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 |  Breaking the laws of blogging, one entry at a time. |
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Wanted: For repeated blog faux pas, including, but not limited to: Obsessive ranting - guilty on 92 counts. Repeatedly beating a dead horse - guilty on 17 counts. Unnecessary use of curse words - guilty on 142 counts. Boring daily recounts - guilty on 45 counts. Pointless entries - guilty on 214 counts. Contradictory statements - guilty on 72 counts. Recounting toilet actions - guilty on 15 counts. Overdramatization of insignificant things - guilty on 152 counts. Overreacting to meaningless gestures - guilty on 22 counts. Unnecessary temper tantrums - guilty on 75 counts. Cruelty towards animals, superiors, peers, and inferiors - guilty on 146 counts. Repeated bad grammar, spelling, and opinionations - guilty on 214 counts. Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Do not confront directly, instead call the authorities and slowly back away. Do not provoke suspect, as she is easy to agitate. The best action to take is to smile and nod. Any other response could lead suspect to rant and rave for days without ceasing. REWARD OFFERED FOR CAPTURE Dead or alive. Offending evidence: ![Merit Badge in Journaling
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Given for penning the favorite response entry in the Follow the Leader contest with "Come Again?"](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Journaling-2180.gif) (Exhibit A) ![Merit Badge in Variety
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Because I never knew what to expect from your Follow the Leader entries, but I'm oh so glad you played!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Variety-2500.gif) (Exhibit B) (Exhibit C) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| If this is what happens to me when I forget to take my supplements, then I don't ever want to forget to take them again. I've had some cramping and spotting today. It makes me worried about what I said in my journal. About lying about my ovulation. Then again, it could be because I forgot to take my supplements this morning. One can always hope, anyway. |
Leading entry: "Just a little bit different and unusual..."  I'm pretty ordinary, myself. There were no odd little things I've done to make myself go poop, or Tinkabells living in my house. I lead a simple, routined life that rarely deviates outside of ordinary. Along with all of the other average characteristics, I have average insecurities. Sometimes, I wonder if nobody comments on a blog entry because they think I'm stupid and don't really like me. Others, I wonder if people talk about me when I walk out of a room. Occasionally, I wonder if J's Mom talks about me like she does the other people she gossips about. And I wonder what she really thinks of me, because there's no way she can really like me. I rarely show teeth when I smile because I'm insecure about it. I used to have a chipped tooth on the top, front. I have gaps and crooked teeth, and they're not as white as I wish they could be. I look in the mirror after I get out of the shower and wonder if people see me as fat as I see myself. I've stopped trying as hard at most everything because I know someone else is always going to be better than me, so what's the point of giving my all? I often wonder if Ethan is so happy to see J when he gets home because he's glad to see someone, anyone but me. I'm a very insecure person. And I'm going to wonder, whether or not anybody comments, if you all think I'm a loser. Mostly because a lot of the days lately, I feel like one. |
| Leading entry: "Invalid Entry" I'm a non-winner, so I don't play games of luck on purpose. I've never won a raffle. I've never won the lottery. Hell, if I buy a McDonald's french fry during Monopoly month, and I win a free medium fry or a free value meal, I get giddy. I never win the big prize, but winning a little prize is fine by me. Being a non-winner has its advantages. I get to enter every drawing known to man, and don't have the limitations of not being able to enter because I won previously. Although, I'm really lying about all of this. I have won some things. Jason won an installed electrical line conditioner, so I indirectly won from that, too. Plus I had to be here for them to install it, so I felt that it was technically MY line conditioner. If we were ever to divorce, I would ask for that in the divorce decree because I had to do all of the work in order for us to have it installed. Yeah. He can keep the mortgage and the car payment and even the furniture. But the line conditioner and the kid are mine. |
| I have a lot to say about nothing. Actually, now that I sit down to say it all, I don't really have all that much to say. So I guess I really have not much to say about nothing. My head hurts a little. We stayed up pretty late out with Betsy, Tim, John, and Joe R. I hadn't seen Joe in a very long time... since like Junior year in high school. It was really great to see him. Betsy drank until she was cross-eyed. I stuck with water. There were a few moments of hilarity, though. B ordered a plate of appetizers... a pick 4 kind of thing. She was eating, and the waitress didn't bring any of those little plates. Jason asked the waitress to bring some small plates. B says, "Yeah, and another plate just like this one," while pointing to nearly empty appetizer plate. Everyone looked at her, eyebrows cocked. "Why do you need another big plate?" T, her husband, asked after the waitress had left. "I'm still hungry! I want more to eat." B responded. When the waitress returned, she had another big, empty plate. We all busted out in laughter. "What?" The waitress asked. "Oh, we figured you'd bring another empty plate when she meant that she wanted another order of appetizers." Jason explained. The rest of the night was spent making cracks on B. "I'll have another french fry, just like this one." "I'd like another glass, just like this one, except with beer in it." Good times had by all. Great inside jokes for future get togethers. I didn't drink, and I still had fun. The Lions are stomping on Buffalo right now. It's only the first, though, so I'm not going to hold my breath for a win. On the subject of sports, I cannot believe what happened at the Miami/Florida International game yesterday. Using helmets as weapons, cleat stompings, and body slams! I guess they don't call Miami the Convicts for nothing. I guess I did have more to say than I thought. It was still a lot of nothing, though. |
| Only once previously in my life has an event of this magnitude occured. Only once in my life, when I was too young to remember it and have the attention span to actually watch it occur. Only once previously in my life has Detroit been able to celebrate because the Tigers are going to the World Series. And now, for the second time ever in my life, the Tigers are going to the World Series. How incredibly cool is that? GO TIGERS!  |
