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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/linnann/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
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1,860 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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101
Rated: E | (4.0)
Having served, I found this poem thought provoking and intense.

I was wondering why you had so many words in 'ALL CAPS' ? I have to be honest, it really threw me out of the poem. Did you have to capitalize them so they would show for a contest? If so, and the contest is over, can you put them in regular size font now? I wouldn't want you to lose a contest. lol

I love your second line in the first verse. That says a lot right there.

Your forth verse is also very good for imaging. My son in law is Airforce, but he is at a desk so no one is shooting at him.

I didn't get verse six, unless you are talking about a child stepping on a mine.

Your second to last verse has that one really long line with fourteen syllables. Is there another word you could use to hint at the many places war has taken place? It's just a thought.

This was very thought provoking. I hope you get a lot of revues.
Love, LinnAnn
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102
Review of The Bird  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I had no clue about the third line -'place he in gilden cirrus cell.' I asked a couple of librarians about the word 'gilden'. I had never heard of it, so one librarian was trying to find it's meaning on line. I didn't know if you did a typo and meant 'gilded' or 'golden'. We couldn't find the word when searching the internet either. I do hope you can clarify this little mystery.

I know cirrus is a wispy type of cloud. I did not get it's meaning in this sentence. If you would take the time to explain it I would appreciate it.

I love the way you did the rhyme with the wrap around sentence, good going!

I had to look up sedge. Now I know it's swamp grass. lol
Thanks for the new knowledge and sharing your poem.
love, LinnAnn

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Okay, I read it. I even agree with it. However, lol, I did not get some of it.

'On top of that mont.' -What do you mean 'mont'? Is that short for mountain?

The rhythm is a bit off, last line of the first verse could be shortened a bit. What if you changed it to first person? 'But am I really free if the FBI is watching me?' It's just a suggestion, but it does take a few syllables out, and ye just doesn't seem to fit.

In the second verse, I would take out the 'always' so it is a bit shorter.

What do you mean pullout out those hairs? As in finding a hair in your food? or pulling out hair in frustration? I'm just not getting the last line.

It is a thought provoking poem, I'll give you that.
Thanks so much for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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104
104
Review of Candle  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I have seen many of these, but I have to admit I like this one the best so far. I noticed there were no words forming the melting wax down the sides. lol

There were a couple of spots that the flow was just a bit off.

What did you mean you'd make us yearn? Was that a romantic type of yearning? Were you hinting at candle lit dinners?

Found where there is mold? To what were you referring? Wine cellars of dirt?

There was a space between 'I recover fast' so I had to read it twice and then got it.

I loved how you rhymed mantle and candle. Good shot!

Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
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105
105
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This was such a delightful little story in a poem. I've written two books about dragons and love to read about them from others. Thank you so much for sharing your talent here for us to read.

I giggled when I read the part of 'she's never stepped on me.' That was so cute.

I did have some concern about the rhythm and meter. Some of the sentences just didn't flow well. I even counted the syllables to make sure I wasn't messing up somehow. Maybe if you counted them you could see what I mean. The second line in some of them is what threw me off.

I like the part about the between place too. Again. Thanks so much.
love, LinnAnn
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106
106
Review of Two Stars  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.5)
This was a very interesting poem. It had emotional impact.

In your third line you put dash after 'the' and it confused me. I figure you meant it to be a pause, but the next line starting with a capital letter made me wonder. Maybe less capitals and more punctuation will make it easier on the reader to get the right hints as to pauses, thus increasing understanding. Maybe put a comma after the word twinkling.

Sadness, it made my heart heavy. I got pulled in and you held my attention. I may have heard of stars being tears before, but this was very poignant.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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107
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I know she is gone; I wish I'd seen this before she passed. This cracked me up and I hope she hears me when I say how fun it was. Still love you Sherri.

love, LinnAnn

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Review of Perfect Dogs  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I busted up laughing as well. I do recall a talk on Joseph Smith saying animals will be resurrected as well as humans. Which I am happy about. I fully expect all of my dogs to find me when I cross over. lol

His views and beliefs should have been in line with yours, unless that is part of the joke of the story.

Must have been serious if he put his food down to talk. After all, he is a man. (giggle)

I like how you set the stage, setting and telling us it's lunch without being overt about it. Good job.

You might want to let non members know who Joseph Smith is: An historical leader in example.
That would give a bit of understanding as to the power of his statement.

