Hi. Thank you for sharing your wonderful exotic item with us. I am doing this review as part of the "Simply Positive Forum" challenge. Yours is the first.
The poem form that you chose is quite restrictive as it needs syllabic coordination as well as the creation of an acrostic. I must say, however, that you have done a good job of it.
My best line? The alliterative one.
The worst? Your use of the contraction "soul's" (instead of "soul is") in the penultimate line. It confuses the meaning of the sentence.
I am back to read your work! Remember me? Of course you do.
This poem is a good recollection of the events that occurred in your house/ the house of the narrator. I was impressed by the imagery it evoked. So much detail, I almost felt as if I was in the house! Perhaps as the "Dad" or as the "Mom"?
I also liked the way you wove the experience with your own personal emotions and led the poem to its logical conclusion.
A few typos that I detected:
"mornings" is misspelt as "nournings". In the next line, "he" is misspelt as "the".
Thank you for sharing this personal experience with us on WDC, the site that rocks!
Hi again! I liked this poem much more than the earlier one that I reviewed a short time back. The story is intact as is the continuity and the nature of the child's thinking. Children, they say, reflect most reality back at the elders, and the pain they experience is true. When the girl in the story realises that even divine intervention won't save her, she begins to console her own grieving mother.
I enjoyed this poem very much.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
- Taher
P.S. A couple of typos: Line 3: girl's -> girls Line 4: angel's -> angels
Thank you (and Patricia) for writing such a lovely song. I came to this item thanks to Sherri's "simply Positive forum". I do not have much of a liking for songs lyrics as I am brought up in a totally different culture and in a country known for its various ethnic languages, namely, India. However, I must say to your credit that you have written a fairly engaging song with good lyrics.
This one was a nice attempt by you to showcase the thinking of the great Helen Keller. Who are we to judge what is beautiful and what is not to a person of such inner beauty as Ms. Keller was? You have rightly shown the reader that matters of the heart have a more profound value attached to them as compared to the matters of the earth (notice the anagram that earth forms with heart!).
Thank you for sharing this with us and welcome to Writing.com! I sincerely wish you a happy sojourn on this wonderful website!
Your desire to write has come out beautifully in this special acrostic verse! I liked the allusion to humanity: it is basic human urge to disseminate what one knows, to be known and to know all, to learn and to teach, to hear and to talk, to write and to be read.
The last two lines were a bit contrary: do you really feel like writing when you are angry or depressed at the way things are with your life? I find that I am unable to even sit before the computer when things aren't going right with me ...
I appreciate the idea involved in writing this small but effective story! You have, in a few words, summed up what many tomes of advice could not have: our writing lives on forever, even if we are to perish. However, and I say this lightheartedly, what happens if we don't have hard copies of what we create on WDC or similar writing sites and the site were to crash/close down, or worse ... internet, as we know it, ceases to exist???
I was doing the reviews for the Simply Positive weekly task, and discovered that I had already previously rated/reviewed your Cat story. Hence, I am reviewing something else from your port. This is such an honest and bright telling of your writing adventure down the years. I am thrilled to see your book's cover on the side of this item, and even happier to learn that you actually have an Amazon profile. Wonderful work! Keep it up, and write on!
Just one suggestion: In this sentence, the construct is a bit wrong: Nothing satisfied me that I put on paper .... this might sound better as: Nothing that I put on paper satisfied me.
I have never been good at writing mystery and detective stories, but give me a book with such stories, or write-ups like yours, and you can keep me busy as a bee. This was a wonderful item and had just the right level of mystery and suspense in it. Neither was it too difficult to work out the perp, nor too easy. The denouement, I feel, could have been done a little more slowly, although, I don't think that there was any error in the story. Good work, keep it up!
Strong emotions, indeed. I still feel that it is possible to drop past baggage and embark on the further part of life's journey with the heart's slate wiped clean of all that trash. I really think that several parents abuse their children till the problem goes out of control; this problem is not going to go away so quickly! The child does need a lot of love and professional counselling so that he/she can lead a normal life, or as normal as possible.
Thank you for being brave and for sharing your personal life story with us.
Hello. I am Taher. Reviewing your poems is always a pleasure, since your storoems have so much truth in them! Today, I am visiting your poem/storoem for the "Simply Positive" Group, in which it has been featured. I am not a challenger though, but simply an interested reviewer.
What you say so eloquently in the above poem is 100% correct. If even 5% human beings reflected on their actions, even after committing the crime, we would have taken one step forward in civilising ourselves. Alas, it is extremely likely that we won't willingly take that first step on the road to Eternal Peace.
This is a wonderful form! I liked the explanation too, as it was put in an easy to understand format.
Coming to the poem proper, it is based on a good understanding of how partners behave in the mornings. The lazy, languid attitude of the narrators is shown beautifully, as is the romance that is present between them. Most of all, I liked your use of simple language to convey these beautiful feelings.
You start and end the story with the same line ... a genuinely good tale about an affair that starts with a whispered pass that you have described and dissected so very well. I loved the way you went about telling us things that go through the narrator's mind as she continues to attend class while her mind is wandering amorously. The icing on the cake was the sending of a forwarded JOKE by the teacher to his doe-eyed student!
