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 |  My purging and some other crap - can be funny, most times without trying :-) |
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♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Just to take the crap out of me and put it somewhere else for safekeeping. Gets heavy carrying it around. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** It's me, Summertime 2010. I'm pretty damn happy these days. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And yes.. this is my daughter, Devann Dev   . I am the luckiest Mom in the world. Can't get a new pic ... oh maybe I'll creep FB and steal one from there! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And our little slice of paradise. I still after 'four' years here can't believe how lucky I am. Come on over .. the door's always open ( heehee ) Thanks for stopping by. Cheers Check yourself, or I mean, it out
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| Well I had this thought yesterda that I needed to get some crap out about my mom, but I am really tired tonight. So I am not sure I have the energy to talk about it, but I will start and see what comes up. It's going to be a bit disjointed... so bear with me. I have very limited recollection of my childhood, but here are a few good moments I remember: * I remember going into my Mom's room and she was in bed and she braided my hair * I remember watching her put on her make up at her little table in her bedroom * I remember she was pretty and always wore puffy skirts and dresses * I remember getting my hair brushed after bathtime on Sunday nights, it was torture! * I remember her teaching me to sew with a needle and thread and toilet paper * I remember an outfit she knitted me, it was burgundy and it was a skirt and matching sweater with a zipper. I loved it. One day my Dad threw it away.. I cried. * I remember once seeing her and my Dad standing on an envelope they were trying to squish whatever was inside to mail it. They were in each other's arms and they kissed and seemed happy. That was the only time I saw any affection between my parents. Some not good memories * throwing a teacup at my Dad * yelling * threatening to send us to boarding school if we didn't behave * walking up in the middle of the night, listening to them argue and crying. She came in my room and when I asked her why was leaving, she said she wasn't. That was a lie. * yelling * driving down Robson street in our station wagon, looking for her after she moved out. I remember jumping out of the car to chase a woman I thought was her - it wasn't * sitting in her favorite brown horse hair chair when she called and Dad announced, "She is never coming home." She left when I was 9. I was the only child of 4 who went to see her every other weekend.I don't know why. We moved away and it meant a 2 hour bus ride, alone when I was only 10 and 11. But I never missed a visit. She remarried to my Dad's best friend and ex business partner when I was 12, and didn't tell me. I found out about years later by accident. When Dad moved us to Central America, I lost contact with her for 3 years or so. I did not see her again until I was 17. She has never said, "I love you." She never hugs or kisses hello or goodbye. I always do and I can tell she is tortured by it. Yesterday when I said goodbye and hugged her, she barely responded. It is always awkward. I have only seen tears once, when I saw her about a year after my sister died. She told me I did good. And she had tears. I wrote her this poem and put it into a journal with a story about how I felt about her just after my sister died. Her response, was just to say, "Oh, thank you." You are the mother of our courage. Your children, You needed to set us free. You paved the way so we could follow. You stood your ground so we could grow. You shed your fears, so we could also. You showed your love as you knew how. You are the mother of our courage. Your children You set us free. Along the way we lost our freedom. Along the way we stumbled and fell. Along the way we lost our paths. Along the way we lost ourselves. Our journeys soon consumed us, Mistakes and grief along the way. But our own paths we needed to follow. Where we were we could not stay. You are the mother of our courage. Your children, We needed to be free. But we've found our homes now And we found our own true selves. We can now live in freedom. We can now live in paradise. Love has finally found us. Our fears can just go away. Truth only now is spoken. Where we are, we now can stay. You are the mother of our courage, Your children, Now we can be free. We are free to feel the love. We are free to be at peace. Harmony surrounds us like a child. What gifts we can release. Waste not thoughts or fears of wonder, What could have, should have been. You always did your best then. Look back and hold all pristine. You are the mother of our courage. Your children, Now know, we are free. I wrote this on the ferry when I was going to see her one day, it is actually more of a song, I can hear the tune in my head - but I guess that doesn't help. She does not show emotion. When my older sister was admitted to the hospital with cancer, and we knew someone had to go take care of her, she said she couldn't go, so I did. I am glad it was me to go, but I always have wondered why she didn't want to go. She was the closest to my sister and she wasn't working and she could afford it, but she wouldn't go. Now my other sister is in the hospital for her 2nd cancer surgery. My mom finally went this time to visit tonight. But she didn't go see her the first time she was in last month. Even though she lives in the same city. I felt that was odd. When I found out that my stuff was not going to make it to Vancouver, yesterday, I knew I would have to stay at her house, and I didn't want to. She lives with my 36 year old half brother in her house and every time I go there, I feel like intruder. It feels odd to go there. Nothing specific, just a feeling that I am interrupting their lives and they will put up with me, for how ever long I stay, but they are counting the hours til I leave. Not a nice feeling. I want a real Mom. I have had 2 stepmoms andI didn't get along well with the first one and the second one, I feel like I have written enough about her, but we have a very rocky relationship. She's bossy and she gets under my skin. My Mom gave me these two pics last night. They are mounted on large cardboard, so I took a pic of them. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Dev asked me if this was photoshopped?  I had to explain how pictures used to be taken. She wasn't interested.This won an award for the newspaper my Dad worked for. We were in the paper so many times, Dad would change our names, periodically. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This was taken by my Dad with an underwater camera. Pretty high tech in those days. It made me incredibly sad to get these pics. There is very little evidence of me in her home. And now there are two less things. She has never shown any interest in coming to see my new house and I have lived here almost a year. I want her to come, but I am too afraid to ask because I could not bear to hear her say no. I want her to be different than who she is, which I know, logically is not the right way to be. I need to love her unconditionally exactly how she is and not expect her to be any different than who she is. But... I want her to be different anyway. I want a Mom. I always have, and I guess I always will. a little sad cheers bugz |
| So there have been some nasty rumours flying around blogville that I can not drive myself out of a paper bag, but since I am too much of a polite Canadian to tell everyone that Dave Gordon is spreading them, I will let you figure out who is the instigator by yourself. I am sure he wouldn’t do anything so silly as he begged me to come to Seattle to visit him and his granddaughter. And those of you who know me, know I very rarely EVER leave my island for anything or anyone, but seeing as how, he bribed me with a gazillion gps and hounded me for DAYS, I finally relented and agreed to go for a visit, just so he would be quiet! (man o man he can talk!) Coincidentally the rest of my belongings that have been stored in Ontario, decided they wanted to be reunited after over a year – so I thought… wow, how cool is that? I am a planner, so getting a trip to see Dave and getting my stuff from Vancouver where it was being delivered seemed like a snap. Mistake number one. Mistake number two – getting directions from an American – more on that later. So… planning, plotting, checking schedules, organizing rides for work for Devann, getting gas, cleaning the car, buying baby presents and dave presents, charging phone, packing laptop, packing stuff for Darla, …wahoo things were coming together. Problem number one – crossing the border with a dog. This require an up to date rabies certificate. No problem, get out the papers, check the date – ummm we do have a problem. Expired August 30th. Guess I should have paid attention to that note I got in the mail from the vet awhile ago. So Darla isn’t coming. Devann has to stay home from work as we have spoiled Darla to death and she has never spent an entire day home alone and it was too late to take her anywhere else. So revised plan, full steam ahead, sans Darla. Up at 5:30 ish (due to a text message… but I have complained about that already, so I won’t mention TIME ZONE DIFFERENCES again to you people) Out of the house by 6:45am to drive down for the 9am ferry. I found out later, there was a potential problem number two with another ferry up island, so I just barely got on. That should have been my first clue to turn around and go home! Here you can see my truck, almost hanging over the edge - I was soooo almost the very last one on. