Hi. This is Taher. I was exploring online authors and came to your port, and browsing through it, I am here on this poem of self-discovery.
Truly, a life evolves as much as it revolves, to use your own metaphor. In this poem, you have drawn a lovely picture of the trials and tribulations that we have to face before we can emerge from it, better, wiser, braver and more enriched by the experience of having lived through such a drastic period.
I loved some of your neologisms ... especially the "morningeve". That sounds so poetic! I am not even aware of the words that are scattered throughout your penultimate stanza. Perchance, they too sound like neologisms to me, but I could be wrong about "laughterbonnets" and "maxerpurries" and "dragonflydillies" and "gleedaisies" and so on.
*Sniff!* Taher here. I came to your poem thanks to a listing of "Reviewer's items" on the left hand side bar of the WDC page. I think what you have said in this poem must become a compulsary reading for all the netizens of the world. We are so often swept away by instant gratification, aren't we? This poem extols the virtues of perseverance, love, patience, caring, giving, and so many others! I was also quite impressed with the AABB rhyme that you maintained quite assiduously throughout! It faltered just a little with a less than perfect AA in the last stanza.
All in all, a super effort. And may the poem entice many more grandchildren to write letters to their grandparents ...
Alas, none of them are alive for me. But I remember, and a tear does roll down my cheek.
Welcome to the best internet site on Writing! I am Taher, and would like to say a few nice things about your story: the premise that an author might want to keep his identity secret is an interesting one. Hence, full marks to you for exploring this not-so-commonly written theme. However, in the entire story, you did not tell us why Stan would like to hide his identity.
You said that his fav. forms of writing were adventure and mystery, and yet ... why is his just published story from the fantasy genre. You should tell us this too.
You need to realise that it is never "me and my parents" or "him and the owner", but "the owners and he" and "my parents and I" while writing.
Finally, in the first sentence, you have written the word "righting" instead of "writing" ... perhaps a confusion because they are homophonic in character?
The story itself was very different, and I liked the way the parents decide to go for an author signing! Also appreciate the kidnapping drama that evolves in the writer's life. However, the end left us wondering why the story was written incomplete.
Hi. Taher here. Welcome to the Frontliners' group and thank you for your offer of GP's in return for reviews. I have always admired your writing. In this somewhat introspective poem, you have touched the right chords of your interaction with the friends off and on WDC. You have also taken care not to crib about your imperfections and illnesses and merely spoken about how your friends affect these problems positively. Inthe line "It reduces my own you see" , you need to insert a comma after the word "own". Other than this one typo, I could find no errors in this beautiful ode to friends.
I am glad you joined the Frontliners. We mean to make a difference to the lives of all the members on WDC. Please do make time to visit our group, forums and other activities.
Helloooo! This is Taher, and I am a reviewing participant in "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor , the contest where you have submitted this entry. I must say your skill in meter and rhyming is superb! I am sure you will be placed among the winners, the poem is indeed so well tuned, it is almost lyrical!
The only thing I don't like about the poem is the last line! Vampires are already DEAD people, and WITCHES do not LIVE .... ha ha!
Hi. I am Taher, and I am one of the reviewing participants in "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . I am impressed by your story-telling skill. You make the story so easyu to read, and also, give it a nice twist near the end. However, the lady's character was not so well-developed and one found it difficult to believe that she was, in fact, Wilfred's widow and a ghost out to kill someone as innocent as the narrator of the tale. The menace and horror were, in my humble opinion, missing in the story.
However, to your credit, aside of a few minor errors, the item is free from any major typos or spelling errors.
Here are the minor errors that I spotted:
In the line - I must me going crazy, - replace "me" with "be". In the query - Who’s grave is it? - replace "who's" with "whose".
Reading your work is always a sort of education for poets of my calibre. You have painted a very harmonious picture of Spiritual and Heavenly Love that exists in all human beings. When man realises the meaning of this, he will have truly reached God. In this poem, you have explored a lot of different types of love - romantic, filial and societal, physical and metaphysical, spiritual and canonical. Throughout the poem, the "old man", as it were, exists inside the mind of the narrator. Your final few stanzas brought the "other person" successfully to merge with the narrator! Good work!
