Thank you for a brilliantly done story for the May round of PWW. Kindly make this item "Group Only" with "Group Edit allowed" in the next box while editing. Your story is fantastic, as is the nice idiomatic English, your use of WritingML and your excellent sense of humor and timing. I haven't rated you a five because there are several slip ups...but as biblio felt, so do I. It seems to measure up to the needed level.
alas, you have to chop off nearly 25% of it, as the word limit is 3000 words.
Interesting encounter indeed, and ahead of the times when mothers and children were never rendered asunder in their entire lives. We have more or less that same, thousands of years old, system in the vast majority of India. However, in urban environs, this kind of scenario is indeed a high possibility, what with the spawning of fertility clinics, in vitro fertilisation, surrogacy, and what not!
Good story for a 55-word prompt. I know what difficulties there are in trying to wrap up a story in such a small paragraph! In view of that, you have done a good job indeed. The arrival of the person from the hallway into a room already darkened for the night has been vividly described. I could see how the child must have withdrawn even further into her blanket or whatever it was that she was attired in.
This is a reasonably well-written entry for katherine76's 99-word challenge based on the pictorial prompt of a pair of chorus-line dancing girls. You have given a good outline of a story of someone who is stuck doing a job that she doesn't really like, but is forced to do it for the liability of a son that she has. Good luck on the contest.
P.S. Do change the small "v" to a capital "V" in the word Vegas.
At the very outset, while this, I realised that I was in the same boat as the main character! I live in India, a tropical country, in a city that has never seen temperatures below 10 degrees celsius, and this too happened only this year, in 2007-08 winter!
I am not too confident Alabama won't see snow! That is because there are bound to be hotter summers and colder winters as the years go by. Who knows, you just might see snow in Alabama within the next ten yrs or so!
On the whole, this was a good poem. It was free verse, okay, but what it lacked was cadence and rhythm. It looked more like a narrative in text that was broken up to make it look like a poem. You probably like it the way it is, but it definitely needs a lot more attention and tweaking for it to rise above the "average".
By the way, there was one typo: in line 28, stanza 7, the word "by" seems out of place, and is probably meant to be "my".
This is so uplifting, so real, so truely from the heart and so correct in every way, that I HAD to give it a top rating! WDC does do a lot of positive things to people. It really does not matter that the person we are interacting with is senior or junior to us, less or more educated, male or female, etc etc as you put it so eloquently. We all are writers and we all share the same passion: we all want to improve our writing and we all need help from our friends here to tell us where we went wrong (if we did!). The GPs and awards matter A LOT and this is all thanks to the inventiveness of our beloved S M and S Ms.
Thank you for putting into words what all of us at WDC mean when we surf and enjoy this site!
It's been some time since I visited your port! This is a wonderful poem. I loved the metaphorical allusion to a flower swaying amidst its leaves. I have a couple of dodoitsus in my port as well ... do visit my port and check them out!
Welcome to the ** Image ID #1407692 Unavailable ** review! I am Taher and I am here with patience and focus to read and review this beautiful Nature poem written by you! The last word of each stanza adds pizazz and a snappy introduction to the next stanza. There is suspense, and the reader holds his/her breath to learn what happens next. Even though the action is as common as, say, leaves falling off a tree in autumn, your words liven it up and make it look as if it is being staged as a performance for the awed viewer!
I enjoyed the third stanza the most, as its final word allows the reader to shift his/her focus from the attacker to the prey for the first time! In a single word, you build a powerful image of a hawk swooping down on an unsuspecting mouse/rat/rodent with the intention of killing it for food.
This is a good poem on the winter prompt. I liked it better than your first one. The journey of a particle of snow down to the earth is well depicted. I would have loved to have Mother Earth described a little more benignly than being referred to as "deep black", but doesn't matter. Your poem is definitely above average, and a likely contender for winning a prize!
I won't go over the previous comments I made in response to the twin of this poem. As a stand alone, this haiku is marvellous. It is indeed a lot better than "Giving". In this haiku, the arrival of spring is better demarcated by the allusion to the blossoming of flowers. Good luck in the contest!
Good luck on the Haiku contest. I am afraid that I found the haiku a little off the mark. Isn't is supposed to convey something about the receding winter and the arrival of spring? By itself, the haiku is good, but taken in light of the prompt in the contest, from where I located it, it sounded a bit feeble. However, let me assure you that the form and structure of the poem is perfect. I liked the flow of the words, the alliteration and the oblique reference to the gift of life.
