Interview with the Devil

Do you ever wonder about the devil?

I wondered what he was really like.

I wondered if the stories about him were true.

I wanted to meet him and maybe interview him.

Then, one day, I got my wish.

Don't ask how. That's a complicated story unto itself. Suffice it to say, that one dark night last summer, i was seated in my apartment with Satan across from me quietly sipping a cup of coffee, I had made him.

"So," he said somewhat impatiently, "what did you want to know?"

"Well," I said, "honestly, you're not what I expected. For one thing, you're not red like some people say. You're not even wearing red like others say."

"The red suit is kind of last century. Besides, people kept confusing me with Santa Claus. (It never helped that our names were anagrams.) Do you have any idea what it's like leading some unfortunate soul into the inferno, introducing yourself, and then--instead of despairing like their supposed to--the person says, 'Cool! Is this where the elves make the toys?' That got really old."

"Well, is it true that your favorite number is 666?"

"Actually, that rumor started because I was partial to the number 999."

"Wait! You mean to tell me that for millennia, mankind has gotten the number of the beast upside down?"

Now, he got sarcastic. "Like that's the dumbest thing you've ever done. Trust me. It's not even close."

He had a point there. So I moved on. "What about pitchforks? Do you have one?"

"Well, do you believe that I'm the Lord of the Netherworld or a gardener?"

"What about horns on your head?"

He bent over to show me that the top of his head was perfectly normal. "See anything up there?"

"Cloven Hooves?"

"I wear size 9 1/2 shoes comfortably. That would be rather difficult for someone with cloven hooves."

This was getting disappointing. "Well," I said, "some people say that you have a barbed tail."

Now, he looked a little less indignant. "Yeah, Actually." He turned around and showed me his lower posterior region. Sure enough, there was a long barbed tail extending from his buttocks."

"Well," I said, " I guess on of the things they say about you is true anyway."

"Eh?"

"De Devil is in de tails."

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