A Spartan Matrix

Elasticity in my spine where it was all trapped before.

One foot on each side of the line, channelling the light and the darkness.

An unholy trifecta watching a duality live in singularity.

Imagining a partner to wear like armour.

Someone out there listening for your battle cries, sword ready and waiting.

Standing side by side, equals in respect and authority.

Autonomy and authenticity.

Not ego driven to madness built on unsteady foundations and manipulative mind games.

Someone to fight for you instead of against you, a safe place to recover and recharge.

Stimulating conversation and unfiltered curiousity. Asking questions to be understood and not controlling.

I feel a calling to another life.

Seeing fractures and glitches in codes in a matrix that everything is controlled by.

A juxtaposition of rigid discipline required for survival isolated in an interconnected intricate system of reality.

Aware of the patterns and inconsistentencies in the inconvenience all these different labels for the same things cause rife divison an turmoil.

Why are we all hating and fighting and calling it fucking?

A fractured society of lost souls chasing the next fix of instant gratification. Nothing without the external validation of social algorithims telling you what to buy and who to like.

Community is mythology these days but society has evolved into a monster.

The immense focus and control to hold pieces of myself together as I watch it all fall apart.

The active destroyer and casual observer of my own life and reality.

Aware but afraid of the knowledge I understand now.

This spartan matrix is an unforgiving reality.

Everything I thought would never change is so different now, but somehow everything is exactly the same.

It is me that changed. I moved from one side to the other, the cost of this life was sacrificing the past ones.

I lost my mind. I retreated so deep into myself i can never forget what I saw.

Came back haunted.

Even if you try to forget and appease there is insurmountable evidence that you are playing rigged games in systems more complex than you could ever wrap your head around.

It just expands forever in different labels to find your favourite flavour of control.

So successfully detached from emotions, no room for sentiments or attachments these days.

Social conditioned into deviancy and would rather be labelled fucking dangerous and insane than a victim of my circumstances and reactive choices to survive.

Questioning the legitimacy of the words that haunted my dreams and reality.

Just one against everyone else.

The relief to accept i need someone in my corner, back up and community.

A dream team or a dangerous duo, im not fussy. But I will not lower my self or alter my reality of consistency so you can access me.

Hardened by oppression and never ending challenges and confrontations for daring to have an opinion based on my experiences and perceptions.

Such strict control and repression, solidified layers of barriers to stop anyone discovering the softest parts of me.

I cannot exist with lovely things, i have been stripped to bones for survival. If there even was ever anything good to begin with....

I cant carry anything i am not prepared to leave behind these days.

Dehumanised by artificial intelligence, everyone saying everything but what they actually mean.

Disconnected bullshit that I pretended was reassurances but my language has been all encrypted.

Loyalty and trust interlocking shields against the bullshit I encounter daily.

I now dream of mutual respect and power exchange, emotional resilience in silent communication.

A glance is an unspoken understanding, a trust so deep even in high stakes, those decisions made without hesitation.

Trusting each other's wisdom and judgement when it falters inside ourselves.

Protection in this three dimensional construct is all I ask for protection in all the others.

I am channeling intuition and connected with emotions they tried to delete from my coding.

I will be your wisdom in chaos, a moral compass to each other. Undoing the hurt the others all left behind.

Grounded and not chasing vices, just a mutual exchange of power and energies.

Boundaries reinforced by trust create a shared defense that repels anything that could try to harm us.

Reckless and authoritarian becomes balanced with purpose and integrity.

Discipline and devotion, adoration from strength in vulnerability.

A warrior and an anchor interchangeably.

Comfortable in both masculine and feminine energies.

No fear because we are on the same page.

A trust so deep that just by looking into your eyes i know I am seen, supported and understood.

Trust and resilience as intertwined as the vessels trying to channel this energy.

Shared purpose in an alliance of perfect harmony, remembering promises from other lifetimes unlocked through your lips on mine.

It cannot be asked for, it must be given freely.

Not domination or submission, the absence of control is what clears the way.

To move from disregulated survival instincts to perfect harmony. Balance and equilibrium reflected back at me without fear it will get ugly or angry.

I choose my words wisely.

I have risen above what tried to suffocate me, crawled from the ashes of a fire no one else believed could see.

We are not meant to exist in their abyss of isolation and fear.

Wherever you are, whoever you are.

This is a manifesto to come and claim me.

Its time to wake up.