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239 Public Reviews Given
240 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style is informal and encouraging of writer's development.
Favorite Genres
I enjoy Realistic Fiction, Thrillers and love a good plot twist.
Least Favorite Genres
R rated
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Essays, Scripts, Letters
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of The Real COJCOLDS  Open in new Window.
for entry "Eternity" Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi Spud Author IconMail Icon,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. challenge.

For me, this is quite a different piece, but I was attracted to this concept and title of your blog and was curious as to how you would go about this ambitious task.

From the start, I was struck by the appealing tone of your writing.

Your style here is conversational but not preachy, you take care and thought with your words and I can feel the empathy in your placement. By this, I mean that I see that you are thinking about how the words will be understood, and the message 'felt' by someone who does not know the things you are explaining. It would be very easy to come off as condescending in that instance, but you do not.

You had a good pace for your writing, and the rate of revelations is comfortable. Not too quick to bamboozle, nor too slow to bore.

Story Arc:
The entry kicks off with speaking about Easter, which prompts you to go into an arc of detail. As I read this I felt aware that this was a tangent you were taking us on, and I was waiting for the point in which we reconnect with the original concept. Easter.

When the article did come back to Easter, I felt like I needed a little bit more of a fuss made of that fact - perhaps some details about how the Resurrection is celebrated in your faith.

Technically:
You've got great spelling, well proofed. The only question mark I have is the use of parenthesis on a complete sentence here:
...and its ordinances. (Which will be discussed in another entry.)

I am not a grammar expert, but I think it would read more smoothly as:
and its ordinances, (which will be discussed in another entry.)

Overall:
I had numerous surprises when reading this entry, with details about your faith that I had no idea about previously. From the viewpoint of a curious mind wanting to understand others' belief systems, this is a valuable insight.

It would be interesting to he a question and answer session afterward - but then I suppose that is the beauty of a blog book, there is the option of writing such into the comments function. Yes, a blog is definitely the correct format for this post.

Thank you for sharing your faith

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

** Image ID #2316708 Unavailable **

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister
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Review of Jesus Vs. Santa  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Created for an activity


Hi Leslie Loo Author IconMail Icon ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. challenge.
*Hook* Your Hook
The title is an interest grabber! It hooked me at least, when I visited your port today *Smile*

*People* The Characters
You have two well known characters here, so it makes fine sense that you don't need to detail their appearances, rather you have dived straight into their conversation.

It's written sort of like a play, and the Christmas-sy red and green to differentiate the speakers helps a great deal with the readability.

You have introduced competitive natures upon both Santa and Jesus here, which leads to a lively bantering between them, and many a chuckle for readers.

Both of your characters are 'good guys', but there are times when their competitiveness seems to go a bit too far! But this reminds me of how comedy is supposed to push boundaries, and I think you are doing that well here.

While reading, I didn't really feel I had a favorite to back in this two-horse race, although I felt aware throughout that Santa was fictional, so it felt like Jesus was going to 'win' no matter what. ;)

*Mic* Dialogue
You dont use " " marks, since this is presented in the style of a play, and I agree that punctuation marks in this instance would just make it look messy.

The conversation flows well, there aren't any forced twists, and you have managed to move from topic to topic well. The use of tornadoes and slow are used well in this!

As is consistent with the play style, there isn't any internal dialogue and we get a good sense of how the characters are feeling through spoken words.

e:HeartBl} Favourite linet
"Alright, listen beard man-

You have a beard too."

I just laughed out loud at that exchange, I'd been thinking Santa was the pot calling the kettle black as I was reading, so then when Jesus pointed this out I just cracked up!

*Hammer* My Recommendations
The only typo I spotted was 'Iam' needs to be 'I am' in the part where they are arguing who is the King of Christmas.

Otherwise, it is word-perfect, well-presented, and correctly tagged. You have been meticulous!

*Check* Overall
The end of the story, the unthinkable happens, and jolly old Santa is rendered speechless. Thus we discover the winner of this verbal jousting match.

Geep, but I for one am ready for a rematch!



The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

** Image ID #2316708 Unavailable **

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister
28
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Review of Colonoscopy  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Created for an activity


Hi BeeJay Author IconMail Icon ,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. challenge.

*Hook* Your Hook
The title is succinct and will attract readers who need your information - while your sub-title sets a pleasant and reassuring tone. It provided me with a sense that this would be personable and helpful, and not like reading a dry or factual medical text.

For my part, My mother had her colonoscopy about a month ago, and so I was a little informed, while also interested to see if her experience differed at all? (We are in New Zealand)


*People* The Characters
You launched directly into the timeline for the prep leading up to the procedure itself, so at first, I was not sure whose experience we were learning this information from.

