Curious Incidents of a Flailing Mermaid

Prompt for day six: Write a minimum of five, but a maximum of however many you like, 6-word stories discussing your relationships with the people in your life (your significant other, coworker, kids, pets, parents, that stranger who cut in line at the supermarket)

My Fiancé:
Love of my life. Constant laughter.

My mum:
Hilarious free spirit. Forever reliable. Friend.

My best friends:
Left for ages: always the same.

My dad:
Slight disappointment. Maybe better one-day.

Cashier this morning:
Excessively Patronising. Nearly got a slap ;)

My fiancé’s parents:
Supportive. Treat me as their own.

My lovely neighbour:
Incredibly self-deprecating. Always offering a shoulder

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Prompt for day five: Make me laugh in any way you can.

I like to think I can amuse people and have a host of funny stories under my belt! However, I’m struggling with this prompt. I could write about all sorts but who can say you’ll laugh? Your sense of humour maybe hard to please. On the other hand, I could just say the word “knickerbockers” and have you rolling on the floor laughing!

I have decided to write about the weird and wonderful people I met on one holiday. My first and only piece of advice to my boyfriend prior to our departure on a two-week all inclusive break was to ‘not pick up any strange friends’ as he invariably would and I feared having to spend two weeks of intermittent periods ducking behind a newspaper. He has a happy and yet paradoxically infuriating habit of being able to talk with anyone about anything (I think it is the former criminologist in him as he spend years talking to dubious characters about their criminal pasts).

Sure enough, on day two we encountered a couple called Claire and Paul. They seemed pleasant enough at first (they always do, don’t they?) but it wasn’t long before that façade crumbled away to reveal a less that desirable reality. The thing about all-inclusive resorts is that you see all sorts of people. Those out for a relaxed holiday, bargain hunters who load plates to the brim, despite the fact that there are no limits on food and leave half of it anyway (why, oh why?) and, last but by no means least, those who enjoy a drink.

Claire and Paul definitely fell into the latter category. This point was rammed home when we saw them meandering around by the pool bar at about 11 am. They already seemed to be everywhere, and it was very difficult to either a) avoid the enthusiastic bar-goers and/or b) keep up with their relentless pace. Things kind of reached a head on day four when things were already starting to grate as Paul was a bit of a letch when in drink and I had to have fast reflexes to repel his ‘friendly’ hugs.

Sure enough, by about 3pm we were feeling a little tipsy and collapses on the beds in our room. I said to my partner that I had not come all this way to require a detox afterwards and to play hide and seek. So we just started getting MUCH better at hiding.

We did see Claire and Paul one more time, as Claire was ‘asleep’ propped up on the bar by 9pm. Paul said she wasn’t drunk; she merely hadn’t had much to eat and was tired. We were not convinced.

Thankfully, we met some more lovely people and the time spent avoiding Claire and Paul seemed to get less and less. The last time we saw them; they were wandering round looking for another group of ‘friends’ who had all somehow got ‘lost.’ Funnily enough, the hotel shop had sold out of newspapers that day!!




Did that make you laugh? If not, I imagine you felt a little like this while reading it:

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Now that its over, I am convinced you’ll feel like this:

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Hi everyone,

Happy 4th July to all my American readers. You know I’ve only just put two and two together (the date and the prompt) duh!

Today is an odd one. Unlike what I said yesterday, I did actually call in sick today. So, I’ve been snoozing, which should explain away my dopiness! I am also waiting for a phone call to find out if I have been made a trustee on the board of one of the biggest disability sport organisations in the UK. I’m a little nervous to say the least.

Prompt for day four: You have been transported back in time to 1776 and the founding fathers are asking for your opinion on the Constitution and the Bill of Rights articles that they are proposing for structuring the new government. Which ones would you keep? Which would you remove or change? Why?

Now as you’ve no doubt work out by now, I ain’t from around these parts! I’m from the UK, rather than USA. Therefore, I know very little about the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Nevertheless, I’m going to go ahead and try my hand at an acrostic and hope for the best.

