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 |   The only blog that will put hair on your chest... |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Turning from the Dark Side ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** < This is where I'll insert a cool new blog description. Someday. > |
I saw this in the journals of novusfemina and Mariposa  . You can get the link there.  You're an ISFJ ISFJ Ok. You are sympathetic, loyal, considerate, and conscientious. You will go to any amount of trouble, when it makes sense to you, to help those in need. You are responsible and enjoy being needed. You are down-to-earth and realistic and like others who are quiet and unassuming. You absorb and enjoy using a large number of facts. You like situations where the rules are well defined and where traditions are to be upheld. You focus on providing practical help and services for others and for the organizations you serve. You have a strong work ethic. You can be painstakingly accurate and systematic in handling tasks...you're conservative with traditional values...quiet and modest...tactful and supportive of friends and family... You are often self-effacing in getting the job done, and are willing to make necessary sacrifices, especially for your family. You are at your best quietly providing assistance and making sure things are in order. You have a few close friends, don't like disharmony, and try to keep cooperation at all costs...you'll stay close friends with that tight circle for a LONG time...worry a lot... You need to have things organized in a way you think works.. you cannot work when things are out of order...when things are in disarray, you have to reorganize 'em immediately....you get involved with leisure ONLY after all the work is done... You have a tendency to put off relaxing because there's too much work to be done...you enjoy time with your family...you fall in love hard when you fall. You place a high value on marriage and family...you seek out a partner and feel unfulfilled without one. you most likely are a good student because you diligently follow through in your work to please your teachers.....you learn best by DOING... You tend not to be the center of attention...often appear serious...others like trying to get a laugh or a smile out of you...you get angry or bitter when scorned...but you keep it inside... Possible blindspots: because you are SOOOO in the present, you have a hard time seeing possibilities or consequences of your actions...can become mired in the daily grind...don't forget to express your bottled-up feelings...you can be taken advantage of....could be pessimistic about the future because it's unknown and you rely on past experiences.....you want to plan too much. ISFJ: "I Serve Family Joyfully" |
| I've been trying to write a poem. Anyone who knows me knows I can't write poetry. I read it once in a while, though rarely do I find one that moves me. Rarely do I find one that I can even understand. It's almost as if my mind cannot think on that abstract, figurative level. Likewise, I have no lyrical ear whatsoever. When I say that, people tell me to read it aloud. I always read it aloud, and it doesn't help. Writing poetry is even worse. I can write some epic poetry, but only because it tells a story, and I am but a humble storyteller. But writing simple, yet complex, symbolic poetry to describe some scene or some emotion or some great metaphor seems to be beyond me. Add to that I really know nothing about writing poetry correctly, and you get a pretty lousy attempt at sappy, lyrical murmurings. But despite all this, I'm attempting to write poetry again. I swore I wouldn't, and I hold to that personal promise, but this time I've been asked to write a poem. I've been asked by the one person who I'd grant that wish, the one person that deserves it, the one person that makes me wish I could write poetry. So lately I've been going everywhere with my little notepad I keep writing notes in. I've tried again and again to write this poem. I've restarted it and scrapped it at least a half dozen times. I have a theme and metaphor in mind, but I can't find the words to adequately describe what I want to show. I don't have the gift to effectively write something to let her know exactly what I think. What I feel is beyond the words this poor soul can string together. What I feel stretches beyond the boundaries a poet as poor as I can put to rhyme. Yet I will plod on, continue to put words to paper until they fit. I know the final product will be severely lacking, and nothing short of my own arms, my own flesh, my own commitment, and my own actions can truly show her just how much she means to me. I just hope my muse can give me even a hint of talent for this one task, this one poem that would be the only truly meaningful one I've ever written. |
