Bob

Long, long ago in a place far, far away there was an age of chivalry, a time of royalty, of gallant knights and fair ladies who were always getting themselves in distress and needing to be saved (seems like a clever dating technique to me, but whatever), of wizards and magic, and, of course, of dragons needing to be slain. It was a land of castles, fine clothing and jewels, great feasts, and live dinner entertainment with much dancing and music making…but not for Bob.

For Bob, you see, was a peasant lad, and an orphan to boot. Now grown to early manhood, he roamed the land looking for odd jobs and whatever handouts were to be had. No future had he. No hopes for a life of luxury filled his mind. That is, until one day when he wandered into a valley beset by a fearsome dragon that devoured the villagers’ livestock and an occasional fair lady. The local king had decreed that whatever gallant knight slew the dragon would be granted lands, wealth, and his oldest daughter’s hand in marriage. Many knights had traveled great distances to try to kill this dragon, but none had succeeded. The dragon was more than a match for the bravest and most skilled of them. Their bones littered his den.

Now Bob was a curious lad, so he went out to see if he might catch a glimpse of the dragon from a safe distance. He crawled upon his belly to a location near the dragon’s den and lay in wait. Imagine his surprise when a voice behind him said, “I can grant you power to slay the dragon and collect the king’s reward, if you but trust in me.”

Bob turned to see a young man, not much older than he, dressed in the long, flowing robe of a wizard. “And who might you be, for me to trust you with my life?”

“I am Stephen, wizard extraordinaire. One day the world shall remember my name! I shall build nations and make kings. You shall be my first success!”

“First success? Then you’ve never done this before?”

“I just graduated from wizard’s school…with top honors I might add…but I come from a line of great wizards. Why, the great Merlin himself was a distant cousin of mine.”

“What would you have me do? Can we kill a dragon with magic?”

“Not directly. It requires a mortal hand, but I can give you the tools to slay the beast. Take this sword. It was forged by the same hands that created Excalibur.”

“Excalibur? What is Excalibur?”

Stephen shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve not heard of Excalibur, of King Arthur, of the Knights of the Round Table, of my cousin Merlin? Were you raised in a barn? Excalibur was the greatest sword ever known. This sword is its twin.”

Bob took in all that Stephen said, then asked, “What is this sword’s name then?”

“It has no name yet. Its user gets to name it.”

“All right then! I’m going to call it Bruce. I always liked the name Bruce. But how can Bruce make me able to kill a dragon that knights in armor have been crushed by?”

“Immerse Bruce in this pool of magical water. The water will coat Bruce with a poison that, once it enters the dragon’s heart, will kill the dragon.”

“Pierce his heart? Do you know how close you have to get to a dragon to get anywhere near his heart? Do you know how small his heart is, and how hard it is to locate? If this is all you've got, I am leaving.”

“Wait! I can give you eyes to see inside his den. When the dragon is fast asleep, you can enter, draw near, and plunge Bruce directly into his heart. It will be easy.”

With that, a raven landed beside Bob and Bruce, and to Bob’s amazement he could see everything the raven saw. “Wow! Now that’s neat. Maybe you are a great wizard after all.”

The raven flew inside the dragon’s den and perched high above the dragon, which was busy munching on the bones of knights. Broken swords and mangled armor littered the den floor. Hours passed. Then Bob saw the dragon lie down and fall asleep. The time was at hand! Bob sneaked as quietly as possible into the den. The air was pungent with the smell of smoke, death, and dragon poop. Bob stepped cautiously among the broken metals not to make a noise that might awaken the dragon. He proceeded slowly, gingerly, until he reached the dragon. Stephen had told him that the only way to plunge a sword directly into a dragon’s heart was to climb upon his back, find a small spot between his shoulder blades, insert the sword between the scales, and then push down with all his might. Cautiously, he mounted the dragon. The dragon roused…but settled back into deep sleep. Bob found the exact spot between the shoulder blades, positioned Bruce, and lunged with all his weight against the sword, sending it plunging deep inside the dragon. The dragon instantly sprang to life and, breathing fire, bolted toward the den’s opening. Bob hung on for dear life. Once outside, the dragon spread his wings and began flapping them to fly away. Bob was in a quandary. Should he jump from the beast’s back or hold on as he took flight? Just then, the dragon crumpled and collapsed on the ground.

Stephen came running up, joyous at their victory. “See, I told you I am a great wizard. You shall be famous. You shall become my King Arthur, uh, my King Bob.”

Bob cut the head off the dragon, and they took it into the village to claim their rewards. The villagers, however, scoffed at the notion that Bob could have killed the dragon when so many excellent knights had failed so miserably. Word was sent to the king. An inquiry into the matter was ordered convened.

The day soon arrived, as did the king and his entourage. His oldest daughter, Wendie, had come to see the man she was supposed to marry. “Oh, my! He is but a peasant – dirty and stupid, with no manners and no education. It would never do for a princess of my standing to marry such an oaf. Daddy, do something!” she whined to the king.

Bob and Stephen explained about Bruce, the poison pool, the raven as eyes, and how Bob slew the dragon. Then, of course, there was the matter of the dragon’s head. Someone had obviously succeeded in killing it. The king felt trapped by his royal word and code of honor. He decreed that Bob had slain the dragon, with the assistance of Stephen the Wizard. Just as he was about to award Bob the promised rewards of land, wealth, and the hand of Princess Wendie in marriage, the princess’ lawyers rushed up to him. There was much whispering, pointing at Bob, and more whispering. When the conference ended, the king and the princess were both smiling. The king announced, “While Bob has been recognized as the person who slew the dragon, he is ineligible for any rewards because he is not a knight and the rewards were promised to ‘whatever gallant knight slew the dragon’. According to the royal lawyers, the agreement is consequently null and void.”

Bob turned to Stephen and implored, “Do something! Use some magic. They are robbing me of my future.”

Stephen sadly shook his head, “Even wizards are powerless against lawyers and their fine print. I can be of no aid to you.”

And so, the royal entourage went home to celebrate, while Stephen the Wizard went looking for his King Whoever to make famous and Bob resumed his wandering. However, Bob now had Bruce, and many adventures were in his future.

ASIN: 1411633156	Bob the Dragon Slayer Product Type: Book
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