A poem with an explanation, not good. The piece is hard to follow and not sure the reader will get the point the writer intends. Saying it is about politics makes it even more confusing as I try to interpret with that in mind and can't find any parallels.
Ah lemonade, that cool freshing drink. A poem that tells of a serene spot and simple observations. The best part of this is how the title, lemonade, is not written anywhere in the body of the poem. The enjoyment of this poem is not complete unless the reader keeps the thought of lemonade alive while reading the poem. Good job.
Another good poem Pony. The layout of the lines, the line length really add to the success. You convey the pictures in a very, comfortable conversational way. You know horses so that helps.
Good to know you are out there praying for all of us. Heartfelt and sincere. Note - the word nerve is misspelled in the second stanza. Good job - peach
OK, I can see you took more time for this. I like that it is free verse. Some good leaping phrases, "collared me in rime, passion for loneliness, drought for clemency." Your loneliness and comfort description was successfully portrayed in the poem. I look forward to reading more - peach
Good poem. No time to breathe when you scream. Great beginning. The whole thing is sort of a dysfunctional poem where the observer believes they can help someone who is out of control. I sense walking on eggshells to avoid doing or saying anything that will set the screamer off.
You say in your description that there is not much to this poem. What more could you say? Other descriptions of his physical, mental, soulful, and emotional qualities. Trying to describe heartache is like working with a blunt instrument - It is hard to detail or finesse. Your line, "What plagues my heart," is the existential heart of the poem. Explore that question.
I feel like that all the time. Liked seeing it written as a poem. Hey there's a lot of aliens out here, so you don't have to be alone. Just keep writing you will attract others of like mind. Oh a little thing, there are some misspelled words in the last line. I think it should read cause no one cares if they're alive...
A turgid effort. Extreme descriptions and characterizations used throughout. Just a thought here that the use of extreme words, exagerations, and characterizations for the mundane world of working for a living weakens the image created. The use of such powerful imagery should be used for things like epidemics, slavery, nuclear annihilation, and presidential politics.
Just my opinion, here. I would be the first to say what you want to say the way you want to say it and everbody else stay the hell out of the way.
Serious outpouring from a wounded heart. Flows af it was poured staight into the keyboard. Don't forget that though someone can break your heart, they can't touch the soul of a poet - peach
Ha ha, pretty funny story including how you exaggerated the facts and it sounded like you were laughing at yourself. Those are two pretty long paragrahs, it seems like they should be broken up into more small paragraphs.
A nice quiet little poem, I like the phrase, "Clothed in sentiment,".I gte what you are trying to do here but, the words you have chosen come across awkwardly. like this phrase,
An unyielding antithesis
emerges from unknown places
taken literally says
an inflexible opposite arrives from someplace mysterious.
So, ok, so, it comes across like word excercises, you know, how many words can you lift how far.
Also you say something is closed in sentiment and then proceed clinically, the hell with sentiment.
I hope by this point you haven't flipped me off and sworn at the screen.
Let me finish by saying that I am attracted to this piece because of it's not a cookie cutter rhyming poem and You have something to say and you said it. You are not wrting to please me, but as the reader I read to please myself if that makes any sense.
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