Memories by colours(1):Blue of hope

Memories by colours

Chapter 1: Blue of Hope
I've always loved this sound, I can even say it's my favourite, but today it was not the time for it...
The pouring of rain has kept me awake for hours on end, not for being strong but for sending a chilling reminder...I can't afford wasting another day, not anymore.
Mother:" wake up, or you want to be late for the train?"
Me:" huh?..did I actually sleep? Ahh my head is heavy like a stone."
Mother:" I told you to sleep early, it wouldn't hurt to listen more to me in such times you know."
Me:" it's not like I would object to more sleeping hours if I had the choice really..."
Mother:" yeah sure, just get dressed already I'll bring breakfast."
Me:" the rain is still at it you know, and it doesn't look like it will stop any soon so.... what's the use?"
Mother:" YOU of all people should not be saying that today, as long as there can be a chance it's best to add some hope with it."
Me:" sure but within the boundaries of reason otherwise it becomes a delusion.... I mean ignore the sound and just look through the window to see the intense rain outside.
Even if it stops: the road to the train station will be almost impossible to navigate on foot."
Mother:" you said it, "ALMOST" impossible. Sure there'll be a lot of mud and water to the point you'll be slow like a snail but it's still worth a try. As long as rain stops all you need to do is wait a little and then take the road. the bright side is that it's not long to begin with and you can skip the dangerous part near the river by going around the farm above. Sure it will add time but will still be enough for you to catch the train."
Me:" you want me to base hope on an "IF"? I'm already depressed enough."
Mother:" hope itself is a giant "WHAT IF", nothing about it is certain."
Me:" yeah but..."
Mother: "ENOUGH. Listen, I understand...you endured a lot to get a chance at this job and seeing it fade away for reasons out of your control must be devastating. But you can't just sit around like this anymore. The acceptance letter clearly stated that unless you present yourself in a week you'll be replaced, and tomorrow is the deadline. So, unless you go today it'll be too late given how the train already takes long enough to reach its destination. We sat helplessly ever since we got the news due to rain so for a change let us have some faith today. If you get dressed and prepare yourself, you can buy valuable time for later should rain stop."
She said that, but for some reason her eyes were telling a different story. So why just spare the effort to talk that much if she didn't believe it? Huh what am I even saying? I guess lack of sleep messed with my head to the point I forgot the simple fact that a mother will say and do just about anything to cheer up her son. And mine is more stubborn than average so.... Yeah I should start washing my face.
12 minutes later and I'm having breakfast all while mom is gazing out the window. Seemingly frozen in her place like she is staring at death itself.
Me:" I'm sorry about earlier...I've already lost hope these days add that to lack of sleep and yeah, you get quite the depressive recipe."
Mother:" It's okay, faced with pressing time and overwhelming circumstances it's only natural to be in such mood...but like I said with so much on the line as well all you can do is hope and to prepare should a chance present itself to you."
Me:" true, it's all we have."
Mother:" pray son, pray."
To which I immediately started praying, asking god for the good in his decision, regardless of what it is.
Not much after that and silence filled the house again, getting casually interrupted by rain outside.
Me:" so assuming I get to go... I wouldn't get to bid farewell to father right?"
Mother:" huh.one sad topic after another?"
Me:" haha yeah, but this one is understandably so. After all if it wasn't for his money I wouldn't have taken the entrance exam."
Mother:" if you manage to go that'll be enough for him to hold on to, until you meet again. For a farm worker...seeing his son set out to see the world and make conditions better is probably the greatest gift he can get."
Me:" IF I manage to go."
Mother:" yeah, IF god wills it."
The room regained its silence then. Combined with the grey of clouds it made for a cozy yet also gloomy view. One I'd normally enjoy if only that gloom was not related to my future.
Am I not suitable for this job? Is there a meaning in me waiting this helplessly for a chance? Or was this chance meant to fail already to teach me something?
Suddenly, the room brightened slowly as if a veil was being pulled away. And what sounded like the dropping of thousands of nails: stopped.
