what needs to be and should be. Capitalizing everything takes away from your poem, in my opinion and your poem is way to good to have something taken away from it.
Very interesting and great characterization. I could see everything and felt like I was reading a book.
I don't have any suggestions, I didn't spot anything that needed to be changed or fixed. I think this is something you can develop into a short story or a book if you want.
One word, beautiful. I hope your teacher and class mates enjoyed your poem as much as I did. The only suggestion I have is for you to treasure these days. Where you are given writing assignments and a chance to shine. Life changes after school and many times writers aren't understood or appreciated. Oh, and follow your heart and your dreams. If you want to make a living as a professional writer, do so. Don't waste your time in jobs you will hate that will suck the life out of you. If writing is your passion, write!
You have a great poem and a wonderful style. The flow is perfect and I it is a pleasure to read.
As for suggestions, I only have a few:
In the third line, change "with" to will
Fourth line, "wifes" change to "wife's"
Fifth line, change "staine" to "stained"
You have an absolutely great style! I loved your poem and found it inspirational and uplifting. I wish the rest of the universe could see things the way we "artists" of all kind do. We seem to live in a world all our own and often time those who do not live there with us can be quite cruel.
I only have one suggestion, I would change "a simply harmony" to "simple harmony."
Thanks for sharing and for writing a poem I know many writers can relate to.
Touching, moving and beautiful. Thank you very much. I have a feeling you are one of soldiers and if I am right, than thank you very much. I owe the freedom, safety and ability to sleep at night that I and my family have to you and your friends. Thank you for risking your life to protect ours and our country. One day, the world will realize why you are doing your job but of course that won't happen until it is well written in the history books the same as with WWI & WWII.
If I'm wrong and you aren't one of our soldiers, thank you for writing such a moving poem about our troops.
I don't have any suggestions for improvements, if there were any, I didn't mistakes, I didn't notice.
As someone who lived through Hurricane Katrina and Rita and moved my family as to Wyoming as a result, thank you. As hard as people try, they can't truly understand what it was like or what really happened unless they lived through it. And without knowing anything about Louisiana politics, the culture and the true nature of the people those who are not from there will never really know what happened.
As for suggestions, I only have a few. Always capitalize God and in the last line, you have the first word as it and I believe you meant if.
Thank you for your beautiful poem. It touched me and I feel as though I was one of the people you were thinking about when you wrote it.
Your poem is nice and I enjoyed reading it. I'm sure this isn't what it's about but I can picture a little frail old man in a rocking chair, on a porch. I can see the cigarette in his hand and the smoke... He's weathered and tired and has lived a lot.
Powerful, moving and touching. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. I can't begin to imagine what that time period was like, here in America or in Europe. I pray there will never be another event experienced anywhere, anything like the Holocaust. I fear we will and possibly much worse though.
Oh, I remember those days. My friend's and I'd be in Biloxi or Florida... But those days are long gone. Thanks to Katrina, I'm 2,000 miles away from the beach. Safe from the hurricanes and fears.
Very nice and subtle. I enjoyed reading your poem. I thought it flowed well and had great style. The imagery was wonderful, especially the end. I was pleasantly surprised when the apple turned into a kiss.
Great job! I truly enjoyed your poem and I found the flow and style great.
I loved the first and last stances, they are great. My favorite though is:
"Am I asleep, Am I awake?
Glimpse at my dreams
Brings my fears to tears
No need to sleep
Now,
I am awake "
I enjoyed your poem but found some of it a little hard to understand. It didn't seem to flow all that well and I think that took away from it and was a contributing factor to the what I found hard to understand.
I really liked this part:
"Through darkness is light
Shining so bright"
Wow! Interesting and different. I liked your poem, and the style. I don't think I've read a poem quite like it before.
I was picturing a person who is unable to communicate or who is in a comma or a vegetative state until the end and I was surprised by the ending, but pleasantly so.
Very powerful and what an inspirition! In todays day and age, where there are still places where people are being pursecuded for openingly worshiping our Lord.
I enjoyed your poem and I liked your style and your writing is very good.
I like your style but I didn't get your poem. I'm confused about what it's about. While I enjoyed the feel of your work I couldn't create a picture and just drew a blank.
My suggestion would be to add some descriptive words that would explain what is going on that would not take away from what you are trying to say.
You want to be able to say what you need and want but yet people have to be able to understand what it is you are saying.
I wish you the best of luck, keep writing,
Tammatha
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/writertrc/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 4:02pm on Jun 26, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