Great Anecdote. Thanks for sharing.
love, LinnAnn
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Review of Ode to my love  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.0)
My first suggestion is to edit, recopy this from it's original and when posting it, click on where to 'keep format' and then save edit. At least that is what I think is the way.

Some of the punctuation confuses me. What is in your head is what counts. I pause at the commas and it doesn't quite flow for me that way. But again, I am only one part of this equation.

defiant awe rises-why would one want to defy their awe?

Sun beams bright, walk along the wall--I really liked this part.

young love lust -I think a comma between love an lust is needed.

the non-sense-no dash, nonsense is one word.

Sun and stars shone, you radiant most immense-I'd put a period after 'shone'/. and a comma after 'you' Sun and stars shone. You, radiant most immense.

I'm not familiar with Athene, but I am familiar with Athena. Is that who you meant?

under spell? What about under a spell, you your spell?

Your first and second verses are abab
your third verse is abbb.
your fourth is aba and only three lines, not four.
These are some things you may want to think about.
Thanks for sharing with us.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of A Shattered Mask  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This would be easier to read if there were breaks now and then...stanzas

You have 'at first' twice in the first three lines. You might want to consider changing one of them to a similar word.

In a sea of endless hollow screams- I'm not sure if this is screaming in your dreams, or screaming when you are along, maybe out of frustration.

Either way I understand the thoughts and feelings. It's hard when you try to fit in but are never your 'true' self.

But still, I run.-I didn't understand this line. If you have the time I'd appreciate you telling me what it means. Why the mirror to find yourself.

since don my old self --should this be donned? past tense?

There it was, don upon my face--was this a typo. I don't understand it.

Cracked beyond repair-I'm not sure about that. There are a lot of broken people in this life, but many are at least partially repaired. Hang in there.

This was a very moving and troubling poem. Thank you for sharing.
love, LinnAnn

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111
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I was down to the last couple of sentences in the review and the whole thing disappeared.

I felt this would have been better in first person. None of my births happened like this so it didn't pull me in or grab me as I would like.
Then I got to the ending. I have to admit, you judged me and every other reader very harshly. How do you know I would not thank her? How do you know I would not thank God for her kindness and compassion? If you are going to write to 'me' as in 'you' 'you' 'you', then be careful of laying judgment on your readers.

Contractions are mostly in the abdomen, and maybe lower back. Babies are not in stomachs. The fetal monitor is not over the stomach either, it's up on the swollen belly where the baby is.

This had some good reading to it. I was put off with the judgment call. There are a lot of loving, caring people out there that would be offended.

The toddler mostly likely would not have lain there. Most of that age would be wandering around, crying or worse.

There are meds that would not make her pass out. I've asked in Newsfeed before for help on something where I needed medical info. We do have medical people here. lol

I hope some of my suggestions will be of help. There is good stuff there. What if you started with something from the husbands viewpoint? 'My wife came home and told me...' Just something to think about.
Thanks for the read.
Love, LinnAnn
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112
112
Review of Life's Lemons  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
What a delightful poem. I love how you got the southern/oaky accent down so well. I could hear the poem in my head, with a voice like an ex relative in Oklahoma. Without even a dropped 'g' I figured it out fast with the lemon cut out of ade. lol

- if I'm ain't getting paid?- I'd not heard 'I'm' an 'aint' put together before. It was interesting.

who's gonna buy it from me.-since this is a question, I think a question mark is called for here.

I love the twist on the last line in the second verse.

I love the last verse. A very suck it up and deal with it attitude.

I keep falling asleep as I type. Please forgive the typos.

Your poem read well, flowed well, and rhymed.
Very good!
Love, LinnAnn

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113
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This was a very interesting poem. I was drawn in and tried to imagine myself in your world. I did not get/understand why you don't 'have to look'. I wasn't sure if you mean as in no one can make you,...I thought maybe you know the forest so well and so deeply that it isn't necessary to look. But wouldn't you want to? You did mention the red tail, I presume you meant the Red Tailed Hawk. I glance up, or if I'm not the driver in the car, I gaze up into our skies and watch the mating dance, and enjoy them riding the thermals. Just a thought. I loved that part.

I like your first verse, Family is so important and respect is getting lost in todays world. Thanks for adding that. Thanks for writing such a though provoking poem.
love, LinnAnn
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Review of Earthquake  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
squealing, and then ____You might want a dash between squealing and 'and' squealing-and then. The dash will add a pause, for the drama. It's only a suggestion.

something eat!- something to eat

would he really sleep outside in the open for days? would other scavengers try to eat him?'