| Saturday was easily one of the happiest days of my life. I scoffed my sister's phone and sat at home much of the day talking to my sweetheart. Laying on a bed and couch and just losing myself in her voice was a hell of a lot better than sitting in a parking lot with a sketchy cellphone. She told me my voice sounded a little different on a regular phone, in a good way. Considering she "fell in love" with my voice when she first heard it, being even better on a real phone bodes extremely well. I kept calling her back any moment of privacy I got. Hanging up each time was harder and harder. I miss her so much. I need her in my arms where she belongs. And then, after utter euphoria, the weekend fell apart. I found out Saturday night that a friend of mine, the guy my father and I have coached with since 1998, chopped off his fingers with a wood splitter a few hours earlier. Obviously we were very concerned, so we drove to the hospital to see him. The 50 minute ride was nervewracking, but a call from my sweetie along the way did manage to warm my heart. I told her what was going on just before I left, so she called to console me. If you ever read this, thanks, hon. When we finally got to the hospital, his family had just left and they wouldn't give us any information. So I drove another 50 minutes home, where we finally got in contact with his mom who told us he'd been helicoptered to another hospital. So this morning we made a 2+ hour drive with my van to the other hospital, with our friend's family with us. His parents are elderly, his kids are 16 and younger, and he's divorced, so we offered to drive his family there. We visited for a while, and he appears to be okay. They've managed to reattach the fingers, and now it's just a waiting game to see if they take. I stepped outside for a few minutes to check my voicemail and call my sweatheart. Truth be told it's difficult to not hear her sweet voice for more than a few hours. First I called home too just to let my mom know what was going on. My sister answered and asked if I was coming home right away. It turned out an ambulance was at our house, taking my brother to the hospital. Earlier this week my brother went to the doctor's with extremely high blood pressure (160/133). He's been getting dizzy and light-headed, having chest pains, losing the feeling in his extremities, and getting severe and frequent headches. He's only 19 and in great shape. He's about 5'9" and 140lbs soaking wet. The doctor was very concerned and scheduled an ectocardiogram for Monday. Apparently this afternoon it got much worse, and my mom had to call 911. Needless to say my dad and I raced home on the Mass Turnpike. By the time we made it back to the Berkshires, my brother was sent home with a stabilized blood pressure and pulse. They had him pop some pill to calm him down. Tomorrow he goes back in for the ectocardiogram. My uncle and cousin both required open-heart surgery when they were young, so we're all worried he'll need the same. Anyway, that was my weekend: a hodgepodge of beautiful, complete and unconditional love and a whole headache of stress and worry. I almost cried today worrying about my brother. I choked it back though. I've always been the strong one, and seeing my father freak out today made me remember that. I hope to hell I won't need a shoulder to cry on when he gets his results tomorrow. At least if I do need one, I know where to look. I just wish she was here with me instead. |
| Man, I've got way too much to think about lately. This morning I woke up an odd mix of euphoric, passionate, confident, worrisome, stressed, and edgy. I blame that bizarre juxtaposition of emotion on some disjointed dreams that both pleased and plaqued me all night. The first half of the night was spent dreaming of my love and visiting her. She was just always there, no matter where I was. I don't remember the locations we went or exactly what we talked about. I only remember her presence and a lot of hugging, kissing, and cuddling. At one point both of us started to take it a bit further, but I was the same perfect gentleman in my dream that I am in real life. I slowed things down, and we just cuddled instead. *sigh* Sometimes being a gentleman sucks. Even my subconscious can't have a little fun. Sheesh. Anyway, my dreams of her concluded with spending the night up all night talking, hand in hand. I'm such a sap. And though I might say that here, I don't want anyone repeating that elsewhere! It'll ruin my rep. Now I would have adored ending my slumber on those dreams, but noooooooo, my subconscious had to get all stressed out instead. Lately I've been buried under work thanks to the two analysts leaving. I've finally caught up, but it's only a matter of time before a flurry of requests fall on me again. In the meantime they've posted the openings for the two vacant analyst positions. Obviously I'm doing all their work right now, and so I'm qualified, and it's a pay grade higher. So do I stick with the programming stuff I love for less money, or do I apply for work I'm just okay with for another $10,000 a