Craving Infinity

the weight of her body pressed against mine
her breath on my neck
her teeth edging against my ear
the taste of her
tangy cream sliding down
red hair aflame in my mouth
her breasts tender under my pain
her face smooth with release
she falls asleep
I stand and creep off
out of the shadowy bedroom
into the dim light of the hallway
i stand stare at the mirror
inked against the bathroom sky
in rapt awareness
I hate myself more than before
the animal in me that comes her so hard
the impulse to vomit or shower or cry
looms large
my skin tinted coal
slanted against the mirror
I shower lengthily repose
resigned to my imaginary guilt
The bathroom tile comes loose against my cheek
I am shocked into stillness
Silently, bereft, I return to my lover
her hands like ash in my fingertips