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** But breathing a sigh of relief, and letting my guard down, mistake number two , I took a pic of the view from the ferry ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** A 2 hour leisurely ferry ride, is actually lovely. The view is spectacular, and the food is much better these days. I wandered around, people watching and smiling at the gorgeous scenery. Off the ferry, landed me just outside of Vancouver, where the real problem number two began. My friend, called to say he got stuck in snow in Winnipeg and would NOT be arriving by 7pm that night. So I tried to accept that graciously and not worry. But I did have to call him twice to figure out how to get here…. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** But I arrived at last and a VERY arrogant border crossing dude created potential problem number three and didn’t want to let me in when he found out I was going to visit a certain Dave Gordon. Seems there are a few DGs who have bad reputations down there. So lots of chatting, back tracking, name changing, smiling and ok a leeeetle cleavage, managed to get me all the way in your gorgeous country! Now back to mistake number two Dave was very detailed in his directions that he emailed to me. I was actually quite impressed, it included, when to pick up the cell phone to call, street names, rights and lefts, describing bent street signs, how many blocks, etc. A breeze. Except it wasn’t. I-5 south to Broadway and 44st, doesn’t actually exist. So without the cursing, swearing and the $57 in cellphone calls and 45 minutes later I did find Broadway and 41st! … seems that southbound signage does not match northbound signage. I am not going to say anything else about that, except…. Only in AMERICA! But it was all worth it for this little peanut, Baby Lilly ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Ok I will admit the ONE truth in Dave’s blog… I did manage to snag quite a lot of baby time, while I was serenaded by the master musician himself. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** But his singing, oh my!!…. Okay. He SAYS, he had an operation whereby they had to work on his neck. And ever since then, he can’t sing properly. I have heard a lot of excuses for bad singing, but that that one wins the prize! Let’s just say, if he ever offers to sing you something, just say NO! He scared me. We then spent a few hours talking, about you all! YUP!! We compared notes, who we talked to, our blogville addiction, how we met, how we share things here that we would NEVER would tell our friends or family. I think his daughter over heard a few things that she didn’t know about before – hope he didn’t get in trouble for the other ladder incident that even I didn’t know about…I think he has been withholding even from us – so I think he better up the ante a bit. But he may need to change the rating on his blog to severely accident prone – beware who enters you may just leave with an injury. But on the other hand, I think he lies. I saw absolutely NO evidence of any injuries, broken bones, sore shoulders or even a mashed finger. He showed me his supposed broken fingernail that he drilled a hole through, but I only saw a nail that looked like he’d been gnawing on it – so I think that whole self inflicting wounding thing is a ruse, he uses to get cute gals to give him sympathy. Seems to be working for him though – so hmmm… maybe he’s onto something there. Wonder if it would work for me – well to get sympathy from boys of course. Although come to think of it, Dave was crying his eyes out once when he was laughing so hard. I think he may indeed have broken something at that point. I’m not sure though. Time flew and I was starting to be happy that my stuff was not on time, as a suggestion for Mexican food was made and I was sooooooooooooooo excited!! Here we are at dinner ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Super yummy… but if you will notice, I have ONE beer in front of me. But Dave had a whole bottle of tequila and he didn’t even offer to share! That could have contributed to the amount of baby talk that went on the whole ride back to the house. Which actually only made poor Lilly scream even louder…hmmm.. I wonder if she was trying to tell him something. But here’s the proud family, Grandpa, Lilly and Sarah. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I think Sarah was actually trying to get Lilly back, as Dave had pretty much hogged her the whole time I was there, but I never saw HIM change a diaper! Sarah is quite a gal, sane-ish too, surprisingly enough. She has a green thunb, unlike her Dad’s mashed one. I was impressed and took a pic of her Japanese Maple. If you have seen mine, you’d know I was quite in awe of this beauty. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Soooo… it was time to head back home at this point. Other than the horrid directions, the bad singing, endless baby talk, finding out the whole accident prone thing was a ruse, and the fact that I am actually traumatized by seeing Dave wearing little pink booties and fuzzy pink hat, that I bought for LILLY, it was a great visit. I may recover. * * * * * About 3 hours later, I arrive at my Mom’s house for an unplanned sleepover.I will blog more about this tomorrow. real problem number 3 and 4 and 5 This morning, up and attem, and a rendezvous with my trucker friend, finally happens. Here they are packing up my car.. yahoo!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I was about 15 minutes from the ferry, so all was good. Although I just missed the 1pm, ferry, I thought for sure I would make the 3pm one…. Nope… here it is all filled up but not with me! problem number 6 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** So it was the 5pm ferry that I finally caught. But I was rewarded for my patience with a rainbow, which made everything all right in my world. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I love rainbows and although this is not the best pic – I think rainbows are the greatest analogy of life. Rain and sun mixed together create a miracle of nature in her most spectacularness. (ok I made that word up, but I like it) Tonight, I was home by 9pm, it was a long few days. But what a joy. Meeting Dave, all kidding aside was one of the best times I have had in a long time. He is a warm, generous, kind, loving, funny man who adores his family and it is obvious they adore him. How blessed I am to know him! cheers bugzy ps I just said that last part cause he is threatening me with some compromising pics he took of me when I wasn't looking  yikes |
| I never was a girl guide/boy scout kinda gal, but still I should have known this one. I am stuck in Vancouver at my Mom's house. My friend who is bringing my stuff, got hung up in Manitoba and we won't be able to meet until tomorrow. So I am here, with nothing, no cell phone charger, basic sleepover stuff, blahblahblah... but at least good ole mom came through with jammies etc. It was a long day - I was up at 5:30am ( cause SOMEONE , no names mentioned, texted me.... damn time zones!!) But I had to get up at 6am anyway, so no biggie and now its almost midnight, so I am pooched. I had a FABULOUS time with Dave Gordon and have lots of pics and stuff to tell... and dispel the rumours that he does not have two heads, but you'll have to wait til tomorrow as I do not have my camera cord here, so want to include the pics. So.. you'll just have to wait.So there... Do I have any other great words of wisdom as fillers til then?? Ummm.... no, nope, sorry. I am not going to tell you to play amongst yourself til I get back , as last time I did that... all hell broke lose. So yah.... ummm cheerios bugz ps....if your ears were burning... it's cause we ummmm were talking about you all  pss... my Meeting Dave entry for tomorrow was gunna be nice, but after just reading his rendition, the gloves are off - this is war! |