Well said! As you have rightly said (and I have, too, in my book on parenting), one cannot praise the child enough! While the child feels as if he has been awarded, the parent will also gain because, after all, he/she will see his/her child's face light up with pleasure.
It is not all that difficult to understand the child: all you need to do is to apply the filter of knowledge, love and instinct. I know that sounds pompous, but try it and you will see what I mean.
I have opened my eyes to see a section of the world that I know next to nothing about after having read your very interesting story-cum-biopic. Your tale was gripping. It led one through the culture and the way of life of a place I have not ever visited and am unlikely to visit either, at least in this lifetime. I loved the footnotes especially, as they explained a lot more of the story in very few words. I believe you wrote this story for the PWW. I am so glad I read it. It was wonderful!
Congratulations on a well-deserved first place in PWW's sixth round. I know that you have won yet another award there, so double congrats! This is a wonderful rhyme that says what it does so eloquently and nicely. I found the last stanza so strong and powerful that I was prompted to show it to several of my colleagues and family.
Oh my God! I was sort of expecting the end, and yet, the story is so well-written, that there was no way I was going to skip down to the bottom and read the ending! Congratulations on a very well done story. This needs to be published or something. I could not find any errors or make one suggestion to improve this tale. I pity Betty more than Maxine though. Once her deed is discovered, she is doomed!
Even though the poem that this item contains is written by Nancy, it is the way you have "mounted" it on your canvas that makes me rate this a 5.0. Unfortunately, there is no 6.0, or higher numbers, or I would have gone to about 10.0
I loved the allusion to your benevolent spirit that shone through every line in the poem.
I sort of stumbled into your port by chance ... it's been some years since we did an Endureview together. Or was it the Veronica Port thingy where three of us teammates with you as the leader did an astonishing number of reviews and got the first prize?
Anyway, things have moved on since then. The title "Adult themes" of your folder intrigued me and so here I was, inside that folder and read off all the titles of your stories. This is the one that drew me in. I am glad that I did, for the story is really well-written, is believable and is perfect!
I understand that you are now suffering from kidney failure ... any way, I shall always pray for you. Be well and be blessed.
Thank you for having such a grand forum and group around here. You have an amazing number of members! Would you mind adding one more name? If there is no problem from your end, may I request to be allowed to join?
This is such a heartfelt inspirational account of a mother through a grown-up child's eyes. When we are younger, we often misunderstand our parents' motives for not being there when we need them; little do we realise that we are missing them and they are working so as to make our futures better! I have known children who have not even looked at their mothers with love when she/they return home after an exhausting day's work. I really pity these children - for they are going to feel remorse later in their lives, as sure as the fact that the sun rises every day.
You have written a very good account of your mother, the teacher. But, I tell you, ALL mothers are special. They do so much for their own children. Every mother is a teacher and a mother rolled into one.
I appreciate your essay very much. I am just wiping my eyes, recalling my mom now.
Reminiscences of this kind can only be uplifting to the writer as well as the readers. You have done a hell of a good job in telling a story that could have got caught in the fishing jargon, but did not, owing to your simple and clear telling of it. Truth, they say, is always easier to say than fiction, and your story proves that in ample measure.
The ending of the story was remarkable, in that it demonstrated all so clearly that what goes around, comes around in equal measure. You just missed putting the last line in quotation marks, and that, and a few very minor errors took away from the perfect nature of this item. However, I congratulate you on creating a very knowledgeable story -- and making it entertaining as well.
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P.S. I am doing this review as a part of a task for the ""AUTHORS' SPOTLIGHT - Season 6" ". Kindly acknowledge the review and oblige!
I came to this item through your portfolio's blog, where it was listed. I am quite eager to get accepted for the next round as a participant, and very keen to know just what the activities are going to be. Additionally, I would like to say that this was a very, very interesting set-up for a blog. One of those rare occasions on WDC where a blog has a brief bio, a picture and so many other things! Loved it.
Write On!
P.S. I could discern that you have some physical medical problem that incapacitates you ... but could not discover what it was. Hope you stay well.
I am a fellow competitor on Project Write World. I represent and lead Team India. your take on the prompt and the essay are both innovative and very coherent. Your personal views are also very sanguine and have a sound of reality about them. I think you have done good research on the very real problem of home-aloners. I liked your logical statements a lot. Perhaps a few sound-bites from some home-aloners may have looked good in the essay, but then, they aren't required, are they? Wish you good luck in the contest.
Redemption comes to each of us in different ways. It is only from unredeemed mistakes that we learn to become better individuals and can hone our mettle to be stronger and more human in our behaviour and traits.
It was a good poem, no doubt. There were no spelling mistakes or any errors of any kind. I liked the rhythm and the meter too. The message - of your being unable to say sorry to your deceased mom - however, got diluted among the sounds of crickets and various other peripheral issues. This is the only reason for giving you a 3.5. Try and convert this poem into a more crisp and short version - with no words being superfluous.
Also, why is there a link to another website at the bottom? Please remove it!
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"mornings" is misspelt as "nournings".
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