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Review Requests: ON
568 Public Reviews Given
574 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Overall impression, likes, suggestions, positive closing. I am honored to do reviews upon request, usually on the first day 2023 Quill Winner 2023 BEST REVIEWER
I'm good at...
...emphasizing positive things in addition to at least one suggestion2023 Quill Winner 2023 BEST REVIEWER
Favorite Genres
Biography, short stories, all styles of poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark because I am not fond of voluntarily being scared.
Favorite Item Types
True stories and experiences
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that scares me
I will not review...
I will review anything. I have reviewed books, however, they take a lot of time, the turnaround is longer than 3 days.
Public Reviews
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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shepard,

Now I am reviewing Tarot Project number 19-The Sun. Nearing the end of the deck of cards now I am looking forward to the last few cards. Each one has been new and fresh to me. I wondered if the sun would be bright yellow or perhaps orange. It looks to be gold. Sunlight is as precious as gold.

Illustration: The golden sunbeams are wonderful. The picture is one of strength without needing to make an effect of a blazing bright hot uns. The women, one robust and healthy, the other obviously spending too much time in the dark, symbolize the day and night of the sun. I like the geometric shape. The blue color of calmness matched the tenor of your poem.

Poem: This poem just sang its heart out. The rhyme was exact, the words right on. The contrast of night and day was delivered well. I liked that comparing warmth versus wickedness. No faults or errors to talk about.

Nice job, once again! Your talent shows through the first through present illustrations. I am not sure what order you painted in, but they are all matching what the card depicts.

tracker
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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello,
I found your story in Please Review. The title Terabytes and Graphene interested me.

Overall Impression: I liked your short story very much. It had a twist to it I did not expect. It is well-written with lots of dialogue. The relationship between the characters came out in their discussion. The end leaves the plot open to go anywhere in future chapters.

What I liked: I really appreciated the story being told in the present tense. That, in my opinion, is challenging. Again, it made your story appealing, and the conversation between Krim and Amber. I especially liked using the larger font. My favorite descriptive phrase was the blood that formed “as if it were yeast rising into bread.”

Issues: The word fascinating is misspelled. Possibly a typographical error that needs to be corrected.

Congratulations on the first chapter of your book. It hooked me, keeping my attention throughout the piece. I engaged with your protagonist Krim. The premise is believable. Please let me know when you post additional chapters. I would like to see what develops.

Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Zen,

I saw a note from you on Newsfeed and came to your port to look around. I was looking for a piece that had not been reviewed before. I was hooked by the title Description or Teaser? and stopped to read it. I am glad I did.

Overall impression: This piece is an excellent example of what an educational self-help article should look like. It is written like a story which is extremely appealing. Like a story, you provided a few examples of blurbs within the story. Those samples illustrated the points of using a description or a teaser in a blurb.

What I liked: I like the narrative. It has a terrific conversational tone that spirited me onto the next paragraph and the one following. Using the first person made it memorable. Storytelling throughout the ages was used for passing down personal experiences. Your short blurb was appropriate because it tells the reader what was in it for them. I will pass your story to my granddaughter who is in the process of editing a couple of her grandfather’s works.

Suggestion: I am concerned about the designated third genre. The category “other” does not tell the audience anything about the work. As you know, members often limit their reading to genres they are interested in. I would recommend you find a third more specific category. The one I like is career. The skill can be used in a work setting, giving presentations, for example. You need to get your audience excited about your content.

Great work! I would be enthusiastic to listen to you present a how-to instruction like this on a social platform like YouTube. I am taking college classes now where videos are frequently used to reinforce a theory. At the end, a book’s plot could be given then the audience would make up blurbs. Sharing a few of them would tell you if they were following the instructions you gave. Well done!

Write On!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am continuing to review your book of tarot cards for children. Number 18 is The Moon.

Illustration: The picture you created of the moon absolutely took my breath away when I saw it. The shade of blue is gorgeous. I was relieved it wasn’t made of green cheese. I feel like I am looking through crystal clear glass that is inviting. The detail is exquisite. It reminds me of a clear, brisk winter’s day. You captured the essence of the meaning of the Tarot card The Moon.