| Ok here are some life lessons that I learned today that I will share with you all, for free. I know, I know, people say nothing is free... well these are ... trust me. 1 - Never, ever, ever cut your own bangs. I know you've heard it before, and so have I. And you think I'd have learned my lesson...but nope. So this is a friendly reminder. 2 - Hide tweezers and all other instruments resembling tweezers from your 15 year old daughter. Otherwise, you WILL have to pay $19.95 to have remaining eyebrows reshaped by a professional. 3 - Hide all scissors and any other sharp objects from your 15 year old daughter, so she does not decide to cut stray hairs from her hair line that were poking out when she wore a headband. We all know what happens when they grow back. 4 - Don't go canoeing when it is lightly drizzling, thinking, "Oh it looks like the sun is trying to peak out." Because inevitably it will start to pour and you will still be a good 10 minutes hard paddle from home. 5 - Don't make assumptions that just because you paid up your automobile road side assistance until 2009 under a shared plan with your ex-boyfriend, that he would not be a vindictive asshole and cancel it out of your name. So that late one night when you lock your keys in the car and it's raining and dark outside and you call for the dude to come and unlock it, the company says, "Um no you no longer have an account with us, you need to pay $50 or we ain't coming." So there you go. Happy days. Life lessons from me to you. Well I will be offline all day today. I am heading OFF the island. I know, it's rather frightening. But has to be done. I am heading to Vancouver on the 9am ferry, then scooting down a couple of hours to Everett WA, to meet up with Dave Gordon at his daughter's house. Then back to Vancouver to meet up with another friend who has the last of my stuff that he brought out from Ontario. Then hopefully ( fingers crossed ) catching the last ferry back to the island paradise and home by 1am.That's the plan. Wish me luck. I might hack in along the way somewhere to say hi, otherwise, have a super great day all. See you soon with pics and news from our friend Dave. cheers bugz |
| When I turned nineteen, and I was living away from home with a girlfriend, she threw me a surprise birthday party. I cried almost the whole night. It was the first birthday party I had ever had in my whole life. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I even remember what I was wearing, a long, hippie style purple shirt and gray corduroy jeans. I had a stacked perm, which still to this day, remains my most favorite hair cut. I was young, I was happy, I had an amazing job, and lots of close, and wonderful friends. My father wasn't speaking to me back then, so there was no family involved in that party, but it was one of the most fabulous nights of my life. I remember it fondly and with joy in my heart and gratitude to my roommate who arranged it all, invited my friends and never let me in on the surprise. I have never had another birthday party since. Until today. I wanted to share that little story with you, so you could understand a little more about why I seemed to be a little ridiculous with counting down the days to my birthday. I am sure without a doubt that probably was annoying to some. I was getting annoyed with myself too, but somehow for this year especially, it was important for me to claim this day. alfred booth, wanbli ska said this in his cnote. On an important day like your birthday, here's a little note from the troubadour and me telling you that you're on the right track lately. You seem more poised and sure of the directions you are taking in your life. So, may this special day be the beginning of a new, exciting and important part of your future.I was stunned that he said I was more poised as I didn't see that this morning. But a few others said, this was the beginning of a new life. And I really, truly feel it is. I really didn't sleep last night. By the time I posted my birthday blog around 10pm my time, SouthernDiva started a party in my bloggy and all hell broke loose. Then some of the other folks got up and about, so the emails started and the blog comments started and the Cnotes started and the Merit Badges started and the next thing I knew, it was 7am!! So I dozed for an hour or so, then got woken up by a bunch of crazy noisy people on here! And it just went on and on!I don’t even know where to begin. I was completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of spirit and generosity I received. I received SEVEN yes you heard me SEVEN Merit Badges.... ![Merit Badge in Birthday
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I'll be away for your WDC party but have a great burpday and a wonderful year to follow.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Birthday-210.gif) ![Merit Badge in Foresight
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I foresee a happy year for you my dear friend!
Happy Birthday! May this year be the best you had so far! *^*Heart*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Foresight-1320.gif) ![Merit Badge in Music
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"Happy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday dear Bugzy...."
Hope you have a terrific day! Hope to get back and help you party, but I gotta go "take one for the team" lol. Love you! *^*Heart*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Music-1050.gif) ![Merit Badge in Erotica
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I wanted to get you something no one else would.
Happy Birthday Bugzy!!! your a one of kind lady.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Erotica-560.gif) AND I received SEVEN yes you heard me SEVEN Cnotes from galinago, ljkam, likenion, alfred booth, wanbli ska , *Barbara Maria* , Special Kay , Nikola~Ugh Summer!  AND two egreeting cards from fleckgirl and DntdKnight AND a costumcon from *Barbara Maria* heeheeAND a siggie from Eagle~The Cowboy's Wife How gorgeous is this?? Looks very much like where I canoe.** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** AND I received TWO poems written for me. By likenion "Come on and put on your silver and follow me on this well worn path. Bathe in waters of sapphire and weave the melody of your life. Let your fears go to sleep, take these jade wings and soar high to the big old oak tree with emerald leaves. Take your place on the top of the crown and spread your light, cause it's your time to shine." and ezseeker JUDY GOES CANOING A sock can be a comfort to a chilly soul and sole, and in the summer ventilate through some old worn-through hole. The sensuous feel of satin socks, the warmth of useful wool, or nylon on a silken leg as paddle she will pull. These things I’ve known that warm the feet, and listed up above, shut out another thing I know that I have grown to love, that stamps its unique brand upon a girl who never fails, for socks of any kind will hide her brightly shining nails. I’ve seen her as she paddles in a spanking bright canoe, with toe-nails painted brightest red against the water’s blue. What girl wants socks when sitting where her paddling makes her sweat, and every little splash she makes gets her socks soaking wet? One stays in shape by paddling through each season of the year. A sexy shape is what girls seek: at least from what I hear. The thing I wish to recommend, I think is only fair: Wear socks on feet when chilly, but in summer, keep them bare! Now I am not too up on these things... but I am hazarding a guess that this could be a WDC world record here! Any fact checkers on here?? So I had planned to do a photo journal chronicling my day, but there were too many photos and mostly just Dev and I goofing around. But here are a few of the highlights of our day together ( once I finally got her out of bed that is) Dinner at my most favorite chinese noodle house. We usually get take out because the food comes in those great chinese food boxes you always see on TV that I have never seen before in Canada. But we ate in. I had my favorite, noodles and fried tofu in a peanut sauce... delish!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Devann had Thai noodles. And we were killing ourselves laughing as she seemed to eat forever and ever and didn't even dent her plate. We convinced the waitress that she must have received WAY more than me... she agreed ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I was wondering if this dude was dinner, or a dinner guest? ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Well singing on the way there was great but only lasted for about half the trip back, then these two party poopers bit the dust. Boy, this is a blackmail photo for later! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** AND the super cool news of the day... ME, notice anything different???????????? ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Ok... in case you missed it.. LOOK!!! heehee Yuppers, pierced my nose. Hurt like hell! I am such a baby... but I sure am loving it. It's an opal which is my birthstone and it catches the lights and I see it glittering if I cross my eyes!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** So to wrap up my day, I am going to do one of the infamous 5. This list of 5, is the just 5 of my many birthday highlights: 1 – SouthernDiva setting her alarm so she could get up to start my party at midnight exactly.2 – Opening my heart and allowing others to honour me and to accept their gifts graciously. All the emails, notes, text messages, and even a phone call, that made my heart expand. 3 - Singing at the top of my lungs along with the radio with Devann in the car, speeding down the highway as we drove through the mountains. 