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 |  I've maxed out. Closed this blog. |
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This is a way of making myself write something coherent and grammatically correct almost every day. I'm opinionated and need an outlet. I'm also prone to flights of fancy. Thanks for stopping by. |
| I really like pushing baking soda as a household staple. It's safe in most cases and does a variety of work. It fits in a green home. Use it as a backup when you run out of toothpaste. It removes stains and freshens breath. You can also use it just for the occasional brushing to whiten teeth. Be sure it's fresh soda and not one that's been in the fridge or freezer. Don't use it on a regular basis, because it doesn't have all the good things that toothpaste has. But if you have stains from coffee or tobacco or in general, soda is great. Only in extreme emergencies, use soda dissolved in water for heartburn. It will neutralize the acids, but it can build up with regular usage and block arteries. I love baling soda for removing stains from coffee and tea cups, iced tea pitchers, and baking dishes. It even works on metal pans, or anything that you're having difficulty cleaning. It does its job without harsh chemicals that endanger the environment. You can pay more for things to clean your Pyrex or Corningware, but they work about the same as soda. I tend to forget things on the stove and sometimes ruin things by letting them burn in the bottom of the pan, usually the middle only. Baking soda helps in the final stages of removing the burned matter. In fact you can use it in drains to sweeten any odors that may back up from septic tanks, etc. Back in the seventies, the environmentalists recommended pouring a small box of soda down your drain once a week just to neutralize chemicals that had gone down the drain from your home. If every homeowner did that, big improvements would be made in waste systems, but it still couldn't counteract commercial wastes. If you don't mind vacuuming powder out of your carpet, baking soda works as well as the more expensive carpet deodorizers. And you can put a box in the refrigerator, and one in the freezer to absorb odors of onions and fish, etc. Don't throw it away when done; just pour it in the drain and rinse! You can also use it in laundry. And of course, if you bake, you'll have lots of reasons to keep baking soda on hand. Used with salt, it may replace baking powder. I've even heard that if milk is just beginning to take on an odor, but it's still within the date, a pinch of baking soda will sweeten it for cooking. I wouldn't serve it over cereal. You can also use it in water to clean battery terminals in the car. When mixing it in anything other than water, be careful. It will foam and may interact in ways you don't want. Every household needs baking soda eventually. |
| To all you students preparing for your first year of college: Congratulations and best wishes. While passing all your classes and making good grades is extremely important, so is forming good relationships. Make sure you work on your social interaction, too. Keep your friends from high school and the neighborhood, but form lots of new ones. Set aside time just for other people. Think of them as your network for future decades. Cultivate relationships with a variety of people, not just the dorm crowd, a class, or your sports team. Befriend a nerd, or a shy person. You're not in high school any more, so drop the cliques.) You don't have to be best buddies, but do be sincere. Speak to your professors or teaching assistants without sounding like you're kissing up. No one likes a phony. If you're snubbed, ignore it and keep on being a friendly person anyway. Ask someone how their day is going, then listen to the answer. Everyone loves for someone to listen politely. You don't have to be too personal. Don't probe. Don't overload others with your personal sagas; that makes you look self-centered. Save the personal details for those closest and most tolerant of you. If you're always talking about the exciting weekend you just had to people who had to work and study only, they might start to resent you. Stay in touch with dorm mates over breaks and summer vacations. Just an e-mail or quick text will remind them you're there and thought of them. Spend at least an hour a week, over coffee or soda (alcohol tends to alter the conversation), getting to know someone better. Ask some ice breakers, or just go to a popular topic in the news, around campus, or from a book you just read. Find out what makes the other person tick, what he dreams about doing, etc. Think of your time as an investment in the other person. Try to learn the names of the people in your classes, and use them. You may never have a class with that person again if you're on a big campus. Be pleasant and polite. You might run into each other in another city ten or twenty years from now. Developing your ability to care about others is a part of your education. It requires discipline, not wishful thinking. Maybe you'll work with these people some day, or need them as references. Or they'll need you. Cultivating different kinds of relationships with many people will help you to be a better supervisor, even a better parent. And all those people will teach you things you won't learn in books. You'll have memories to last, and might make many lifelong friends. |