year. I'm leaning toward the latter, but I'm worried about regretting it. So yup, I had to dream about it. I dreamed our parent company finally decided to squish our lil ol' company and devour us. That meant I'd be losing my job unless I applied for the analyst position. So it's a no-brainer right? Of course not. I had another programming job offer from another company for significantly less money (though my dream never mentioned any salaries). Still a no-brainer? Nope, because the new analyst position would be swallowed by the parent company very soon too. So for God only knows how long I dreamed about sitting in a room at our parent company in New York getting barraged with advice from all ends. Even my father made an appearance to scream at me to go for the money. I eventually left the board room without making a decisions. A like like real life I guess. So now here's where I'd like to hear from my readers. Suppose you have a job you absolutely adore and you make as much as you need and then some. However, in order to support a family or something (if you don't already) you might need to make more money in the future. Along comes a job opportunity that offers 25% more pay and work you don't hate but you're not keen on either. What do you do? I think it's probably easy to answer for most people. Now if only I cared about money enough to jump to the correct decision too. |
| The Bowflex was finished... what day was it again? The days seem to run together lately. Funny how a calendar event becomes irrelevant when your mind is cloudy and euphoric. Anyway, last night I sat down to watch the accompanying DVD and read the manual. I figured I'd be able to take something away from it as to what workout routine I should get into to go along with my treadmill time. I was wrong. I got out the DVD and popped it into my laptop at about 5:30. Shortly after, the phone rang from some credit collection agency claiming I owed some $300+ on a Cingular Wireless phone bill. The bill was attached to a phone number I've never owned. After a lengthy call to Cingular, a "high level adjustment" was filed and the balance should go back to $0 in 24 - 72 hours. Finally I got back to the DVD at 6:30. I fully intended to watch the entire DVD in real time and then peruse the owner's manual. The DVD was over two fucking hours long! And that was with fast-forwarding! There is no freakin' way I could remember all those exercises, and all the variations on each exercise. When it was finally over I chucked the owner's manual on my desk without ever opening it, and unfurled the quick-start, poster-sized exercise chart. I picked out half a dozen or so that looked good from the video and tried them out. Now I just have to figure out a routine and an order to do them so I make minimal changes to the resistance and attachments. Who knew I needed to buy a personal trainer with the damned thing? For $2500 you'd figure one would come with it. Anyway, I think I have a plan. Tonight I'll jot down, in order, the exercises I will do and how much associated weight/resistance for each. Because I'm anal retentive I'll probably put it in a database or a spreadsheet and update it as I increase the resistance. Maybe I'll even write a program that models my workouts with my weight loss and fat content to extrapolate my physical appearance months from now. Yeah right. Now the real trick is getting back in my workout regimen. Lately I've been out most of the night, parked in a supermarket parking lot with my cellphone because I don't get service at home. I may just bite the bullet and get a landline installed so I can talk from home. Of course that means I'll be on my futon chatting, and I still won't be on the treadmill. I just have to be strong emotionally and make time for the workout. I'm not avoiding them, in fact I rather enjoy it, but talking on the phone is certainly the best activity I can imagine right now. But I'll be strong... again, yeah right. |
| Okay, I just blogged a few minutes ago, hoping it would relieve some stress so I could get my mind back on work. Nope, that didn't happen. I shouldn't even be here at work; I should be with her. I want to take the cellphone out of my desk drawer, leave work, make a call, and just start driving. But I can't, and each moment that passes my heartbeak quickens and my mind races. I should definitely be there. I need to hear her voice. I need to let her know I'm there for her if she needs it. I need to be there to take care of her, to console her, and to help her through whatever she might need help with. I need to be by her side. I hope she gets online soon or that we talk on the phone at lunchtime at the very least. Otherwise I'm going to go nuts... well, more nuts. It might be that we don't talk at all today because of varying schedules, and that possibility literally makes me tremble. I need to be there for her, now more than ever before. *sigh* Oh, and mood indigo will no doubt draw "parallels" from this. And as usual she would not be correct with all her assumptions. |