Poem: The poem is a finished, finite arrangement of words that flow together beautifully. I liked the rhyme and the choice of words. In particular, I liked the words “fleeting charms” for the upright side of the card. For the reverse “Blocks Moon’s cunning net gives a human emotion to an inanimate object. It gave me a good description of the thought behind the card.

Suggestion: I reread the third line in the second stanza several times. It felt a little off when I read it the first time. “a ruse which full enforced succeeded”. I hear an extra syllable. I think you could substitute the word succeeds for succeeded to make it eight syllables.

I think this card is superb. As the cards of been added one by one, each has been as good or better than the last. Congratulations!
Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review of The Wolf Speaks  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your story this morning when I was reading your newsfeed post. I noticed it has been reviewed. My thoughts for you here are my personal opinions. Please take what resonates with you and discard the rest.

Overall impression: The Wolf Speaks is an imaginative story. The anthropomorphized wolf is an endearing character as he helps the lost orphan to a better life.

What I liked: The construction of your story is excellent. I liked the first sentence hooking me into the world of the forest. I liked the balance of dialogue and narrative. Good character development stimulated my imagination with your specific descriptions like “Glowing crystal blue eyes.” Another one was the large wolf who was “grizzled with age.” I envisioned these animals as well as the elderly lady who wore “a blue calico dress, with pure white hair in a neat bun.”

Suggestion: I paused reading twice. One time at “scenic overlook” and the second time at “forever home.” Both are modern phrases I doubt existed in the post-Gold Rush timeframe. I thought of replacing the “scenic overlook” with something as we stopped at a precipice looking down far below. The “forever home” could be replaced with something like the warm, loving home where I would live out my days.

I adore this story. It contains an excellent hook, a wonderful creative plot, and memorable characters. You are a gifted writer in the way you put together a believable story that had me completely engaged. I appreciate you showing me, not telling me. the story. It was a pleasure to read.
Great job, Amethyst Angel. I will be back to read more of your work.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
We are up to the seventeenth card in your deck of Tarot cards for children. I will review the illustration first and then the poem. As always, these are my opinions. You are free to take what you resonate with and dismiss the rest.

Illustration: This is a wonderful depiction of the card called The Star. It is in the Major Arcana appearing after the Broken Tower. The stars appear as symbols of faith and hope. I like the way the night sky has several stars. The young girl is beautiful. She appears to be calm with no signs of undue stress or insecurity.

Poem: The poem has consistent rhyming lines. The descriptive characteristics of comfort, love, and mercy equate to the hope represented by the star. I liked that there didn’t need to be contractions to fit words in the meter. My favorite line is the first, “Sweet daughter of the midnight sky.”

Suggestion: The story describes one star. Maybe one of the stars, possibly the one in the upper right that would be shining down on her, could be brighter.

At this stage of the fool’s journey, it was important for hope to show up. The recent ruins and despair were the fool’s burden. To get him focused on moving ahead, he needed a positive outlook that was the Star representing hope and faith. This card is very pleasing to look at. The poem paints a clear picture of the meaning of this Tarot card.

Thank you for writing the solid poem and drawing that match the situation the fool finds himself in. You are a gifted artist and poet.

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The Broken Tower card in many decks is The Tower. It is the sixteenth Major Arcana card. The Broken Tower depiction is more closely compared to the ancient tarot card. There are many interpretations. I am reviewing the illustration and poem you have here.

Overall Impression: This is an accurate depiction of the Broken Tower card. It is literally a broken tower. It is said the tower door is the door to hell which is why it comes after the Devil in the deck.

The illustration: You captured the essence of this card in the perfect way it should be represented. A tower that is broken. The figures on the right and left have been interpreted as possibly Adam and Eve. I like the way you have them on separate sides leaning back as if to repulse the damage. The background appears to be outside on a moonlit night. You have a kind of arching possible half dome on it which gives the illusion it is covered leading to a questionable destination below ground. This is a very good one matching the story.