| Not all our founding fathers were of one mind. In fact, there were strong disagreements amongst them, but they were able to work together to hammer out some basic principals by which they could all live. You really can't speak or write about what our forefathers intended because they didn't all agree on every issue. And in the two centuries plus since then, we've added our own interpretations, according to fad and political correctness, or even new insights. Be wary of those who presume to state what our founding fathers intended. They may refer to a specific individual, but not the entire group. For instance, Puritans were a very strong influential group in our early history. They had their ideas about religious liberty. They differed from another religious group, the evangelicals. William Rogers, and what we know as Baptists today, would fall into this group. They believed fiercely in independence and separation of state and church. "Enlightened" men, such as Madison and Jefferson, did not think much of religion as an institution at all, despite their own religious and spiritual beliefs. Men such as John Adams and Washington did not believe that government could exist apart from religion and a common moral base. I am not qualified to delve into the issues any deeper at this time. I state them only to show the diversity of our founders, We err when we group them together to claim what they intended as we so often hear. An example of how time has changed our view would be the line,"All men are created equal." No, seriously, they were not speaking of mankind. They meant males, over 18, of predominantly European descent. Women equal? We don't know that any of them ever considered women, except for Adams, whose wife knew his devotion to her and reminded him to think of them when making laws. If any of them ever thought of native Americans or slaves, there wasn't much mention of it. We presume that if these men were alive today, they would agree with us that all humans are created equal, at least after we caught them up to date on this thinking on race, ethnicity, and gender. At that time, however, it seems they did not intend what we now interpret. And yet we hear so many politicians and news commentators speaking about the intention of our forefathers in such broad generalities. If you've read the constitution or the Bill of Rights or The Declaration recently, you'd see that these speakers don't know what they're talking about. Sometimes they really miss the mark, even in generalities. But if we don't know more than they do, how can we call them on their errors? The one generality about our forefathers that may hold up is that they believed in freedom so much, they were willing to pay for it. Those daring to sign their names on July 2, 1776, suffered losses. Some died for freedom. Some lost property or family fortunes. A few died bankrupt. Their lives were never the same after that. It has always been true that freedom is costly. We have to fight for it, literally or figuratively. But we must be careful not to let freedom slip away from us. We have to let go some comfort to hold on to freedom. It isn't a free gift. What price are you willing to pay? |
| Sean Penn, a decent actor since he grew up, was in the news recently making a dumb comment. (Imagine a movie star making a dumb comment.) He actually said in front of a camera and microphone, that people who held a different opionion should be locked up as felons. Sorry, Sean, you play sensitive roles, but you are very insensitive to others' constitutional rights. How much better had you said something like, "Gosh, I think these people are off the wall, and disagree vehemently, but I'll fight for your right to express yourself." That's why you are allowed to play violent and vulgar roles at times, even though people may not like it. Glen Beck, and Rush Limbaugh, Dennis Miller, Cooper, O'Reilly, etc., can say whatever they want because they have a basic right of expression, short of obscenity and indecency outside of "art". (Artistic license allows a looser interpretation of normal standards.) As Americans, we are required to defend the rights of people with whom we do not agree. We don't threaten them with imprisonment. If we could get away with that, all followers of L Ron Hubbard would be locked up. But that would be wrong. That would be against the principles of our belief system. All these centuries go by, and we don't seem to learn anything. We just keep repeating the mistakes of the past. One group wants to control all the others. We can't control speech or thought or even action. The best we can do is establish order and attempt to protect the safety and welfare of the majority. You can't even make your kids believe what you believe; how can you dictate thoughts or feelings to society at large? Sean, you blew it. I've got to respect a man for his mind and his heart. Here's another icon out the window. |
| No one in my circle wants to hear me say it. Nonetheless, I am still grieving the death of my ex-husband. We were divorced for several years. We lived in different towns. Yet we remained in touch, and shared every thing. I can't used to not having him in my life. At times, I think of him, and it seems okay, and I go on. Other times, I think of him, and I start bawling and can't stop. He's been gone 6 months. It seems so unfair. He was a few years younger than me, and I was the one with severe health problems. He was supposed to outlive me! Nothing worked out for him or for us as a couple. He struggled so much emotionally and financially. With better days seemingly around the corner, his life ended. I've lost my best friend, my biggest heartache, my greatest headache, my confidant, my comforter. I will never care about anyone else again the way I did him. I couldn't. It took too much out of me. I couldn't be that strong for anyone else ever again. I couldn't ever let anyone else get that close to me or know me that well. Once in a lifetime is all I can handle. Any other relationship would be shallow at best. It wouldn't take much for me to call it quits, no matter how good he was. No, I've had my one and only. It was never a great love. It was usually one-sided, or uneven. I doubt it was any more fulfilling for him than it was for me. For better or worse, he's gone, and I feel very alone. He was never great company, but I still feel so alone. I'm not deifying him in death. I'm fully aware of the problems that tormented him, and thereby, tormented me. I am aware of the wreck my life became while married to someone so unstable. But I always held onto that hope that his good side aroused. The part of him that was tender and caring and generous made me want to believe that he was going to control his insecurities and family issues and addiction. I don't need to hash all that out again. I lived through it enough, enough to leave him, at least legally and physically. Death is still a harsh reality. I've been angry at God, angry at my ex for living the way he did, angry at his family for caring so little and for hurting him so much all his life. I've felt guilty, absolved, then guilty again. I've wondered many what-if's, and if only's. I've had nightmares, bad dreams, and lay awake crying all night. God knows what I would have done, if he had died while we were still married. We've had this emotional and physical distance, and I've still had trouble coping. But time marches on. I know that I will continue to get accustomed to the idea. I don't think I can "resolve" it. How does anyone "resolve" the death of a loved one? I lost my mother 3 years ago and I still miss her. I lost my ex-husband six months ago, and I still miss him. They were my two best friends. Now I have none. |
