Hi. A big welcome to WDC, or Writing.com. As a new comer, you must be finding the site overwhelming, aren't you? Indeed, the site is full of things one can only discover at a leisured pace, and that is exactly what I recommend. At the same time, the fact that you already have something written in your port is commendable.
It is true that base emotions corrupt the best of people, and hatred - or hate as you call it - corrupts the mind and destroys the body too. I am more scared of hating someone or something more because it can have a backlash effect on me, rather than because it will harm the thing or the person at whom it is directed.
There was one line that I did not follow. Would you please explain this to me:
For in all my disgrace but glory,
I end up better than you.
Five days into WDC, and you are simply fantastic with this take on "people-watching" at malls/grocery stores. Hi. I am Taher ... and I am here to welcome you, Bionic Possum, to this wonderful reading and writing site. You have written a fairly good essay! The initial part where you write about farms and farmers became a little irrelevant later on as you began to narrate experiences of watching people buy certain "specific" things at stores. May be you could edit the item and leave in the essential things and stuff, and remove what is not needed.
Very well-written! I am Taher, and am the judge for this round's submissions for
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. Incredible writing is all I can say, and interesting too. The only sore thing was the slightly higher number of errors of language or spelling.
I have sent you the list separately with edit points.
Hello. I am Taher, and I am the weekly judge for the
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1537106 by Not Available.
I think this is a very well composed poem on self-discovery and the igniting of the spark of understanding an internal emotion. All through the poem, I was trying to see if the image of this emotion holds true in my mind, and I am glad to say that it did.
I thought that in the line "For, in his presence, she is no more", you meant to say that "she is not alone any more". If that is correct, then the dropped words were crucial to understand the meaning. May be you need to work on that line a little more so that it conveys the meaning more clearly without becoming too long. May I suggest - "But, she knows, she isn't any more"?
Lastly, the first lines of the first and last stanza are better rephrased as "So this is what the fuss is all about", IMHO.
You made me cry, really. Michael and I are almost the same age, and I lived my medical college years and youth listening and seeing him day and night. You wrote this from the heart, and I think this was one of the best tributes given to anyone that I have read on this amazing site. I am gonna give you a little something to adorn this page.
Well-written story for the Parenting contest, I must say. Your sentences are full of the truth of life, and I don't think that the things she does are any different from a woman who is not divorced but whose children are away on a camp or gone to his mother's place or something. Reading the last year's bestseller reminded me of the same. I have yet to catch up with the last two year's bestsellers! I loved that sentiment a lot where you say that love is not bound by space or time. Indeed, love is timeless!
Interesting and perhaps predictable ending, but even so, you did succeed in quickening the reader's pulse when she does not easily spot her children disembarking off the plane.
No doubt this is a great idea to raise funds. I wish you good luck. You need to make the main page of this item a little more colourful, and perhaps create a forum image with a link to this forum. You also need to give the bitem links to the groups and activities that you are going to support.
This is an interesting first chapter for the 14-7-1 challenge that you have undertaken! I wish you all the best in this venture, and I do hope and pray that you are among the winning authors! Your story line is very believable and well-written. I just wonder how the two women are related, but I think it might be best if I await the next installment tonight or the next. Good effort. Why not space out the paras so that they are easy to read?
Taher, reviewing you as a participant of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Hi. I am Taher, and I am reviewing you as a participant of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . You have said it plainly and honestly, and I agree wholeheartedly with your point of view.
However, I have to say that you can do a lot to the layout and paragraphing of this essay if you want people to read the whole item with deep thought and satisfaction. You should space out your paragraphs. Also, you need to pay attention to common errors like "their" vs. "they're" (...check out the second paragraph for this one!)
Your premise that it is only the mad and non-conformist people who can kick-start a new revolution, is set up very well. You just need to convince the world that your point of view is correct, and then, I think a smile could grace your stern outlook.
In a way, we are soul-mates, since we both joined Writing.com (then Stories.com) in September 2002, with me joining about 2 weeks after you! I am Taher, and I am reviewing you as a participant for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Enjoying a merry day in the outdoors with ones' own children is a joy only fathers will understand. In that sense, I could identify with you as you went about, gallivanting with your sons - in almost the same manner I went with my two daughters ... and still occasionally do ... although they are almost grown up.
I loved the penultimate line in which you spoke about running right through the seasons. What a delightful thought!
Hi. This is Taher, and I am reviewing you as a participant of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . It is always something in the nature of bravery when a person stands up against a wrong, against perpetrated or possible perpetration of an injustice, a violation or an abuse. Males doing abuse is definitely a lot commoner than the opposite, so this poem is true to reality. Your poem, written as a sort of invocation to a woman to stand up against injustice, is done well. I commend you for the easy font and the simple yet powerful language.
Taher here to review you as a participant of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . You sure write well, Bran, and I. for one, am restricted to simply admiring your writing and the thoughts it contains. Your poem is unique, in that it describes, from the POV of the narrator, in second person, an individual with hidden talent - a man of God who does not "show" this as a manifest quality but one that is hidden behind layers of "innocence", "child-like qualities" and an amused indifference to the unwise people around him. Your dedication was fantastic, and spoke so much despite its brevity!
