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 |  I've maxed out. Closed this blog. |
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This is a way of making myself write something coherent and grammatically correct almost every day. I'm opinionated and need an outlet. I'm also prone to flights of fancy. Thanks for stopping by. |
| I have a relative who can't conceive that a good person is capable of bad things. Maybe it's a man thing. For instance, if a man is abusive to his children, but the children love him, then he wasn't a bad guy, maybe not so abusive after all. If a man is capable of being a good grandfather, then he must have been a good father. Right? I say that people in abusive relationships are not always abusive. That's how they keep the women or children or other men in their lives. They have to be good enough or at least good on occasion to keep them hanging on. Then, when the mood strikes, or their dark side, or the alcohol, or whatever, they can say horrible things, or throw temper tantrums, or throw things, or hit people, or punish severely. When the family has to walk on egg shells to avoid Daddy's, or Mom's, outbursts, then there's a severe family problem. When the kids or Mom lives in fear, despite the good times,it is an abusive relationship. I say that alcoholics, or anger-addicted people, have to work overtime to be good or loving to attempt to make up for the beatings, verbal or physical, and keep winning back the people they hurt. It's like fishing, reel them in close, then whack them again. They don't plan on whacking them again; they can't help themselves. But they don't want to lose them, so they throw out the line again with some bait and draw them back close. Women can be just as good at this as men. They just keep on hurting the ones they love. I resent these people. Ok, they love their spouses or their children. They love them back. But they still hurt them. They still have a sick personality and they hurt the very people they love. And those scars stay through a lifetime. I'm not going to gloss over those "bad" events because there were some good times. Some sons and daughters grow up hating an abusive father. I had a close friend whose mother helped her run away from home to another relative so that she could escape the cruel beatings from her father. She hated him with a passion. For some reason, he wasn't as tough on her younger sisters. If the younger daughters don't hate him, does that redeem him? If he was capable of some loving acts, does that make his cruelty to one of his children any less cruel? Should my judgment of him be nicer because two daughters didn't hate him? My relative tells me I've made myself judge and jury of the one we discussed. No, I know that God is the judge, but I can make an assessment based on what I know. This person was just as important in my childhood as his, but I was privy to conversations with his children, and know him from their view. We have to have some moral standards, despite the admonition not to judge. The behavior of the person under discussion was simply not acceptable, regardless of the high esteem of my relative. Good people are capable of very bad deeds. |
| I have to weigh in on this mosque issue. While I am a Christian and a conservative, I try to be open-minded and stick to the basics. I generally favor the working class and individual rights over the state, yet I feel party lines have become blurred in recent years. Republican and Democrat don't mean what those names used to as the parties have altered their course in an attempt to keep in power. This time I must take a stand for religious liberty and the right to build a mosque wherever they can afford to do so and pass all existing ordinances. Most of our early American forebears came here for religious freedom, and once here, had to learn how to accommodate people with varying practices and assure their own freedom of expression. We need to continue in that tradition and be willing to allow others the same freedom as long as our own freedoms remain untrampled. It would be nice if the builders/owners would make a statement that addresses peace and co-existence, or pay some homage to those who died so near to their site. Even an attempt to apologize for those who were misled and committed crimes in the name of their religion would help. A simple statement that they do not condone the violence and destruction and are undertaking their mission in the hopes that others may understand their faith better and pursue peace and tolerance. Perhaps a clear disassociation with 9-11 actions will appease those who oppose the building site. I understand that some people may be afraid that the mosque/center will harbor sub-groups with terrorist tendencies. What assurances can the mosque leaders give that this will not be tolerated or encouraged? And there is guilt by association. If a member of the Smith family attacks several members of the Jones family, then when the innocent Smiths move 2 blocks away from the Jones, there could be some hostility from the Jones to the Smiths. Are the Jones just supposed to suck it up and quietly avoid the Smiths? Or should the Smiths make some attempt to reconcile? In the Christian way of thinking, it is the Christian who takes the first step to offer forgiveness, to reconcile to the offender. If no Muslims are going to make a public act or symbol of reconciliation, then Christians should. If that doesn't happen, shame on us. But at least politically, let them build their mosque. We're not a doormat. We won't relinquish our rights. But we'll guard yours. |