Hi. I am Taher, and I am here to review this item as part of the reviewers' team for the Frontliners. Your submission for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor is powerful, coherent and indeed very interesting to read. Your concept of an "offering" to become a part of the order of "Vampires" is something I had not earlier come across. Now, it makes sense, as someone who wants to achieve some unusual thing must be willing to pay a price for achieving the same. Characters in the above story were okayish, although you need to flesh them out a bit more. Fear is shown, but the reasons for the new recruit not bringing any offering are not discussed sufficiently for the reader to identify with them.
Wish you all the best in the contest! Happy Halloween in advance!
Hi. I am Taher, one of the reviewing frontliners for the contest you have submitted your entry in, viz. "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
On reading your poem, I was immediately prompted to tell you that your rhyme, rhythm and meter are almost perfect! That is the main reason I have rated you so high! On the other hand, the poem says nothing new ... we have all "been there" and "done that"! I would work on creating something new and fresh that appeals to the judges. Yet, the poem lacks nothing and is well-written. When things are written for contests, they have to have something unique.
Hi. Like you, I, too, am a contestant, but a reviewing one, for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Permit me to read your poem.
Thank you. I had no idea that you had a genuine liking for tercets (three-lined stanza poems)! In this poem, you have really taken pains to have a completely perfect rhyme and a near-perfect rhythm too. The transformation of a human-being into a monster with pleasure is something that is really well described in your poem. I loved this unusual outlook from the P.O.V. of the "victim", who now looks forward to more prey in its new avatar.
If I were you, I would remove that emoticon till the judging for the contest gets over. It is more of a distraction than anything to help the poem or its substance.
Using all the given prompts in a 14-line poem! Wow! You have really done well, my friend.
I am Taher, and, like you, I am a contestant in "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor , but as a reviewer only.
Kindly relax while I finish the item.
Your rhyme is near-perfect, as is the cadence. The rhyme faltered just once (in the second stanza).
I was a bit confused by the words "not all are tame". What did the "all" refer to? It might have created an image in your mind, but you have not spoken about anyone before that, so the words just seem to hang there.
The word "breathe" should be changed to "breath".
I was also surprised to read this about a haunted house with so many villains in it: >>In this house there is no sin.<< Could you explain how this happened?
Haunted houses and their tales are aplenty in the realm of stories, and it was interesting to read one more such story. I am Taher, and am reviewing this item as a participating reviewer-contestant for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Your story was full of images and descriptions! I liked your images of the dormitories, the wooden doll and the red telephone on a Corinthian column. I was impressed by your second-time usage of some of these images to bring the item to a climax. I also liked the way you went about exploring the house through the eyes of the narrator.
Did I dislike anything in the story? Perhaps a few things: one of them was that your descriptions of the various passages and rooms tended to become lengthy and pointless. The narrative could have been tightened by at least 200 words if you had walked about the rooms with an economy of words. . The other thing that you left halfway was the ending, which was, undoubtedly correct for a scary tale, but there was no resolution and proper tidy ending. This story perhaps needs another 200 words to bring it to a proper conclusion (and some ideas too, I suspect.)
Dear Sherri, and all you staff people out there, working hard to make this forum the best on WDC:
I want to say that you simply ARE the best on the entire site! I have participated twice on the challenge, and I must say that although the rules for reviewing the items on the challenge are strict, your selection of the items is so meticulous, varied and interesting, that the challenge becomes all too easy!
Thank you Sherri, for having such an enjoyable forum here!
Congratulations on the beautiful ribbon! You have certainly written a timely, rhythmic and well-rhymed poem on the worthlessness of how religion is practiced in modern times, and how men fight with others just because they think everyone who follows any religion other than their own is wrong.
I appreciate the thought and seek permission to copy your poem and put it up at a prominent place in my office/clinic.
Hi. I am Taher, and have come to your item through SHERRI GIBSON's "Simply Positive Forum Review Group". I liked the basic premise that you have used in this item. Your encounter with the vampire is well described. I wish, though that you had spaced out the paragraphs, so that they were easy on the eyes. Good work. Nice ending ... open and left to the reader to interpret.
I had attempted a climbing poem too, and you can find it in my folder "Awarded items" in my port. Climbing poems are small but satisfying, in the sense that they create a rhythm of their own and make the poem shine out amidst the clutter in one's port (such as mine did). I liked the imagery too. Thank you for showing us the antics of the shark and the effects of its actions.
