This is a hilarious and extremely realistic take on the problems that mothers of children face as they grow up. I loved the way you set up the whole story by focusing on the natural behaviour of children, especially as they enter teenhood. I have two teens myself, both girls, and if I were to put on paper all the "experiences" that I am gaining, my book would be larger than the entire size of WDC!
My favourite lines were the ones in the penultimate stanza (lines 1 and 2). How we all fight for the phone too!
I came across your name after almost five years and was glad to learn that you have married and have a daughter as well ... any more kids? Remember me? This blog had a promise of evolving into something interesting, but you seem to have abandoned it. Has it been resurrected somewhere else?
Hi. I am Taher, a reviewer who has come to this item from SHERRI GIBSON's "Simply Positive Forum".
Nila, I don't know but I think sometimes it is wiser to forget the past and wipe the slate clean so that one may forge ahead and carve a better future. In that respect, I disagree with your final stanza. At the same time, I appreciate that different people have a different way of approaching the unknown, and for some, keeping in touch with the past, howsoever tenuous, torturous or difficult it may have been, is the only way.
Thus, I respect your point of view and have accordingly rated this poem a 4.5 ... it is indeed very well written and has a good form, and no errors.
Hi. This is Taher, a reviewer who found your poem among those highlighted for the week in SHERRI GIBSON's Simply Positive Forum. I think this is the true meaning of a heart-felt soliloquy. You have, in under 30 words, summed up the meaning of introspection, reconciliation and peace.
I liked the short words, the small stanzas and the small line-lengths, as also the final feel of this very effective verse.
Hi. I am Taher. Of course, you remember me. You so kindly reviewed so many of my items. Now it is my turn to do this review. I am one of the challengers in the Review challenge of the Simply Positive Forum run by SHERRI GIBSON.
This is such a touching poem. I was impressed by your short but complete descriptions of a nice human being who God beckoned early in life to His abode. I am sure his family pines for him day and night. However, and I am only saying this as an aside, not meaning to demean his memory, they have to move on now. The children have to look upon their mother as a 2-in-1 parent. The mother has to let go of the grief and do her best to raise her children well. This might be the best homage the family can pay to the memories of their departed father/husband.
I am Taher, and am here to review this song courtesy Sherri Gibson's "Simply Positive Forum". First out, let me admit that this is the first time I am reading a song that is meant to be written to Country Music. I hail from India, a country that has few admirers of English Country Music; we do have our own variant in one of the Indian languages like Hindi or Tamil.
This is such a beautiful song! It has been written with just the right words and has just the right rhythm for people to listen to it and enjoy. You have shown the singer to regret why he let his beloved walk away; I say that this is what happens in most affairs of the heart. When the jolt comes, it is always shocking and makes the victims numb.
I am Taher and am doing this review as one of the activities of the Simply Positive group. This is a short poem of maternal love, a love so everlasting, so complete and so real, that I felt immediately the tenderness in the words.
I would love to know why so many lines in the poem were written repeatedly. Other than this small snafu, I found no other problems with your work
You are a master of words, but also, a very sensitive human being who, through his power to bend words at will, uses that power to further the cause of helpless creatures, such as the hump-back whale, as you have done in this item.
I am reviewing this as part of Sherri's Simply Beautiful Forum, where I have participated in the challenge.
Your absolutely scientific explanations are right on the dot. Your surmise that these calls are mournful calls to others to take heed of their environmentally precarious situation are probably, as you say, poetic licence, but even so, they have a ring of truth for those who will care to listen.
Hi. I am Taher. This review is part of the challenge I am taking for Sherri's Simply Positive Forum.
I have to say that the way you went about telling us (the readers) about the way life is viewed by a child and how it is viewed by them after they have grown old was really creative. I was interested in knowing how you coloured your circle, and your poem went about doing exactly that.
I was unable to understand why the circle of seasons speeds up as we age. Perhaps we find that our time on this planet is running out? Perhaps it is our impatience to get things done? Or is it that the pace of this planet's inhabitants has undergone an inexplicable secular increase and we are unable to stop this thing.
I enjoyed the poem very much, especially the last few lines which held out hope and despair in equal measure.
Hi. Thank you for sharing your wonderful exotic item with us. I am doing this review as part of the "Simply Positive Forum" challenge. Yours is the first.
The poem form that you chose is quite restrictive as it needs syllabic coordination as well as the creation of an acrostic. I must say, however, that you have done a good job of it.
My best line? The alliterative one.
The worst? Your use of the contraction "soul's" (instead of "soul is") in the penultimate line. It confuses the meaning of the sentence.
I am back to read your work! Remember me? Of course you do.
This poem is a good recollection of the events that occurred in your house/ the house of the narrator. I was impressed by the imagery it evoked. So much detail, I almost felt as if I was in the house! Perhaps as the "Dad" or as the "Mom"?
I also liked the way you wove the experience with your own personal emotions and led the poem to its logical conclusion.
A few typos that I detected:
"mornings" is misspelt as "nournings". In the next line, "he" is misspelt as "the".
Thank you for sharing this personal experience with us on WDC, the site that rocks!
