You have developed your main character well, and have made the reader feel his emotions and feeling at being trapped by his illness. You have painted a picture in words of this man's day.
I think at times you have tried almost too hard to make the reader feel.
" Miss Anne’s hands, so soft and delicate lifted my gaze to hers. Her face was as complicated as the folds of an elegant origami flower, and rumpled so as to show the wisdom of old-age. :
For example, in the above sentence, you cold have ended it at "flower". To add the next part makes it almost redundant.
I enjoyed your poem on 'growing up' and depending on God. I can really identify with the sentiment of your poem.
It has an intresting construction. I wonder why you didn't write it in Quatrains instead of two line verses. That makes it seem really broken up to me, as the couplets do not rhyme. I also think I would have used the phrase "a child, no more, I am" only as the last line, and said something else for the third to the last line. It would have given it more impact.
Loved your little poem about dolphins. I love to go and watch them play. You have really captured there joy, and also the joy of anyone who has had the experience of watching them.
Congrats on your win also. I was glad to see it was on Jan. 12th, as that is my birthday. LOL
I am not that familiar with this form, but I like the rhythm and flow of your little poem.
This is an interesting little poem. I find it a bit confusing as I didn't really see anything that was bad. Perhaps you need to tell the reader a little more.
'with' is misspelled in the first line, and in the third line, I think the word should be 'know', not 'known'.
I enjoyed reading your interesting little poem about a bus ride. I especially liked the surprise ending where Satan turns out to be a "she "and not a "he". That was a nice
twist.
You have done a good job with this free form poem, and I see no obvious mechanical errors.
I enjoyed reading your poem about Gloriana. You have captured it well. I can see the ship sailing, can feel the salt spray and can hear the gulls screaming.
You have done a good job with this free form poem. I see no obvious grammatical or spelling errors
You have written a nice little sijo style poem. I see you have written it in modern form, splitting the lines, but you do follow the 14 - 16 syllables.
Rivulets that joins some others
And begins a great trip
I think that in these two lines it should be "join" and "begin", rather than "joins" and "begins". It sounds better to me to say
rivulets join. Just my perception though.
Hi, Beowulf, This is a very interesting poem. I wonder what King Henry would really say if he visited you some night. I am not sure why his visit would have brought tears to your eyes.
The poem is fine as far as it goes, but I find myself wanting a final verse. It seems incomplete to me. Other than that it has a nice rhythm and flow.
Thanks so much for your great poem and imaginary description of a black hole. It sounds almost like you have been there. I wrote a piece about my favorite place, which was inside a star.
I liked the way you use different line lengths. They worked well in this poem.
I really enjoyed reading your poem on what is lurking under the bed. I have no such problem with montsers. I have so much junk under the bed, the monsters will no longer fit. LOL.
Anyway, I liked the free form of your poem, and also so no grammatical or spelling errors.
Wow! This is an awsome poem! I like the free form and the flow of your poem. I loved the way you dragged out the name tsunami over three verses. I loved the sensuousness of this poem, and I liked the subject.
I think this is one of the best poems I have read on writing.com.
You will enjoy reading my poem "An Ode on Extinction".
Hi, Ken, I was delighted with your very short lantern poem. It really captures the moment beautifully and describes the picture well. And after reading it, I think it could easily stand alone withouth the picture.
You have done a good job with the lantern from also.
You have written two nicely rhyming quatrains. I liked your rhymes and the flow of your poem. I would have liked to see you expand on your theme though. In the first verse you are at a park or a place with grass, and then suddenly you are at the beach. Are there more places where you enjoy summer? Maybe you could explore them too.
This is an interesting little poem about a rose. I like the way it is constructed. It has a nice flow and rhythm, and keeps the reader interested. I think it would be intersting to set this poem to music. I am not quite sure that is a limerick, but that is okay.
Hi, Marilyn, This is really a nice little poem. I like the sentiment,and I especially like the really short lines in the poem. They are almost like little raindrops falling. I think that really worked for this poem, rather than having long lines.
This is a very nice etheree poem, and I see you have done a good job with the syllable count. As I have only recently been introduced to this poetic form, I cannot judge to harshly. But I do think the poem's meaning is lost in the last four lines, at least for me.
Perhaps you were trying too hard to write an etheree :). Anyway, I am going to try my hand at this form, as it is probably harder than it looks.
This is a very nice poemand you have done an excellent job. I can see you have done some research before writing this. Your poem really stops and makes the reader think.
You are way beyond being a "beginner". Welcome to our community. I hope you will be here for a long time.
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