I turned to the window, as if answering a gentle call from afar, and gazed outside to see a clear blue sky extending like an endless canvas like nothing happened or dark clouds even existed to begin with.
Confused as I was, I could only sit there, admiring the view. Despite being pressed by time, my only wish at that moment was for me to stay like this forever. It's funny how such a simple view of blue and casual drops of white felt like it had much more to it, making me like a curious baby finally calming to a lullaby.
Mother:" blue...such a beautiful colour for hope."
Me:" after needing this scene desperately it's become more elegant than usual when it finally showed up."
Without giving me room for more confusion or to waste time, my mother immediately cut my line of thoughts.
Mother:" quick! It's now or never bring your bags hurry up!"
Me:" is this really happening..."
Mother:" BAGS!"
Me:" ROGER!"
I really went from a nature admirer to trainee soldier in an instant right?!
Although as I walked out the door, after waiting as agreed, it felt like i got promoted to general. And when I looked back there she was: the one whose heart trembles for my lows and dances for my highs yet also...the mother I'm about to leave behind...
Mother:" go, and make sure to live well with honour and dignity."
Such words to live by, but they were not enough to help me hold tears and how could they? When the one saying them had tears in her eyes as well.
Me:" come on now...I won't object the tears as long as you put on a bigger smile! This is no goodbye, but a "see you later", so take care until then!"
I said that after kissing her forehead and having my eyes get their fill of that face, then I embarked on my way.
I went fast fearing another rain, while wanting to slow down so I can see more of my village.
As I passed the farm and saw its workers I remembered my dad who was working far away at another farm at the opposite direction.
To think that, just like them, he was working in such weather...just a little more father, wait for me! As I didn't get the chance to see you once more this time, I'll make up for it working harder than planned. So that when we meet next time: I'll be a man you and mom can be proud of, and who can help you take a much-needed rest.
So I kept walking, and running when able, with mud below and a reassuring wonderful, vast and blue sky above. So huge, it gives me a funny feeling of insignificance. Yet even with that drive I would wonder if it was mud slowing me, or just my feet having home sickness.
I kept going like that until I eventually reached it: the long-promised train station decorated by a train that looked made of silver with sun rays shining all over it. Wished I could enjoy the view longer but soon enough I found myself buying a ticket then choosing a seat near window.
Am I dreaming? Though it took me long to come here, it feels like the day went fast in the blink of an eye. One moment my home was right behind me, and in the next it's a black dot barely visible to see on the horizon.
As I was collecting my thoughts, preparing for the new life ahead, the train started moving and the scenery outside began changing slowly like a film roll...though I'm eager to see, what new things will be added to this roll, and the one of my life.



Let us remember, with a poem:
In a village far away, I lived with simplicity describing my everyday
With a shovel to help me live, and a pen to help me pray
Alongside parents to be proud of, who taught me to dare and raise my head
In a life where people claimed that its useless to do so, and that my shovel should help me get money by burying the dead instead
Until eventually that pen's prayers reached their destination
And the future long desired opened its doors, obliterating pain and frustration
Yet there was still more that needed to be offered: patience was the final key
It's the final step that is the hardest to take, sometimes filled with uncertainty
That's how it was until mother, my voice of reason, revived my sanity
Reminding me that despite weakness, I can still hold light inside
for between me and the darkness of despair: it's the latter that must hide
And so I set out to embrace life, yet with a heavy heart
Leaving behind such parents: a pain strong enough to tear me apart
But for the unspoken dreams, one must keep moving forward
Especially when you shared them with your loved ones with barely any words, just resolves pushing you to the goals you walk toward
That is how my journey started, with few but meaningful luggage at heart and hand
Enough for me to live with, to become a man who can firmly walk and stand
Though it was tough, in the end I'm glad I managed to grab that rope
The one thrown to me through work and prayers, to draw me out from the sands of life, so I can finally witness that blue sky of hope.



To be continued...
Next chapter: Green of a new chance