4 – Having Devann buy me dinner, listening to her being so polite to the waitress, acting so grown up and saying to me twice that this was the first time in 5 years that it had been just her and I alone to celebrate my birthday. Somehow that was important to her and I am glad that I didn't allow myself to be swayed by my stepmother's influence to have my birthday dinner with her. 5 – Reclaiming my power and doing something that I have wanted to do for years. Not looking for approval or acceptance or opening myself up to anyone discounting me or dissuading me from doing what I wanted to do, to make myself happy. I wore some body spray today, that I had bought for my sister when I was taking care of her before she died. I have not worn it in years, as my ex didn't like the smell. It reminds me of her. It brings her closer to me. I felt close to her today. I can smell it even now. She died when she was 45. I am 47 now. I have lived longer than she was allowed. I felt like today, I honoured her. I made promises to myself when she died, that I had let slip away. I am reclaiming those promises today again.... I will speak out. I will live my truth. I will honour myself. I really, truly want you to know that each and every email and note and sentiment touched my heart. Thank you to those who mentioned my birthday in their blogs too... I had a few new visitors today. Perhaps my blog was just one in your list that you popped over to and dropped a line and then passed to the next one. But I want you to realize what impact all of you had on me today. I know I walked taller, I know I felt lighter, I know I smiled brighter and I know the world all around, smiled back at me today. And I accredit that to you all and the love you have shown towards me. This is my year. I feel it, I know it, I claim it. Thank you Blessings bugzy ps... send some prayers and happy thoughts to scarlett_o_h her vacation got mucked up  pss .. sorry if I forgot to thank someone who gifted me something today...It was hard to keep track!! heehee |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Okay, technically where I live, I have two more hours to wait, but since it is my birthday already in a few places and the well wishes have already started to roll in, I say it's just a formality! So thanks already to the Cnotes and emails...I am already in tears. Thanks to galinago for being super fast on the send button and Lisa Dawn - sunny days for this dittyHippo birdie 2 ewe hippo birdie 2 ewe hippo birdie deer ewe hippy birdie 2 ewe And of course to SouthernDiva for the  images and the party email invite. ummm which crap, she set her alarm so she would wake at midnight to send it out... wow. What can I say?And to the birthday wishes I got already in my blog from yesterday! I know I mentioned it before, but birthday's have been a bit rough for me in the past and I want you all to know, already this has been the best birthday for me, and it hasn't even started. It's dumb to be hung up on these sorts of things at my age - but I am just a little girl at heart sometimes. And I think I am making up for kinda not being such a happy little girl growing up. But that's all fixed up now, since I am sure a happy gal today. So I did go and have the obligatory birthday dinner with my evil stepmother. She was pissed, she wanted to get together on the day of, but you know... I just felt like being selfish and not spending the day with her. I just wanted to hang with Devann. So I said this morning, we would come up there tonight for dinner with her. So that was fine. She only gave me the 'look' for a few minutes ( mostly at my little ahem... belly heehee) and sighed twice that we were not staying longer and she of course got to pick the restaurant for dinner. Funny.. on the way home, Devann said to me, she was sorry that I had to grow up with her. And she asked, "How can you be so nice to her now, when she was so mean to you when you were growing up?" That was a bit of a hard question to answer. I just said, that I don't hold a grudge ( to which she replied, "Yah great, I got that quality from you, thanks a lot!" ... hahaha.. not a bad one to pass on ) I said she took good care of my Dad when he got so sick and she has been good about helping us out financially lately. Although help always comes with a lot of strings ( which again Devann pointed out ) Dunno, what else I said, just that she has mellowed and life's too short to stay mad at people. Anyway.. blahblah.. that's enough. Here's a picture of us gals at dinner ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** okokokok.. here's some super duper cool news. I wasn't going to say anything til later, but I can't wait heeheehee On Wednesday, I am going to drive down to Everest, Washington to hang out with our super cool friend Dave Gordon Hopefully he is going to talk his daughter and granddaughter into joining us, so I get to meet them too. I am sooooooooooo excited, I am beside myself.I will take lots of pics... so I will share later. So that's it. I am going to have a great day with Devann, we are going to do some 'girl' beautification stuff, and I am going to do something I have wanted to do for years and years, but my 'ex' wouldn't let me heehee so I will tell you what THAT is on Tuesday heehee! You can guess if you want to! So... a big thanks now already, yah.. really. You guys are my family and I am beyond feeling blessed. See you back here soon!!! xoxoxoxox super duper cheers bugz ps.. just got this siggggie thingy from Anyea thanks!! heehee Dev is going to be sooooo jealous.. she LOVES starfish.. we have a purple one under our house right now! And she watches it everyday!!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Well this is the last entry for September. I was going to skip it, but wowza two blue months in a row, I just couldn't not say something tonight. So I think this might be a bit of an incoherent ramble as I try to sort through some jumblings in my mind. I think I have a part of me that doesn't like change. Which is just so odd, since I constantly change and practically reinvent myself every few years. But maybe the difference is, that when I chose the change, it's ok. I don't even know what has changed. Nothing I can put my finger on really, but something has. Sometimes I can't put words to my thoughts, and lots of times, I don't remember things clearly, but feelings... I get. I get strong feelings and I remember feelings too. I have a strong feeling that things are different. In a few areas of my life. In here, I sense something is off. I think I am missing a few people on here who are busy, which of course is fine and too be expected. But when I get used to things being a certain way and then realize even unexpectedly that something is missing, I feel odd. There are a couple of people who are taking a break from here - which again, is fine, but doesn't mean I don't miss them. One person wrote me and said they were leaving and that made me really sad. I said I wanted to keep in touch outside of here - but that probably won't happen. I think we sort of bond with people within this structure or reality and I suppose that is difficult to maintain and transcend into a different realm. I've been in personal growth type seminars - there was a specific group that I was a member of for a few years. We really, really bonded as a group. We kept those friendships going for along time even outside of the seminar atmosphere. I still talk to a few of them, even more than 10 years later, but I think that was an exception. I have bonded with people that I have worked with - and sometimes those friendships last once the work relationship ends, but not often. I have even been on weekend seminars, for work or just personal, I have met people and grown instantly attached as we have shared intense, emotional experiences together. But again, after the time together is over, people move on. Perhaps promising to keep in contact, but it rarely happens. So I guess this group on here is similar. Friendships form, we read our deepest and darkest and sometimes very hidden feelings, emotions, thoughts, dreams and hopes and fears. I certainly have shared more of myself here in these last 9 or 10 months than I ever have in my whole life put together. I think it makes me feel vulnerable sometimes. And sometimes I still censor my thoughts or rants or fears. I almost didn't post my publications yesterday, because I didn't want anyone to think badly of me that I have written erotica stories. But that post was more about me, trying to be proud of my accomplishments, rather than just hiding them away and expecting people to find out about me through their own perseverance, not through my ability to represent myself well. I don't know where I am going with this. I am just feeling down I guess. Sad that some of my friends are hurting. I have a harder time when I know other people are suffering, even more so than myself. I want everyone to be happy - happier than I am even. Which I know is silly, but I want it all the same. I am a strong libra - I see both sides pretty evenly and I don't like to