I always love to read the words of one who know that he/she is a child of God and knows that one day Heaven will be home.
I'm also thrilled to find writers not afraid to share their own life's experiences pertaining to matters of faith. We are all supposed to share our faith, but not many do.
It's interesting that you said that this was a true story, sort of. That certainly made me curious, as did your title.
I've had one trip to Hawaii, and it was an interesting one. I earned a trip for 2 with my business, then only had to pay for my son's flight. He was 8 at the time. (He was not thrilled to be going to Hawaii since my trip that year was supposed to be a Caribbean cruise.)
At the company where I worked, Hawaii was always the first trip. My spouse had a stroke (age 59) so we missed the trip. The company travel team assumed that we had already been to Hawaii, so except for a dinner every night and a luau, we were not included in any of the usual tours. We managed, though, getting advice from the Hilton's concierge and using public transportation.
Your true, sort of, story reminded me of all of the reasons that we wanted to go back.
My son was also born in the 80s. Of course that means that he loved playing GTA. He still does. What amazes me is how many content creators there are who play the game while live-streaming. I never liked watching anyone play any game. I can't imagine wanting to watch someone play on screen.
You captured so many life experiences in only 1800 words. You showed that sometimes people have more tragedies in their lives than seems normal. And you showed the importance of both friendship and hope.
And you did it well. I wouldn't change a thing.
I always read the explanation/intro. I wonder if I hadn't read this one would I have thought that you were missing a person, not a thing.
I chuckle when a newbie arrives, deciding to try to mimic e.e.cummings. after being here almost 23 years, I've seen that a lot. As someone who has been writing for about 65 years and who spent 5 of those years as an editor, it's sometimes difficult not to be annoyed at this.
In your case, I would ask this. When you use a contraction, always remember your apostrophe. Why? Because when your reader reads "ill" instead of "I'll" it can have an entirely different meaning. The message that you think you are sharing might be lost.
This is a great story, but I would not want to have a relationship with so few words. Yes, it's fun to be with someone who can communicate by facial expressions and gestures. But words are important too.
I'm not surprised that you won 2nd place in the contest.
I love reading about how WDC has positively influenced the lives of members. I also enjoy reading contest entries, showing the rules and how the writer followed them.
My mom was the first person I knew who followed prompts. She wrote poems for people for birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, baby showers, etc, using the ideas and words that she was asked to use. It was a good example for me.
You did a wonderful job reminding us of the many things that scream autumn. Leaves changing colors, apple cider, caramel apples, pumpkins, they all remind us that autumn has arrived and winter is right behind.
I am so glad that as I read this it was 85 degrees outside and definitely not autumn.
Awesome. Nursery rhymes are such that they can provide a vehicle for other rhymes and humor. I loved these. As children, of course, we never thought that having a little lamb meant eating it.
Now you have made me think about how one could change all of the other nursery rhymes.
That's a great story about April Fool's Day, including the part about your doggy. You told the story well in so few words.
But I can honestly say that I can't relate to this. In my 72 years, I have not known anyone who has ever played an April Fool's joke on me or anyone even in my vicinity.
It's so strange that others seem to be bombarded with these jokes. Or at least it appears so from the tales that they tell.
Since you have chosen to share this publicly, and since you will have a wide audience, it might make sense to put apostrophes in your contractions and to put spaces between paragraphs. It just would make it easier to read.
You haven't asked for advise, but it does appear that you probably need to be honest with this fellow. You might have already realized the truth about his feelings.
That's hilarious. It reminds me of the time when my uncle was laid off and volunteered to paint our kitchen. My mom told him that she wanted it pastel yellow. He painted it bright school bus yellow. And he used oil paint. We were stuck with it.
But unlike this story. No one in our family came to love the color.
Fascinating story. Fascinating way to meet and engage (ha ha) with the person that one will eventually marry.
I tend to agree with the character. There are very few alcoholic drinks that I find to my liking. I have found 2. One is a fuzzy navel. The other is a tootsie roll, which I haven't found a bartender who can make it since about 1980.
Those are beautiful words honoring the lost crew members of Apollo I, Challenger and Columbia. I never thought about the fact that they all happened between January 27 and February 3.
My son's dad has worked for NASA back when they were using monkeys in testing what speeds would do to humans. His mom had been a teacher, so he was excited about Christa McAuliffe was part of the Challenger crew. I don't think that he watched another launch after that one.
I can see why this won an awardicon. It's very well done. I'm not sure that I would want to be living where wolves go nearby.
One interesting thing about stumbling upon writings from over a decade ago is that the images or links are often out of date. It makes one wonder what we missed by being late to the party.
You would be surprised at how people do respond to real stories about our own lives. Since you have already experienced that drama, you might be able to write about it better than starting off trying to write fiction.
The point is, though, if you are feeling called to write, you need to write. Practice makes perfect, remember?
I look forward to seeing what you decide to share.
I enjoyed reading your poem aloud. (That's the only way to read poetry!) Sure there were a few lines longer than others and some that could probably use some tweaking so that the rhythm was a bit better. But it's your work of heart (or work of heat?) and doing that would be entirely up to you. I've noticed recently that even when one finds a glaring spelling or grammar error in someone's writing, if it's a few years old they don't even care to go back and make corrections. (Sorry about the mini-vent.)
I love your title. And your description fits. And your story is quite humorous. It's already been published elsewhere so I didn't expect to find any errors and I didn't.
I'm glad that you have a local outlet for your humor and that you are brave enough to participate in open mic nights. Poetry reading open mic venues usually have a very different kind of crowd than one finds at comedy clubs.
I know that you wrote a fictional tale, but was it necessary to write this:
And armed white supremacist militias were patrolling the neighborhood, often beating up minorities and other people they deemed suspicious while the police looked the other way, as they were just overwhelmed.
Here's a suggestion:
Armed militias patrolled the neighborhood, while the police looked the other way. They were overwhelmed.
These are just suggestions, mind you, but I think that they would benefit your piece.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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