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Public Reviews
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701
Review of Confined  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Trach,

I enjoyed reading your interesting short story.

You have developed your main character well, and have made the reader feel his emotions and feeling at being trapped by his illness. You have painted a picture in words of this man's day.

I think at times you have tried almost too hard to make the reader feel.

" Miss Anne’s hands, so soft and delicate lifted my gaze to hers. Her face was as complicated as the folds of an elegant origami flower, and rumpled so as to show the wisdom of old-age. :

For example, in the above sentence, you cold have ended it at "flower". To add the next part makes it almost redundant.

Still a good effort.

Best Wisehs, Cynaemon
702
702
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Mom5,

I enjoyed your poem on 'growing up' and depending on God. I can really identify with the sentiment of your poem.

It has an intresting construction. I wonder why you didn't write it in Quatrains instead of two line verses. That makes it seem really broken up to me, as the couplets do not rhyme. I also think I would have used the phrase "a child, no more, I am" only as the last line, and said something else for the third to the last line. It would have given it more impact.

Best Wishes, Cynaemon
703
703
Review of Dolphins' Dance  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Mad,

Loved your little poem about dolphins. I love to go and watch them play. You have really captured there joy, and also the joy of anyone who has had the experience of watching them.

Congrats on your win also. I was glad to see it was on Jan. 12th, as that is my birthday. LOL

I am not that familiar with this form, but I like the rhythm and flow of your little poem.

Best Wishes, Cynaemon
704
704
Review of For Loving Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, E. Sokoli,

This is an interesting little poem. I find it a bit confusing as I didn't really see anything that was bad. Perhaps you need to tell the reader a little more.

'with' is misspelled in the first line, and in the third line, I think the word should be 'know', not 'known'.

Keep writing. :)

Cynaemon
705
705
Review of Last Bus To Hell  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi, tendomerel,

I enjoyed reading your interesting little poem about a bus ride. I especially liked the surprise ending where Satan turns out to be a "she "and not a "he". That was a nice
twist.

You have done a good job with this free form poem, and I see no obvious mechanical errors.

Keep up the good work. Best Wishes, cynaemon
706
706
Review of Dreamland  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Kj,

I really enjoyed reading your poem "Dreamland". I wrote my first poem when I was ten, and it was not nearly as good, or as comprehensive as this one.

It is done in a nice free form style and really has a nice flow and rhythm.

Keep up the good work.

Best Wishes, Cynaemon

707
707
Review of Gloriana  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, High,

I enjoyed reading your poem about Gloriana. You have captured it well. I can see the ship sailing, can feel the salt spray and can hear the gulls screaming.

You have done a good job with this free form poem. I see no obvious grammatical or spelling errors

Keep up the good work. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
708
708
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Bdot,

I really enjoyed your ekphrastic poem. I find myself wanting to see the picture which inspired it. It must have been very interesting!

I see no obvious mechanical errors in your poem. You have done a good job with this free form poem.

Best wishes, Cynaemon

709
709
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Dorianne,

You have written a nice little sijo style poem. I see you have written it in modern form, splitting the lines, but you do follow the 14 - 16 syllables.

Rivulets that joins some others
And begins a great trip

I think that in these two lines it should be "join" and "begin", rather than "joins" and "begins". It sounds better to me to say
rivulets join. Just my perception though.

good job. Best Wishes, Cynaemon
710
710
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Beowulf, This is a very interesting poem. I wonder what King Henry would really say if he visited you some night. I am not sure why his visit would have brought tears to your eyes.

The poem is fine as far as it goes, but I find myself wanting a final verse. It seems incomplete to me. Other than that it has a nice rhythm and flow.

Keep up the good work.

Best Wishes, Cynaemon
711
711
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, L.V., I really enjoyed your poem, as this particular story is one of my favorites. You have done a good job with your subject.

There are a few lines which I find either too short or too long, and these break the rhythm and flow of the poem.


Specifically the three following lines come to mind:

and watched the moon rise - too short
and I wandered off into the wood - too short
With each step I took the voice was stronger - too long

Good job.

Best Wishes, Cynaemon
712
712
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Lady Brendragon,

I really enjoyed reading your poem, and can certainly identify with the sentiment of having someone there just to listen.

