A wonderful example of well written Haiku.
I read an instructional piece about Haiku here and as a
result, spend my morning walks creating
Haiku in my head. I haven't come up with anything
as nice or thoughtful as yours.
I'm impressed. I thought it would be easy to make
Haiku, in truth to make good Haiku is tougher
than I imagined, which makes your piece even
more impressive. Warmest best, Gabriella
I hope you get to your goal. Self confidence is critical, especially at your age. I hope you exercise and do things to keep yourself healthy. I went to a nutritionist. It turned out to be a better choice than dieting. She helped me choose things to eat that I like but don't put weight on, and of course I straightened out my eating habits. I discovered the term "nervous eating", which I do when things are stressful or I'm working too hard. I drink lots of water and walk everyday. Nothing dramatic but I'm looking and feeling better and I've lost weight :)) Good luck to you, Gabriella
A fun poem, thanks for sharing it. It rhymes beautifully and is well structured. You have ability and a great sense of humor, a nice combination, Best of luck to you,
Gabriella
Logan-I like your poem, particularly the way you build the reader up and then we see you slipping into sadness, depression and loss. You constructed the poem very well You have real ability. I hope you keep on writing. A warm welcome to you. I look forward to seeing more of your work. Your poem is simple and straight forward. I like your style. All the best, Gabriella
Your poem is outstanding and heart breaking. I know how you feel. I felt like that as a young person most of the time. I ran from home at an early age to be sure I'd have the life I longed for--to enjoy carefree laughter and comraderie; to find a job where I could blossom and have value; to work where I could make mistakes without lots of bruises to show for them. I'm glad you write. I hope this person isn't you. If it is, I hope your life
is better now. Gabriella
I love this poem. It's so loving; it offers us a window into a relationship that is precious and seems to be at risk. I thought you conveyed that beautifully. You make such good use of the words you choose to convey your situation. Keep on writing; I look forward to seeing more of your work. Thank you for sharing this piece.
Gabriella
Straight forward and gorgeously written without taking away from the poems inherent simplicity and sweet message. You did such great job forming the words to express your fatigue, sorrow and delight. Thanks
for sharing your poem. I look forward to reading
more of your work. Warmest best, Gabriella
A gorgeous poem that reflects perfectly, this intensely difficult time. I hope your daughter in law is fine now. My heart goes out to you and your son. Thank you for sharing this remarkable expression of your anxieties and a mother's love for her son and his bride.
Lovingly, Gabriella
Diane--I look at your user name and I remember the night I read your description of yourself for the first time.
I recall how you talked about choosing your user name and why. "Be Diane"..serves as a loving reminder to be and fully support yourself. I did go to your port to read the story about Jewell. No wonder you've received 5 stars for it. The story is so touching and lovingly written. I'll go back and read another story when I can. It's always a treat being in touch with you. Thank you for your generous and oh so kind review ! Lovingly, Gabriel
Another winner ! Thanks for sharing your poetry.
This is a loving tribute to your dad. A great
reminder to all of us not to take family for
granted. Gabriella
A wonderful poem. I hope it's really true that you feel better and the children have given you tremendous support and love. The poem is mature and so loving. I was deeply touched by it. I hope you keep on writing.
Gabriella
This poem is a very special treat.
It's intelligent and beautifully crafted.
I have to admit I got completely lost in the words and
utterly distracted from taking in your intended message for much of the poem. The paragraph that starts with "If I could speak my ways to you" pulled me back. You are masterful with words. You are a talented writer.
I'll be looking for more of your writing.
All the best, GabriellaR45
I read "Satin Wings" as well.
I loved it too....bravo Amara.
You write very well. Keep
writing. Check out my folder when
you have a chance.
Warmest best, GabriellaR45
Wonderful. Not sure what you could do to make it better. I loved reading it and of course, admire the style and the way you communicate. Bravo ! Keep on writing. I hope you'll keep me posted as you write more. I'll look forward to seeing you next posting. Warmest best,
GabriellaR45 on this cold snowy night in PA
I know how that feels--I bet most of us do.