The poem: The interpretation of the story is right on. It is kind of a turn of the face care up being good, and card facing upside down the opposite. It follows a distinct poetic meter.

I did not detect and errors in composition. That is always welcome for the reader.

Another great page, Shepard. I was wondering if you wrote these in chronological order or skipped around. The further I read, the more solid are the results. Moving on to number seventeen tonight.

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am continuing to review your Tarot Project. This is number fifteen-the Devil.

Overall impression: I liked this page, both the illustration and the poem. You made the devil's work notable without making it sound scary.

Illustration: A most unique devil. Looks like he is the one who will judge your fate one way or the other. His face looks worn and wrinkled. He skin looks old. He appears proud and confident in who he is.

The poem is age-appropriate. It seemed simpler and easier to understand than others. The words met the rhyme scheme perfectly. The point of the card was very effective. I thought it was above the rest.

Mechanics: It looks perfect in all aspects of grammar,spelling, and syntax. Nothing comes to mind to add.

I loved this one. The message of the devil and the words very poetic meshed together perfectly. Nice job!

Looking forward to turning the page for #16.

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello WriterRick,

I was looking for a September contest to enter and saw you had the most recent entry posted for Intuey's First and Second Chance Contest. I took a peek and read your poem. It is my privilege to give you this review.

Overall Impression: The topic is universal. You make a good case for mortality. From where I sit, each moment is a miracle. Just writing this review is a moment in the making. Immortality would have to have a lot of conditions to be inviting to me.

What I like: Foremost the topic is thought-provoking. Active verbs and descriptive images contribute to a comfortable flow. Qualifying immortality as an “enigma” and a condition that “May yearn for a rest” where “Endless days may lose their vibrant hue” makes a case that mortality is preferable. I find that having less time does give more meaning to the time you have. The rhythm with the long syllable count is pleasing. Finding the exact words that rhyme has to be a challenge. Yet, the words you use seem like the ones that naturally fit. Reading the poem out loud gives it a full positive vibe. Each sentence is a thought unto itself. Each stanza is a small chapter in a larger story. All put together it is like an essay in favor of mortality. The supporting statements are convincing.

Mechanics: I liked the use of commas where they were necessary to complete thoughts mid-sentence. It tells the reader to briefly pause when it is natural to do so, rather than traditionally at the end of a line. The spelling, grammar, and organization are beyond reproach.

Suggestion: I am bothered by the title. The punctuation symbols look strange. I assume the symbols mean yes or no. It is unique, however, I would prefer words like perhaps Immortality-Yay or Nay.

Thank you for writing a poem of substance. It is a universal subject I think about from time to time. There is no question that embracing each moment of your life is one of the keys to happiness. You are a gifted writer and I am sure have an above-average chance to win the contest. I was curious if you wrote it specifically for this contest or if it is a poem you had already prepared.

Great job and as you always do, keep on writing!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review of Promptly Poetry  
Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Here is the long-anticipated review of a poem of my choosing, with a little pointing in the general direction of Promptly Poetry. Here is my review of "The Great Bookie in the Sky."

Overall impression: I was drawn to the title. My beloved late brother was a professional gambler. I knew it screamed at me to read and review. It was nothing and everything and more than I expected.

I liked the overuse of the word nothing. I drove home the belief that nothing is not something so it must be void of anything. I am saying that your words stimulated my mind. My thoughts were racing to take in the ideas each line showcased. You know how to weave your words to do that. Your writing nuances and finesse were evident throughout.

My favorite phrase, and no truer words were ever written: "There's no prize for being right."

I challenge any and all comers to find a grammatical, spelling, or syntax error in anything you have written. I see none.

I was off put looking at the poem as a whole for the first time. Thirty-on lines of free verse until my eyes were given a brief rest of a break to read the last 2 lines. This was a rush to judgment I quickly abandoned.

I liked the concept, story, supporting players, and most of all the execution. This reader of the Christian faith read with interest as the case for the nothing that ends at the beginning believes it is plausible. Including the reader as your friend "mon ami" was a clever way to wrap the entire poem's meaning as a gift.

