Loved it! It flows nicely from start to finish. Like how your focus on the externals like relationships and heartbreak ends with your observation of self discovery, What we see in other people tells us a lot about ourselves. I kept wanting to see you use ICU for I See You.
You have chosen a somwhat universal theme. Fitting your thoughts into seven stanzas I think you bit off more than you could chew. The rhyming scheme forced you to use awkward endings of lines such as "Before responsibility ends with scatters" I really did like the first two lines in each stanza. This was where you took the "innocent" position.
Keep it up!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jimmythepeach/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/12
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 3:26pm on Sep 16, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
