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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hopes/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
239 Public Reviews Given
240 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is informal and encouraging of writer's development.
Favorite Genres
I enjoy Realistic Fiction, Thrillers and love a good plot twist.
Least Favorite Genres
R rated
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Essays, Scripts, Letters
Public Reviews
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Review of Jingle Smells  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi billywilcox

A great giggle, a ribald take on a Christmas Carol. And written so long ago now, it must already be firmly set into your family's next gen of Xmas singers.

Top marks!
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Review of November...  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi WriterRick Author IconMail Icon

I found your piece through the Bard Hall entry, it appealed to me as I enjoy historical works and saw your mention of poetess Emily Dickinson.

Your opening paragraph is beautiful, truly drawing the reader in with a very poetic style of your own.

It is a very flowing story, but I felt a mental speed bump when your fifth paragraph opens with 'As the weeks passed', which put a time stamp in the piece. I found myself distracted thinking of a date on the calendar ( possibly the 21st) and then my mind wondered if fame for November writings could have come that quickly? While perhaps not everyone would be prompted to think those things, personally I don't think those words were needed, and I'd have preferred to just stay 'in the moment' you'd created.

Which is of course only one persons mental process!

The second thing I wanted to share, was the use of the phrases laconic noons & sterner sunsets). Those are two stand-out thoughts, which I think would be better mentioned just once, as they are so striking/impactful!

But I truly enjoyed this piece. It is a tribute piece isnt it, and you have managed to further share, like a rebounding board, Emilys love of November. *Heart*

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of Don't Fence Me In  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Soldier_Mike Author IconMail Icon
Your industrious poem presented itself to me via the Read&Review link this afternoon.

I enjoyed the topic, being DIY'ers here too - and particularly enjoyed how you showed us your improvisation using random pieces of wood to fix the fence.

You covered ground quickly, managing to fit a lot into not many verses. I appreciate that too, you were not stingy on content!

That punchline at the end was perfectly placed, and surely resonates with industrious men and women everywhere. Though really... who has time to lay in the sun with a pina colada?

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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104
Review of A New Start  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi again strlcuckoo Author IconMail Icon

Well this was a treat, to read a poetic tale that follows on (though years later) to your 'Hope' poem where the girl was lost.

The theme is one that surely radiates in everyone's heart. Your rhymes sit nicely, don't feel forced. Then the exuberance of the last line, all in caps, brings the reader in on the expressed elation.

A tale of persistence and dedication (with a bit of daring too) paying off *Heart*

Congrats!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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105
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Eregnon Author IconMail Icon

Loved your story, which is chockablock with justifications for the Wolf's point of view. He makes a charming defendant, unjustly treated by multiple children's stories, with no lawyer daring to represent his hopeless case.

Your thoughts flow on from each other seamlessly, and you draw us to the conclusion in a satisfying way. I can almost see his wolf-faced pout (words I never thought Id say).

Great fun!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of No reaction  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi BrooklynnBringsbackstorybooks Author IconMail Icon

Love your introduction, with a twist on the children's chant. You are conjuring a great mood here, of a tortured soul. I am already very interested to know more.

My favourite line is: 'the hand of tears squeezed my throat'.

I look forward to seeing more of your writing here!



*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of On The Way School  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Praveen Kumar Author IconMail Icon

I found your story on the Read a Newbie section.

Wow, exciting, you really built up the tension in your story so the reader knows something bad is going to happen!

I could not stop reading, though I dreaded the worst.

Recommendations:

A couple of words were used unusually. I appreciated your glossary, so understand the definitions used, but think your work would read better with small modifications.

"Because we got into a discord earlier", would read better as "Because we were in discord earlier"

and

"...tea shopkeeper exchanged enigmatic glances..."
I think the word you really need instead of enigmatic is furtive
"...tea shopkeeper exchanged furtive glances..."

Enigmatic (mysterious) is usually used in an alluring way, but you wanted a scarier warning-type look.

My last recommendation is to break your story up into bite-sized paragraphs, this will give your reader a chance to take a mental breath, and nicely space the sections of your story. eg, breakfast and heading out early. The trip on the train. Meeting the strange man. The Hospital episode. And then finally the dramatic ending!

Great story, glad you came through ok!





, and then with the glossary you supplied at the end (thanks!) I could see that English is a second language, and your intent is to expand your vocabulary.

Please let me further explain: 'Discord', apart from rarely being used as 'Disagreemnt'

So may I suggest edits for the words explain that the words Discord and Disagreement are not interchangeable. Nor is Enigmatic and Mysterious.

Discord: Disagreement. (Not the app :/)
Reconciled: To make up and become friends again.
Dilemma: A bad situation where you have to make difficult choices.
Ominous: Feeling that something bad is going to happen.
Eerie: Strange and Frightening.
Enigmatic: Mysterious.
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Review of 1956  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Goodmorning jhoffmann
I came to your port by following a notification and then chose a piece to read with my morning coffee.

You drew me into your recollection in a gentle and emotionally descriptive way, and I quickly aligned and enjoyed your writing style.

