Curious Incidents of a Flailing Mermaid

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― George R.R. Martin, A Feast for Crows

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Well, well, well! I’ve made it to day 30! I didn’t even think I’d make it past day 4! But I did it and I’m kinda proud! Thank you all for putting up with 49 pages and 16118 words (including this post) of my nonsense!

I was going to post earlier in the day but I’ve been putting it off for some reason. Maybe I’m savouring the moment? Hehe savouring the fact that I’ve actually completed a writing challenge with a clean sweep (every day without fail). I think I may return to the challenge in September – I wont do August as I am away for a week.

Prompt for day thirty: Recall a monumental decision you had to make recently. On the first day (yesterday), share with us the decision you made and the outcome of your choice. Was the outcome generally good or bad? On the second day (today), you have a chance to make a different decision. If you choose to change your decision, write about how that choice would affect your life now. If you decide to stay with the decision you made, explain why.

Looking at the prompt again, I’m not sure I chose the right decision to discuss since the decision I made was, technically, the only sensible way forward. However, there’s always a way to discuss things further.

What if I hadn’t retired?

My decision to retire came because I have my head screwed on and am able to look forward and analylise the consequences of happenings. In this case it was the arrival of two very fast girls onto the international scene, which would have had a negative affect on my own targets for London 2012. Some athletes cannot see beyond their next training session.
If I had not had the foresight to think ahead, I would have got a big shock when I saw what my qualifying times for London would be. More to the point, I’d have been mortified that I’d done 8 extra months of hard training, only to discover how slim my chances of making the team were.

What if the two girls had never shown up?

This is a pretty pointless question, but go with it.
If the two new girls hadn’t shown up at the European championships, I would have won 2 gold and a silver medal. Thereafter, my qualifying times would have been tough, but not impossible. So, I probably would have made the London 2012 team.
However, something happened between my retirement and London: everyone suddenly got very very fast. So, as turns out, I probably wouldn’t have medalled (looking at times) anyway. I am very competitive so if I’m not going to win anything in sport, I wouldn’t compete. I’d rather bow out near the top than bow out because I can’t compete with the top anymore.

What if there were no what ifs?

I was actually in the crowd, watching with my mum, when “my” races took place in London. My mum was obviously sad that I wasn’t in the pool racing. I wasn’t: I knew I was in the right place. I had no idea how I would feel until the competitors walked out on to the pool deck. I was so nervous; I kept asking myself “what if? What if?”



To me, having to ask yourself “what if?” either means you’ve made the wrong choice or you haven’t tried hard enough. As soon as I saw the ccompetitors in the pool I realised there were no what ifs.

I am also a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If I hadn’t have gone through my nightmare and then decided to retire:

• Chris and I wouldn’t have grown so close
• I wouldn’t have got my current job that I love so much
• I wouldn’t have finished my Masters degree already
• I would still be unhappy

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I did walk away from WDC last night and went to the cinema to see a comedy. I think I feel much better. It helps that I had some really lovely reviews waiting for me when I woke up this morning.
Today, I really want to reply to all the reviews I’ve received in the last month (I’ve been very slack in responding) and I want to get a good chunk of reviews done as well. So, I’ll be here all day!

Now, for today’s blog I need to talk about a recent hard decision I’ve had to make. I’m not entirely sure how far back “recent” covers. However, I’m going to take you back a few years – for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it might seem odd to you, but this blog covers the biggest decision of my life. Secondly, I’ve never written about this before – not properly. Here goes.

Prompt for day twenty-nine: Recall a recent monumental decision you had to make recently. On the first day (today), share with us the decision you made and the outcome of your choice. Was the outcome generally good or bad? On the second day (tomorrow), you have a chance to make a different decision. If you choose to change your decision, write about how that choice would affect your life now. If you decide to stay with the decision you made, explain why.

Let me take you back to August 2010. On the 21st I won the World Championship title in the 50m Backstroke – a gold medal that I definitely was not expecting to win! Just two years away from the London 2012 Paralympic games, I was back on top. I was on track to achieve my dream of a Paralympic gold medal. Not bad having just had a year and a half off due to injury and needing surgery. On the 28th I met Chris, the man who would later become the love of my life and my future husband. Everything was amazing.
Two weeks later, I sat on the floor in the corner of my living room, tears flowing down my cheeks, holding two things in my hands. In my left hand, I held my shiny gold medal; in my right hand I held a piece of paper with information printed from the Internet. The information the piece of paper held was evidence that the 50m Backstroke would not be included in the London 2012 Paralympic Games programme. My dream, it seemed, would not come, true after all.
I made every effort to fight the decision. Needless to say, the decision was final and I had no chance of changing thing, no matter how good my argument was! Little did I know that, at the time, that day was the beginning of a year-long battle with depression. Seems ridiculous, doesn’t it? A world champion suffering with depression, how daft!