Later on in the piece, you mention yourself, and some of your sense of humour is (welcomely) revealed. This is after all an invasive and scary situation - so your cheeky comments are appreciated!

Your humour is also reassuring, and it was good to learn that the article was a personal experience and not hearsay.

You became a real person, I felt invested and was then pleased that you revealed your results. Thank you.

Your final comment to then go buy food brings a smile to the face. Wel timed humour again.


*HeartBl* Tale Highlight
"If you can't fart then, don't worry...".

Mum didn't tell me that part! I liked your candor, and the 'don't worry' comment! This is exactly the level of detail that makes a personal experience anecdote valuable.

*Hammer* My Recommendations
I didnt spot any spelling mistakes in your work.

I did notice that you have only used one of the possible 3 genres. Medical is definately the correct main genre, but perhaps tag in personal experience and advice also? This will help promote your article to more readers.

*Check* Overall
I saw a few differences to my mother's own experience of this, but overall it is much the same. My mother actually got to watch the screen with the camera finding, and unfortunately in her case, it was not good news. But she is 4 days out of the removal surgery today, and keeping up her spirits.

Meanwhile, I very much appreciate your sincerity in writing this piece.


Thank you for sharing your experience with us


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

** Image ID #2316708 Unavailable **

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister
29
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Goodmorning Rhyssa Author Icon *Heart*

As an occasional knitter myself, I enjoyed this personal experience about higher-level knitting.

It is really well described so that even my novice brain could work out what the focus was. I really identified with the struggling pupil, and found myself wishing that I had a teacher like you to reassure and cheer me on to keep trying.

I find myself nodding at your conclusion, every new thing (or advanced level of a thing we already know), could apply to this setting.

"Don't get frustrated. Just relax and keep that for later."

Good words to remember.

Thanks for sharing yet another moving personal experience, in your Wonderland Challenge.

You are doing great!
*Butterfly2W*
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Goodness p.b.sandwixh Author IconMail Icon

This is truly beautiful.

I am not usually grabbed by free verse poetry. This however, really radiates, really drew me in.

The opening lines were sweet and made me smile as the narrator muddled along about how long it had actually been, sort of trying to be chill but then amending to . That charm made me want to keep reading.

I did not anticipate discovering this lifting and falling of emotions that you took me through.

I loved that sudden interjection of the joy of being together again.

The sadness, in reflection, that then followed, was all the more profound.

I just loved this; you touched my heart.

Thankyou.
*Butterfly2W*
31
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi jackiesmuse Author IconMail Icon ,
I came by your story through the Read and Review button - this intrigued me right from the start because enjoying a quiet moment alone is a pleasure dear to me (with or without wine!).

*Hook* Opening paragraph
You begin with a soft but steady pace, and with the garage door opening, I as reader, had a 'hold my breath' moment waiting to see who had arrived. Cool.

*People* Characters
Oh John.

I have a husband who is a Jon and prone to being moody at times.

This poor John was especially angry at the world. I like how you had him saying he hated everything, venting on things he actually liked.

*HeartBl* What I liked best
I chuckled hearing the good wife calmly commenting how dinner was nearly ready. She was calm and level headed in a way I really appreciated, and I dare say that John with an h knows she's a keeper too.

*Hammer* Recommendations
The only recommendation I can find to make this great story, is to adjust your categories. People use these categories to search for a story in various genres but then never search for a 'contest entry' of a 'short story' - so even while that is accurate, it won't get you new readers. Be a bit more specific.

Perhaps try Relationship, Romance/Love, Personal or perhaps Experience?

*Check* Overall
I really enjoyed this story, the empathy, and the solidness fo their relationship that will see through anything. It is uplifting. Thankyou for sharing your work.

P.S I have a trinket for you!


*Cat2*
32
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Rhyssa Author IconMail Icon
Thank you for the invitation to visit your "Slipping into Madness" Open in new Window.. I, like Alice, am having fun exploring through the discoveries and adventures here.

I especially love this poem, which any writer/poet can relate to, when the words do not sit quite right they cause anxiety. Mental pacing more often than physical, but restlessness indeed! Pacing and polishing, until our perceived perfection. (Ack, so hard to achieve when we are our own worst critics!)

A great contribution to your wonder-full growing body of work!

*Butterfly2W*


33
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Review of Wonderland  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I had scant idea what the Wonderland Challenge would entail, until it launched and all the activities became visible.