I appreciated the explanations given to the circumstances around this snapshot of memory, prompted by a certain light shining through blinds. You allowed range for a reader's mind to fill in other imagined details and discover a great deal of empathy for the lonely child.

Empathy is drawn up a great deal in this increasingly sad tale, a sadness that you draw through decades right up to the time of its writing; punctuated with dramatic statements of the unimportance then or at any time.

The finale feels like a call for help echoing through the decades and leaves the reader feeling helpless, which is a difficult point to end with, but suits this misty-moody recollection.

Extremely expressive sentiments.


Warm wishes
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of HOPE  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good morning strlcuckoo

Thankyou for your review request, Ive not had one of these before and am honoured. Also, I can see why you chose me! Let's double-down on Hope!

Your poem is a poignant thing, at first seeming like a tale of happiness. Hopes realised.

I had to read the 4th stanza twice, for it was unexpected and thus confusing. I came to understand only vaguely what happened. This is well done, because it makes the poem translate into other people's past relationships. Hopes dashed.

Your poem, which rings of heartfelt experience, can apply to anyone. (Well, hopefully not all!)

The end of you poem shows another side of Hope, the sort that aches and won't let up.

Well done!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Little_things Author IconMail Icon

I enjoyed your short story of wonder at your aunts mastery of life. It was a great collection of impressive feats, what a woman, and what was in that tea?! Love I expect.

In recommendations: I thought your piece would benefit from breaking it up into more paragraphs. This would help your readers by allowing a mental pause between thoughts, and a chance to fully appreciate each of her feats.

I liked how you arranged those questions at the end, it really punctuated the overall 'amazement' tone.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Joy Author IconMail Icon
I found your Bosphorus chapter 6 through the read and review link :D

Now I don't usually start a story in the middle, but today I thought 'why not?!'. And so you plunged me straight into the action.

I could easily imagine the scene you described, which was clear and easy to get a grip of.

My favourite line was 'He looked rather young but seemed to grow older as he talked.' I knew exactly what that mean, though never heard the thought articulated before *Heart*

Its really interesting, I enjoyed my slice of this crime mystery with an interesting investigator that reads as charming even though you dont even focus on them much.

Nice!

The part that confused me was when there were suddenly kids and dolls talk. I am not sure, but think there was a scene change at that point, that could have been more obvious.

But hey, I am stoked to have read this chapter, it's not a genre I would usually go for, but this is a mix of genres really. Well done.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of The Gift WC 226  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi jackiesmuse Author IconMail Icon
I love this little excerpt of family life and the special but obscure gift. I can 'see' the rest of the family's reactions, you did not overdo the descriptions though so the focus remains just where it should.

Your reminiscing mood lifts my own thoughts to a Mum-story from when my son was a little boy - thank you for doing that.

Your story manages to tap into the feelings of the endless well of love we have for our children. Beautifully done.

*Butterfly2W*

Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi L.A.Saxe Author IconMail Icon
I enjoyed this short story, it brought a smile to my face.

Though not being familiar with your previous writing style, I am not sure how to comment on any change. I shall instead say I think you can be pretty confident in continuing forward in this humour-filled theme.

I did wonder if the opening two sentences might have read more smoothly as a single sentence with an apostrophe between, but I am not a grammar expert.

I loved the control-plus-zed spell! Great stuff.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi danni Author IconMail Icon
A beautiful love poem, you have captured feelings of love and devotion beautifully with the use of mixed metaphors. I enjoyed this.

Though I am pretty sure that is a typo in the second line 'I am an ocean resting on your send' - should be sand. And while you are in edit, you can take out the spare {c/} at the end.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Stik to My Own Beat Author IconMail Icon

I am not from America, so I came into reading your story with scant knowledge of what it was about (aside from your title, intro and request notes).

So it took me a while to realise your setting. Initially, I saw the account as a cat loving girl 'hiding at home' tale, after some sort of warring on the streets. There is joking around with Lulu, choosing clothing, having a shower, your usual mundane things daily life things.

It was not until you had her going for her walk, and the mention of a Black owned business, that I twigged that this was after the BLM Riots.

I wonder if you could have established that a bit earlier - perhaps via text on that open laptop screen in her room in the morning?

Once I realized the setting, I was interested to know more specific details. I'd have liked her walk to be more graphically described. Rather than her being surprised that anything was standing (which did not create a mental image in my mind) I'd have liked to know what chaos she did see.

In hindsight I wonder if the joking around with Lulu was a stress response to the stuff they had witnessed in the days prior, and so I wonder if you can reveal the fractures and tension of smiles a bit stronger? That perhaps the mundane daily life tasks should have sounded surreal under the circumstances, rather than normal, and so perhaps there is a way to add in that element?

I commend you for making an account, that I assume is based upon personal experience.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of Dream  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
HiJacky Author IconMail Icon

I stumbled upon your Dream work through the random review link.

It's a well paced story of a dream were the dreamer is aware, and confused, with a punch line at the end that leaves the reader still wondering what the family business actually is. My face possibly is an extraordinary creatures petshop,though there are other possibilities too.