pick sides. I have hard time with blame and I just feel we are all just doing the best we can with what we know. So I like people who can be more forgiving. I have had a lot of practice with forgiving, so I think I have gotten pretty good at it. Someone on here just said to me... if you point a finger at someone else, you still have 3 fingers pointing back at you.... a simple little sentence, but it says a lot. Someone ( not on here ) played a pretty heavy head game with me last week and it hurt. I was upset for a few days, but now, I have decided to let it go. It doesn't serve me to hold onto that hurt. I am going to say that they didn't mean harm by it, just that they are struggling too and I think perhaps they didn't realize the impact of their action. That somehow makes it feel better. And it always feels better to let stuff go, rather than carry it around. Oh... one piece of good news .. the rest of my stuff that has been stored in Ontario at my ex's house is now at last on its way here. It's been over a year since my friend was supposed to bring it, but life happened and now it will be here Wednesday. It's funny , most of it I don't want anymore. But some old photos and a few other treasures I will be happy to have, but most of the rest of it will find its way to GoodWill I guess. Which is fine. Sad it has to be brought all this way first, but I can't really sort it from here. I will be relieved to finally close that chapter of my life completely. I am still working on forgiving my ex. I feel of all people, he should have known better, not to treat people so poorly, but he doesn't get that his actions affect people so negatively. And to be honest, I am not up to trying to explain otherwise to him. It will be too much work for me, and I am not up to it anymore. So I will let him go for once and for all, with love and hope he someday realizes what he has done. Well that's it. I don't really have any other real reason for my melancholy mood. I did get a lovely badge today from Sweets Which was a total surprise - which they always are though, isn't that part of the fun"![Merit Badge in Congratulations
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Great work! Two published stories.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/Kudos-Congratulations-2500.gif) Thank you for your thoughtfulness. That really did perk me up this morning! Well technically it's now Sunday. So one more day until I turn 47. Devann and I have a few lovely things planned for the day. I hope the weather is nice, as I am definitely going to drag her canoing. Going alone will be even tougher since yesterday I had a bit of a mishap when I was climbing out of my canoe onto the dock. A boat when by right at that moment and a little wave hit and I smacked my shin, pretty damn hard on the seat. So it's ummm.. pretty blue and purple colours and a lovely large bump has formed. So kneeling is pretty much out for now. grrrr. So I hope you have a lovely Sunday and you have time to stop and smell the flowers and do something nice for yourself. I send you lots of well wishes and happy thoughts and thank you for your friendship. It means more to me than you'll know! cheers bugz |
| I was told in a performance review at the bank once, that I didn’t represent myself well. I was bucking for a different rating, as I knew that had gone way above and beyond the call of duty in that job and thought, no way was I going to settle for an average rating. I won my case, but her comment always stuck with me. I wonder about that from time to time. It seems like there is a fine line between being assertive and confident and arrogant and annoying. I tend to hold back and don’t like to blow my own horn. I like to let my actions speak for me, which has worked for me in the past. I guess it’s a little harder now, doing freelance writing. I think my writing speaks for itself, but I think it’s such a tough gig, that a lot of success is just due to marketing and plain dumb luck. Well anyway… I am a bit tired and still fighting the start of a cold, so this will be short. I did want to put up my two erotica stories that I sold. The first one came out today. I wrote it on here actually as part of a contest that Serenity held. It won first place and the prize was a contract with Amira Press. I now edit for them as well.** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** You can read an excerpt etc on here http://amirapress.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=25_26&products... This story I co-wrote with a lovely young man, and it was released through Mystic Moon Press on September 15th. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Again the excerpt and details on on this link http://mysticmoonpress.com/bookstore/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_i... I was talking to the publisher yesterday and I asked, okay, now what? I have no clue how to promote my stories and she just said just tell everyone. So that’s what I am doing. I am not expecting any of you to buy it, some have read these stories anyway since they were posted in my port ( hidden though as my daughter was on here … and some things I am so OK with not sharing with her ) But I am telling you about them anyway. So I can say I did! Regardless, I am pretty proud of being published and really should get off my ass, and write some more, instead of ummmm… yah. But I need some more material, since I can only write non-fiction. So I am in need of a some new research victims….. so … going to go see who I can find!! See you …. not too soon I hope!! Cheers Bugzy (aka….cappi) p.s. just the weekend to go then….. PARTY!! |
| So I spent my morning in the cafe, in my usual spot where I could pervade over the parking lot and watch for unsuspecting internet techies. Dev came up later and did some school work and to be honest, it was kind of nice. Just as she needed to be driven to work, the internet guy showed up and said they had to redo all the work they had done a few days earlier and that I might be hooked up later in the afternoon. But it didn't sound too positive. When I went back home to get the car keys, another dude, said that they could not find my phone line and that he really didn't know how to fix it. I was just beyond at that point and the guy just said he would keep trying. When I got back from taking Dev to work, I saw him again and he said to go home and try it, that he was going to have a lunch break. So I took a deep breath, went home, hooked up my computer and yahoooo!!!! All good! I went back up to the pub and chatted to the guy. Anyway, a lot of mumbo jumbo techy stuff later, and we were good to go. I was so happy. I think he went above and beyond to get this fixed up, so I told the server to just put his lunch on my tab and I would pay it later. Well a few hours later, when I went to pick up Dev from work, one of the other guys who works here, who I have been bugging ALOT too came up to me and said, "Well that was a really nice thing you did buying that guy's lunch, he was really surprised and happy!" I said, "Ummm now how the heck do you know that? And you better not tell anybody else or you will ruin my reputation for being a bitch!" Sheesh... like I need those rumours about me being nice spread around this place - then I will never get anything fixed. LIKE MY TOILET... which is stillllll busted! sigh Well you can't have everything! And I need the internet before I need a toilet! So all hooked up, back in my usual comfy bed, under my covers while I work away here. I feel a cold coming on ... yuck... so happy to not be outside freezing my toes off. And now I can get back to my usual ole blogs, whining about other stuff, like..... men, dead birds and crap like that. I did get a cool cnote from Eagle~The Cowboy's Wife today but I cant copy it here... but it was very thoughtful. Thanks hun!Ohhh...AND.. this is cool... I got my first fan mail! A guy wrote to one of the magazines I write for regarding my last Eco-Friendly Life column. I know he just wants me to write about his product, but still, he wrote the magazine twice wanting to connect with me, so it still counts!! heehee. Ok.. tired now, so back to our regularily scheduled rants tomorrow. Be good and careful as oh yah I am still on tour. I believe I am in England now, leading Scarlett astray! cheers and sniffles bugz like dunno...friday, saturday, sunday.. that's it although scarlett counts extra days ( guess they count funny over there ) okok.. not done yet... this is for alfred booth, wanbli ska Socks, socks, socks, how I just love to wear socks on my feet, They’re so fuzzy and warm and make my wardrobe complete. I have short socks and long socks and they’re ones in between I have so many socks, my drawers can hardly be seen For Christmas last year, my ex, gave me so many pairs Every single day for months, I hadn’t a care For I knew that no matter what the socks would be there But that was ‘til my child decided she got to share! Ok... give me your best sock poem if you dare!! wahoooo.. didn't even mean to rhyme that last line |