Oh my goodness daunting it suddenly seemed, 'so much to do and so little time!' I heard myself calling as I leapt down the rabbit hole.

This challenge is very well run, streamlined you might say, like a ocean liner plunging though the ocean, with all the crew at their tasks. I don't know if they have slept much? But that is what April is for no doubt.

The feedback is given swiftly, now and then an adjustment is needed to comply, but the referees are far from pedantic.

Each group of tasks holds a variety, so we never feel bogged down, and it's far far from monotonous.

I am loving the Wonderland Challenge - it's pushed me in literary directions I'd never imagined writing, while it is all in such a free and frenzied spirit of fun.

Thankyou!
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aw Gervic

This poem is just beautiful, and that last line...

My heart grows young, my spirit free,
In this land of possibility.


Especially so. You have hit the nail on the head about what is so wonderful about this experience of writing in the Wonderland challenge. It is a taste of youth, and all the more precious to us for youth being some little while ago now.

I love your entries.
*Heart*

Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved watching Wile E and Roadrunners antics, it was the best cartoon ever. So I was so totally pleased when I discovered your entry was staring this much loved villain!

I love how you have broken it up into so many aspects.

The fantastic newsline
The book jacket
The prequel
The back room tall
Judge Judy!
The closing plea by Wile E
Then that asian chick reporting on the scene, (Or did I only imagine she was asian?}

Start to finish this is fantastic.

I've read it out loud to 2 family members so far, and there will be more.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This challenge is another example of Schnujo's Doing Homework's team spirit and generosity; encouraging members of the WDC community to discover contests that need/are deserving of more participation.

I am awed most days with JodY.

Thankyou
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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for entry "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi No Sox with Sandals Author IconMail Icon
I get to review your entry as part of the "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. challenge. I ever enjoy a piece that sports my nick 'Hope', so I was especially happy to dive into your poetic offering.

Ooo, but I did not see that coming.

I like your use of repetition, describing three shadows, shadows that take on a philosophical slant after reading the last section. It demands a second and third read-through; this time far more slowly, delving into its hidden meanings.

Each verse becomes much more, almost like the title of some far more expansive description - so I want to understand more of this story. Who is the little girl? Who planted that tree? What is the wall surrounding? And who have we just laid to rest?

I like that you leave these wonderings upon the reader; you have not oversimplified but credited the reader with the ability to divine their own truth.

My favourite verse is
          "Dancing to an inner melody"

While I remain moved that there has been a sacrifice for new life to then continue.


Yours is a thoughtful poem
Thank you for sharing it

*Butterfly2W*
Hope




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Review of Spooky Mission  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Ben Author IconMail Icon ,

Thanks for the review request; while I must mention I am not usually one for horror stories, I thought to accept your invitation never the less.


*Hook* Opening paragraph
You begin with a formal sort of tone that you carry throughout, so it makes me wonder if the Birmingham mentioned is the UK one, not American. I liked that you immediately described the building that your story is set within, while I did not know what was mean by the exterior walls having paintings of Blackthorn. That sounded like it would be an interior feature.

*People* Characters
The primary characters here are Daniel the Servant and Andrew his employer. Danile is immediately revealed as being a frightened sort of man, jumpy at seeing a cat. I did wonder if you meant him to speak the word "Shudders!" however, as that is not how the word is usually used.

Andrew is cool calm and collected, and stylishly dressed. I was a bit confused over who was who when Andrew was the one to then drive away to get food - although I see that is a plot device to leave poor Daniel defenseless.

*HeartBl* What I liked best
You have some really good descriptions in here, creating strong visuals of the scene. My favourite was

"Tenuous gleams of crimson red lamps lit the house in great vain"


*Hammer* Recommendations
I have two recommendations to make

1. There were a few times when I was confused about who was speaking. I think you need to adjust your line spacing to make that clearer. eg:

...concern."My time on this earth is over, sir," Daniel whispered, his voice weak."Wait a minute, I will go and get the first aid box from the car,"

Andrew offered, already moving towards the door."No, sir, I won’t survive anymore," Daniel admitted, his voice fading."Don’t say that, Daniel, everything will be alright," Andrew reassured him, though doubt lingered in his mind.


There is a line break after it says he'll get the first aid box, which makes it appear that it's still Daniel talking.

It would read clearer as:

...concern."My time on this earth is over, sir," Daniel whispered, his voice weak.

"Wait a minute, I will go and get the first aid box from the car," Andrew offered, already moving towards the door.

"No, sir, I won’t survive anymore," Daniel admitted, his voice fading.