I like that you leave it open to interpretation. *DragonHead*

A well written small story.
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of Lannie's Porch  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi HHogg Author IconMail Icon
You have a beautiful and poetic style.

I loved the description of Lannie's porch, simply explained I could really see it - and was charmed when you revealed how it matched the occupant to a tee.

This chap Lannie, as described, is entirely charming.

I must confess you did lose me a little, with talk of grandchildren etc, in fact it was just at that point when you realised that readers might start to drift too. Talk of Lannie in an unlikely city setting made me think 'how unusual' but I think I was so charmed by his porch life, that I just wanted you to take us back there again.

Which you did *Heart*

This yearning to stay feeling that you described, you did very well, because I felt it also. I found myself wishing I knew a Lannie with a porch, and could discard my diary to just stay till the cool of winter set in.

Thank you for this heart-warming contribution
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi lbidler Author IconMail Icon
This piece (I was tempted to say peace instead!) of writing is beautifully composed, with the theme text cited to begin and the poetic break down of the attributes within your own life then revealed. I appreciate your closing, with use of a prayer piece to put the finishing touch to the completed work.

You have simply and quietly created a wholesome contribution.

When I challenge myself to thing of recommendations, the only thought I have is to extend your skill into further, lesser known aspects of liturgigal study.

Well done!
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of A Ruler Of Jade  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi 💙 Carly: poems & novel Author IconMail Icon

Wow, well done for tackling a religious subject in a poem, I don't imagine you already knew any of the information you managed to work into the piece prior to the prompt. You did a great job weaving threads of understanding into rhymed verses, with prompt words spaced one per paragraph.

My only critique would be that the last stanza's lines were longer than the first two, which broke the mental rhythm a little.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of Love  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating Author IconMail Icon

This is a beautiful poem, and one I can relate to as we have recently taken in my mother in her old age. I like that you have not concealed some of the difficulty in that task.

Your poem becomes more impressive when you reveal the careful structure that created it within. You managed to work within your confines very well, without sacrificing the quality of content.

Our final line is the clincher, the takeaway verse, the words that I myself shall hold close, although previously it was a feeling rather than articulated.

Thank you
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Amethyst Angel 🌼 Author IconMail Icon

A clumsy elf. What a great start (its always irritated me that elves act so perfect).

You have a great sense of humour here, and the childlike tone in the story narration was the perfect complement to the tongue-in-cheek.

You spaced your humour injections nicely. I think my favourite one was when his elf troops hid behind rocks. I like to imagine Legolas' perfect eyebrow bow might have raised at that point.

This is a good bit of fun, not taken too seriously.
*Hand1**Hand2*
Double high fives
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Hi ~Kitten Author IconMail Icon
The random 'Read&Review' selector gave me your story, and I see it is your very first in your Portfolio here at Writing.com. Congrats!

I begun reading with no idea of who Faith Hammond was, nor what VLRP meant.

Initially, there is a lot of detail in her schooling.

Once I got to the actual story part of your work, the schooling background did not seem to be necessary reading as a prequel. In fact, I don't know that it needs to be there at all, as it is rather uneventful stuff, and you have some exciting developments in the story later that will fascinate readers far more.

It looks like this is a story summary that you shall expand more upon later? For instance, she asks Jake that really important question, but there is no reply written. Shame, cause it was a great question she asked!

Yes, so it dawns on me that this is a work in progress of an much bigger story. She cannot truly leave her current city yet when she has mysteries left unsolved? No, there is surely more to reveal about what is going on.

So I shall sign off here, looking forward to reading the completed works when they in due course arrive.

Warm wishes
Hope
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Review of A Mother's Lament  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi LeJenD' Author IconMail Icon
Aw, I can completely empathize with this set of verses, how time can suddenly have passed. And the ache in a mother's heart that then exists (although it could be a father's poem too)

It is an unanswerable question.

The only part that I did not identify with was the 'wrinkled and grey' part. *Wink*

Well done

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of Xmas in Florida  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Odessa Molinari Author IconMail Icon
This is a fun piece of writing with two very different characters, unlikely friends. It's an interesting dynamic between them.

I found myself rather liking the locker-kicking grumpy energy of Nick, who must be the star of this tale. While he is possibly a Grinch, he is entirely raw and honest about how his experiences are making him feel.

Nick's viewpoints make Holly's point of view surprising since they are experiencing the very same workplace. She must be one of those unrufflable persons.

The only thing I wanted to check on, was when Nick decided to strip off - it was not entirely clear where he was at that moment. I had a little 'cover the children's eyes!' moment *Wink* But I think he must have been back in the locker room.

I do like the subliminal moral of the story, which I take to be and enforcement of 'your view of the world creates your reality.'

Well done
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Anni Pon Author IconMail Icon
Your verses hold some really strong attitude, I love it. The scorn. I can really feel it, and in fact how you stir the emotions here, I feel right alongside the sentiments.

Usually, I like to see more of a pattern in poetic verses, but this reads very well as it is.

Fantastic
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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