| Missing and worrying. Too damnable emotions that are too utterly meaningful to abandon. I wouldn't want to abandon the first one anyway. I wish I could a find a way to alleviate the second one, but when you put someone's well-being ahead of your own, you're bound to worry about him/her, especially in time of need. Couple those two emotions together and you have an inner turmoil to battle. Throw in that both relate to that special someone in your life and it's quite agonzing. |
| A- Age of your first kiss I'll tell you when it happens. I'm hoping for 25. B- Band you are listening to right now I'm on a Survivor kick C- Crush It's way more than a crush D- Dad's name Ernie... duh E- Easiest person to talk to My love F- Favorite ice cream Cookies and cream G- Gummy worms or gummy bears? Neither H- Hometown New Marlborough, Massachusetts I- Instruments Hmmm... do body noises count? J- Junior high What about it? K- Kids Yeah, kids, aren't they something? L- Longest car ride ever Massachusetts to Florida, and back again, half a dozen times at least M- Mom's name Linda (Lynn) N- Nicknames PC, Prob, Ern, E3... I won't include pet names  O- One wish: To find everlasting love to which to start a family P- Phobia[s] Heights, spiders, snakes Q- Quote: "May the Force be with you." R- Reason to smile: Again, the woman I love S- Song you sang last: I've sang a lot today, so I don't know T- Time you woke up today: Too early U- Unknown fact about me: I'm a hopeless romantic V- Vegetable[s] Lettuce W- Worst habit: Having little self-confidence X- X-rays you've had Chest, leg, arm, hand, ribs, you name it and it's probably been X-rayed Y - Years since you've been to church?: Does a funeral count? Z- Zodiac sign: Saggitarius |
| This fashion survey's been kicking around. I'm color-blind, 94% masculine, and need help picking out clothes, so I thought it would be amusing to fill this one out. 1. If you relocated to a culture where the climate was warm enough, and the moral code was loose enough, that everyone went naked, would you join in, or would you still wear clothes because you like them? Ask me again in a year when I'm in shape. 2. Belts: a thing to hold up pants, or an accessory to draw attention to the waist? I prefer rope. 3. Eye makeup: something that should match your clothes, or something that should flatter your eyes? The only foreign substance ever to grace my eyes was the gunk you get when you have pink eye. 4. Quality or quantity? Do you like to buy as many clothes as possible, therefore, you don't spend a lot of money on individual pieces, or do you buy a few key items that are high cost and high quality? Where does Walmart fit into this picture? 5. What sort of shoes are your favorite? Sandals, sneakers, etc? I don't wear shoes. Sasquatch feet are sufficiently covered in hair. 6. Do you follow trends and abandon clothes as soon as they are no longer stylish, or do you wear your clothes until they fall apart or you don't like them anymore? Trends? Stylish? You're kidding right? No, I wear clothes until my armpit hair starts showing through the holes and people mistake the shirt for being yellow because of the frequency of mustard stains. 7. Do you like lip gloss, or do you find matte lip color to be more attractive? Ummm... what is matte lip color? Holy shit, I'm ignorant. I can't even stand chapstick on my lips. How about those vampire wax lips you wear during Halloween? Does that work? Nah, I hate those, too. The only thing I want over my lips are the lips of another, though even that makes me nervouse. 8. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Estimate or you can count, if you like. I have two pair, the same as Zeus. I only chew mine once in a while though. 9. What is your favorite body part to clothe? As in, what looks bad, to you, naked, but really good, in clothes? My wrist. It looks uber-manly with my watch on, but without the watch you see the bare spot where my watch usually resides. You just know you want to touch my wrist. Go ahead, it won't burn you. 10. Do you dye and perm your hair, or do you like to leave it natural? Sometimes when I'm feeling really freaky, I'll turn the bowl a quarter turn before my hair gets cut. In all serious, I'd shave my head and be done with the hassle if I didn't have bumps on my head.11. Bangs: evil, bad trend that will hopefully go away soon, or excellent way to call attention to one's eyes? If I can look up and see my hair, it's too long. Clip it back dammit! 