Taher here again, to listen to and read one more lyric of yours! The various positive and negative things that you mention about your Motherland in this song do balance out each other! In the end, what shines out is your love and affection tinged with respect for England. In the audio that I heard, I missed instrumentation, and hence I could not relate to the slow appeal of the song. I would have preferred something fiesty and positive.
he song was indeed well arranged and the guitars set up quite a lovely rhythm. The singer's voice was clear and she sang the song with feeling. This made it soothing to the listening ear. I enjoyed the slight variation at the end of the second last stanza and the lovely whistling by Sara very much!
I am coming to your port after quite some time, and it is to find that you have become an accomplished singer and a song-writer too! Taher here, reviewing you as a participant for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . This poem of defiance and non-acceptance of a wrong is very well-written, and the song itself, along with the whistling, is rendered beautifully. Congratulations to both you and Sara for a job well-done!
Hi. I am Taher, and as a participant for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor , I am visiting your port as this item was highlighted on the main page. According to me, and I have stated this often in various fora and discussions - both on WDC and elsewhere - the muse is not some static object or angel sitting inside us, but, rather, a chance occasion where simple and mundane objects and events can trigger off our writing. Your example shines out! The poem has excellent meter, and a very good ABCB rhyme scheme.
Hi. I am Taher. I am participating in a general review challenge, and this review is a part of the same (see "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor for details!). Welcome to the enchanting, wonderful world of Writing.com. I hope you are enjoying the flush of entering your work and seeing your portfolio turn from a drab gray to a sparkling black!
Although I could not identify with your inspiration as I do not know who Wendy is, I think that by and large, this was an above average effort that was nicely balanced in its style and content. Not many people would call it a poem, by the way, and do not be disheartened if someone rates you very low because of the same. Your concluding lines actually lifted this item from the ordinary to something more than that, as it disclosed the real intentions of the narrator. Well done, indeed.
Hi. I am Taher, and I am reviewing you as a participant for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Your poem of beseeching the good qualities of life and living and using the handle of an innocent child who should hark to the call of one who is aware of the good-ness of life is very stirring and evokes memories of one's own innocence when one was a child. As we age, our hearts become more and more black and sinful, and you have done well to remind the reader of this. Your call to the child to shine above all the muck of the earth and to show the world what innocence can be like is something I easily identify with as a parent. However, and this is the truth, today's children are unlikely to hear whatever you are telling them, and your plea will definitely die a death more sickening than any that you have heretofore seen.
Hi. This is Taher, and as a participant of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor , I welcome you to WDC as a senior member and also as a fellow-Indian. You have completed one week here, and I am sure you are still trying to find your way about this amazing site. I was pleased to see that you already have six items in your port!
Coming to this poem: it is an interesting take on the seasons, and you have made the ending very nice and poetic by comparing the narrator's state of mind to the arrival of a new season in her heart. I was only a bit confused by the line "His presence brought showers in me". What did that mean? I hope you will reply to this as and when possible.
Hi. This is Taher. I am participating in "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor , and this review is a part of the effort I am making to do well in the challenge. This is an original take on a man's passion going to rust because of physical disease (in this case, a heart attack.) You have nicely amalgamated real life issues of heart ailments with metaphysical pocket holes and cravings and manoeuvres to live a full life without interruption. I did not understand some of the lines, and maybe that is a deficiency of mine. For example, could you please explain these two lines:
My fourth review on behalf of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . You are a gifted poet indeed, and have used the WAVE format very intelligently.The connection you make between the wavy shafts of wheat and the waviness of hair is done very imaginatively. My best lines pertained to the thought that no one can devalue humans, although, honestly, I do not agree with these lines. Humans are always being devalued - in the third world, and even in the U.S., where, in some communities, the blacks are second class citizens.
Sweetgrass hair ... er, what is that? I would love to understand that metaphor.
This is my third review for you on behalf of "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Childhood innocence is wonderful to watch, but in its passing before our eyes, we also learn a few basic things of life. We learn to believe in magic, to enjoy the present, to be carefree, to play even while the sun shines overhead and stresses us out, and so on. I need you to explain the word "Ridvan" as I haven't come across it so far. No other problems.
Hi. I am reviewing this for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor .
Taher here , once again to review something unreviewed this time. I agree with you that we always try to suppress the bitter truths of our life by cloaking them with new layers that allow us to breathe without feeling guilty. Most of us who use the internet live three lives - one for the net, one for the people we meet offline, and one that is our own, dark, full of insecurities and unpredictable. However, when true reality strikes us, we cannot face it with a smile and fall through.
I am doing this review for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . This is a lovely poem that makes complete sense. When one is in love, one begins not only to appreciate the good characters of the lover, but also, through that person's point of view, one's own "good"ness. Love is such a pure, sinless emotion that it makes saints of us all; it surrounds us like a halo and washes away all the dirt in our hearts to make us better individuals- more giving, more sensitive, more caring. I really loved the last two lines of your uplifting poem.
Hi. Taher here to review you for "Invalid Item" by A Guest Visitor . Permit me to compliment you on a unique insight into the life of Jesus. Your imagination - a very fertile one, no doubt - combined with an inner, abiding faith generated a complete picture of how Jesus must have called the children from behind a congregation and bestowed his love and blessings on them!
There were a few errors in the item, such as misspelt words (I remember reading disciples (last para) wrong, as also crowd (second to last para). Other than these, and a slightly uncomfortable writing in the present sense of an event that occurred thousands of years ago, I found the item very inspiring. As I am not a Christian, I could not agree with some of the beliefs of Christians, but I have not judged your article on that account.
Taher
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