"Don’t say that, Daniel, everything will be alright," Andrew reassured him, though doubt lingered in his mind.


Creating a new paragraph for each change of speaker will improve the readability of this conversation.

2. Near the end of the story, during the confrontation with Emily, it begins in his bedroom. Then ends outside when he gets his sword from his car. As the reader, that caught me by surprise; I was, 'But how?' It would be good if you could reveal during the fight that they had gone outside.

*Check* Overall
This is an ambitious story to tell within a limited Wordcount—I'd love to see it expanded upon and further developed. The Death of Daniel would be an entire chapter by itself, while the mystery of Andrew's occupation makes me curious, too. If you ever expand on the story, do please tag me in to read it!

Write On!

p.s.I have a trinket for you!



*Cat2*
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Eddie Author IconMail Icon

This is a sad review, from a loyal follower of this show.

I feel like I've heard it mentioned here and there, but being from NZ, I've not actually seen this show.

Despite your voiced disappointment in its decline, I sense you have not yet given up on it entirely.

Meanwhile, your question: perhaps you shall find the humour and laughs you seek right here at WDC.

Best wishes
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
40
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Review of Bird Watching  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi TheBusmanPoet Author IconMail Icon

This is a fun giggle of a poem, perfect for lovers of cats and birds alike (and I happen to be both!}

I enjoyed how it was such a short little teaser, a glmpse into the cats life - and you chose teh perfect photo to acompany it. Licking his lips, indeed!

Keep writing!
*Heartw*
Hope
41
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi russelljadams Author IconMail Icon ,

Hi, thanks for the Review Request! Always surprises me when that happens.

*Hook* Opening paragraph

"Think Johnny might be on break soon? Might be good to walk, stretch a bit," Rusty suggested, nudging a bottle cap into a crack with his toe. "Gotta keep track of things."

Initially, your introduction felt a bit vague, I was not too sure what the setting was, and who was Johnny. Upon second reading, and knowing the fullness of it all, I can see the cleverness there. Nicely done.

Still, I wonder if a couple more location clues would be good, regardless of who Rusty and Bruce were.

Your second Paragraph sets up our misunderstanding, also cleverly done, and so we begin an amble with these old friends.

*People* Characters
As I read I found myself mentally slowing down, because Bruce and Rusty have a very slow and steady conversational style. I felt like my own, usually rushed, pace also slowed. That was really enjoyable.

You diferentiate the men, not by any descrption of clothing (of course!) but by their slightly different outlooks. Rusty is more regretful and questioning in his comments, while Bruce is very aligned with his life.

As I read I got the sense that these were older men, who had finally allowed themselves to slow down and smell the flowers; all be those flowers are the past and present figures on a lap around their city block.

*HeartBl* What I liked best.
The point that I thought; Ooh what is happening? The first clue to deeper story infact, was this:

"Hold on...was that a flicker of gold?"

Rusty leaned over, squinting. "Nah, just a bit of foil. Probably from someone's fancy lunch."

Reading that, I had to immediately re-read it. It was an oddity to the scene that I thought I was starting to understand, but this was a new level of interesting.

I enjoyed that.


*Hammer* Recommendations
I found one typo, when they were talking about guessing what was being baked that day. You have " Bet it was always pie" should be "But it was always pie"

And I felt a bit confused about the second mention of the saxophone - was is a different one to the first oneheard, it felt like it was a different saxophone? I wonder if the first musician heard might be a different instrument instead.


*Check* Overall

I really really enjoyed this slowing down pace of life that you've have created, with a pair of old friend softly reminiscing good times in the past.

Strangely, I feel like I understand the appeal of being in their situation. Well, apart from that chill wind, the seasonal challenge of weather that you creep into the story in the last section.

This is a really enjoyable read.
I loved it.
*Butterfly2W*
Hope

p.s. why not enter it into the "Fox's Socks Newbie Short Story Contest" Open in new Window.


p.p.s I have a Hope Review trinket for you


*Cat2*
42
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi LeJenD' Author IconMail Icon
I found your verses thru the Read and review button, and appreciated your author's notes in the beginning that lay a framework for best possible enjoyment of your poem.

It is a beautiful set of pleasures revealed, warming and enjoyable to feel alongside you.

I found no faults, only a happiness.

Thankyou for sharing
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi ruwth Author IconMail Icon

My interested attention is directed to your entry in the Veterans comp, via the "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.. I get to review you.

Your introduction sets the frame for your story, to which the title is a big clue. It is an unfortunate story you go on to reveal. Your migraine was triggered, and in turn it triggered a series of events. Like a row of dominoes falling towards a cataclysmic and very final result.