Your poem was a bit hard for me to follow. It needed more punctuation for the reader to be comfortable. For example, in this line

"time seems to linger minutes turn to hours"

I would have put a comma after the word 'linger'. There are several other instances like this in your poem.

Best Wishes, Cynaemon
713
713
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Davy Kraken,

Thanks so much for your great poem and imaginary description of a black hole. It sounds almost like you have been there. I wrote a piece about my favorite place, which was inside a star.

I liked the way you use different line lengths. They worked well in this poem.

Great job. Cynaemon

714
714
Review of Under the Bed  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Starr,

I really enjoyed reading your poem on what is lurking under the bed. I have no such problem with montsers. I have so much junk under the bed, the monsters will no longer fit. LOL.

Anyway, I liked the free form of your poem, and also so no grammatical or spelling errors.

Best Wishes, Cynaemon
715
715
Review of Winter Moments  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, keys to my karma,

I really liked your poem. It has an easy flow and rhythm to it. I especially liked the lines:

and the comfort
of a kitten's purr

I am a cat lover and can identify with snuggling up to a kitty on a cold winter's day.

I saw no obvious grammatical or spelling errors.

Great job.

Best Wishes, Cynaemon
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716
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Kare,

Wow! This is an awsome poem! I like the free form and the flow of your poem. I loved the way you dragged out the name tsunami over three verses. I loved the sensuousness of this poem, and I liked the subject.

I think this is one of the best poems I have read on writing.com.

You will enjoy reading my poem "An Ode on Extinction".

Best Wishes, Cynaemon
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717
Review of Reflected Beauty  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Ken, I was delighted with your very short lantern poem. It really captures the moment beautifully and describes the picture well. And after reading it, I think it could easily stand alone withouth the picture.

You have done a good job with the lantern from also.

Best wishes, Cynaemon
718
718
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Tracey, I liked your short poem on summer.

You have written two nicely rhyming quatrains. I liked your rhymes and the flow of your poem. I would have liked to see you expand on your theme though. In the first verse you are at a park or a place with grass, and then suddenly you are at the beach. Are there more places where you enjoy summer? Maybe you could explore them too.

Best wishes with your writing. Cynaemon
719
719
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Alianne,

This is an interesting little poem about a rose. I like the way it is constructed. It has a nice flow and rhythm, and keeps the reader interested. I think it would be intersting to set this poem to music. I am not quite sure that is a limerick, but that is okay.

Best wishes, Cynaemon
720
720
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Marilyn, This is really a nice little poem. I like the sentiment,and I especially like the really short lines in the poem. They are almost like little raindrops falling. I think that really worked for this poem, rather than having long lines.

Best wishes, Cynaemon
721
721
Review of On Writing  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Lucid Pen,

This is a very nice etheree poem, and I see you have done a good job with the syllable count. As I have only recently been introduced to this poetic form, I cannot judge to harshly. But I do think the poem's meaning is lost in the last four lines, at least for me.

Perhaps you were trying too hard to write an etheree :). Anyway, I am going to try my hand at this form, as it is probably harder than it looks.

Best Wishes, noelanicat
722
722
Review of A Zephyr's Kiss  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Calli,

This is a very nice poemand you have done an excellent job. I can see you have done some research before writing this. Your poem really stops and makes the reader think.

You are way beyond being a "beginner". Welcome to our community. I hope you will be here for a long time.

Best wishes, cynaemon
723
723
Review of In Silence I walk  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Lady Arawaine.

Thanks so much for a beautiful poem about silence, and congratulations on being included in the Spiritual Newsletter.

This poem has a nice rhythm and flow, and the reader is really touched as she walks along the silent path with you.

Best wishes, and keep writing. noelanicat
724
724
Review of On Angel's Wings  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Jammermomma,

What a beautiful and loving tribute to your Mom.

I love the way this poem gives one a glimpse into the author's heart and mind.

It rhymes well and has a really nice flow. Keep up the good work.

Best Wishes and keep writing., noelanicat
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725
Review of My Grandmother  Open in new Window.
Review by Cynaemon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Big,

Thank you for such a beautiful and profound poem. You must have loved her very much.

I love the way this poem makes you stop and think.

My own grandmother lived to be 100, and I lived with her. I wrote a poem for her also: "She Gave Me the Song".

Best Wishes and Keep writing. noelanicat
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