| I have many peeves, but one that I find especially irritating is the nature of a lot of forwarded emails. "If you don't pass this one" or whatever version of that appears, claims that you are part of the problem, don't love your country or aren't very Christian, or some other guilt-arousing accusation. The truth is that I delete a lot of mail, even if I agree with its basic premise, because it is badly written, has a lot of junk commentary added by a half-dozen recipients or contains threats however minor. I dimply don't want to pass on even a few good lines or joke or cartoon with a lot of junk included. I further believe that most people don't want to hear a lot of anger or one-sided opinions. I don't. So many of these chain e-mails have a prevailing tone of anger and belligerence! I'm not a hot head; I don't like calling people names or making fun of them when I disagree with them. These opinion pieces are like the old-fashioned chain letters that warned there would be a death or other disaster in the family if we didn't forward the letter to 10 more people! I can't do things like that to people. My advice is delete these emails if you aren't completely comfortable with them. If you like the sender and agree philosophically, you still need to consider the animosity and ill will so many of these letters contain. When we have strong feelings, we should share them calmly and politely. We don't need to attack public figures in personal ways or use foul language or wish them any harm. And we certainly don't need to be rude to the people on our own contact list! |
| Tired of hearing about Lindsay every day? I am. The media should back off. We all love to see self-centered irresponsible celebrities have their downfalls, a kind of justice in the public eye. In this case, it's become obvious that the girl is not going to see the light bulb come on, she won't seek redemption on her own. If you've ever known an addict of any kind, your heart should be breaking for her by now. She needs professional help, psychological, legal, and financial. She needs a caretaker other than her parents. It's a shame that such a young life has to go to waste. If she doesn't change the course of her life, there is an early grave waiting for her. No one would enjoy that. The media needs to stop feeding on her misery. She is miserable. Her fame and fortune cannot mask the pain she bears, the lack of control that is destroying her. Comedians and writers are just as bad as the reporters; they need new material. And while I'm cutting fallen celebrities some slack, the David Hasselhoff jokes are stale now, too. The man had a problem, and he's tried to deal with it. I don't know his success, and I don't want a report on it. His daughters need a break from the jokes and the spoofs. It's a private situation made way too public too long. In our own families, we don't want our family troubles aired. Of course, we aren't rich and privileged. We don't have celebrity egos. But once the truth hits the airwaves, it's time to give it a rest and let these folks work things out privately. Addictions are a terrible thing. I've know a few addicts and the families that suffered with them. They need support not ridicule. They need time to struggle with their issues. We shouldn't be adding to their guilt and shame. |
| Practical jokes are not a sign of maturity. I've done my share when I was younger. But I've never understood why we glorify them. I could never stand Candid Camera when I was young. How could it be entertainment to decieve someone and then laugh at them. More recently Howie Mandel ran one season (thanks to the networks for not continuing it) of trickery. Making fools of people is annoying. Now we get these foolish emails, videos that people think are funny. Someone who sometimes sends me serious stuff sent me a video of a guy who sets off firecrackers while his wife is examining a brand new handgun on the patio. Not funny. I also resent the emailer who sends me this trash. Scaring people id mean. There has to be a little evil in us to laugh at that. While I'm complaining about humor gone wrong. . . Jay Leno has gone off the track a little. I suppose it's an attempt to get the younger audience, but it's driving his older devotees away. Mixing video clips with new material to make people look foolish. If you're in high school, ok, you might laugh. But the