| While most of us tend to think of honoring someone as praising them, giving them gifts or awards, there may be other more significant ways to honor them. Sometimes just thanking them is an honor, as in the case of a teacher or counselor, who may not realize the affect they had on you. For parents, or guardians, perhaps the best way to honor them is to be really good people. If you are kind, decent, honest, and trust-worthy, this is an honor to the people who raised you, even if they weren't always that way themselves. Being good at your job, raising your family conscientiously, being a good neighbor is an honor to your parents. Being successful in the community, staying out of debt, and practicing charity are also ways to honor your parents. Taking care of your parents when they are sick or elderly also honors them. I know that not all people will appreciate your goodness, your generosity, your success, your high standards of morality. Some parents are just too self-centered, too difficult to please. Accept that these will never realize they are being honored. But you know that your citizenship, your spirituality, your achievement elevate you to a higher plane of living, and this is an honor to those who have brought you into the world, those who raised you, and those who have led you and influenced you. Always strive to be a better person! |
| Once again it's Father's Day, another chance to focus on our fathers' shortcomings, be they minor or major. I rush to say I had a good father with only minor flaws. He was hard-working, stable, dedicated to his wife and children, even to his own family and to his wife's parents. He was and is honest and decent and caring and sacrificial. It's easy in the day-o-ay affairs to focus on the minor issues, personality conflicts, over-protective issues, etc. We can all complain about something, and it might sound like we're dissatisfied. I have to say, overall, I was blessed when it came to parents. I recognize, however, that being blessed with parents may be more rare than commonplace, especially with fathers. Many people know firsthand about absentee fathers, or alcoholic or abusive fathers. Many fathers assert their position in the family with crankiness, bossiness, or ultimate power. And so their kids grow up hating or resenting them. I know one man who said he reached his 40's before he stopped hating his father, and learned to care about him. I know another family where all the sons hated their father until his death for the way he treated them and their mother. All of them are good fathers themselves. Whether you had a good father or a cruel one or none at all, life is what it is. We can't rewrite it. At some point we have to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and get on with our own lives. Maybe this year is the year you finally need to forgive your father for being a jerk, or cruel, or hateful. It might be very liberating for you to let go of the built-up resentment, the hate, the anger. Maybe he had an excuse, maybe he was just evil. It doesn't matter. Let it go. It wasn't your fault; it was his. Of course, to forgive someone, you must first acknowledge that something needs to be forgiven. Whatever the problem, admit that it happened if you haven't already. Maybe he was overly strict or overly protective, maybe he worked too much and spent little time with you, maybe he was cold and not available emotionally, or maybe he was violent and scary. Small or large, the "crime" was done, and now it's over. History can't be rewritten and shouldn't be swept under the rug. Acknowledge that it happened, and then forgive. Forgiveness doesn't require that you pretend it never happened, or that you make yourself vulnerable again. It does require letting go of the burden, of the anger. While Father's Day, like Mother's Day, is set aside to honor parents, and increase commercial business in doing so, perhaps it should be a day when we reconcile ourselves to our parents, living or deceased. We can thank parents who we deem deserve honor. We can forgive those who deem unworthy of honor. By doing either, we mature a bit ourselves and claim our lives as our own. We can also use these days to resolve to be good parents ourselves, and to support the other parents we know. |
| When we ponder our own mortality, occasionally we think about what we leave behind. Do I have the garage cleaned out? How about the sheds and the attic? Did I take those old clothes to Goodwill? Will the ones concerned find my instructions, if any, or the insurance papers, or all the bank accounts, etc? And if there's a current health concern, or we're up in years, then it may seem even more pressing to be sure the house is clean, the bills paid, the dirty little secrets tossed out, or the computer cleaned up. It just depends on our personalities and how we want to be remembered, or forgotten. If we actually have someone to inherit our things, then we might want to decide who gets the nice jewelry or which pearls, who gets the rare coin collection, or our handmade crafts, or fishing gear. If there's a sense of family legacy, we might want to list the hand-me-downs and who owned them, like Great Grandma's silverware, or Aunt Jenny's tatted tablecloth from the early 1900's, or Great Great Uncle Joe's seed planter. The kids won't know what those things are or that they have sentimental value if we don't write it down (they won't remember if you tell them). Or photos and snapshots may have to be labeled. Which brings me