This short story is a personal reflection with regrets for your response to choices, to which you were not aware of the ramifications at the time.

It is sad, and you managed to reveal the information (which required a lot of background information being supplied) in a way that I can really appreciate how you were really a victim of an alcoholic's sexist bias against you. While you were brave to stand up for what you knew to be correct (urine tests wise, in this instance).

I am not convinced that you are a 'non veteran'.

While as a Kiwi I hardly understand the ins and outs of your military, I would dare say that the experiance of your leaving above, is not the complete story of your service to your country while in the Military.

I suggest then, even if this is not the place for it, to not judge yourself too hard, but rather focus on and celebrate with a high head in remembering all the positives.

Warm wishes
*Butterfly2W*
Hope

P.S. I did see one typo:
"My first deployment to Aizona was my last. It did not go well."
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Sumojo Author IconMail Icon

I was pleased to find your poem looking past the shallow and commercial enterprise that is Valentine's, and then pointing us towards enduring love.

For true love is not just for a day

Well said!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of Drift  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow H. M. Marie Author IconMail Icon

That is a very scary experience you have shared with us here.
I liked the way you formatted it, how the end of the sentences zig-zag down the page - and in the context makes me think of heartbeats getting printed out on one of those monitoring machines.

I did not understand the final line though, the self-blame that the verses ended with. For surely, it was not true, you cant have been to blame for this event at all.

Wishing you good health
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Kåre เลียม Enga Author IconMail Icon
Oh this is so interesting, so well told. Though I did not understand the opening sentence, it set a mood for me that I appreciated everything that was then revealed.

I liked the cultural aspect that was shown, not in a 'look at me' sort of way, but just quietly there. Like joining the smokers to look. See, that sort of thing doesn't happen around here. It helped define the exotic of the environment of your story.

My favourite part was this:

Pond believed that life was recycled. Lim believed that the spirit returned to its source. They both agreed that traffic accidents were horrifying.

There you showed differing beliefs but in a consensus. There is a beautiful philosophy alluded to here, that of an acceptance of individuality. I loved that.

Thank you for sharing this

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of Fibonacci Spring  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oooo, a Fibonacci poem. *eyes brighten*

Oh, and so beautiful. And apt when we consider that the era of Fibonacci science institutions was called things like 'The Royal Society of London for Improving Natural Knowledge', filled with very godly men. That your sequence becomes a homage to The Creator of wonders like the nautilus shell, makes the most perfect sense.

Did I mention that I have some Fibonacci callipers? I've not used them much, but I love them., for the incredible wonder of it all.

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review of FERNTALON  Open in new Window.
Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi spotfur Author IconMail Icon
Congratulations upon a substantial beginning here at Writing.Com!

Your story is well imagined and written, all warm and cuddly really. Made me smile numerous times. And the inside joke of Mouse as your nickname! lol

I do recommend adding double-line spaces between paragraphs. That just helps the readers to take a pause and digest what they just read before reading the next paragraph. The visual of your writing looks more interesting too, rather than a 'wall of text', as some people call it.

Another tip, that might help you get the most readers, is increasing the text size to 3.5 or even 4. It's just kinder on eyes looking at the screen when the text is bigger than the default.

I look forward to future pieces from you!

*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Nikola Semanrus Author IconMail Icon

This is an amusing little play in a few snatched scenes.

I would have loved you to format it a bit easier to read however.

If you google formatting for Playwriting, you shall find the accepted methods they now use. eg. tab x6 for stage directions. Here at WDC you can use the {indent} formatting tag to help.

Double line space between speakers is our friend for readability for wider appreciation *Heart*

eg:

                                                           NARRATOR:
“After exchanging some pitiless remarks, our group of teens enter the shack-” (the Narrator continues speaking but is difficult to hear over Lee) “and see some truly life changing things.”

                                                           LEE:
“What is that voice?! I’ve heard it three times now! It’s like it’s narrating and I don't think it likes us very much.”

                                                           JACKSON:
“Three times? Why didn’t you say anything the second time?”


Heck, rereading that little bit there again has me giggling to myself. I love this comedy piece you have shared!

I hope you have more to come.
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
50
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Review by H❀pe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tim Chiu Author IconMail Icon

This is a very interesting offering, a non traditional take on Halloween. Your brief sentences relay big thoughts. I had to dictionary the meanings of a couple of your words there to help me to understand how they could be used in such a context!

Your poem is a fine example of how poetry can succinctly address depths that other forms of writing weaken by their excess of language.

Well done
*Butterfly2W*
Hope
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