| Which of course, I am not as I believe at this moment, I am still in Bulgaria! ( speaking of which, send lots of well wishes to our friend, likenion as his school is on strike and if they don’t settle soon, he will lose his whole final year…sigh) But if I was home, I would have practically been thrown out of bed this morning by this big horkin’ thing… ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Wowza, bet that craney dudad, gives some of you dudes a woody….even I got excited about it! They were digging kick ass new holes for the piles to secure the dock to. Here’s a view from the parking lot ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Lots of cute guys around today, that of course I didn’t see because I was NOT home, but no internet dudes in sight… grrrr. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** But had I been here, I would have gone for a canoe ride and here is where I would have gone… ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The ocean was as still as glass. There was only the whisper of clouds dancing in the water, the sounds of the wake hitting the bottom of the canoe, and the fall smell of leaves, and late afternoon smoke curling from chimneys. This place does a heart good. And here is my secret little cove that no-one else seems to go hang except me... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is the Bird’s Eye Island from the opposite side to where my house is… ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And of course, here is my canoeing partner, Darla, who still has yet to get the hang of picking up the paddle. She just like to either hang over the edge of the canoe or snoop in my pockets for almonds! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This view sure makes me feel happy, even without the internet! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And even though I was not home, I sold my float house story idea to a local magazine!! Yahooooooo!! Finally. I am one step closer to my regular float house column that I am aiming for! And since Bulgaria is my country of choice for the next few days… here’s a toast Thea style** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Cheers Bugz p.s. Thanks scarlett_o_h for the ![Merit Badge in Grace Under Pressure
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Thank you so much for your wonderful contribution the The Blogville News, September 2007. I appreciate your hard work and attention to detail very much.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Grace_Under_Pressure-210.gif) sorry you still only dreamed about s-e-x I’ll keep working on it for you! How about 10,000 gps for the first one to get lucky!! And thanks Nada for the crazy number of gps today!You gals are great!! p.s.s. hmmm lets see… only Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, til my b’day. Wonder if I can get lucky on that day?? Any suggestions?? |
Just as well… probably 2 more days without the internet, so I am busting out. See you all soon. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Cheers bugzy |
| Ok, will be heading off in the morning to harass you all, and just as well as there is still NO Internet in this damn place, and no end really in sight. I was on the phone forever with my internet provider as I did not see any signs of any cute guys in trucks down here today. After being on hold for over an hour, it turns out they are not doing anything until the Marina gets their ass in gear and runs the wiring down the dock. Just as I hang up, a telus truck did pull into the parking lot ( the advantage of being the café, I get to spy on all the goings on), so I ran out and snagged him. He heard from the techie guy on Saturday that there was a problem, so he came by to see if he could find out what was happening. You see there is a bit of a phone war going on here, as the competition was here on Friday getting their clients all wired up, and I very easily could have switched providers at that time. So even if he was a salesman, at least he seemed interested in the problem. We went to the marina office together and the owner happened to be right there. We end up talking to him and to make a long, painful story, short, I end up feeling like I am butting my nose in where I shouldn’t. The marina knew that they had to pull the wires down and that they had contractors coming down to do it and blahblahblah. My response was that’s fine, but why have I been given 3 different stories and why was I originally told it was my problem to solve? Anyway.. doesn’t matter. The owner here is an ass and into the bottom line and not very focused on keeping us float home owners happy. So not much can be done about that. So for now until whenever, I am out of the loop. So sorry, if I get behind in blogs. I will head up in a few minutes to the sit outside, but it’s raining and I am grumpy, so won’t stay on too long. Happy times are abound anyway, as my Tour starts! So the rest of it, is just crap! See you soon… cheers bugzy p.s. 6 more days! p.s.s. terryjroo gifted me this just now... so that perked me right up!! Thank hun!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The Tour de Bugzy is just about to get under way, so I am busy packing, waxing, and tweezing. Good thing, as this damn lack of internet is just about making me cuckoo so I’ll be glad to get out of here and out into the real world! So, I’ll be seeing you all shortly! Rest up!! Cheers Bugzy p.s. 7 more days til my birthday! heehee |
| Still unhooked but heading out to canoe with my neighbour Jennie so life is good see you all soon!! cheerily paddling along xo bugzy p.s. this will keep you thinking about me til I get connected again haha thanks SouthernDiva ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| My internet is still messed. Turns out that I was supposed to call my provider to tell them about the construction and to get hooked back up. Ummm.. yah guess I missed the memo. I did ask a dude here like 10 times today. He saw me up at the café online this morning. He told me it would probably be good to go today. But I guess he didn’t know which internet service I used. One service provider was here all day, so my neighbours are fine – but I guess I am the only one who uses a different one, go figure. Apparently they will be here tomorrow. But it’s a huge job pulling all the wires down through the inside of the new concrete docks, so I am not holding my breath. I will admit that it was fun sitting up at the café, drinking tea and people watching. Which means of course, I got even less work done that normal. But the gossip was good. Turns out a dude I went on a ‘date’ once, is a creep. So I guess I feel better that he dumped me. I can’t handle rejection though, about anything. Ever. On any level. My novel got rejected today, and that hurt. A lot. Again. I know it comes back to my stake I put in the ground the other day. But I think with all the construction, going on, it came a bit lose. I am losing focus. I need to stop being all over the place. My thoughts are jumbled, my life feels jumbled, I am a mess. And I feel disconnected. It’s not just the internet screw up. I feel disconnected from the world in a different way….. * * * * * Part two…. I didn’t get this whining finished because I got interrupted by a phone call, that lasted ummm a long time Helped with my disconnected feeling. Hearing a live voice instead of imaginary ones in my head, is always nice for a change. Good conversations about this and that, laughing and pondering, always good to get ones head out of the nonsense. So I am not going to walk up to the café now, it’s too late. I will get up in a few hours and post this when it’s light out. But I just had a new thought that I want to write down, so I can think about it some more later. I wonder about my ‘need’ to define things. Sometimes, well many times, I can just go with the flow. Ok that’s a lie. Most times I can not go with the flow and I require things to be ‘defined’ somehow. It’s odd that while I am ok with things being a bit helter skelter sometimes, that for other times I require them to be compartmentalized. Scares people sometimes I think when I do that. When I say, what is this exactly? What is happening and what does this ‘mean?’ I am going to think about this some more and see where have I done this in my past. Or even, where have I done this to the point of trying to manipulate something, someone, or a situation, so that even if it doesn’t appear to fit into a definition, I try to put it into one regardless? What is it that stops me from allowing things to have a natural progression? Is it control? Fear? Attachment to an outcome? Hmmmm dunno. If this sounds totally like the ramblings of someone who is a little tired, and as always confused… it is. Just bear with me. I may be onto something here. Or maybe not. Cheers all Bugz Ps… having trouble counting down to my birthday.. if today is the 22nd, there are yah… a few more days til my birthday… oct 1.. just remember that. Unless of course you’re mailing something. Then you need to count the days to make sure it gets here in time. Overnight FedEx is costly. |