Hi again! I liked this poem much more than the earlier one that I reviewed a short time back. The story is intact as is the continuity and the nature of the child's thinking. Children, they say, reflect most reality back at the elders, and the pain they experience is true. When the girl in the story realises that even divine intervention won't save her, she begins to console her own grieving mother.
I enjoyed this poem very much.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
- Taher
P.S. A couple of typos: Line 3: girl's -> girls Line 4: angel's -> angels
Thank you (and Patricia) for writing such a lovely song. I came to this item thanks to Sherri's "simply Positive forum". I do not have much of a liking for songs lyrics as I am brought up in a totally different culture and in a country known for its various ethnic languages, namely, India. However, I must say to your credit that you have written a fairly engaging song with good lyrics.
This one was a nice attempt by you to showcase the thinking of the great Helen Keller. Who are we to judge what is beautiful and what is not to a person of such inner beauty as Ms. Keller was? You have rightly shown the reader that matters of the heart have a more profound value attached to them as compared to the matters of the earth (notice the anagram that earth forms with heart!).
Thank you for sharing this with us and welcome to Writing.com! I sincerely wish you a happy sojourn on this wonderful website!
Other than the fact that this is a good poem set up so nicely with an engaging picture and the friendly, large font, what I really liked about the verse is that it is dedicated to a friend, and plays on the name of the friend with a beautiful metaphor that defines her character.
I am doing this review on behalf of the Frontliners! How much younger or older is Peggy as c.f. you? She has written a very good poem indeed. The only lines that did not rhyme were in the penultimate stanza. Otherwise, even the repetitions were good-sounding and evoked very good images of the two of you enjoying yourselves on the HCH. Perhaps you could write a rejoinder to this and gift it to her ... Call it "MY FAVORITE PLAYMATE" or whatever else you fancy.
Your desire to write has come out beautifully in this special acrostic verse! I liked the allusion to humanity: it is basic human urge to disseminate what one knows, to be known and to know all, to learn and to teach, to hear and to talk, to write and to be read.
The last two lines were a bit contrary: do you really feel like writing when you are angry or depressed at the way things are with your life? I find that I am unable to even sit before the computer when things aren't going right with me ...
I appreciate the idea involved in writing this small but effective story! You have, in a few words, summed up what many tomes of advice could not have: our writing lives on forever, even if we are to perish. However, and I say this lightheartedly, what happens if we don't have hard copies of what we create on WDC or similar writing sites and the site were to crash/close down, or worse ... internet, as we know it, ceases to exist???
I was doing the reviews for the Simply Positive weekly task, and discovered that I had already previously rated/reviewed your Cat story. Hence, I am reviewing something else from your port. This is such an honest and bright telling of your writing adventure down the years. I am thrilled to see your book's cover on the side of this item, and even happier to learn that you actually have an Amazon profile. Wonderful work! Keep it up, and write on!
Just one suggestion: In this sentence, the construct is a bit wrong: Nothing satisfied me that I put on paper .... this might sound better as: Nothing that I put on paper satisfied me.
I have never been good at writing mystery and detective stories, but give me a book with such stories, or write-ups like yours, and you can keep me busy as a bee. This was a wonderful item and had just the right level of mystery and suspense in it. Neither was it too difficult to work out the perp, nor too easy. The denouement, I feel, could have been done a little more slowly, although, I don't think that there was any error in the story. Good work, keep it up!
Strong emotions, indeed. I still feel that it is possible to drop past baggage and embark on the further part of life's journey with the heart's slate wiped clean of all that trash. I really think that several parents abuse their children till the problem goes out of control; this problem is not going to go away so quickly! The child does need a lot of love and professional counselling so that he/she can lead a normal life, or as normal as possible.
Thank you for being brave and for sharing your personal life story with us.
Hello. I am Taher. Reviewing your poems is always a pleasure, since your storoems have so much truth in them! Today, I am visiting your poem/storoem for the "Simply Positive" Group, in which it has been featured. I am not a challenger though, but simply an interested reviewer.
What you say so eloquently in the above poem is 100% correct. If even 5% human beings reflected on their actions, even after committing the crime, we would have taken one step forward in civilising ourselves. Alas, it is extremely likely that we won't willingly take that first step on the road to Eternal Peace.
This is a wonderful form! I liked the explanation too, as it was put in an easy to understand format.
Coming to the poem proper, it is based on a good understanding of how partners behave in the mornings. The lazy, languid attitude of the narrators is shown beautifully, as is the romance that is present between them. Most of all, I liked your use of simple language to convey these beautiful feelings.
You start and end the story with the same line ... a genuinely good tale about an affair that starts with a whispered pass that you have described and dissected so very well. I loved the way you went about telling us things that go through the narrator's mind as she continues to attend class while her mind is wandering amorously. The icing on the cake was the sending of a forwarded JOKE by the teacher to his doe-eyed student!
Well said! As you have rightly said (and I have, too, in my book on parenting), one cannot praise the child enough! While the child feels as if he has been awarded, the parent will also gain because, after all, he/she will see his/her child's face light up with pleasure.
It is not all that difficult to understand the child: all you need to do is to apply the filter of knowledge, love and instinct. I know that sounds pompous, but try it and you will see what I mean.
-drtaher
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P.S. I liked your disclaimer!
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"mornings" is misspelt as "nournings".