Fast forward to July 2011.

Despite being pretty unwell, I had qualified for the European Championships. After losing my number one race from the games, my first reaction was to quit. But I had unfinished business and I thought I may be able to pull it together for the other races I had available to me.
Prior to the Euros, I was a bit of a mess and the team were debating about whether I would be able to go at all. The team doctor, Derek, backed me up though and I was able to join the team – a few days late. I should say a few words about Derek before I continue my story.

Derek was my favourite person on the GB swimming team. He was (is) an amazing doctor and incredible friend. He was always there to pick me up and put me back together when things didn’t go right. He was the greatest asset the team ever had!

So, I competed in the Euros, which went horribly wrong. I discovered that two new, 16-year-old, swimmers had arrived on the scene – they were stupidly fast. In my first race I won bronze – if we’d competed two months before it would have been gold, without the new girls. I remember just sobbing. Making an idiot of myself as I broke down in the medal winners room.
I came 4th in the 50m Backstroke. However, I did not shed a tear for this one, nor for the second bronze I got. Instead, something had changed in me. Something had distinguished the fire, the passion, in me. I spent the majority of those two weeks away, when I wasn’t competing, in my room or watching my team. The team had once felt like my second family, but the more I watched them, the less I wanted to see them. My love for my sport had gone. I needed to decide whether it was worth continuing until London 2012. So, I spent the last few days away working out my chances of qualifying and medalling. On the very last day, it dawned on me that I had no chance of doing either: the new girls had gone so fast that the qualifying times would be way out of my reach – not without nearly killing myself in the process. I wasn’t willing to do that anymore.

The final race of the competition was the women’s relay. As I stood watching the team cheer the GB girls to a gold medal, a figure moved next to me and placed their hand on my shoulder. I didn’t need to look to see who it was; I knew it was Derek. He stood like that for a minute or two before he spoke.

“I’ll really miss you, Fran!” he said.

This took me by surprise, as I hadn’t told him how I felt yet. So, with a look, I asked him what he meant.

“You’re looking around as if you’re saying goodbye. This will be your final trip wont it? I wish it wasn’t.” He spoke with conviction and sincerity.

“I didn’t think I had decided, but yes, I think you’re right. This is it: it has been fun but this is the end of the line. I’ve done enough, I literally have no fight left!” I said this as the GB national anthem played out for the girls, he nodded and we did what we always did – we sang every word of ‘God Save the Queen’.

Despite this short conversation, I still went home and fought with myself about my decision to retire. I knew it was the right choice, but at the time swimming was my life – it was all I knew!

So there’s my decision for you. Was it the right decision? Yes! Would I change it? Find out tomorrow!

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Prompt for day twenty-eight: Blog. Tell us about your week. Include your favorite blog entry from your fellow challengers from the preceding week and, most importantly, why.

My weekly review:

I always find Sunday blogs tricky, since I tend to add a little of my days news in other blogs, throughout the week. So, I get to this point and find that I’m not sure what to talk about. More to the point, I don’t want to bore you, the readers! Also, I don’t feel very interesting on Sundays.

Only bits and pieces happened in the early part of the week. I took my broken, four week old, phone into the shop to see what they could do. Typically, the problem didn’t occur and it worked fine! So now I need to find time to book in to see a “genius” who will just swap it, rather than farting around.

I use a wheelchair for long distances. It isn’t an electric wheelchair but I do have power “assisted” wheels (you know, like the bikes where you pedal a little and you go double the distance?) My wheels have been away getting fixed for three months while I was using spares from the company. They finally came back in on Tuesday so I went to get them. I know the guys pretty well so I just trusted them to sort everything out and put the wheels in my car! Mistake!!