12. Do you like low waisted or high wasted jeans? Or, which is the lesser of two evils? Having the line of your upper body shortened, or having to constantly worry about your ass crack hanging out? What are high "wasted" jeans? Are those the overpriced jeans that look like they're 40 years old. Yeah, they are a waste, and I would never wear 'em. As for ass crack, I have a better ass crack than your typical plumber so... well, no, actually I don't.13. Do you read fashion magazines? Do you take the advice in them? Do you take the advice in them to the point of ignoring your own intuition about what looks good on you? Seriously now, does anyone really need me to answer this one? 14. Tans: good or bad? Would you rather be pasty now or wrinkly and cancerous later? If you do tan, do you tan in the sun, or in a booth? I'll go with sunburnt. In the meantime I'm setting the fashion standard for tan lines. 15. Piercings? How many is too many? How many do you have? How many would you like to have? I can't sleep with my face against the pillow because all these studs in my face would tear it apart. On the plus I can hang handcuffs from my noise... ya know, just in case. 16. How long does it take you to get ready on a normal day? How long does it take you to get ready to go out at night, or for a special event? 25 minutes and 26 minutes, only 5 and 6 if I've already taken my monthly shower. 17. Are you over or under weight? If so, do you wear clothes that make you look thinner or curvier, or are you comfortable enough with your body not to try and change its appearance through tricks with clothes? I'm under tall. I just need to grow 6 or 7 inches, and I'll be fine. I dress comfortably, and luckily for my frame, comfort is usually loose-fitting anyway. 18. Do you think it's shallow for people to enjoy fashion? No, I just think it's girly. 19. What's your favorite color? Do you buy a lot of clothes in that color, or do you buy clothes in colors that are trendy, or classically complementary to your own coloring? Green. I'm color blind, so I'll have to show you my wardrobe, and you can draw your own conclusion. 20. If you had to skimp on necessities to save up for an article of clothing you really liked, would you do it? Yeah, there's a pair of high-heels I've scoping out. 21. What kind of jewelry do you like to wear? My watch. One day a wedding band I hope. 22. Does your hair spend a lot of time bound up with a scrunchie or a clip? If my hair ever gets that long, please shoot me. 23. Do you follow celebrity fashion? Or do you only know that celebrities even buy clothes because of that dress J-lo wore that one time? Unless it's tight, leather, or a low neckline, I couldn't care less. And even then not really. 24. Who's your favorite clothing designer? Ummm... it would help if I could name one. 25. In what store do you buy the most clothes? JCPenny for work clothes and dress clothes. Walmart or something if I just need some T-shirts or jeans or something. Though I've been scoping out the Goodwill for a while now. |
| Several people did this survey, and it's about time I stole it. I copied and pasted it from mood indigo . Notice that I capitalized the letters as appropriate. 1. In your dreams, do you ever fly? Not lately, but when I was little I had a recurring dream about a special stick I had. If I concentrated hard enough, the stick would fly. I could sit on it and zip a la a witch. The more I concentrated, the faster and higher I could fly. 2. Would you ever ask someone else a question that you personally would feel uncomfortable answering? I love to interrogate people. Apparently they haven't figured out yet that I'm willing to answer anything I ask. Well, some people have... I've stopped asking them questions. 3. How old is too old? 10 years old, and no that's not a joke. When you're a small child, your only concern is whether or not your parents are going to scold you. No worries, no responsibilities, no stress, no work. Your whole day is just about having fun. It's a time of innocence. I'd give anything to be a little kid again. Ignorance truly is bliss. 4. What is your most recurrent dream? When I was little I had recurrent dreams about evil things chasing after me etc. For example, I had a recurring dream about an evil rat that was larger than a cat and was always escaping my uncle and I just before we caught him and killed him. One night though my subconscious realized it was a dream. I caught the rat and killed him with my bare hnds. I haven't had a recurring dream yet. A bit of repressed anger perhaps. 5. If money were not necessary for survival, would you still care about it? Hell no. 6. Do you think the writer of this survey is too depressing? No. 7. Did you ever play "house" as a child? Yes, but my version of "house" was more like something out of Grizzly Adams. It involved building a "cabin" in the woods behind my parents's house and pretending I lived out in the wilderness. Some kids may have been tending chores in their "house," but I was wrestling wolverine's somewhere in British Columbia.  8. Are you waiting for the survey writer to ask you something deep and sad that you wonder if it is designed to make you realize just how much you have? No, because I probably wouldn't answer it. 9. Do you like to dance? Sometimes if I'm feeling a little goofy, I'll go into contortions that are something akin to dancing. 