| I really hate wedding receptions with badly organized buffets. If you're going to do a buffet, you should have as long of a table as you can find. And it should not be stuck off in a corner where you can only have 1 line come through. It should be off to the side with enough room for 2 lines to move smoothly through. And all of the food should be in a straight line so that the people line can move faster. And it should be someplace where it won't overcrowd your eating area. That's all, I think. I wish people who have no clue how to organize an event would ask someone who does how they should do it. Then people, like me, who are not patient enough to stand in line for a half hour to get a plate of finger food and sandwiches don't have anything to complain about. It was my cousin's wedding. My aunt knows that I plan events. Why didn't she consult with me for that. I mean, she asked me for my punch recipe. She should have asked me for my organizational tips, too. J and I ducked out early. We didn't want to sit and watch everyone else eat. Instead, we came home and baked a pizza. Now we get to spend the evening all by ourselves. Ethan's at J's mom's for the evening.  |
| In all this snow excitement, I started going through Ethan's winter clothes. I want to take him outside when Jason gets home so he can get his first real experience of snow play. Last year, he was just too young to take out there and he just wouldn't have gotten it. So, this year is going to be our first real chance at winter fun. I was taking inventory of what he had... Snowsuit - check. Hat - check. Boots - nope, need to get him a pair (not moon boots - my child is not going to be Napoleon Dynamite). Mittens - lots of pairs that are TOO SMALL.  I called J's aunt and asked her to make E a pair of mittens. I mean, how in the world can I not have a pair of mittens that fit? What is wrong with me?  Yeti is on the Backyardigans again. He is hypnotized. |
| It snowed last night, and is going to get below freezing tonight. It's not even Halloween, yet. It makes me want to sing that song... "Yes, Michigan! The feeling's forever." Except, for me, the feeling isn't "Yes, Michigan!" It's, "Yes, Michigan has the most fucked up weather of any other state. Yes, it sucks to live in Michigan, where the weather is known to change with the blink of an eye. Yes, Michigan is financially poor and makes it worse on its residense by making them have to turn their furnaces on in the middle of October. Yes, Michigan sucks. The feeling's forever." Yesterday was kind of scary with the plane flying into the building in Manhattan. Two people were killed, yet the only face and name we know is Cory Lidle. Why isn't the other face or name important? Sure, Lidle was a Yankees pitcher, but give me a break. He's just a guy who gets paid to throw balls around for a living. His death is no more tragic than the death of the second person. I'm all over the place this morning. I'm waiting for better light so I can go outside and take photos of the snow on the leaves. Hopefully this will happen before Ethan wakes up. It's still a little too dim out there and I don't want to use a tripod. Then again, if I wait too long, the snow may all melt. |
| I found this on another message forum. I didn't write it. Don't know who did, but I cried because I was laughing so hard. And I almost pissed my pants. If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story elow will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, dad, can you help?" I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!" "Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies" What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!) "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together). "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you! think?) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "Oh, gross!" they shrieked. "Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?) We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged. "Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results. "Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.) The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "! What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically. "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into Maturity, like most male species, they um....um....pleasure themselves. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron." We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter. 2 - Lizards - $140... 1 - Cage - $50... Trip to the Vet - $30... Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie... Priceless! Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs!  !!!Somehow, I can picture Problematic Content  doing this. |
| I hope to hear something next week about the job. I think I did OK. I really hope that they offer the position to me because, short of winning the lottery, we are going to be screwed this month. And we can't win the lotto because we can't afford the tickets. So we are, indeed, bent over a log with our asses in the air. All the doctor's copays because I got sick and the perscription copays really messed us up financially. What really pisses me off is that interest rates dropped again, and we can do a fast refinance with our mortgage company, which would lower our house payment about $100 a month, but we can't because there's no way we can have November's payment and October's payment in the amount of time they want it. Unless I get a job, that is. We can make stuff wait that we otherwise wouldn't if I had a job. My Mom brought us some meat and fruit today for Ethan. I had called her to ask if she had some extra burger because all we have left in the house is bratwurst, and I have everything to make meatloaf but the meat. So she brought us about 2 pounds of burger and then some grapes, apples, pears, and bananas for Ethan. I was in the middle of feeding Ethan a snack, and was getting him some milk. She noticed that we were low on milk so also gave me some money to go buy him milk. I feel like a freaking scumbag. I don't even know how we're going to buy him diapers this week because we don't have the money. We're borrowing a total of $400 from each of our parents to try to get out of this hole with bills and stuff, but I'm still really stressed out. I just need to get this job, please. Or any job, please. I'm tired of feeling like scum. I went to school so I wouldn't have to scrounge for money to buy food, and here I am scrounging. |
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Whatever you do, hang in there, he'll be sleeping like a big boy in no time!