This is a good write about growing up with three sisters. You've been able to vent some feelings and still make your story a humorous one.
Anything that has to do with sibling rivalry should be put down in print I think. The more a person can come to grips with understanding how these issues can stay with a sister or brother, for what seems like a lifetime, the more they can grow as a better person.
I grew up with three sisters also and three brothers! I was the middle child. Three older- three younger.
I thought we three girls wrote the book on sibling rivalry until I read your story
You've spaced out your perfect sized paragraphs here to make this an easy read in spite of the length. Which by the way is not that long either.
A well written heartfelt write of what it means to grow up as the oldest child of four girls.
Write on.
ShiShad
I like that you have voiced what many of us are thinking but never put in print.
Hey I have nothing to add to this rant here!
What I like best about this is the sheer honesty it exudes....is that a word? I think it is.
I have to agree with your really good rant.
Write on.
ShiShad
I really was touched when reading this story. There is so much emotion welling up in every paragraph here.
Your're sentences are structured in just the right length to get your point across and still keep the reader's interest.
You've managed to make me aware of your bittersweet nostalgia upon entering your childhood home. Without, I might add the gruesome details that must have resided within.
That shows me you have conquered the pain you must feel with dignity.
- What I like about this poem are the strong statements being made about your view of the world around you.
I especially like- "Where the justice system has become a three-ring circus
And you watch it all on a talk show"
You have managed to give the reader a powerful message delivered with great imagery here.
- What I like about this poem is your ability to draw the reader into the search for the yellow lily.
- I love how your imagery is flowing brightly through every verse. I found myself walking along the path ...searching through each stanza...untill at last I saw the lillies too!
- I have no suggestion that could make this a better write.
- A wonderful poem that shares an awe of WONDER!
Write on.
ShiShad
- I do see errors in grammer examples-
"there was three from my mother" -It should read "there werethree from my mother" instead.
"we still ask our selfs{/}- It should read "we still ask ourselves
You should read through your story again to correct these errors.
- Suggestion- You might try breaking the story up into paragraphs. Which would allow for a easier read.
With a little work this could be a better write. My prayers go out to you for your loss.
Write on.
ShiShad
Your imagery used to tell about the day you lost your mother is vivid and gripping. It's as though you relived it with complete effect and feeling intact.
My heart goes out to you for your loss at such a young age.
I come away from this story feeling alot of compassion for you as your newborn son is born. Giving you new meaning in your life. A good feeling.
Thank you for allowing me to read such a poignant poem.
You have succeeded in humbly answering the question so many ask of you- "Why do you choose to fight?"
Thank you also for fighting for freedom in a foreign land to you.
Oh you are a hero allright. In the eyes of many like myself who do not take our freedom for granted.
Hello Sue,
I don't need the GPs so I'll send them back.
I just want to review this story above the rest that I have read of yours.
I really got hooked into this from around the third paragraph onward. I found the story line of a woman finding out she has a twin during her middle age years; to be unusual and intriging.
You have done a fantastic job with your imagery and the telling of this story.
-I can't think of anything that would make it better.
Overall impression -left me with the feeling that the ending was somewhat abrubt. I wanted to hear more about the story of the twins! An exceptional write. Is there more?
ShiShad
I think this is one of the most beautiful poems I have read here. If not the most beautiful! I was totally entrigued and overcome with wonder at your awesome imagery and imagination.
You obviously developed your own structure. I believe it is working.
I'm left with the impression that you really are a beautiful butterfly!
Keep up the good work.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 6:52pm on Sep 20, 2024 via server web1.