Congratulations on a sophisticated, thought-provoking poem. Right on and Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jay,
Here is my member-to-member raid review of "The Discipline of Aging Well" which I picked because I wanted to find something helpful in my own aging journey.

Impressions: The title hooked me because I wanted to know what aging looked like in your experience. The common poetry rhyming scheme first, third and second, fourth never fails to please me.

Suggestion: Take a second look at the two contractions: "wond'ring" and "this'un." They seem out of place and not consistent with the rest of the words in the poem. I think they were shrunk down just to meet the line's syllable count. Perhaps another word with the correct number of syllables would work better. I am not sure what the lines about a QA mean.

I enjoyed reading your take on the aging process and how it impacts lives at a particular stage. I never have to worry about running out of something new to read at your place.

Write On!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on a special contest. I am a whiz at these. Unfortunately, I did not notice the contest until the countdown appeared in my newsfeed.

What I liked: The color scheme you used in the rules and regulations was eye-catching and appealed to me. I liked the countdown digital clock. I really liked the length of the words. The colorful collectible trinket was a bonus just for me stopping by.

Things I would like to see: I would like to know where this was promoted. The notes were revised which I found confusing as one who came late. I would have liked to see it in Schnujo's Contest Challenge which is one place many look. It is not clear if the two sets of words are separate so there are winners for each set or if the word count is combined.

Technically everything looks in tip-top shape! Great job!

I am thrilled you made up an anagram contest. It is one of my favorite games. I had fifty-one minutes to work on it. I take ownership for not seeing it and hope this is an ongoing contest.

Kudos to you, Amy Jo, for all the time and work invested in this terrific contest.

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Shepard,

This review is about your Tarot card number 14, Temperence. Your descriptive note states “The paradox of peace and force.” The descriptions you write on each one of your cards are valuable giving me the gist of that particular card.

Illustration: Your image of Temperance is one of calm and peace. She does not draw attention to herself. She is busy possibly pruning a tree to keep it in the right perspective. I feel peaceful when I look at it here. The colors are calming and her body on both sides is even, balanced. Her face is unique with her long slender face. Another appropriate picture to match the poem.

Poem: The contrast between temperance, commonly referring to alcohol consumption, and the force of doing something without constraint has consequences. The poem suggests there are evil forces that will disavow calm. People will go to an extreme, like drinking too much, and have consequences up to and including death.

I noticed two things needing corrections. One is in the last line. “A warriors felled.” It should be a singular possessive of a warrior’s fall, perhaps. The title of this page is misspelled. Temperence should be Temperance.

I feel temperance can be taught at a very early age to show people a successful way to live. It helps you have a reading on not being overzealous about one thing. It dominates your thoughts as you wonder how much is too much? How do you keep things balanced without failing the test of temperance?

You did a great job finding the right words that fit into the syllable pattern comparing living life in moderation as opposed to one that gets out of control and faces serious consequences.

Write on!
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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jay,

I was browsing your portfolio this afternoon. I want to keep up with each of my favorites. Your highlighted items caught my eye. That is how I came to review “See You in the Morning, Mom!”

Overall Impression: I was immediately attracted to your poem because it was in large bold print. It is centered on the page so there is a definite symmetrical pattern. Before I started, I was hooked. Your description says clearly you have written this poem about losing your mom. I liked the description because it prepared me for your poem.

What I liked: I like the rhythm and rhyme. The alternating 8 and 6-syllable lines were enough to express your thoughts. At times poems of tribute are much longer syllables to lavish praise and give descriptive reasons why the person meant so much. You had so much to say about your wonderful mother. She certainly was engaged in your life. I loved the variety of activities you did together. You took great care with word selection. I know that because every line had active verbs and specific adjectives that conveyed your feelings. For example, “Remember vinyls great!”

Suggestions: Help me out with a few things. Please help me understand what Picardy is. I missed the thought because I was confused. The plethora of exclamation points showed your enthusiasm and convictions. For me, there were too many. Frankly, your words are so strong you don’t need exclamation points at all. The last question I have is about the line “Our efforts aren’t the soap.” The negative word stopped me cold because if it wasn’t soap what was it? I suggest since the first 3 lines start with Remember, Use the first word remember for the fourth line with something like Remember joy invokes.