concept for adults is stupid. And Jay is just too old and gray to pull it off. But one more thing that annoys me: When Jay has Mel Gibson on his show, he acts like they're best friends. They talk about doing things together, about family members. But when Mel flips out, Jay is the first to attack him repeatedly. I like good comedians, but I hate the duplicity. You can't disparage your friends like that. It makes you look like a bad person. Or you need to make it clear that you were never close, you only had a staged relationship, and the new behavior is shocking or changes your perception or something that explains your aboutface. Mel's behavior is bad and worthy of jokes, but not from people who acted like his buddies. We all need humor, but not at the expense of our own character or values. Humor that comes from making fools of people isn't humorous. Humor that could hurt someone, physically or psychologically, isn't really humor. It can be cruelty wrapped up in the facade of comedy. |
| It is a habit now to remember this day, to make him feel special, to give him some attention however small. This is the first birthday since he passed away. I've thought about it all week. Today he was with me all day. I miss going to a grave and carrying flowers. Cremation robs us of that ritual. I was looking at some flowers and thought of the beautiful white gardenias he used to grow. I realized that in my heart and mind, I can place flowers in his memory. And my words read by a few strangers will honor him more than a tombstone. The Anniversary of a Birthday July 22, For Michael If you were still with us now, We'd celebrate the day somehow-- A gift, a card, a time of mirth To commemorate the day of your birth. But you were impatient and left Me behind to grieve your death. Your ashes scattered, you have no tomb. But in my heart a white gardenia blooms. No need for stone to document, These words of mine your monument. |
| Ever caught yourself reading a cereal box? Whether it's the "ABC's of Cereal" (I read that one this morning. It's about Folate and Iron, Vitamin D, etc.), great movie quotes (like "Yo, Adrianne"), the whole grain story, or how the Care Bears find their way home, they can be very entertaining while munching your Cheerios or crispy rice. A newspaper takes too much room at the table, especially if other people are seated there. And a book may become soiled, if only a little. But a cereal box has a short life, won't be returned to the furniture for years of storage, and is fairly compact. And it's on the table anyway. Why don't we take advantage of this great reading surface for better education. Maybe the table of elements, or the multiplication tables. Little biographies, like The Swamp Fox, Florence Nightingale, Walter Reed, Livingston, Schweitzer, George Washington Carver, Maggie Walker, Betsy Ross, Patrick Henry, and many others would educate adults as well as younger readers. Tales of how electricity works, or the difference between watts and volts, could fascinate a whole generation of cereal eaters. Dinosaurs. Kids love to read about dinosaurs. Zoo animals, exotic animals, aquatic animals, tropical animals, animals on particular continents, cold-blooded versus warm-blooded animals, birds, fishes. Kids and adults love animals. Cereal box designers could improve animal knowledge and help conservation. Bees are seriously threatened world-wide. Think what the story of bee colony collapse could accomplish on the sides of cereal boxes! After a year or two of animals, the brand of cereal could switch to flowers, or botany in general. They could address agriculture in general. As long as the stories stay on a 5th grade reading level or lower, the general public could consume the material quite readily. As long as we stay away from historical movements, politics, government, and religion, the brands wouldn't have to worry about offending anyone or losing customers/readers. And since we tend to look at a cereal box more than once, the material might really be driven home. And let's not forget maps. It's become apparent lately that adults, community leaders at that, don't know where countries or states are. They can't name the states that border Mexico, even when that topic is the conversation theme! Teaching kids and their parents where the states are and what they border could be a great use of cereal boxes. It might make your kids eager to learn some more over breakfast. |
| I feel like such a nerd. I now know what a Green Lantern is. The super hero is really just a pilot on planet earth who has been selected to be one member of an intergalactic police force, called The Green Lanterns. There's about 2800 of them! The one in the comic book has one area of space to patrol. His special power ring gives him whatever he thinks he needs to solve a crime. I never expected to know such a thing. And I did not learn it from reading a comic book. I actually read an article about the new movie The Green Lantern, in which the author explained the above. Mostly the article was about the costuming and a magazine interview, etc. Overall it was a waste of time. I can't believe I had anough interest to finish the article. Of course, I skimmed over the stars names, since they were all meaningless to me. I suppose the title and good placement lured me in. Next I'll be reading about Snookie or whatever other dribble is going around. Can I justify this idling as "culture watching"? |