Wonderful! You have faithfully reproduced all the elements of a good haiku. Your form and structure are good, as is the meaning and the intent of the poem. The syllabic count is a bit off, but it doesn't matter as the poem is lovely.
Wow. I loved the way the story evolved from a descriptive one to one laden with drama and dialogue! I also liked your short description: in fact , that is what drew me to your item. I am glad I did, for the write-up was really good. It may have some very minor grammatical errors, but all in all, it is an excellent piece of work, with the right amount of drama and suspense. The end, though, wasn't entirely unexpected, since you had already added the genre "supernatural" to the story. Why not remove that genre to increase the suspense about who that man might be?
Permit me to welcome you into the world of WDC. I know I invited you to join, and have not had the time to visit your port until today.
This poem is a sweet attempt at describing what happens during the night. You have shown how the poet slept through it all. Maybe, you could have made the poet wake up somewhere near the end and take it all in, for a magical realisation of the beauty of the night.
The inversions of words that you have done at a couple of places seem to be contrived to get a rhyme. Far be it for me to tell you how to write, but why don't you read and write more on this site to learn the art of writing?
Thank you for creating the two items in your port. Write On!
Hi, man. This is a very good work of verse, and I congratulate you for writing it so well. Your description of Death as an eternal "She" is a completely new viewpoint, as down the ages, Death has always been depicted in the masculine gender. I liked your euphemism of a final kiss that represents death.
I rather felt that her insistence of being the ONLY person to be loved by all humans - was not so believable, but again, that is a refreshing way of looking at the Personified Death.
Congratulations on being featured in the Poetry newsletter. This is a good poem indeed. You have gradually increased the tension and the tempo of the poem, and the result is a beautiful, well-written poem within the ambit of a general, humdrum experience.
I did not follow the acronym "FPL", and will await your input on the same.
Terrific poem. Congratulations on having this featured in the weekly Poetry newsletter! I loved the way you reminded the reader to re-read the poem to discover new nuances and meanings. However, to be honest, at least with your poem, I discovered nothing new on the re-reading
How true! You have, quite literally, hit the nail on the head with this nomination. Your description of Jessie is, by any standard, factual and not at all tainted by your personal relations with her. I commend you on this, and wholly support your action!
Thank you for writing this interesting tale based on the "Twister prompt" of katherine76 and for sharing it with us. The story is probably based on truth, as your telling of it, without any embellishments, sounds so real and at the same time, believable.
I am returning to read one of your poems after a very long time indeed. Over the years, you have honed your writing style to make it your unique style, always keeping one foot firmly on the ground while the other, with the wings of your mind, goes to roam the world. Sdyney Opera and Marlene are fine, but your being able to find time to pen a poem while touring is something that I find amazing. Too, a very well-written poem! I would, indeed, like to hear about your roots if and when you should want to talk about them.
Perhaps if we had a few more boxes, we could send more than one request through the same survey-submission. other than that, Madame, this is a perfect way to let members request for more costumicons and merit badges.
Exquisite story! I loved the way you described the annoying friend who prances around in the guy's head and creates problems for him wherever he goes and whatever he does. Your POV was perfect and the narration was good too. Perhaps a bit of spacing between episodes and lines might make this item more readable and easy on the eye.
Great work again, Debbie. I think most reviewers follow the very same scale of ratings, but to put it down like this needs inventive, nay, systematic thinking (something that I, sadly, do not possess ).
I was wondering if you can maybe assign half stars? No, I think not. But no harm in asking, is there?
Again, I commend you for laying down your methodology in black and white (and blue and red and green too, LOL ). Your system of differentiating between comments, criticism or correction and grammar is lovely. I think I will copy it into my reviews too ... that is, if you don't have a copyright over it!
This is a fine activity indeed. I am really amazed to see such a large group of people working together to make new and rising talent noticed among the other members of WDC. In a way, every person who writes is a star in her/his own right. Rising or falling ... that's for the individual to decide.
I have been on WDC since over five years, and I really wish this kind of activity had existed then ... as I am sure I would have received the boost I needed at that point.
Thank you for your hard work and for a very rewarding activity, both for the givers and for the receivers.
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this, I realised that I was in the same boat as the main character! I live in India, a tropical country, in a city that has never seen temperatures below 10 degrees celsius, and this too happened only this year, in 2007-08 winter! 
). Your system of differentiating between comments, criticism or correction and grammar is lovely. I think I will copy it into my reviews too ... that is, if you don't have a copyright over it!