to my current pondering: I'm trying to label every photo I find in this house. I don't know them all, so I'm hounding my elderly father, my uncles, and even distant cousins. When I get a positive ID, I write on the back of the picture. The really good shots, or the really old ones, I'm putting in my Windows photo gallery to preserve them for future use. Provided there's someone who knows they're on my hard drive, someone will have them when I'm gone, no fading paper or yellowing film. Now here's the thing. Will anyone but me care? As an adult, I had a relationship with three of my four grandparents (one died when I was 13). My brothers and probably half my cousins built a relationship with them as adults. So we have this sense of continuity, of heritage. The next generation doesn't care. In my family, there just weren't enough kids. I didn't have children, therefore, no grandchildren. Two of my brothers didn't have kids. One was married for ten years before he had kids. But his kids don't care about history. They only knew their grandparents in their childhood. They do not pursue activities with their remaining grandparents now that they are grown. They don't know old stories or care. With my cousins, they just don't get together as a whole family. Their mothers are all gone, so they've dispersed. They have some minor interest in family history, but their kids do not.So I don't really have anyone to whom I can pass on my memories, my stories, my collectibles, or photographs, or genealogy. I have to care for those things just for my own enjoyment. I don't want to leave any messes, or confusion, or hardship. I'm not afraid to die. I know I'll go someplace better. I dread the pain or the misery that may precede death. With enough of that, I may welcome death. I'm not entirely reconciled with the idea that I will be forgotten so soon. Like many people, I suppose that when the summary of my life is reviewed, I will be found wanting, that my years on earth may not have counted for much. We don't have angels named Clarence to show us that "It's a Wonderful Life", and we aren't all as good as George Bailey. Will I hear a heavenly voice say, "Well done!", ot will I hear, "Tch, tch. You could have done so much better." It just doesn't seem like one of those "oh well" moments in life that you can shrug off and pretend it doesn't matter. |
| We all want to be remembered when we are gone. We'd prefer to live forever in a healthy state, but if we have to die, then we want to be remembered well. We want our lives to have mattered to someone. How we accomplish this remembrance changes according to our personalities. Some want to do establish scholarships or buildings or buisness bearing their names. Some want to be inventors or scientists discovering new diseases or new theories or processes. Some want to be immortalized in art or technology. Some seek immortality in politics, although I can't think of anyone who can possibly claim to be a statesman. The more realistic seek to have children or grandchildren remember them through gifts or pictures or inheritances. It's not as common now, but many want to leave each family member something made with their own two hands, like a quilt or a craft. Some of us settle for the knowledge that we'll be forgotten when we're planted in the ground and the probate is settled. I think it's one of the reasons writers like to write. We want to leave our words, our ideas behind. Even if our name doesn't sit on everyone's lips like Shakespeare or Poe, we want to believe that while we were living we thought something of lasting worth. How wonderful to think that our thoughts might still amuse, distract, instruct, or influence someone years after we're gone from this life! To be read, to be discussed, to be appreciated, even to be misunderstood, is to continue living. And so we write that our words may outlive us. |
| Oh, Paul. Whatever happened to "Please, Love Me Do" or "All We Need Is Love"? Now you've become partisan? Disaster, Paul, first love of my life! Don't you know that all politicians inevitably sell out? No matter how pure they are when they start out, they all become tainted. Fund-raising and campaigning is only the beginning. It gets worse as they settle in and work to get what they want. They end up believing their own hype. You, however, have been the poet, the musician, the sensitive soul, married faithfully to one woman until she died. When you got mixed up with that gold-digger who seemed too good to be true at first, everyone was on your side. You were, for so many, the good guy, the pure at heart, the generous, the amiable. You have represented peace, love, helping hand, fellow man, no more land mines, etc. But as far as most of us know, you never got into bed with any politician. Now you're kissing up to a president who doesn't need that kind of publicity. It's working against him right now, when there's so much on his plate. You messed up, for him and you. Not only is Obama a politician- and they always decline in character, he's a lawyer. And you know the old adage that even lawyer-author John Grisham passes on: You can tell if a lawyer is lying by whether or not his lips are moving. He might not be the worst politician at the moment, but for you, the icon for several generations of goodness, truth, and love, publicly speaking our for a person in politics is wrong. Speak up for a cause. Speak on principle. Speak for someone who is not in public office, but not for anyone who needs votes or is actively campaigning for someone else to get votes. It doesn't take a lot of study to determine that people who run campaigns are not volunteers. They aren't just speaking for their beliefs, if at all. They are master manipulators, sleek, and conniving. Your image has been anything but, until now. Oh, Paul, we so wanted to believe that you were above all that. But no, you got down there and dirty. You sold out. Maybe you were hoodwinked, but it's too late to take it back. I know you meant to be supportive and strong, but you just came off as flaky. And, by the way, I liked the gray hair. Where did that go? You went from icon to washed up star in one night. |
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