I enjoyed your little poem about winter. You have painted some very nice and compelling images.
Your poem has a nice rhythm and flow to it. It has a nice theme and sentiment which is easy for the reader to relate to. I found not grammatical errors.
I enjoyed your little gogyohka poem on what life means to you. It has an interesting sentiment.
You have done a good job with this form. I think I would have placed a comma after both the first and second lines. That would have made the poem flow better for me.
I enjoyed reading your most excellent peom about poetry, and what poetry is. You have answered the question well. Congratulations on winning the "Little Bit of Poetry" for this round.
Well, definitely no complaints. No errors of any kind. Nice free form poem with good rhythm and flow.
I enjoyed reading your poem. It has a nice theme and sentiment.
Your couplets have nice rhymes, and the poem has a good rhythm and flow.
Just a few minor things:
The hope of years surrounding me - comma or semi-colon after this line
Children with their mischief smiles - comma after this line
Crayola portraits stacked in piles - comma after this line
Ages different, spirits wild - comma after this line
Unique is every single child - semi-colon after this line
With love or hate; They matter much. - They should not be capitalized
We can't know now whom they will save - comma after this line
I look around and smile through tears - comma after this line
I enjoyed reading your very interesting essay. I thought it was interesting the way you seemed to skip from one idea to another, but still had the seem theme throughout.
I am glad you broke the piece up like you did, otherwise it might have been hard to follow.
I really enjoyed your haiku/acrostic poem "Bonsai." I am impressed with the way you combined these two so different forms into such a nice little poem.
You have obviously followed the forms of both well. Your haiku are really nice. Your little poem has a good rhythm and flow, and a pleasant theme.
I enjoyed reading your poem "Troubador." It has a good theme and sentiment, and one which I can relate to as a musician myself. People are always telling me I should play here or there, or this or that. I play what I love, and make no apologies for it. I know I am good at what I do. But if I were to change a lifetime of that, where would it lead?
I am rambling, so on to the mechanics.
You have well-constructed verses and good rhymes. Your poem has a good rhythm and flow. No grammatical or spelling errors. Good job.
I really enjoyed your micro fiction story about love. It has an interesting theme and a good sentiment. I think you have said a lot in this short piece, and you have said it beautifully and with respect.
On to the mechanics. Although not a poem, the piece does have a nice flow. An interesting plot, as I have said, and good development of characters in such a short story.
I really enjoyed reading your poem "birds fly". Good theme.
You have done a great job with the English Tanka form. Don't know that you can really say it has much of a rhythm in such a short poem, but it does flow nicely.
I really enjoyed reading your poem "If I weren't afraid". It has a good theme and a sentiment with which I am sure your readers can connect. I especially liked the last line: I would be able to let others shine their light upon me. How often we limit ourselves and miss out on the beauty and blessings of the life around us.
This is a good free form poem. It has a nice rhythm and flow. No grammatical or spelling errors.
Enjoyed reading your poem 'Resolutions'. This is an interesting form which I have not encountered before. You have done a good job with it. I especially like the middle free from verse. It has such a lovely image - promises written in spider silk.
Your poem has a good rhythm and flow. No grammatical errors. Good job.
I really loved your poem "Between Worlds." I can certainly agree with the sentiment in it. How often people try to live our lives for us. And you have given me a new idea, of jumping off and living in another reality.
Good free form poem, with excellent rhythm and flow.
I enjoyed reading your poem and tribute to you sweet cat Diamond. It has a good theme and sentiment. The title of course fits the poem, as it is the name of the subject.
There are a few problems with the rhythm and flow of the poem. Since you are writing quatrains with rhyming couplets. The number of syllables in your lines are a bit sloppy.
Silk in his shiny fur coat, - in this line, I think "Silk IS his shiny coat" goes better with the other lines in this verse.
The World is how smart— - This line does not make sense.
Diamond is an originality. - I realize you are trying to rhyme here, but this line also needs some work. Maybe "Diamond in his originality." would work better.
I really loved reading your poem and tribute to your dad. What a beautiful theme and sentiment, and what lovely images you have painted. Your poem has a sad tone to it. How sad that we do lose touch sometimes with those who mean the most. I guess that is part of life and part of growing up. But the love and the lessons, and the memories will always be there. I hope you have lots of pictures of your dad to share with your sons. Write down all the stories, lest they be forgotten.
Good rhythm and flow.
I am an child adult, selfish to admit - I think this should be "a child"
Other than that no grammatical or spelling errors.
It is a good free form poem, and has a nice rhythm and flow.
The theme is nice, and the poem has a rather sad tone. I was not sure rather this was about your mother, or an imaginary mother. It seemed a bit confusing. And why has she had a fraudulent, wasted life? I think you could expand on this a bit more.
Just a couple grammatical errors:
I can image her lost in a desert, - should be "imagine"
Why weren’t I cut like the others? - should be "wasn't"
I really loved your poem about the old ones, how they used to feel, and how they now feel as they are about to depart life for a heavenly place. This poem has a wonderful theme and sentiment. You have done a good job. The poem has a nice rhythm and flow.
i see that you are not an native english speaker, so I will correct some of the obvious errors for you.
I soon to come to my winter, - I soon come to my winter
Lying in bed I dreamt of pass. - dreamed of the past
I enjoyed so much like you do; - I enjoyed so much, like you do
I am mostly infatuated, - I was often infatuated
I was once also a youth,
but time goes by and found myself crooked. - but time goes by and now I am crooked, (sounds better )
I hope that you wont be so cold; - won't
Can you read for me?
Cause my eyes can't see. - 'cause
even though my voice can't be hear. - heard
waiting for my fort coming death. - forthcoming (one word)
My father is also from Philippines, from Santo Domingo, Ilocos Norte. I do not speak any Ilocano though. My mom is English. Where are you from? nice to meet you.
Best Wishes, Cynaemon
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