Did you ever have a summer vacation that completely changed your life? One where everything came into focus, and you knew how you wanted to be? Well, that's what this was for me. A trip with my big sister and her best friends redefined my life so much, you could describe my life as before the trip and after the trip.
You can't imagine how hanging out with some girls getting ready to go to college in the fall could have that effect? Well, maybe you just had to be there.
Or maybe you just had to be me.
I was 14 years old that summer, but I didn't look it. Or maybe I did look it, but there was something else about my appearance that would have thrown you. For one thing, I was short; all the other guys my age were noticeably taller. I was also afflicted with what my junior high P.E. teacher called "an overabundance of scrawn." And then there was my face, which seemed far too delicate, like a doll's face. Put all that together with how I liked my hair long, and you had people who just met me assuming that I was a girl, until I said otherwise.
I was real popular with the bullies, too. Not a day of school went by without one of them calling me names that I don't care to repeat. Suffice it to say, if somebody calls you the things they called me, that person is not your friend.
But, when you hear that sort of thing every day, you might find yourself wondering if what they say about you is true. Not the bad stuff, I mean; just the stuff that... well, that might explain why you're having such a hard time fitting in. And you might think of how to try some stuff out.
For me, that came the weekend before school let out for the summer. Mom, Dad, and my big sister, Kathy, were going out to see a movie, and I was left to watch the house. I waited until the sound of the car had faded, and then I made my move.
After locking up the house, so nobody would come in while I was busy, I went up to Kathy's room. Taking a moment to look around, I began by opening drawers and, well, "borrowing" what I found: A bra here, a pair of panties there, and a pair of socks. In the closet, I selected a top and a stylish pair of jeans.
I took off what I had been wearing, then turned to the clothes I had selected. I struggled with the bra, until I figured out that I could hook it in front, then turn it around; then I put my own socks in the cups, and put the straps over my shoulders. I stuffed the twig and berries between my thighs, then pulled the panties up. The top was next; and then came the jeans. When I was finished, I looked in the mirror.
"Whoa."
I looked like a different person. And, to be honest, I didn't look half bad.
I tried a couple more outfits. In all of them, I didn't look like Alex Martin: I looked like a girl.
Emboldened by how I looked in the clothes, I decided to try makeup. Sitting at Kathy's vanity, I began experimenting. It took me a few tries, but I finally got it looking right (thank God I figured out her cold cream was for removing makeup). I gave my reflection an air kiss. Then, I turned on Kathy's radio, and started dancing to the music. I was having a blast.
"Alex!?"
I turned. Kathy was standing in the doorway. Obviously, I had lost track of time.
She walked up to me. "What is all this?" she asked, indicating how I looked.
I didn't know what to say, or how to begin. I started crying.
Immediately, Kathy pulled me into a hug, letting me cry on her shoulder. Soon, I could feel her own tears through the fabric.
Mom came up, to find out what was going on. When she saw me, she nodded. "I've known you were dealing with something for a while, Alex," she said. "I didn't say anything: I was hoping you would come to me about it. Or, at least, you wouldn't hurt yourself."
Looking back, that was how it began. How the most important summer vacation in my life would begin.