Burn bright the fire of liberty and be on your way to freedom.
Ill-treatment and extraordinary fines will not occur; cruelty does not prevail!
Leave your firearms at home; there is little need for excessive weaponry!
Liberty allows freedom of speech; go forth and petition for it is your right.

Other rights are yours to keep and they shalt not be violated.
Fight for independent judgement

Room and board is yours to offer; the army need not force you.
It shall be illegal not to be offered a lawyer when required; we all need support
Governments hand power over to the States where they commit to get more done!
Hold on to your property; it is yours to keep with no warrant!
Trials and juries are here to stay; without them all would go array.
Stand strong, for this is your freedom

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Prompt for day 3: Look out your window and describe what you see. Alternatively, look at the desk in front of you and describe it. For the ambitious, try both.

I’ve written throughout the day for the last two blogs, writing when I can catch a spare 5 minutes. Not today though. Mostly because I’ve been driving most of the day and writing whilst driving would be fateful. But also because this prompt requires a scene or a image I can paint with words. I could have used my car window, but the blog would be rather short: The motorway!

Instead, I have waited until I got home to write. I’m feeling really under the weather this week. If I had a normal job I think I may have called in sick a few times already. As it is, I am self-employed and if I don’t go to work I let down a whole host of school kids – so, unfortunately, I am running myself ragged a bit. Therefore, I may well keep today’s blog short.

Because of this, I am already in bed (at 4:15pm) resting in preparation for another busy day tomorrow. In fairness, I was up at 5:15am this morning.

My bedroom window overlooks the lovely square that I live on. The square consists of about 10 houses sat in a horseshoe shape around a relatively sizeable piece of grass, with a car park to close the square off. Bar my immediate next-door neighbours, who can be too noisy, everyone on the square is delightful.

The children that live on the square all play with one another on the grass in the middle. Right now, there are kids from two years old to thirteen, and anywhere in the middle, out there. Bike everywhere, school jumpers by the doors, push chairs and dolls for the girls – and a few of the boys! In a few hours, some will pop out again in their pyjamas, just for one last play before heading to bed.

This square comes alive in the summer. It becomes a place where everyone has a friends – no one need hide!

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I actually feel I got slightly carried away on my first blog yesterday. I really wanted to make a huge effort for this new contest… I still do to be fair… but if I keep trying to do blogs like yesterday, I simply wont finish the 30 days because I just do not have the time! As if to illustrate my point, I am currently typing this in an empty classroom at a college… random? Yes, yes it is.

Prompt for day two: Do you know a second (or third, or forth, etc ...) language? Would you like to learn a new language? Why or why not? If yes, which would you like to learn?


Ahh languages! Different languages fascinate me: even English. Sometimes I catch myself watching people speak – not because they’re speaking weirdly, just because the words are so well formed and defined. Where did these languages come from? Who spoke that word for the very first time?

On this basis, I would absolutely love to be able to speak all languages under the sun. Alas, I only speak one and my fluency in that one is, apparently, questionable. I should explain: I do have a speech impairment.
The other day, one of the students I was working with for the day asked me what language I spoke. Ummm… I reckon that’d be English, the same as you! You have to laugh at these things; otherwise you’d be immeasurably insulted.

I studied languages at school. I say studied; I don’t believe I truly studied anything at school. Nevertheless, I took German and French. I lasted two weeks of the German classes before moving on to pastures new – bunking off. French though, I stuck that out for the entirety of my high school career. A great effort I thought, until I left with a big fat F! This superbly underwhelmed me!

Now that I am older, it embarrasses me when I hear myself speak whilst on holiday. I always try and use the language of the country I am in as I think it is rude not to. However, my efforts are laughable!

Recently, I have been considering learning French properly. I spend a lot of time in my car so I was thinking of investing in some of those ‘learn a language’ CDs. This blog prompt has inspired me to add this to my “to do” list.

