Mutually Assured Destruction

It was after school hours and Dylan, having stayed late so he could put up his campaign posters all at once to align with the surprise nature of his candidacy, was just taping up the final one in the hallway outside the library. He stepped back to admire his handiwork, particularly the “Cash in with Dylan for Senior Class Treasurer” slogan that his older sister had helped him come up with.

The library door banged open, startling Dylan.

“DUDE!” A voice from behind him exclaimed.

Dylan cringed, then quickly got ahold of himself and plastered on a smile before turning to his friend Josh. This conversation was going to happen sooner or later; might as well get it out of the way now when no one else was around.

“I can’t believe you,” Josh said, pointing his finger accusingly.

“I’m sorry, man. I realized I needed something on my college applications.”

“So go find something else!”

“I can’t,” Dylan admitted. “All of the other student council races are...”

“Popularity contests?”

“I was going to say competitive. No offense.”

“You don’t even like math,” Josh said, glaring at Dylan. “Treasurer is an important job that needs to be taken seriously.”

“No it’s not. At best, you’re managing a few thousand dollars that ASB raises and sets aside for prom.”

“Then run for something else!” Josh shouted. “This is my thing. It’s always been my thing.”

“I’m sorry, Josh. This is happening. But, hey, we should at least agree to run a clean campaign. No dirty tricks? May the best man win?”

“Why?” Josh retorted. “Afraid that your sterling reputation might be tarnished by what I know?”

“Pfft,” Dylan scoffed. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Dare what? Tell the school that you had to get medical-grade treatment for your back acne?”

Dylan gasped. “Yeah? Well if you tell them that, I’ll tell them about how your parents have to pay a tutor to help you keep your GPA at a 4.0.”

It was Josh’s turn to look affronted. “Don’t forget, Dylan... I know about your little dalliance with the principal’s daughter.”

“You say that like I don’t know about your little dalliance with the principal’s son.”

Both of them glared at one another.

“Maybe it would be better to run a clean campaign,” Josh admitted. No smears or mudslinging.”

“I think that’s for the best,” Dylan agreed. “It’s not worth blowing up a ten year friendship over.”

Each of them sized the other up, calculating.

“So what do we campaign on, then?” Dylan asked.

“I suppose I could campaign on my ten-point economic plan that I’ve been diligently working on for the past three months leading up to this election,” Josh said as offhandedly as possible. “But I’m sure your campaign will have similar proposals and merits that you can pitch to the student body.”

“Er... um... yes, of course,” Dylan said, not at all convincingly. “I look forward to a spirited debate about our respective economic platforms.”


Two weeks later, Josh was over at Dylan’s house playing video games.

“I still can’t believe I lost,” Josh grumbled.

“I still can’t believe you thought Roth IRA contributions was a topic that any high school senior other than you even knows about, let alone cares about.” Dylan replied.

“I do have to admit, your elect-me-and-we’ll-have-free-pizza-fridays platform was a pretty appealing one.” Josh conceded.

“And I’ll admit that your fine print about any excess pizza being disbursed by the Treasurer was pretty inspired, Josh.” Dylan said, reaching for another slice from the nearby box. “Or should I call your Mr. Undersecretary of the Treasury?”

“I’ll respond to either,” Josh said. “As long as you pass me another slice!”


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617 words

Written for: "The Writer's Cramp" 

Prompt: With the contentious US election season coming to an end on Tuesday (thank goodness!) let's change the tone. Write a story or poem about two close friends running against each other for the same position. (It can be for Class President, a seat on the town council, chair of the chess club, Treasurer of the Home Owner's Association, or larger office.) They agree to run an amicable campaign, and not to smear each other. Include what they are running for, what the campaign looks like, and who wins?