The Smile I wear

A man sits in his bed a tired expression as he seems lost in though a grave frown on his face as a tear rolls down his cheek as he looks at a photos of him and his family, friends, memories treasure from a grater time in his life. Many of his family, and THE friends he made have left going there seperate ways in life some for better some for worse but currently he's alone lost in this world. His life recently becoming more and more empty but he still has one thing he shares with this world no matter how empty he is a simple SMILE in his eyes is what he gifts this bleak world.

But the smile is fading...

I simile everywhere I go yet its not the truth and never has been. Yet I HAVE let this smile consume me take shape of what and who I am but its all a lie. I wasted my time to afraid to frown, cry, let remorse consume me so I can let go of my past transgressions be free from the idea that I am stuck in this cycle of inner resent. This smile that makes me want to shout for freedom. I could break this curse the smile I give to those around me but I don't to afraid of the consequences it bring to be myself around those I cherish I carry a burden. The burden of joy the burden of being a listener ,and not having the courage for action. I simply do my best to guide even though I see myself lost in the past, present, and future of actions, words, and beliefs I put forward. Yet they come to me for advice so I must be doing something right so that brings some comfort but its not much in the void of my mind that constantly breaks my sanity. They definitely see it the cracks at the edge of my mouth they know I am not well yet they offer no help maybe I am not good enough for them to waste time to save, or maybe there afarid I might hurt them with convoluted words to push them away. I wonder, no I ponder who I am often leading to sleepless nights although those nights are the most peaceful the tiredness lets my mind be empty for once void of though the quietness so... welcoming.

However, that welcoming scares me for how I really think what I really want that the welcoming silence could lead me to pursue less desirable results and outcomes that lead to more hardship ,more pain ,more loss.

The man stares at his photos wonder why he couldn't be better the eternal question he asks himself daily and why he can't be himself the true self the idea that his fake identy IS consuming him an idea that almost feels REAL a scary thought to many by why is this many any different then any of you.



PSA: I am still working on my next iteration inspirations is working trying I rewritten a lot of things personally unhappy with the results. This is something that more of a feel of personal things going on with me recently I hope you find it interesting. I am gonna take a step back try to work on more smaller stories about ideas I want to explore so I hope you enjoy this and are willing to be patient as I wanna try push out some more short stories maybe not like this but I thank you for your patients those who are willing and wanting to hear more of my stories and strange Ideas.