Congratulations on a polished poem with no technical errors.

It was an honor to read your poem about your relationship with your mom. Knowing you will be reunited is the joyous message I took away. I see you share your writing every day in our newsfeed. That is something to emulate.

Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello elephantsealer,

I saw your note in the August 2023 Drama newsletter. You spoke about who helped you settle into WDC. My response is similar to yours. I would say, without hesitation, that every registered author here is supportive and more than receptive to questions. Feedback is plentiful. The positives are what keep me coming back. When I see a name that is new to me, I turn to their portfolio to learn more about them. I browsed yours and was drawn to the title “The Heart Remembers”.

Overall Impression: Unequivocally a work of art. The way you told your story resonated with me. The word selections are right on. The opening line hooked me with the image of a tattered heart. The image was brilliant based on the poem’s context.

“The Heart Remembers” gave me pause to think about my own fears that are “deep down”. Expressing “the errors of choice” or messing up decisions made along life’s path, is just one of countless memorable phrases. Owning up to your decisions, not blame-shifting to some random force being the cause of failed opportunities, was honest and believable.

I have a weak suggestion the poem could be a little lighter on the dark feelings about the past. It is made up with the hope and enlightenment of the closing lines.

I loved your poem. It flowed with logical transitions. Each description showed me the cause and effects without just telling me. Thank you for the depth of thought and the expert way your words evoked a response in me. I have a positive feeling despite the “sun dim” and groping your way out of not just dust, but “foggy dust.” I will end here. I could write a short story describing how each stanza was just right. I wish you continued success in your writing.

Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Shepard,

I am reviewing your number XIII tarot card “Death”. Drawing the death card in a Tarot reading makes people anxious. It may not mean the death of a person. It could be the end of a relationship, a job, or one of life’s passages.

Illustration: Your illustration is outstanding! Kudos to you for capturing the vision of death’s ugliness. The baby in the picture is a new aspect I have not seen before. The Grim Reaper is often depicted with the head covered showing only two red eyes. The skeletal head represents what physically happens when one dies. The way you curved the scythe has it looking extremely sharp.

Poem: Your poem matched what was depicted in your picture. I like the active verbs reclaim and transform. I liked the last two lines of each stanza rhyming. When I read out loud the words cease and release, as well as blight and strife the actions are clear and precise. There are no technical problems.

Overall impression: The Death card as you illustrated it and wrote how it manifests itself was one of the best. The action of reclaiming lives was presented as a normal fact of life. This is a very strong card. I noticed the Reeper and all of the action happens in the center. There are no extraneous characters or plants or the sun or moon to distract you.

I enjoyed seeing and reading your thirteenth Tarot card. Did you place it in the thirteenth place on purpose? It is supposed to be an unlucky number.

Write on!

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#1300305 by Maryann

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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi again,
Justice conjures up the scales that represent truth and lies leaning toward guilt or innocence.

Your illustration using the child as the base of the scales was as unexpected as wonderful. Children are keen on knowing what is true and what is false. It fits perfectly in a children's book. They know what is fair or not. They are also judge and jury over injustices of their peers. I personally like the interpretation of lady justice.

The poem states when fair is fair, the scales are in balance. If they are disrupted then the consequences are "harsh". It vocalizes the need for truth with the opposite caused by "ignorance" and "lies".

I was watching the current wheels of justice being played out in public view with our former POTUS. It is not by accident the Tarot represents life. Justice is ensured in our Pledge of Allegiance for all. I noticed the child's face shows no bias for one side or the other.

Great job on this card. Your poems and illustrations tell life's story in a unique way. I like it. I am over half-way. I plan to pick up the pace to give you my impressions of the remaining cards one after another. Thanks for your patience.

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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Shepard,

The Wheel of Fortune is an important card in the Arcana. It is pretty much black and white. The premise is your life's path is set at birth. There are chances to change it but by doing so you face obstacles. It may be the answer to why some people have good luck, and others have done everything right but still have no luck.