I like the way you express your sadness
and frustration. I especially like "cross
the lonely mile" and "be not the night for me
be the light for me to see"......you have a
nice style and real ability. I hope you'll write
a lot and share your next piece with me.
I'll look forward to reading more. A warm
welcome and best wishes, GabriellaR45
I like your writing style. You conveyed your pain and your feeling of suffocation very well. One tiny bit of help: Can't breath is Can't breathe. All the best with your work. I hope you'll let me know as you make more
poetry. I'd like to read it. GabriellaR45
For all of us who have faced obstacles in life, this is so inspiring and encouraging. You touched my heart. I cheer you on. There is no question that you have remarkable talent. This piece was elegant in its sincerity and so well written. Your parents caused great pain such that the only way you could protect this positive beautiful force was to hide it deep inside you where they couldn't harm it. That special gif you have to write well is clearly still there. I'm grateful to see you have so many folders and you're obviously enjoying a rich writing experience
here. I will look for your work and hope you'll let me know if you create a new piece. Warmest best on this beautiful snowy day in Philadelphia area, GabriellaR4
Your choice of words is your real strength. I'm so glad to have come across your poem. I love the picture of "naked trees spreading their lacy fingers" and welcoming
the pale descending twilight. I also love "sweet breath of silence".....it's great to see that you've worked to
build a poem that is so rich in the words you choose to create beautiful images for your reader. We've had almost 2 feet of snow today--its so lovely to look at--almost beyond description. I hope you keep on writing. I'll keep and eye open for your work. Warmest best, GabriellaR45
I liked the story and felt for the two women. I'm fascinated to know what is in the letters and journal
she found, and what of her husband's evening outings before he died. Looks like this is the first installment. I'll hope to read what happens next. Thanks for sharing your work. It's very nicely written. GabriellaR45
Sounds like a worrisome adventure. I'm a mom--I'm horrified at the thought of kids who don't know how to fly a plane, taking one up in the air in the dark.
I'll be looking for the next installment !!
Thanks for sharing your work. Good luck with this.
GabriellarR45
I loved your poem. I have a couple of suggestions:
ashame should be a shame (two words) if i was the one you
could meet should be if I were the one you could meet.
As you can see, these are only small changes. Otherwise,
this is a wonderful poem !! Thanks for sharing it. Keep on writing. I'll keep an eye open for more work from you. Warmest best on a windy cold snowy night outside Philadelphia, Gabriella
I like this offering-its compelling and sad. I loved
reading it. I have only a few misuse of words or typos
to suggest you fix. Nothing important.
1) I couldn’t cry no more should read-> I couldn't cry anymore.
2) Obvious that he must've cared should read-> Obvious that he must have cared;
3) I was always a person that was against abortions, but there seemed to be no other option for me other than to have one-->(see if this is better: I always hated the idea of abortions but now, it seemed
the only thing to do).
4) Shortly after he sent me those text messages, Amber and him broke up. Should read:-->Shortly after he sent those text messages, Andrew and he broke up.
Susan-your writing is wonderful. I loved what I read and hope to keep reading. Looking forward to the next installment, hope you'll send word when it's ready. This is shaping up to be a terrific mystery. I wasn't sure if I'd like it and want to stick with it after reading the first few sentences but then it quickly evolved that this is a good well formulated plot. I was hurrying through to see what was going to happen next ! Good luck with this.
Don't forget to touch base as you move into the next chapter. If you're willing to look at my meager two pieces, the beginning ramblings of a totally new inexperienced fiction writer, I'd be so grateful. Thanks so much for sharing your splendid work !!
A poignant crisp description well worth reading.
Thank you for sharing your work. It's wonderful,
keep writing. "and yet not have been a noise"
is a little awkward, but you're the best judge of your
own work--if it works for you, that's good.
I enjoyed reading your writing. I hope you'll take
a moment and read mine if it's not an imposition.
I liked your poem; it was plain spoken and very narrow in its focus which is good. You have a good sense of timing
and you stick to keeping the message simple. In the end,
making the poem without pausing or punctuation worked, though there were places that I had to stop and reread.
Bravo ! I hope you'll keep on writing.
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