10. Are you a solo dancer or would you like to dance with someone? That depends on who's dancing along. 11. May I have this dance? Who's asking? 12. Do you believe in true love at first sight that grows deeper over time or love that once you've got it, you continually work on as if it's actually a business contract? I believe in both. 13. Do you smile and laugh at least three times per day? Most of the time. Life's worthless if its devoid of laughter. 14. If you don't have a journal or blog, why don't you? if you do, then pretend this question does not exist or make up something to say. I hate surveys, but I'm bored to tears and desperately need a distraction. 15. Does everybody love Raymond? Not me. Come to think of it, he's the least funny part of the show. He's a lot like Jerry Seinfield in that regard. 16. Have you ever taken a more bubble gum quiz than this one? Once I finish a survey I erase from my memory. They're too traumatizing. So the answer is I don't know. 17. Has it really all been done? What the hell are we talking about? 18. Nerd? *Sigh* Yes, I am. Though I prefer "geek." 19. Sugar free? Hell no. How could we have any fun without sugar? 20. Do you (or someone) clean your walls? Yeah, once a month a toss a bucket of water on them. What the hell kind of question is this?! 21. How many children do you want to raise one day? At least two. 22. Do you make your own peace pretty easily? I'll admit when I'm wrong and I'll atone for it. But if I know I'm right, then you better come groveling. 23. Do you want my body? Do you think I'm sexy? Come on, sugar, let me know. Who's asking me? There's only one person I'd say yes too, and I tell her so on occasion already. 24. When the young man opened the door, what came out: the lady, or the tiger? What the... ?! I'll take door #2. 25. What have I taught you that you didn't know before? (This one was asked by mood indigo ) I can learn things about life from someone I think of like a little sister.26. Add your own question here for the next person to answer. How many GPs do you deserve for reading this far? |
| One of those silly online quizzes: www.cuteducky.com I'm a bear. Why am I not surprised?  I'm big and strong, and gentle but fierce when backed into a corner. And most important, I'm cuddly. Bears are strong and independent creatures who roam in the forest in search of food. Bears are usually gentle, but anger one and be prepared for their full fury! You're big, you're tough, you won't back down from a fight, you have a bit of a temper -- classic attributes of a bear. Intelligent and resourceful, though lazy at times, you are a fascinating creature of the wild. You were almost a: Groundhog or a Turtle You are least like a: Chipmunk or a Mouse |
| I finally got the Bow-flex completely assembled last night. What a bear that was. I can assemble a computer, write code to do almost anything, teach the mechanics of the proper baseball swing and throw, play some great poker, and several other things, but I have no talent whatsoever with anything mechanical or involving wrenches. However, it's finally built now. Tonight I'll watch the DVD and peruse the manual and start putting it to work. That should be more entertaining than doing pushups, though I'll probably still do those just for the hell of it. For some sick, twisted reason I actually enjoy doing them. In other news, I've decided to grow a goatee. And I mean a full goatee, neatly trimmed but full. I have 3 day old stubble now. Yesterday morning I shaved the sides to get an idea, and I think once it fills out it will be an improvement. Anything to slim my face and hide my features is an improvement. More importantly I'm hoping it will eliminate some of this ridiculous babyface I've inherited. Hell, it works for my father, so I might as well try it. Of course once it's full, I'll need to get approval from a certain someone, so we'll see. I'll post some new photos as it fills out and I don't just look like a hobo. |
| This blog is supposed to be about me, and as such there's something of utmost importance in my life now that I should talk about more. I'm in love. Despite resisting it, trying to be level-headed, and having initial fears and doubts, I have fallen in love. And I'm very happy for it. Now I could go into all the gooey details, but you've all read about it elsewhere or experienced it yourself. Instead I'll simply say that it's true. One worry does still linger, but I choose not to share that. The person that matters knows about it though. And if we discover that worry is unfounded, as I think we probably will, then I truly believe we will find happiness together, and I will do everything in my power to make that eternal. And to anyone who's ever talked to me about it and thought I was being unsure of myself, you may as well know you're wrong. I've never been more sure about something. Yes, I was unsure for a time, but not any more. Despite trying to avoid this, it's happened and I see something beautiful enduring because of it. |
