I remember...

I remember…

The wife and I were getting ready for work. My routine did not normally include going downstairs to watch the news as I put on my shoes and prepared to leave, but for some reason I did so on 9/11. I sat in the recliner and absent-mindedly grabbed the remote, flicked on the TV and changed the channel to CNN.

I didn’t even look at the screen as I picked up my left shoe and slipped my foot inside. Then I heard it, “This just in. You are looking at, obviously, a very disturbing live shot there. That is the World Trade Center and we have unconfirmed reports this morning that a plane has crashed into one of the towers of the World Trade Center.”

As the reporter was saying this, CNN was showing a shot of the building, the gaping hole burning, belching smoke and flames into the sky over New York City. I stopped what I was doing. A cold chill had seized me. After a minute or so of watching the report, I called up to my wife: “Diana, I think something very bad has just happened.” Once ready, I left for work. The second tower was hit while I was on the road.

In the days that followed, I experienced a range of emotions that surprised me - fear, anger, helplessness and a strange melancholy that dogged me day and night. I had trouble sleeping and had become irritable with friends and family. Later still, the President allowed planes that had been grounded to complete their flights. Part of my ride home from work crossed the flight path of planes leaving from/returning to the airport. On this day, I saw a plane landing as I headed for home.

I thought I had adjusted, that the fear and anger had decreased since the attack; but I was wrong. Seeing that plane in the air brought it back - full-force. At that point, I knew I had to do something to reconcile the events of 9/11 internally, to learn to live with the disaster. I began a self-reflection that helped me cope.

I was born in the late fifties. A child of the Cold War, I had become convinced America was invulnerable. I am also a veteran, serving a career in the Air Force. This deepened my conviction that nothing like this could ever happen here. Internalizing this new vulnerability was difficult. Admitting it was a problem seemed to help. Prayer helped most of all.

When commercial flights were allowed to resume, I remember the fear – and pride – I felt as Diana boarded a plane to go on a scheduled business trip. I knew she was a little scared and for good reason.

Nine years have passed now. I hope we will all remember the Fallen and the Heroes that responded on that tragic day in 2001. Do you remember what it felt like to see the country come together, to stand as one regardless of our differences?

Here’s to hoping we can find that common spirit again.