Learn to Let go

“Shia, you have to wait for me at the usual place tomorrow, I have something to give to you,” Lance said over the phone. Shia twirled the phone cord and smiled to the phone. After they whispered a few more sweet-nothings, she hung up the phone and literally hopped all the way to her room. Lance and Shia were the couple of the year. Both were equally popular in their fields in school.

Lance, who is the football jock in school, fell for Shia, the cheerleader, the moment he laid his eyes on her. Though both are popular in one way or another, they were not arrogant and proud as others of their status would be, thus they were well-liked by the school population. Tomorrow would be Valentines’ Day and Larry had bought a special gift for Shia – a necklace with a heart which has a little diamond on its top right corner, as the pendant.

The next morning, after Shia had done her daily routine, she rushed out to meet Lance as promised yesterday night on the phone. It was Valentines’ Day and her heart skipped a beat at the thought of meeting Larry, at his request which was rare, so early in the morning. Their meeting place was where a lamppost stood across the grocery shop where Lance and she would meet up every fortnight of a weekend to buy their groceries. Her lips curved into a smile at the thought. Wrapping her jacket more tightly around her, she leaned on the lamp-post and started daydreaming about their date for the later part of the day.

Lance felt exceptionally gay this morning. He had practically skipped down the road to meet his beloved Shia. Silly as it sounds, he could not wait to meet her and to see her reaction when she receives his present. He waved at those who walked by and wished them good morning. It might sound normal but to him, it was not as he was quite a reserved guy. He tossed and caught the small box containing the gift, all the while whistling. When he rounded the curve, he reduced his speed to a mere stroll and gazed at Shia from afar. She was beautiful even early in the morning. Her brown hair seemed silky and has that alluring image where you feel like as though it is beckoning to you to feel it, touch it. Her skin was pearly white and smooth, irresistible to touch. Not to mention those lush lips of hers, nice to kiss and nibble at. He could drool just by looking at her. He had never failed to count his blessings each time he thought about how God present her to him. As he stood directly across her, his heart jolted at the way her face lit up and beamed when she saw him and gave him an eager wave.

She felt someone looking at her but could not see who until Lance appeared. He looked so suave and handsome with the casual clothes he wore, the way he has one strap of the bag over his broad shoulder. Everything about him makes her heart beat faster, makes her heart melt too. She still could not believe that she has a great guy as her boyfriend. She stood upright when she saw him and waved eagerly. Excited, she did not bother to check for vehicles when she started to cross the road, which was one bad habit of hers and which cost her dearly.

It was in slow-motion, going through every single detail of the seconds. Everything just ceased to the slow-paced timing. Even his heartbeat slowed, going at one heartbeat per minute. He saw the oncoming car but he just could not open his mouth to warn Shia. It all happened to fast yet it seemed like forever. He dropped the small box on the concrete pavement and rushed forward, but just like how the box fell with a thud, he heard the same when the car hit her. It took all his strength to shout her name. “Shia!!!” he bellowed as he stretched his arm as though he could reach out for Shia and grab her to safety. He just stood there, dumb as he stared at Shia’s lifeless body. It took him a moment to shake himself back to reality and rush to crouch by her side.

Lance gripped her hand tightly, afraid to let go. His eyes blurred with tears but he wiped them away, he did not want to let Shia see how heart-wrenching it was. “Shia? Shia, baby, you are going to be alright,” he gushed, feeling how limp her hand was. “Somebody please call the damn ambulance!” he shouted at the crowd which had begun to form. “Lance, I – I love you. Hap-py,” she coughed violently, causing more blood to spill from the sides of her mouth. He held on to her hand tighter, praying to God in his heart to save her. “Happy Val-lantines’ Day,” she managed to say though hoarse. Lance lowered himself more to allow her to kiss his cheeks. He was willing to stay in that position and wait for the kiss that was meant to be given by Shia on Valentines’ Day.

The rest of his days passed as a blur. He could not remember anything much that happened except for that one moment of stillness in his life ever since that fateful day. “She’s too young to die,” he kept repeating it in his head, as if chanting. He did not bother to take care of his personal grooming and usually appeared sloppy in school. It was as if a part of his mind and heart just totally switched off the moment Shia departed. He had not stayed long during Shia’s funeral as he could not contain the grief in his heart when he saw Shia lying in the coffin in the white as snow dress. It was such a contrast to these feelings in him, to the mournful ambience. When they went to bury her in the grounds, his cool armor shattered and he had sobbed like a small boy who has lost something so dear to him. He had lost Shia forever.

The taste of sorrow and bitterness were still in him. It grieved him that he could no longer see and touch Shia. The fact that he could have saved her from the accident had he been alert caused him great bitter and resentment to himself. Stubs started to grow on his face and his hair was unkempt. Many a time his friends advised him to let go and move on but he ignored them, picked a fight with them which was so unlike him in the past. Fear and disappointment got his friends to stay away from him. The once popular and well-loved football jock was now shunned as he wallowed himself further into the great mourn he had created for himself alone. It did not occur to him that though Shia was no longer with him, she still lived in his heart but as he had shut his heart close, oblivious to other things, the flame of love he had and still has for Shia were left to burn low at some corner of his grieving heart.

It was not until Shia came into his dream. He was walking and came to this beautiful space near the lake. The scene was breath-taking and way out of this world. “If only Shia could see this with me,” he murmured to himself sadly, a single tear trickling down his cheek. “I am here Lance,” a familiar voice answered. He whirled behind and inhaled sharply. In the white dress she wore, standing just a few feet away from him, she looked like an angel with a ring of golden light glowing above her. Her face was so serene and peaceful. She smiled her sweet smile, causing his breathing to take a hitch. Melancholy set in as followed by the feeling of forlorn. Waiting not a second longer, he jogged towards her stopped in front of her. He lifted his right hand to gently run the back of his index finger over her soft cheek. She was real. He continued to gaze into her soft brown eyes, drowning in them. His face which had been wearing a frown now wore a big smile. He grabbed her and brought her close to him, hugging her tight. He did not want to let go of her. “You have to learn to let go, Lance. Change for the better, love. I know you loved me and still do but God loves me more,” she whispered softly and lovingly into his ear. Stubborn, Lance hugged her tighter and shook his head slightly. Chuckling softly, she smiled fondly into his shoulder before whispering tenderly again. “Remember the prayer you sent to God?” Lance stiffed and eased her back to look into her eyes, a puzzled expression on his face. “You told Him to save me. And He did. He did not want me to suffer the excruciating pain should I survive the accident. He brought me here to Him – with Him.” Pausing, she kissed each of his eye lids. “Learn to let go Lance. I may no longer exist in the mortal world but I do in your heart. Keep our flame of love burning, may our love live forever,” she continued and started to drift away. Lance held fast to her hand but she was slipping away, away from him, again. He tried to say something but his voice just could not come out. He saw Shia mouthed, “I love you” before fading into the light.

He woke up with a start, his heart thumping. He placed his right hand over his heart and felt the strong pump of his heart. “Shia,” he whispered softly. He covered his head in his hands and sobbed the way he did at her funeral only now it was not just tears of sadness but also happiness. It was true what Shia said. Though she might no longer exist in this world, she will still continue to live in his heart today, tomorrow and forever. It was time for some change.