Hi. This is Taher, from the Showering Acts of Joy forum run by gooberette, here to review your item!
This poem, where the writer, feeling grossly inadequate and a cheater to boot, visits the grave of someone near and dear to him/her, is quite deeply introspective and perhaps a little care-free too. Introspective because it dwells on the hidden and not-so-hidden defects in the personality and behaviour of the writer; care-free because the writer freely admits to his/her flaws and promises to return to the grave to get updates.
All in all, an interesting poem. I would run this through the spell-checker to correct words like conscientious; also, in stanza 3, line 3, I guess you were looking to write "quiet" and not "quite".
Your raffles are really - like - wow! I am hoping to win something this time. Your item is designed very nicely. You have used colour and font sizes intelligently to display the things in an attractive manner. I like the honesty with which you announce your needs for the GP's and the oh-so-grand prizes for the winners. On first look, I felt that the tickets were pricy, but since you limit the no. of tickets to just 250, it's fine!
Thank you so much for the raffle!
P.S. Why is the raffle named Rest of the rest and not Best of the Rest raffle this time?
Truly, we all wear a mask and a smile all day, and especially when we interact on the net, where we can safely hide behind our monitors and keyboards and wax eloquent on all things from Aardvaarks to Zygomatics. The true soul lurks behind and inside us as we go about our work, reading, writing, reviewing, chatting, emailing and what not. Our doubts and prejudices surface from time to time, but we just push these behind and keep up a brave front as we dabble through for the day.
Making this as one more review for the WDC Angel Army. As I said earlier, you have a way with words that outshines other writers on spiritual topics on this site. What you write here is the Universal Truth, no less, but not many of us thought to write it down in black and white! Thank YOU for doing this for all of us. We came from God and unto Him we must all return, and to Him belongs everything we are and we do and we see/feel/experience all around us.
I am Taher, and here to review something other than the highlighted item from your port that was displayed by SHERRI GIBSON in her Simply Positive Forum - as I had already reviewed that one.
The more we try to unravel who you are, the more you spin a web of intrigue around you!
It is true that all writers here project only a certain aspect of their multifarious living experiences. However, some choose to show a bit of their special characteristics too! I loved the words "ethereal pantomime" the most from the poem.
Understanding a philosophical poem such as this one allows one to come down to the common denominator of becoming a location-less, class-less, race-less and sex-less human being with the same Life in the heart and the same Soul in the brain, both powered by the Almighty above us.
Viv, I read good spiritual items from your port, and every item increased my respect for you. You sure are an ascetic, out to seek out God - but not through rigorous fasting or penance, but through soul-searching and thinking, that highest of the higher functions the Lord endowed on humans.
Amazing. This is all I can say in a word after reading this item. Hi. Taher here, to do a port review on behal of Kiya's Angel Army Review forum. Stumbling into the folder of "obscure" items allowed me to unearth this gem! By using the "sculptor" metaphor for the Universe's Creator, you have created a good prose item that will stay with the reader for some time to come. The idea itself is nothing new, but the dialogue injected by you in it makes the item extraordinary. To other readers of this review, I recommend reading this!
This is Taher, once again from the WDC Angel Army Review Forum. When I saw the beautiful ribbon by the side of your item's name in your port, I was intrigued: why does this item have an awardicon of this nature? After reading the item, though, I wonder why it has not been adorned with an even bigger plaque.
You write simply, and from the heart. Quoting effortlessly from the Bible, your essay rises miles above the average for the WDC site, and, too, it has no grammatical or language errors. A truly great essay!
Hi. This is Taher. I came to your port thanks to kiyasama's WDC Angel Army.
I consider the above account a very good overview of how you review. The only reason I am not giving it five stars is this: I have read, on this site, some even better items on how those members review and rate others. With your item, however, I find no errors. You have cleared almost all doubts those reviewed by you might have.
I think it might help if you were to select a few of your best reviews and copy-paste them into this item as examples of your reviews. Maybe one story, one poem and one article review?
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Taher
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In the line - I must me going crazy, - replace "me" with "be".
the item.
. The other thing that you left halfway was the ending, which was, undoubtedly correct for a scary tale, but there was no resolution and proper tidy ending. This story perhaps needs another 200 words to bring it to a proper conclusion (and some ideas too, I suspect.)