If it's raining, would the dusty leaves be muddy leaves?

long he's been there-you switched from past tense to present.

CASA- I think the 'O' should be 'Oh'

took him a several minutes--a is singular, several minutes is plural.
I've never seen Grrr's end in 'l's

The cave cascaded with strewn--This was confusing. It makes it sound like the cave is caving in again.

bear-sized hobbit hole --we know it's bear sized, hobbit hole doesn't fit, different genre?

A bear isn't going to know amusement parks, so this doesn't fit.

There is a lot of human, and bears reading? The titles of other books? They pulled me out of the story. Is this just a spoof on sci fi and fantasy?

Mist-
"Reverse ground! Let's it to the left!" --Let's is 'let us' but it's only the cub. take out 'it' and put in. 'I will go to the left' or 'let me go to the left.'

'With one doubt'? Did you mean without a doubt?
Aslan, Who -no capital W since it's in the same sentence and the comma after Aslan should be semi colon.

I take it this is not for publication with all the copyright laws? lol

It was really good except the references to other books pulled me out of YOUR story.
I hope this was of some help.
love, LinnAnn

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115
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I do enjoy reading your travelogues. I would like to read a little about the actual classes. What kinds of things do you cover? Do you tell anecdotes from experiences?

How deep was the snow? Did you have to take a taxi from the airport to your hotel?

I am also so sorry you didn't get to go on the river boat. Is that one word or two? lol Not to be mean, but I'm glad you had the one digit weather and not us. It got down to 33F in my house and I had to turn on the heater. 44 I can live with but not 33. I understand if it was too cold to go sight seeing. Are there any sites to see?

You are always so informative and I missed that in this one. You stay warm and dry and rest up.
Love, LinnAnn
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116
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I have to hand it to you, you made me smile again. I know some of this poem was of The Princess and the Pea. I didn't catch on to that until you mentioned the pea. However, was a good portion of this poem about you and getting old age and all the creakage we have a tendency to suffer through? lol

You also have a huge selection of words that are said almost like old English. Have you and Shakespeare been comparing notes on interesting wordage? lol I have not yet heard anyones bone go 'urk urk'. giggle

Sploshy bed? Did your waterbed spring a leak, or did you have an accident trying to get out of bed at night?

I wasn't sure if your 'retching' was wretched, or retching as in throwing up. I'm not sure how throwing up comes into play.

onomatopoeia! -I have heard this word, but can't remember what it means.

I'm sitting here shaking my head and grinning my ears off. You are so funny. Say hi to Shakespeare for me. *Rolling*
Love, LinnAnn

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for entry "Haiku: "Deer"" Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm a bit confused. You say 'deerly' departed and you have "horse" in quotes. So right or wrong I'm thinking you mean the deer.

Are you sure it's night? Could it be the very early morning with the sun barely lighting the morning sky?

I know you are well known for your Haikus, however maybe this needs to be a double haiku, just so some slightly dense people like me could have a clue?

Where are you living that you have flowers already? I have hail and sleet, Washington state, on the coast. I have some stuff sprouting on the porch, but no flowers yet.

I'll have to go back and read all of your intro and maybe that will help. lol

Use fishing line to tie to some posts. They can't see it and neither can everyone else, at least not to the extent of ruining the view. The deer will be afraid of tangling in what they can't see. I learned that a couple of months ago and bought the line yesterday.

Thanks for the read. Nice to know we share a common interest.
love, LinnAnn

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Review of Pants on Fire  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The directions here say 'be respectful' but that makes it a bit hard. I can be respectful to YOU, just not to or about that maniac Trump. How on earth so many could vote for such a sleaze ball I have no idea. I misspelled sleaze ball and spell check had it. Cracked me up. How helpful!

Okay enough of the rant. I find your poem at the same time funny and humorous, and also infuriating that it could fit so aptly the president of the United States of America.

'my detractors' HA. I don't see them as such, more like trying to set that big blowhard on the right tract. I'm just glad I'm not part of 'the base'.

Norway wouldn't have anything to do with Trump. That cracked me up too.

You did a really great job on this poem. So well with so few words. You even got Norway to fit in there with such aplomb. Good job. I'd have laughed if I wasn't so put out at the jerk. He's gonna start WW3. Bad enough Kim, now he's got half the world mad at us. How you came of with that very aptly put....stupid brain damage, ...can't remember the type of poem, but you did great.

