Panda Pandemonium

Words 795

‘Excuse me. ‘Whoops, I’m so sorry!’

‘Watch where you’re going. Now look what you’ve done!’

‘I’m sorry Ma’m, I didn’t mean to knock your child over. Are you ok little girl ? Please don’t cry, it’s just a little bit of blood.’

‘Just get that bear’s backside out of my face!’

‘I can’t seem to get a grip on it.’

‘I can see that!’

‘Thank goodness the queue is actually moving!’

‘It’s like this every year. Trying to return faulty toys is a bit of a nightmare, especially if you’ve lost your receipt.’

Oh dear. ‘Really? This Panda was a gift from my girlfriend. She loves pandas.’

‘You don’t like it?’

‘I live in a shoebox, so no.’

‘She’s not going to be happy that you're returning her gift, is she?’

‘She’s not my girlfriend anymore. We had a big bust up over Christmas.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that. Were you together for very long?

‘Long enough. She was mad at me because I didn’t buy her a diamond ring.’

‘And she thought you’d like this Panda?’

‘Guess we didn’t know each other very well.’

‘I know you can’t see past your bear, but everyone is moving along. You’re next in line.’

‘Thanks. Nice talking, sorry about the kid, hope her nose stops bleeding soon.’

🐼

‘Oh, hello. Seems as if you’re bit busy today?’

‘Yeah. How can I help?’

‘I need to return this.’

‘What’s wrong with it?’

‘Er, nothing, it’s not damaged. It’s good as new.’

‘In that case, sir, we can’t give you a refund.’

‘Why not?’

‘We don’t refund for change of mind. Sorry. Next please.’

‘Hey, hang on a minute. You must take it back. Do you know the trouble I had getting it here?’

‘I’m sure you did, sir. That was the biggest soft toy in the store.’

‘So? You expect me to drag it to the car park and stuff it back in the Mini?’

‘Yeah, guess that would be difficult, but worth seeing.’

‘Look, mate, it’s not funny and I’d really appreciate a bit of help here. Just do us a favour and take this thing back.’

‘I’ll consider it if you have the receipt, and when I’ve checked for any damage or stains.’

‘I’m telling you; it has only been in my possession for a week. It is in pristine condition.’

‘Okay, I’ll believe you. Just give me the receipt.’

‘Well, there’s a bit of a problem. It was a gift you see. I don’t have the receipt.’

‘Oh, well in that case…’

‘I’m begging you. I can’t keep a grip on this thing for much longer. It must be ten foot tall!’

‘No. That is our eight-foot giant panda. Comes in blue, pink or black. I actually prefer the black. More authentic, don’t you agree?’

‘Well, my ex-girlfriend obviously has no taste. Just take it back. I’ll accept a credit.’

‘Have you not seen the sign?’

‘What sign would that be?’

‘There. The one that reads: Please keep your receipt for a full refund.’

‘I’ve told you once, I don’t have a receipt. It was a gift.’

‘You seem a little too old for stuffed toys, if I might say so.’

‘I’ll disregard that comment. Look mate, the queue is getting longer and the lady behind me has an injured child. Can we sort this out?’

‘My hands are tied, sir.’

‘I’m not leaving with this bear.’

‘Seems I may have to call security then.’

‘No! No need to call anyone. Put the phone down. Let’s see if we can come to some sort of agreement.’

‘What sort of agreement did you have in mind?’

‘What did this thing cost?’

‘Please don’t shove its face at me.’

‘Woops, I’m sorry. It’s very heavy, you know.’

‘The retail price was $499.’

‘What! You’re kidding. I knew she had no money sense. Okay, how about I accept $250 and you can report a full refund and pocket $250 for yourself?’

‘Are you suggesting I commit a crime, sir?’

‘Not a crime. No one is being robbed. The toy store gets their goods back and we both get money we didn’t have before.’

‘Sounds like fraud to me.’

‘Hey! How long are you two gonna be? My little one has just wet her pants!’

‘I’m so sorry, there’s a bit of a misunderstanding. We shouldn’t be too much longer. Should we?’

‘Can housekeeping please come to the toy department. We have a slip hazard.’ Now, sir where did we get to?’

‘I was about to return this beautiful, soft, eight-foot-tall, pink Panda. You were about to give me $250 as a full refund.’

‘Oh, yes. We’ll have this sorted in a moment. Just pass me the item, sir. Oh, my word she is very heavy, isn’t she?’

‘Nice doing business. Happy New Year.’

Written for

FORUM

The Bard's Hall Contest  (13+) January is Dialogue ... Plus! #981150 by StephBee

January is Dialogue ... Some descriptive narrative may be added waiting in line, but the "meat" of it must be in dialogue, while at the counter to return a giant, 8 foot panda received as a holiday gift ... and, trying to convince the cashier to take it back, please!









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