| After a long period of unemployment, I have finally found a part-time, low pay job. It will barely net me enough to pay the monthly medical insurance and car insurance. Mind you I am no spring chicken living in my father's home, with no expectations of ever repaying room and board, or medical after insurance, or gas, or car upkeep. I'm griping, but I'm well aware that I'm blessed to have such financial support. He is not a rich man. He's worked hard all his life, hardly ever taking sick leave. When we were kids, he worked two jobs to keep Mom at home with us. He's always lived cheaply and sacrificed for his kids and grandchildren. We didn't turn out to be bad people, but except for one, we've never been successful financially. Dad's always been there, through our divorces, our unemployment, our health set-backs. When we are able, we do things for him. I'm particularly expensive to keep alive because of permanent health issues. And he's paying the bills without grumbling. Finally, I can help a little, but can't completely care for myself. If I don't add another part-time job, or replace this one with a better one, I'll be short about $4500 at the end of the year, and it's unfair to my Dad and my siblings to keep draining him. And my new hours require that I be gone during the evening hours, the time I've been the most company for him, and the time I fixed his dinner and cleaned up afterward. Now he'll have to reheat or prepare his own and do his own clean-up. I'll set the table before I go. When it's cold out, I can fix homemade soup or chili ahead of time, and leave it for re-heating. As for me, I won't be able to go to plays at the University, or church dinners. But I'm already thinking about the TV shows that have become a habit. I can't finish watching America's Got Talent. Other summer fare is not worth watching anyway. But I'll miss all the new fall shows. Now is this a warped point of view? For another dollar or two an hour, I'm sure it would be very easy to forget all about TV. During the day, I will clean house, do laundry, cook some basics, pull weeds, and job hunt. There's got to be something better out there for a B A with years of experience. But I'll keep practicing an attitude of gratitude. |
| Recently, I came across the address of an old friend with whom I have not corresponded in about 10 years. It's been even longer since we saw each other face to face. I sent her a card. She's very stable in a solid marriage. I knew the address would still be good. She emailed me back and asked for my phone number. I emailed it to her. Last night, she called and we talked over an hour! So much has happened. Her little girl was home-schooled the last 5 years of school. I had no idea. I could do the math and knew that she'd be over 21 now. All of her brothers and sisters are still hanging in there. Her young niece is very successful, has given up the motorcycle for horses, and is in her third marriage of 10 years. My friend and her husband are retired. The daughter is still living at home for now. A mutual friend of ours passed away. She knew that I had gotten married, and that the marriage was troubled. I don't think she realized I had gone through with the divorce. Now he passed away six months ago, and I grieved despite the divorce. My mother passed away. I had moved several times, and am back with my father, who is still working, gardening and driving in his 80's. My middle brother is a grandfather to his delight, while brother number 3 and his wife have been unsuccessful in having children and in adopting children. My nieces, etc., etc. I still have to work, and in this economy, I have found job hunting difficult for an over-educated, old woman. Still it felt nice to hear a familiar voice, to recall camping disasters, seeing belly dancing, and going to concerts. The spirit still wants to be young, although the body says, "Take it easy." No way would I sleep on the ground in a pup tent these days, or climb the side of The Peaks of Otter, in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I will always recall her wedding as one of the most unique I have ever attended, and relish the memory of the party afterward at her friend's house on the side of a steep West Virginia mountain, with spectacular scenery below. I regret all the years we didn't communicate. Each of us was so busy with our own paths. But today, we are in contact again. We are rich in memories and still have those old ties. I'm glad. We have today, and that counts. |
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