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You see this piece of chalk? Yeah, this one: it turns out to be a magical piece of chalk. Who knew? I mean, I definitely didn't realise when I took it out of that kid's box - I just fancied taking a walk down memory lane and having a little hopscotch tournament with myself.

This is where it starts to get tricky. So, I wander home with said chalk and start drawing up the hopscotch boxes. All very well, but every line that I drew started rising out of the ground, clattering down like lead piping until all I was left with a pile of metal rods and numbers.
It occurs to me that everything you draw with this piece of chalk, come to life! This is all pretty cool and exciting. However, I have two rather significant problems when it comes to deciding how to use this remarkable item.

Before I go on, I should point out that I don't think the kid I took the chalk from had any idea of the capabilities of this chalk - I was sure to take a piece that looked like it had never even used and, therefore, held no kind of weird sentimental value to the kid.

Anyway, back to my problems. Firstly, I cannot draw; at all, nothing, nada. Which is a bit unfortunate given that I have a magical drawing implement. I mean, the scrap metal market is rather lucrative these days, I believe. So, I could just keep drawing lines and numbers on the floor and just sell what I get. But, this would feel like such a waste of chalk. Although, I am now wondering whether the chalk also works with your thoughts as well as what you draw. Surely, it has to, right?
Sure, I seem to be able to draw lines and numbers - they are what led me to this predicament. However, if I try to draw any thing else, all I will get is to jelly!! To be honest jelly is definitely not up there on my list of desserts. Therefore, I cannot see myself being overjoyed with a free mountain of jelly for very long. So, I am definitely going to give the ol' imagination thing a whirl later!

My second problem somewhat corresponds with the first in that, when one cannot draw for one's self, who on earth does one contact to do the drawing for them? If I asked someone to draw me something with my magic chalk I would, inevitably get the stare of doom. You know the types of stares you get when someone thinks you are, without doubt, the craziest person they know! Yet, I can’t exactly ask someone to draw something without giving them the low down on the chalk. If I did this, the person would either a) have a heart attack when the thing they were drawing started joining reality, or b) the person would steal the chalk for their own gain.

Neither death nor thievery is an option. Thus, I suppose its up to me to figure this out for myself!


Right, I sat staring at the chalk on my desk for a good hour or two before slapping myself around the face for being a chicken and wasting time. After this, I bit the bullet and decided to use the chalk. Unfortunately, I was starving so the only thing I could think about was CAKE – a big fat chocolaty chocolate CAKE. It dawned on me that this was a great opportunity to test out the imagination theory I talked about earlier. So, I drew: I drew my big fat wobbly lined chocolate cake… it worked! It definitely worked! And ooohhh my goodness it was good cake! Although, I have to be honest, I do feel a little bit sick right now!

Needless to say, I now had some major decisions to make; a piece of chalk only goes so far!

I was still feeling excessively guilty about taking the kid’s magic chalk, whether or not he knew it was magic. Because of this, I drew a box of new chalk that I’ll replace next time he’s outside when I pass by. I am not sure if his chalk is magical or not; I’ll leave that for the kid to discover.

Now what? I thought about what I really wanted. I couldn’t think of anything, other than a library. Now that would be cool. I drew my house as it was but made it slightly bigger and added a small library full of books. I ran to check out my creation… it was better than the cake, and that’s saying something.
I added my garden to the picture and drew a tree – the tree wasn’t there before. It was a money tree.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “money, typical!” But hear me out, will you?!!

As I drew, I said over and over that the money from the tree could not be used for myself. Instead, I could only get money off the tree if I was giving it to someone else or charity. The tree would also know if I was being taken advantage of and stop me from taking money.

Pleased with the few, but significant, additions to my life I looked, once again at the chalk. Only three quarters of it was left; it definitely wouldn’t last forever. Therefore, I decided not to waste it on a wimb because what I want today may not be what I want tomorrow. So, I wrapped the chalk up in a fluffy sock and tuck it into my drawer.

I wonder what I’ll draw tomorrow.


Disclaimer: If anyone finds this, I’m not mad! This actually happened. The cake was great!

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