The Reasons Why 3

Jmani

I sit in the congregation with my brothers and sisters. I stifle a yawn. It is just after lunch and we are attending today’s main celebration before again retiring to prayer rooms and chapels to pray.

I woke just before dawn in the chapel this morning. The dancer had gone and the sky was a grey blue. I had hurried back to bed. Just in time too, for we were woken to attend the dawn devotion.

Kemin noticed my stockings but I had simply told him my feet were cold last night and I didn’t want to wake him, which was true.

The celebrations continue. Songs, prayers, dances. I have paid more attention to the dances today in hopes I would see the lone dancer again but so far she has not appeared.

A new set of dancers enters. I scan them quickly but she is not there. They begin dancing. After a few moments, I look away. Their dance is pretty but has none of the passion or beauty I have seen from the solitary dancer.

I look around the temple at the other objects of religion. It still seems pointless to me. I can’t see God in this world. The sun rises, the sun sets. People work, children play, mother criticises and father believes but what is it all for?

My thoughts turn again to the lone dancer. How, I wonder, will I pray – hard enough to start with – if she is the only thing I can think of?

Why is she the only thing I can thing of? I wonder. She is only a girl. Half the world is the same as her. Six of my own siblings are girls. Why did I find her so alluring?

Her dance. That was what I was attracted to. The way she moved and spoke love without saying a word. The beauty, the passion, the feeling and emotion I had seen her dance.

The service continues as my thoughts dwell on the solitary dancer. The memory of her swirling in my mind.

I am so deep in my thoughts of her and her dance, I hardly notice when the service is finished until we stand. A priest leads us to the prayer room we prayed in yesterday, reminding us there is someone at the door should we need anything.

I settle down with my brothers and sisters, kneeling at the end of a prayer rail. I close my eyes to pray and the world is black.

Yet on the back of my eyelids, she dances.

I sighed inwardly and tried to set the dancer out of my mind.

God, I pray…

She danced. The memory of her hair spinning in the moonlight, her steps and moves played on my mind.

I tried again.

God, I pray…

She dances.

I don’t know how long I fought the inside battle between my duty and the dancer. I would have thought it hours but it must have only been a few moments.

I opened my eyes slowly and glanced carefully around the room. The eyes of my family were closed. No one would notice if I slipped away. I would be back before they would notice me gone.

I glanced around the room again and eased myself up. The rustle of my clothes seemed unordinarily loud in the quiet room but I kept moving.

Carefully, I stepped my way around to the door. Guiding it open, I stepped out and breathed a sigh of relief as it shut noiselessly. I leaned against the cold stone wall for a moment, claming my racing heart.

“Highness,” a young novice seated on the bench by the door jumped up and bowed. “How can I – “

“Nothing, nothing,” I whispered quickly at him. How could I have forgotten that someone would be at the door?

I took his shoulder and guided him away, still whispering. “I’m just getting some air before I pray,” I explained. “I don’t need anything, thank you.”

The novice nodded, still looking slightly worried. I gave him a push back towards his seat and turned to go. There was more on my mind than an anxious novice.

I am going to see the dancer.

* * *


Mio

I turned back through the halls, clutching an apple. I had had chores this morning and then had lost track of time at dance practice. It was no problem. I wanted to be late for lunch today, as I was the day before, to avoid the rush and talk of the King.

I was grateful I was not in any of the dances this week except a small part on the seventh day. The dances the sisters had created were pretty but it was all for show. Watching the practices, I could feel no praise for the Lord in their movements. They were too worried about perfection of steps and how it looked.

Were they forgetting our God is not interested in such prettiness? Had they forgotten he sees past even the most elaborate dance to the dancer’s heart in plain and unadorned view?

The sisters had wanted me to dance more but I refused, using my healing as an excuse. I didn’t want any parts in crowd pleasing dances when God is the only one we should be dancing for.

Today was the second day, I remembered. In five days the King would be gone. As it was, everyone was now tucked away in the silence of the afternoon. I had finished dance practice that morning and was free to dance the day away in peace.

A pain in my side suddenly gripped me, causing me to double over. I leant against a column, waiting for it to pass.

Dear Lord, heal me so I may praise you as you deserve.

The pain was passing and I started to walk again, thankful that no one had seen me.

I walked slower, my steps taking me to my chapel, as I often thought of it. My place to praise the Lord.

I stepped around the columns lightly and into my chapel, eagerly wanting to start dancing when I froze.

There was a man sitting on one of the side benches.

Fear raced through me and I fought to harness it, trembling.

Suddenly, through the silence, there was a thud.

The man looked up, alerted by the sound, and I realised with horror that I had dropped my apple.

In my frozen state it had slipped through my numb fingers to the floor where it now rolled down the slight sloping stones.

“It’s you,” he said, looking at me.

My heart was pounding in my breast, in my head. My mind wasn’t working. What should I do?

“It’s you,” he said again. His eyes never left my face.

I swallowed hard.

He started to stand.

RUN!

The thought shot through my body like a horse had kicked me.

I obeyed.

He was still standing but I turned and ran without a glance.

I fled with one prayer on my mind.

Keep me safe, Lord. Stay with me!

* * *


Jmani

The apple rolled towards me slowly on the uneven stone floor but I didn’t really see it until it hit my foot. I glanced down and then up again.

Only a few moments ago I had heard the sound that I now realised must have been that apple hitting the stone floor. I had looked up to find her standing there. In almost the centre of the chapel.

I hadn’t heard her come in. Her footsteps were so light on the stones. But she had been there. I remember her long brown hair and dark eyes, her thin figure wrapped in the plain robe.

Time had seemed frozen for a moment but then it was all too fast. She had run.

She was gone before I could even think. Should I go after her? I was too late. She would be far away by now.

Why had she run? I didn’t understand.

A though occurred to me. Perhaps she had recognised me as the prince. That must be it.

I curse my station in life. When will people see me as simply a man? Another human just as they are.

I suddenly had a glimmer of understanding for my father.

I had found the dancer and she had run. What should I do now? I picked up the apple that rested at my foot and looked up at the altar again. I sighed. It was time to return to the prayer room., my family and my duty.

I walked back through the halls with no distinguishable thoughts on my mind, just a tumble of confused fragments that didn’t make sense.

I entered the prayer room as silently as I left it. Kneeling at the prayer rail, I placed the apple in front of me and tried to pray.

* * *


Mio

The kitchen was busy when I slipped in the side door. I was glad. No one would notice me in their business. I was hungry, having eaten nothing since day break and my body was stiff from hiding in the choir rows.

“Where are the potatoes?” someone cried as I made my way to the apple barrel.

Someone else brushed past me, making me gasp involuntarily. I swallowed hard and reminded myself that I was safe. I wasn’t going to be in this crowded room long.

I took an apple from the barrel and a piece of bread from the cooling trays then I slipped out a side door and into the gardens.

A cool breeze swirled by as I sat under a tree and gazed at the beautiful stars that were appearing in the dusk sky.

Father, I wonder at the beauty of your glorious creation.

No one would miss me at the evening meal. In fact, I rarely ate it in the hall. It was far too full of people for my liking.

The memory of the man watching me flitted across my mind without invitation. I shuddered slightly.

Father. Lord, keep me safe.

* * *