April Fools', John

         
         
         I haven't always hated April 1

st. When I worked at the R.R. Donnelley & Sons printing company, it was great fun because everyone was pranking each other with harmless, safe, and, most importantly, funny, practical jokes.

         All of this changed when I went to work for Qualis. The first year I was there, John, a Manager for Production, believed the best joke was the one where the target was humiliated in front of everyone else to the point of ridicule. Unfortunately, being the new guy, I was his target that year.

         Managers used a separate lavatory from the hourly workers. As the Scheduling Manager, I was no exception. Because scheduling was a busing job, I took only one day break at 1:00 p.m. Due to this break, everyone knew I would be away from my desk for approximately thirty minutes. April 1

st was no exception. As I was new to the plant, I had not planned any pranks as I did not know the people well enough to engage in the tom-foolery I did at my old job.

         John had no such restraints. When it came time to use the restroom, John switched the regular toilet paper with fake paper that was no tear or rip paper. I would have been out of luck and deeply embarrassed if I had needed it. Meanwhile, John spread the rumor that I had not used the paper.
         It took some time for the truth to come out and be believed. John's story was eventually discredited, and his creditability diminished. I knew I made him look bad in front of his peers, and his behavior toward me was irrevocably changed for the worse.

         A year went by, and April 1st was rapidly approaching. I knew he would try something again, worse than the previous year. I knew it was time I evened the playing field and got him first. I had been thinking of several ways to prank him; however, I always returned to my favorite. I have used it with disliked people or bosses who irked me, so I knew how to do it flawlessly. It was time John met his superior prankster.

         John had a corner office with windows on two sides to see the production floor. His office was approximately 9' by 6'. Before John came in, I went to his office, which he always left unlocked; I securely strapped the spray can directly under his office chair so that when he pulled it out and sat down, the contents, under tremendous pressure, are released against his legs. I then go out of his office and wait for him to arrive.

         Half an hour later, John arrives, and I meet him at the door. I advised him that I needed to discuss something with him on the way to his office. As this was an occurrence I have done in the past, he wasn't suspicious of my motive.

         When we arrived, I completed our discussion and advised him I needed to return to my office. I watched as he went into his and closed his door. The first part of my plan could take action.

         I quickly leaned against the door without opening it, causing a slight gap between it and the doorframe. I promptly stuck a small wedge into the opening by the door handle. The wedge caused enough pressure against the door and frame so the door mechanism could not function correctly, keeping John in his office until I removed the wedge.

         After John attempted to open his door several times, he threatened to call security. I advised if he wanted to make a stink about this situation, to go right ahead. He promptly went to his chair and sat down.

         This set of the actual prank. Underneath his chair was an aerosol can of Jason's Extra Strong Gas Passing for enclosed spaces with Rapid Release. I had the opening pointing toward his legs so his pants would receive the better portion of the spray.

         From what I could see, he had no idea where the smell was coming from and didn't get up from his chair until the count of ten. When I opened the door, it smelled like ten toilets backed up.

         After the investigation, I was placed on administrative leave for a week but was called back after three days because I was the only planner they had in the plant. John and I never talked again.

         On the bright side, my prank was placed in the Human Resources booklet regarding reasons to get written up. And John? He'd think twice before trying another April Fools' prank.

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