The illustration naturally has a wheel. The compass-like circle in the middle is even and consistent. The outside of the wheel has what looks like a circle broken up by turns of fate. The fall colors remind me that even after more than half of you life is done, the wheel can "backwards spin".

In your poem I feel life moving through stages of life. Through seasons of the life plan, set at birth, a life is on track. If we try to tempt fate things will definitely go amiss. The word "steadfast" is the ticket to make luck last. If you make change or "go backwards" on the plan, things will go "amiss".

The page is nice and balanced. There is a action vs reaction element of life that can interrupt life's path. Families, for example, may do well until someone loses a job and their fate changes. The wheel of fortune exists to recognize that bad things happen through no fault of our own.

Another solid page to represent the Wheel of Fortune. I think the patten of your illustration would make a beautiful hand sewn quilt.

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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shepard,

I am reviewing "The Hermit" page of your project. I could tell immediately I liked this card.

Illustration: I like the look of the hermit. He appears mediative and contemplative. I was not sure the significance of the egg until I read teh poem. I like to see the hermit in a spread because it means to slow down. One strategy in life is to stop and find your inner self.

Poem: I like the pattern of this poem. Rhyming lines 2,4, 6, and 8 feels rhythmic. The egg analogy, ie: egg on your face matches the card reversed. If you are introspective too long, there lies danger.

Great job with the picture. I like the ones that have bright primary colors. He doesn't seem so mystical that way. Written without any errors I could detect, the only suggestion I have is to let it stand. Congratulations on once again letting your creativity shine through.

tracker
295
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Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Shepard,
I am back to review Fortitude in your Tarot Project. This card in the major arcana is often designated as Strength.

Impression of your illustration: The daughter of the flaming sword is stunning. The flames are contained, not wild, which is a source of her strong mindedness. The blue cape is nice. Her tall hair gives her stature. One part I don't quite understand are the five feathers on her head. I am sure I see a lion superimposed around the flame. The lion is superior and the epitome of strength. It appears in all the decks I have seen. It is definitely a major source of her strength and Fortitude.

This poem is great as it stands. It has an even 7,5,7,5 syllable pattern. I see no mistakes. It just sings when I read it out loud. It is one more thing that makes her strong because it is balanced.

Fortitude's traits are strong and reflect that way in the picture. The only area confusing me are the feathers. This is another fine card.

Suggestion: In marketing your book I think it would be fantastic to have decks of your cards made up and sold with the book. People I know who read Tarot have told me the visual of the cards and accompanying book is what draws them to buy that particular deck.

Once again I commend you on the job your are doing. The precision and detail of the drawings is the draw of the project. Great job on both aspects with I found fascinating.

tracker
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#1300305 by Maryann

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296
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Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I was looking around WDC and somewhere saw you won a prompt contest. I came to look at your entries in your book Synaptic Snaps, Crackles and Snaps. I looked at the long list of entries. "Able to Leap Tall Buildings" caught my eye. I wanted to know who, what, when, where, and how it happened. I have just spent an hour reading everything I can about the athlete you mentioned named Duplantis, then Dick Fosbury, the high jumper who jumped with his back over the bar first, who just passed away on the 12th of this month, and Bob Beamon the phenomenal Olympic long jumper. It seems to me it was a more exciting time for sports fans back then. The athletes seemed humble and appreciative. Your portfolio of writing projects is amazing. Nice job!

What I liked: I like your conversational style of writing. You seem to be talking directly to me and noone else. I like you incorporating humor like when you said the 20 year old will be 70 before he knows it. The personal story about you and your brother told me something about your willingness to try anything.

Technically, there appears to me two words you connected together. I think for the word pennynails it should be written as two words penny nails. Nothing else seemed amiss.

Suggestion: This is entry #138. I think it would make a successful published book. The title could be Scribbling by Soldier Mike.

I am happy I stopped by. You have a great sense of humor. You have a conversational style. I thoroughly enjoyed the read!

Write On!

tracker
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#1300305 by Maryann

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297
297
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Shepard,

I have come to the seventh of twenty-one pages for your book. I looked at the illustration, the poem, and the overall impression.