| Remember in elementary school when the teacher whispered something to one student who relayed it to the next student and then to the next and so on and so on, until it got back to the teacher? Remember how the message wasn't anything like what it was to begin with? That's how things work. People get a message from someone, either mishear it or misunderstand it or maybe get it completely right. But then they pass it along to someone else, and there's the whole new chance to mishear it or misunderstand it. Add to that the fact that it's now taken out of context, and an otherwise harmless message can take on a whole new meaning. The thing is we all know about this phenomenom, but does that stop us from sharing things that could be misconstrued and filtered to other people in ways that misrepresent us? No, it doesn't, because as people we like to communicate. And as people we sometimes say things we don't really mean because we know in the context of the discussion that it's just a figure of speech or an exaggeration. We trust the person we're conversing with to know what we mean. Sometimes they don't know though, or worse, they relay the message out of context and its meaning is changed. Suppose for example, someone was teasing me dreadfully and I finally said "I'm going to kill you." The person I'm talking to knows that I don't really mean it like that. Now suppose that person says "Ernie told me he's going to kill me." Suddenly it could have a whole new meaning to the third person involved in the discourse. See how we can get into trouble listening to things without hearing them in context? It makes me wonder if I should stop talking to people. Seems like I get myself in trouble every time I do because only part of what I say is passed along and that part is taken out of context and taken far too literally. I'm honest and forthright with the people that matter, and yet they get a half-story from a third party that has been entirely misinterpreted and they wonder, justifiably so, if I'm being honest with them. The kicker is that no matter how honest I am with them, they can't really believe it. So from here on out I'm making a conscious decision to only discuss certain things with certain people, namely the ones that matter, the ones that can get the complete and honest story. |
| Okay, so I decided to figure out who I'd pick to play me in the movie of my life. At the moment I'm torn between two choices, and I'll no doubt come up with others later. But anyway, here's what I've come up with so far... William Petersen would play a middle-aged Ernie. For those who don't know him by name, he plays Gil Grissom on "CSI." I find lots of similarities between myself and that character. They include a fascination with learning, statistics, minutia, and solving riddles. We both foolishly placed our pursuits of knowledge ahead of more important things, namely the pursuit of life and love. We're not the sort you would assume to be leaders, but we have a commanding presence and a take charge attitude when necessary. We're witty, smart, spit out the occasional cryptic albeit amusing one-liner, have an uncanny knack for reading people, and share similar interests. However, that's just one of Petersen's characters. I can generalize my comparison to the man behind the role as someone who is rarely known but generally commands respect. Likewise he generally plays someone who is cool, calm, collected, assertive and commanding when necessary, individualistic, cold externally but secretly emotional, and the sort that disappears in a crowd. Now my other choice is someone a bit different. He's really only played one reoccuring role in his life, but he's directed several movies and his real-world existence is parallel to mine in some ways. I'm talking about Kevin Smith. Some of you may know him as Silent Bob from the Jay and Silent Bob movies. He's written and directed all those movies. As a character, Silent Bob is almost always silent, unassuming, a little nerdy, ever the voice of reason to his obnoxious cohort Jay, and the brave, strong character when necessary. As a real person Kevin Smith is nerdy, creative, intelligence, committed, witty, quite funny, often an advocate of crude humor, and clearly a proponent of true love based on some of the plotlines of his movies. Yup, that's all me. Now a movie of my life would not be complete without actors playing the parts of people I'm close to. None of you know my offline friends and family, but I can still cast actors for those of you on here that earn a line or two or more in my movie. So up next, just as soon as I figure out who will play who, I'll post the complete cast... |