Everything went in my car and I drove off all happy. I didn’t use the wheelchair until I got to my Board Meeting in Loughborough (90 miles away) on Thursday. I opened the boot and immediately swore! Where the batteries should have been, there were yellow covers. My batteries had been in the replacement wheels I’d been using and no one had swapped them over. Long story short, Chris, somehow, managed to talk the shop into bringing the batteries all the way to Loughborough for me. It took them 7 hours but they came!

I’ve already talked about my Board meeting, on Thursday. It was long and I had no idea what was going on! I need to learn on the job. Yup that’s about it.

On Friday, I was in Loughborough again for some Athlete Mentor job. Technically, I’ve already talked about this, but it was part of my resignation prompt. So, I should put this in some context because I actually love my job and currently never want to quit.

About four times a year, us Athlete Mentors get together for training sessions. Before I get there, I always think “ugh you’re gonna make me sit, for hours, in a really hot and stuffy for really dull “training” purposes. But you know what, it always turns out to be a great day. Putting 30+ Mentors together guarantees that the day will be madder than a box of frogs!

I can say this with certainty as we are all forced to make a fool of ourselves in front of everyone. Take Friday, for example, I had to dance to and sing the following songs:

Queen - Under Pressure
Tubthumping - I Get Knocked Down
Sister Sledge - We are Family
The Jackson Five – ABC
Tina Turner - The Best

All this was in the name of team building and creativity. I cannot sing. Singing, as far as I am aware, is not in my contract! Luckily, I do not think most of my job is in my contract, so I’m clearly not bothered.

However, it did not stop there. We were then required to stand in a circle, holding hands with other mentors and attempt to get a hoola-hoop around the circle (and our bodies) without breaking the circle. It was when I found myself stuck in a hoola-hoop, whilst holding sweaty hands that I began to realise that I may never come out alive or may forever be impaled on a child’s toy.

My favourite posts of the week:

Since Fivesixer is no longer “competing” I’m not sure if its ok to use one of his blogs as a favourite, but I’m going to anyway. I think this was a favourite of the week: "This one's about famous and proud."  because his entries (particularly this one) are funny and to the point. Also, I tend to find myself nodding in agreement whilst chuckling, which can only be a good thing!

My week ahead:

I thought I’d add a little bit extra in today as I will miss my weekly review next week, without 30DBC to force me to do it. I say this even though I said I didn’t like them at the start of this blog … it is more a point of sentimentality thing!

This week will be relatively quiet as I wont be working but I do have a few plans. I would like to go to the gym every day – I say this every week, but I did tell myself I’d get fit over summer so I’m going to try.
I’d like to read a few books and go see a few films at the cinema.
I do have a ton of paperwork to do too. However, that may need to wait until I can be bothered!
I need to get ready to go off to France for a week next Monday. I’m hoping I might relax properly there.

I also have masses of things to reply to here on WDC since I’ve been really slack. I want to get a fair few reviews done. In addition, I have a few ideas for contests and stories that I want to get down. However, I’ve just received a bit of criticism that wasn’t constructive AT ALL, which has made me have a bit of a wobble in terms of believing in my writing. Therefore, I shall walk away (may go to the cinema) now and will hopefully come back feeling fresh tomorrow!

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Prompt for day twenty-seven: Take a classic character (cartoon, superhero, fairy-tale) and recreate their character in the modern world. How would their lives be different? Would Superman own a smart phone, for example? Be creative!


The character I have chosen is called Thomas the Tank Engine. Rather than his steam-powered speed, Thomas runs on electric these days and has been subcontracted to national train company Virgin following the unfortunate privatisation of the rail network by the government. Things aren’t all bad though, as instead of calling at mail sacks, Thomas now comes with a variety of communication options, including free on board wi-fi for passengers in first class (standard class available at a charge). Thomas also boasts an improved buffet car, allowing service of hot meals throughout service and reclining seats. The former third class option for economy passengers has been removed.

Times have also changed for Thomas as he is stationed at a busy commercial train interchange, away from his old friends like Percy, who works for Northern rail, covering inter-urban services around Manchester. He says he likes the countryside of Cheshire, but finds the constant rain in Manchester a bit tiresome.

Train management systems have also changed, with the former ‘fat controller’ and overall person in charge of the network enjoying his retirement in Bognor Regis. Thomas gets the occasional postcard from his former boss, who now regularly attends bingo and is an active member of the local pigeon-racing club.

We bid farewell to Thomas, as is busy schedule sees him bound for Watford on the 0813 service, carrying his load of merry commuters bound for work.

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