| No internet at my house today - maybe not until Monday. I MAY die!! Construction is super crazy, we have power and water, that's it. But they are working hard , so hopefully we will be all hooked up soon. So right now, I am sitting outside on a patio table, hacking into the marina's coffee shop internet. My (short) toesy are freezing and my fingers are numb. So this will be short. I wrote this earlier today, so cut and past thing is gunna do for tonight. I was prompted to try and define what I think I wanted in a 'relationship'. Warning... this is a work in progress. And if anyone tries to get me to commit to it... I will deny, deny deny. I have basically NO idea what I want but this is ...kinda , sorta something. What I don't want is a fulltime, committed traditional relationship, with all the usual proceedings - meeting, hooking up, dating, expectations, intenseness, intermingling on all levels, moving in together, the declarations of forever ever after, blahblahblah. Sigh.. I have tried this too many times to count. And it doesn't work for me. I am a dreamer at times, and when I allow dream mode, this seems like the way it should be. But I am also a realist. And I believe if you always do, what you have always done, you will always get, what you have always got. So I have to stand back from this unrealistic and what I feel is an unattainable dream and try for unchartered territory. Which brings me to ... A 'relationship' that so far is nameless. I will use the work, partner for now. A friend first and foremost. Laughing, talking, crying and ranting, and sharing crap is critical for me. I have a lot of dear, dear friends who are my primary source for the support I have in my life, so I would not expect this partner person to take on that whole role. Nor would I want to. But to call and get a live voice at midnight when I am having a mini-melt down is important. This partner must be ok with my life as it stands today. Always subject to change - as a year ago I was living on a 100 acre farm, 5 years ago living in a highrise apartment, downtown Toronto, wearhing power suits and high heels. But today as I live, should be ok. I want to share parts of my life, canoeing, dinners on the dock, hiking hand in hand and things that bring me joy. Other parts of my life I do not want to share. I do not want to share my space on any lengthy basis. I want to enjoy meeting up. Take time to shower and get pretty and think about what to wear and have the anticipation. I don't want mundane, comfort zones and complacency. I want to share in parts of my partner's life. Going to his place, meeting his friends, getting involved with things he wants to share that he feels passionate about. I don't want to nag or care that he doesn't do his laundry or fold his clothes, or do his dishes or lay on the couch watching TV. I thnk it would be extraordinarily difficult to find someone who is like me, as I am such an enigma. So I am ok with attracting someone who is not necessarily like me, but that there is still common ground. Sex of course is important but not the end all to be all. I like sex, I can be a bit cuckoo about it. But in the end it is not what holds two people together for long. I want compatibility, but not for it to take over and be an entity unto itself. Too much pressure starts and it just gets messed up. So yah... thats the work in progress. Probably totally ridiculous. At this point I think I will settle for the married guy I met here the other day who wants to pay me for sex. Could be a deal, solve two problems in one foul swoop - sex and money. But nah.. that sounds just dumb. I think I'll just stick with my canoeing addiction for now and maybe run into some wayward lost kayaker somewhere and hitch up and paddle to Costa Rica! wahooo... so yah.. I'll be offline til... dunno. I will pop in and out. So don't forget me if I am not on, okay??!?! I'll miss you guys...waaaaaaaaaa! brrrrrrrr cheeers bugz ps... thanks Eagle~The Cowboy's Wife for this badge![Merit Badge in Determination
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You show such determination in doing what needs to be done! I admire that!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Determination-2500.gif) jeeeez... the last thing I think I had going on was determination! Thanks hun... that really meant a lot of made me cheeried right up! pss..11 more days til my birthday heehee : |
| WARNING: even though it's kindergarten there is gunna be swear words! So yah. I get the dreaded 'call' from the marina office as I was driving back home after dropping Devann at the ferry. She went to Vancouver for the day with some of her mates. I immediately said, "Uh huh, so what did I do now?" I was just issued my second parking ticket ( which they claim is my third... it's kindergarten but I do know my one, two, threes), so thought it was more of the same. Parking, or lack thereof is messed right now with construction, so everyone is sort of parking here and there. I parked the other day where I have seen others park.. but apparently we're not allowed there. So I got a ticket. Yesterday I parked in another interesting spot, which apparently is a no parking spot as well ( ummm for which there is NO @#$@% sign that says that.) Well I happened to be in the office faxing something when this grumpy smart assed dude says, "Ah yah, I was just gunna tow your car away!" Now, nice bitch that I am, just started to make a joke about it, saying, "Ummm yah, what the hell are you talking about?" And his smart assed jerkoff condescension was to explain how those 'two' spots are not spots even thought, gosh there is only one tiny sign on one spot and nothing on the other one. Yah ok... whatever. I moved my car. No biggie. But inside I am thinking, could you not just fucking call me when I make a 'mistake' instead of issuing me tickets and threatening to tow me?? Kindergarten, I remind myself. Sooo the REAL fucking reason I am 'called' to the office like a 5 year old... After ten minutes of listening to Missy talk about the weather and canoeing and construction crap, I say, "So why was I called to the office?" Wellllll.... turns out that "I" let my dog crap on the dock and didn't pick it up. Welllll... I just said, "Ummm no sorry, you have the wrong person and the wrong dog." BUT for the next 5 minutes, my protests were unheeded and I just received a lecture on being a responsible person and making sure that I knew the 'rules.' WHAT THE FUCK!!!! My brain screamed!! My middle fucking name is responsible. If I was any more responsible I might just have to take over running the whole goddamn world! And the first thing I would do is fire this chic's ass!! I proceeded to recant my innocence. And to explain that only two days before I had retrieved a doggy bag that had blown onto the grass, and as I was walking over to pick it up, I saw someone else's dog crap on the lawn... and I picked that up!!!! She said, "Well I am not here to talk about that." What kind of moronic answer is that??????????? I asked, "Did all the other dog owners get a letter? Did you check with everyone else to see if it was their dog's crap?" She just said, "Do you have a suggestion about how to do that?" I wanted to jump up and say, "OH hell yah I have a few suggestions for you alright!!" I just said, "Well you just make a note in my file there, that I am saying it was not me or my dog, ok?" She didn't answer and I got up and left. She followed me out all nicey nice , talking more about canoeing and the weather. I just said, "I feel sorry for you. I think you have a crappy job." ***** To really get the level of my frustration I have to go back to January of this year. I got the exact same call, by the same woman. The charges? Being irresponsible and having fires on my back dock. Ummmm... ok. First of, there was a fire pit there when I bought the house and it was obviously used. It was winter and when I burned ( construction waste wood) it was usually snowing or raining. I either stayed outside while the fire burned, or sat right inside by the door and watched it facing it while I worked on my computer. When I got that 3 page letter, I burst into tears. I was so upset. I had only lived there a month and had already had 2 complaints from people saying we were blocking the walkway. We were under heavy duty construction and we 'blocked' the way with ladders and plywood leaning up against my house. Ummm how else do you get on a roof??? I had diligently been the only one to spend hours completely removing the snow from the docks. That is the marina's responsibility. But their idea of snow removal, was to push the snow shovel straight down the middle of the dock and not even to clean it down to the wood. Very dangerous, considering we were hauling wood, roofing, plywood, carpets etc up and down. I had picked up dog crap, garbage, returned abandoned wheelbarrows, blahblah. But it was ok to call me irresponsible? I so took that personally. I wrote a HUGE letter in response that I am glad I never sent. But I also wrote this poem that day that I posted on here. In those Bad Days Nothing will ever be as important As the time I spent with my sister. Little insignificant complaints and issues From other small minded people don’t matter. This doesn’t affect me or who I am I am a wonderful