Love, LinnAnn
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought this poem would be like the kind of directions the letter writer showed in the directions. It wasn't, which made me smile. Sorry but it would have been harder to count the lines and make sure the format was followed.

I enjoyed your poem. I got a bit confused because I wasn't sure if you were being metaphorical. I've run a writing group through the prison and I've had friends with cancer. I wasn't sure on the prison but then you talked about 'free to roam'. So out of curiosity, do you have cancer and what is your prison?

I enjoyed the poem, you drew me in and held my attention. You made me think and ponder and that is always a good thing to me, to be able to influence someones thought processes.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Merry Christmas

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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is the first long poem of yours I've ever reviewed. I read it through once and did get hung up briefly on a couple of spots with the rhythm. Not a problem,I figured out the pronunciation fine.

I really liked the premise and the story you tell to get your point across. You even brought in King George. 'Papa' made me chuckle.by

'freedom in the hedge.'-I didn't get this part.
'Release the grip that Freedom sing'-I didn't get this line either. It made sense to me to have a comma after 'grip' and instead of 'that' put in 'let freedom sing.' However that may not be the message you wanted.

The Pond,... If steely fingers--If the 'if' were not capitalized I would have realized it was a wrap around sentence.



I thought a comma after estranged would have helped me read it better.

So if you could explain the parts I didn't understand I'd appreciate it.

I like the 'rising star' at the end. Love it.

Nicely done, and again, thanks for sharing your work.
love,LinnAnn
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Review of The Takers  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Robert, I was very moved by your poem. It touched my heart. As a Christian, I see the gospel and the 'circle of time' as they call it now.

Your first line at first made me think of a science fiction movie. I saw space ships heading out like a plague to infest other planets of who knows where. Then I thought of the garden of Eden and how we left perfection and started the ruin of out planet.

"our parchments been inked" made me think of a court order or finding. It's done and that's all she wrote. Very sad.

"The world will breathe a sigh" A sigh of relief? A time to refresh, to start over.


It says in scripture that the earth will be changed. I think you told he story very well here. Well done. Thanks so much for sharing with us.
Love, LinnAnn
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Were you not the one to set up the online classes? Do you have to grade them and still give more classes. That part was unclear. I do get involved with your posts. *Rolling*

I'm sorry you had such an exhausting trip. So, how did it go trying to answer their problems when they had new and antiquated stuff? Were there questions you couldn't answer because you didn't have schematics? Did they feel like they got something out of all your hard work and traveling?

Do you report to higher ups and will they listen to your suggestions? I sure hope so. All that travel and exhaustion for the class to not be what they needed is frustrating.
love, LinnAnn

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123
123
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this very clear except the---
2. Using "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. or "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window., post your Prep Contest Round submission. (R)
--
I'm not a newbie but that stuff always confuses me. Maybe not x's but a fake demo?

You've worked with me for years and years and still those item or bitem or whatever they're called still confuse the heck out of me.

Maybe it's because I'm not a newbie anymore but each section you have up above seems clear. You've even underlined the place to submit the prep assignments. It does say first, which might make someone think there is a different place to log other assignments.
love, LinnAnn
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Review of White Water Life  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem caught my attention and drew me in and held my attention. Your first sentence, or two lines were great. I used to go tubing down the Salt and the Verde in Arizona. I've never white water rafted, but I've white water tubing. Not the same I know, but similar enough for me to really get off on your poem. You give a good mental image, maybe because I've seen it, but you did well.

I do like the repetitive form. It's a short pause to think and feel.

I love all the verses but the last one has an extra pull of feeling. Different word grouping, 'lifetime's symphony' 'I am strong'. You show us that strength shows not in just the ability to do the skill, but the emotion that emanates from it.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
love, LinnAnn

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Rated: E | (4.5)
I told someone before you that beauty can come out of something so drastic and deadly. Your poem is a great example of beauty out of ugly.

I really liked the third line about her drinking the bay. After seeing those pictures of the water just gone, people walking where there used to be twenty feet of water...scared me. I thought the water might come crashing back and drown them. You inspired very vivid mental pictures.

I also loved the way you worked in and actually rhymed 'barge'. That was great!

I'm not sure what you meant by the weather folk stirring the pot. Would you be so kind and explain that to me?

While you're explaining, tell me what you mean by the 'gnomes' in the last verse? Even though there were a couple spots I didn't understand, I really liked this poem. Thanks for sharing.
Love, LinnAnn
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