Illustration: When I first looked, I thought the chariot was a wheelchair. In the previous pictures, the positive side was primary. The flip side was superimposed. It may help to have some outline of the part of the chariot the man stands in.

Poem: The message of balance was clear. I read it out loud a few times and could not get the first stanza to flow. When you say it, the third line does not come naturally. By that I mean the phrase “well set spin” is a tongue twister. I would suggest something like well set turn instead. The last line feels like it should say with much instead of in much.

I like the way your illustrations match what is happening in your poems. The four corners look like secure hinges which had me feeling the chariot was a sure way to be balanced in whatever life presents you. Another fine addition to your tarot card collection

Write on!

tracker

"disABILITY WRITERS GROUP" 
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298
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Review of Dreamer  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Dave,

This was such a moving story. The build-up to the lucid moments was palpable. The imagery, like "Like a fleeting glimpse of the sun between dark rainclouds" is outstanding.

We do need to talk about end-of-life issues. The choice should be available everywhere. The cost of care to extend the lives of so many terminally ill patients is massive. I really liked the way you have Rob wrestling with the strain of visiting and seeing his brother deteriorate. It lays the groundwork for the ending where Rob will fulfill his brother's wishes. It is harder on the Robs of the world to witness than for the person suffering the disease.

Here are a couple of thoughts I had:

Putting the lyrics first, without explanation, had me confused. I would put the opening sentence first
“Rob sat patiently as his elder brother hummed softly to himself”. It is a strong hook. It then begs for the lyrics.

“The thought had of course crossed his mind,” I would delete “of course”. It sounds like I should have known it crossed his mind when I really didn’t.

Nicely written, Dave. It was a story with a strong message. It was a great reminder to me that there are visits like Rob and Jack’s going on right now. I congratulate you for entering the contest. For me, it was award-winning!

Keep on writing. I enjoy reading your work immensely!

tracker
"disABILITY WRITERS GROUP" 
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299
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Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Just a quick review to tell you in this appropriate way, through a review, that you are doing an awesome job here at WDC. I appreciate your commitment to reviewing. It is the biggest thing that attracted me to get involved. Receiving this award from the wonderful Angel Army group is commendable.

Jumping in with both feet and participating in our community with enthusiasm is terrific! If you have a question or concern, we have a technical and a non-technical forum where you can ask your question. The Get Started and Writing.Com 101 guides provide procedural information.

Congratulations on your award. I encourage you to continue to write and review. I suggest setting a reviewing goal. I have a goal of two reviews per day. Please feel free to use me as a resource. The gift points attached to this review are in appreciation of the positivity you are displaying here at WDC. Thank you for everything you do!

Write On!

tracker
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Review of Vivvy Meets Vicky  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SandraLynn,
As promised here is my review of "Vivvy meets Vicky". I have been on WdC for seven years, yet, only became active at the beginning of this year. I have given seventy-three reviews. It is so much a focus here and something I enjoy doing.

Overall Impression: You have a great title. It drew my attention because my name is either Vivian or Vicky. I see this was a contest entry apparently with words to incorporate into your story. And a creative, unique story it is. I loved it.

What I liked: I like stories with dialogue. Yours allowed me to know your characters intimately and quickly. The descriptions were vivid. I can picture the two having a conversation at a dealership. I have purchased a car on my own. I can relate to his “shtick”. Highlighting the plot first, it was amazing to learn so much from a short meeting with a salesman and his mark.

Your piece has the mark (alternate definition) of a super, gifted writer. In choosing a story, I saw award-winning ones. It was refreshing to read a comedic story. It is technically flawless. The stereotypical words "the chubby, balding man" used to describe “Vivvy” were right on target. It has not been that long ago I was called ‘young lady’. I guess it was supposed to make a Septuagenarian swoon.

Your writing style is engaging. I was left wanting more and that is what we writers strive for. Congratulations on sharing your gift of outstanding narrative and dialogue. The way you put them together made for an enjoyable time spent reading them. I encourage you to write a piece tout suite!

Write on!

tracker
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#1300305 by Maryann

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