giving caring person. I gave up my whole life to help my sister die With dignity and joy. The most uplifting, life changing event of my life. That is what is important. Not burning fires, making a mess, being cold, making bad decisions; Not making decisions at all, being confused, hurt and sad. Those things, Although hard, Are insignificant in the grand scale. In those bad days, I tell myself, "I am a child of God and will always be taken care of. I am now older than she was ever allowed to be. I live each to the fullest For her if nothing else." I deserve the best of everything. I deserve joy, love, gentleness and respect. I won’t settle for anything else. I will stay away from anyone or anything That brings me down. For her. That really shook me up for a while. I felt I was being scrutinized and watched by my neighbours. It creeped me out. I thought if someone has an issue with me, why don't they have the guts to come and say it to my face? Because their shit assed cowards, that's why. And here I am 9 months later, feeling the same way, back in kindergarten. I walked down to my house and looked at my neighbour's houses and wondered who could be so petty and childish. If they thought, I had indeed done that, why couldn't they just give me the benefit of the doubt, or just clean it up for me as surely it was not something I would do on purpose. This is my home too. People assume the worst of others. That is my trouble. I am the opposite. I assume the best of others. I assume that people really didn't mean harm, so I forgive them before I even know they didn't do it for sure. Dumb I guess. So I am pissed. I don't like being pissed. I am going back to the office tomorrow and talk to the owner. I am not liking this 'file' of mine that now has 3 parking tickets and 2 letters stating my irresponsibility. I don't live like that. I don't like feeling like I have to defend myself. That is my main issue right now. I have lived my whole life like that. I am tired of it. I am not going to defend myself against other people's crap. They can kiss my ass! so there bugz ps.. thanks DntdKnight for sending Justin Time over to the marina office to kick some butt. His blog tonight is hilarious!ps.s...I buried the birdie today. Went up to an old abandoned herb garden just north of the playground in the marina. It must have been nice in its day. There is a stone pathway through the trees, where ivy has long taken over. There is a pond and a tiny lighthouse and someone must have put a lot of love into this little sanctuary at one point. So I thought it would be a good spot. I went further into the forest and found a little place where the ground was softer. I dug the hole, put the little guy in, covered him up, and said a little prayer. Then I looked around for something to put on top of the little grave. I saw what I thought was a white rock and thought, that would be perfect. So I picked it up and realized it was not a rock, but actually it was a little white plastic bird. Yup.... a little white plastic bird. I had to sit there for a moment holding the little thing. I just shook my head and placed it right side up on the grave and smiled. That was a nice sign. Made me forget for a moment the other stupid crap.  |
| I was reading bloggys tonight.. I seem to get later and later in catching up... but the good news is being last, means you get to read all the great comments. Man there are some mixed up people on here!! haha Anyea had this in her bloggy.. "I got nuttin! was too tired".. so she said I could use it.. cause well I've got not much of anything snappy today... sorry Mrs. Whatsit ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I don't know what's up. I had a super good day. Got a new do, so did Dev.. check her new pic . It poured rain.. I mean POURED rain, but that didn't bother me, except I didn't get canoeing today. It so cold here I got the shakes for half an hour I couldn't get rid off, had to put on socks, and a sweater and crawl under the blankies and crank the heat in my bedroom. It took me over 30 mins to stop shaking. I can get these shakes when I get an anxiety attack.. but I didn't think i was having one.. but maybe I am. I have a headache. I am hungry and thirsty but don't want to get out of bed. I want someone to get a drink for me. I wonder about my choices. I don't know what I want. I think I messed up. I dunno. How can I go up and down so fast? Almost by the second. I can't keep up. I have to stop listening to sad songs on repeat on my headset. I have to go to sleep. I'm ok.. don't worry... just thinking too hard right now. Have to shut off my brain. nitenite xo bugz ps.. crap you guys! scarlett_o_h gifted me this badge today. ![Merit Badge in Animal
[Click For More Info]
For being so caring towards birds, spiders and all we other creatures.](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Animal-118.gif) Which was soooo sweet as she is the crapper today big time! I didn't think anything of saving the little bird or spider. Just seemed like the right thing to do. Thanks scarlett... was a highlight today! An update... birdie is sleeping still, I will let her/him out tomorrow am. It will be sunny... maybe I will canoe her/him over to the island. And Mr Spider is BACK!! I am sure it's the same dude. He has barricaded the door again... sigh.. but it's higher up so we only have to duck to get in and out. I guess I'll let him come back... seems he is one dude who comes back for more of my abuse! OH yah....12 days til my birthday... seems I said I was counting down and some people on here, make you do what you say... grrrrrrrrr |
| Well this is an addendum to yesterday's entry, where I realized the following..... I am going to have fun, with my unusual sex appeal and go to exciting places, indulging in everything forbidden and realize my fantasies??!!!!!!! I decided I would keep my mind, heart and soul open for the universe to provide a partner with which to indulge in this adventure. Well I didn't have to wait too long. Around 1pm today, I heard a very loud bang on my window and a lovely, sweet, gentleman appeared....but unfortunately, he was half dead, with a bloody beak and panting like we had already indulged in the aforementioned fantasy but I wasn't even there!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** After holding him for about 30 minutes, I emailed (which was tough one handed) galinago our resident all knower of things animal, and he said that he needed to go into a box and be kept in the dark. I didn’t know men liked that… but thought ok, I can try anything once. Since I didn’t have a box…I used a laundry basket and put an old set of fuzzy sheets in there and covered him all up. It was hard to make it dark, so I kept adding more blankets. Here he is almost dead as a doornail, laying on my bed… I didn’t know I had quite the affect on guys.. wow.!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I know I wasn’t supposed to peak, but I couldn’t help it .. I was so worried. So here he is, still not able to stand up but still alive. I think I need to come with some sort of warning label or something. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** So, being me, and my limited memory, I forgot that Galinago, said to leave him alone in the box over night. And when I went to check on him, again later, he was peeping and jumped right out of the box and landed on the floor. It took me awhile to finally catch him again. And when I did he was quite feisty heehee. So I had to hang on tightly. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I thought the way he was peeping and moving around he was ready to go outside. When I carried him and put him down on the dock, he flew away right away. But proceeded to land right in the water!! I freaked out as he lay there with his wings spread out, peeping and flapping in the water. I had to make a mad dash and move all my planters out of the way and try and lean over the dock, to get him. But he kept moving around, so I had to move the planters from the other side and finally he sort of climbed onto the floatation. I managed to lean over far enough to grab him. He was not a happy camper. I had to drop the camera, so didn't get any pics of the great escape. But I'll tell you, I have never had a guy try and get away that quickly!! So, I put him back in his box. I was wondering later if I should have washed the salt water off him. I have checked on him a couple of times and he was standing with his head tucked into his wing. He looked so cute!! So that’s where he is right now. Still recuperating from his first encounter with me. So taking suggestions for that warning label… go nuts! Cheers Bugz Ps. Ski -ster thanks all for you concern and well wishes.. He is home and cannot access WDC for some reason. He is moving around. Of course he went to work on Sunday to get stuff to do at home. He cannot eat, which you know he loves to do!!! His collarbone and rib and jaw are broken. So his jaw is wired shut. He seems in good spirits and was out of the hospital after one day!! And as he says, he’s a tough guy, can’t keep him down for long!! |
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