| Yesterday my Bow-flex arrived. Now if you know me, you probably know that I never spare any expense. Sure enough I ordered the most expensive Bow-flex they had to offer. The Ultra 2 or something like that. Last night the chassis was assembled with the help of my brother's friend, who oddly enough is becoming more my friend than my brother's. Tonight or tomorrow I'll tackle the all-important cable system. And after that ... I'm actually looking forward to using it. *gasp* Lately I've been shedding pounds and building muscle, and the workouts, which have become less frequent because of much worthier distractions... well, one distraction, invigorate me. I actually enjoy them. Granted there's that whole get sweaty and shower thing that goes with it, and I can certainly think of better ways to get all sweaty and energized, but I feel really good when it's all over. However, I'm sick of just doing push-ups every night, which only helps a few things. Now I can really get in shape. Ernie Version 2.0 is on his way. |
| To quote Luke Skywalker (since Star Wars originally inspired the theme of this blog): "I am not afraid." |
| This is probably best suited for my Book of Rants and Revelations (I'm too lazy to go find a link), but it pertains to this blog, so I've chosen to put it here. Anyway, I was reading the blog description on this blog just now, something I haven't done since I created this thing several months ago. I created this originally to document overcoming my fears, anxieties, etc. and finally building the courage to go for the things I want in life. It occurred to me just now that lots of that has already happened. I'm not the same scared person I was when I created this thing. I'm rapidly becoming a more complete person. Of course currently there's someone special in my life that's giving me courage I never had before, so that really helps, but all along I've been improving myself too. Just last night I went out with out for dinner and drinks with co-workers for four hours at a local pub. Last year I wouldn't even have dreamed of going to the office Christmas party even. Lately I've been making phone calls, talking to new people, hanging out with people outside of work, going places on my own, trying new restaurants etc, and even planning a solo trip quite a distance from where I am now. I'm exercising and changing my living habits. I'm even trying lots of new foods. All of these things would have driven me crazy a year ago. I think I'm healing, and I never knew what I was missing. And on the off chance the woman I love was to ever read this, thank you. Though I've continued to improve on my own, you and the love we share has injected me with a courage I never knew I had. For that you will forever have my gratitude and devotion. |
| Today is my Sonja's birthday. Now if you don't know who Sonja is you clearly haven't been perusing my photos or this blog, so be gone with you! Seriously though, Sonja is my older Saint Bernard who turned two years old today. She's a big sweetheart. The embarrassing thing is I had forgotten. It wasn't until I saw "HappyBDay Sonja!" in Mariposa 's handle that it dawned on me. That's rather funny since I had told Mari only the day before that Sonja's birthday was one day after hers. So anyway, thanks to Mari I can remember to stop and pick something up for my big girl. She needs a new collar I think. Her current one is black leather with silver studs, only the best for my Sonja. But that one is starting to wear so perhaps it's time for another. (Incidentally when Zeus is full-grown I want to find him a black leather collar with spikes.) And I can't forget to get her some pig ears! She loves those.Anyway, there's an utterly boring entry, and I apologize for wasting my readers' time with it, but I was sick of the "Update Your Blog" emails. |
| Okay, so I'm really bored this afternoon, and I had to come up with a game. However, first thing is first, it occurred to me that I never awarded GPs to all the unbirthday present comments I got a while back, so let me send those off so you don't all think I'm a deadbeat. And then for today's new blog game... I haven't led a famous life but I figure I should have. *pats self on the back* So I started wondering who should play me in the movie about my life. Now you know I hate to think too hard because the steam coming out my ears itches, so I've opted to let my loyal readership do the thinking for me. Therefore, the question is "What actor would/should play the part of Ernie III (aka Problematic Content) in a movie about his life?" Here's how this contest works:  One or two entries per person. Enter your selection as a comment to this blog entry. Tell my why you picked the person you did to play me. You can choose to be accurate, flattering, hilarious, or whatever you please. The entry that evokes the most emotion, whatever that might be, is the winner. All entries that aren't exceedingly hurtful or insulting win GPs. Mildly insulting is okay, and vastly insulting is okay too so long as it makes me laugh. The winning entry gets a special prize of my choosing. The challenge runs until Saturday, September 24, 2005. Prizes will be given out that Saturday morning. |
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