Diary of an Arsonist

May 1

The first time I did it, I just wanted to know what it felt like. I was nine, and had found an old lighter under the seat of my father’s truck. There was a dumpster behind our house that someone had put on old mattress and pieces of broken furniture in. The corner of the mattress had just started to smolder when my brother ran through the yard with the water hose. “You stupid little shit! What the hell were you thinking?” He yelled at me and slapped me across the back of my head. I didn’t understand why he was so upset. He was the one that showed me how to burn ants with a magnifying glass.

May 28

Tonight was my first night back from college. My first year was fairly uneventful. I got decent grades and got along well with most of the people in my dorm. There was the one incident with the candles in the hallway, but I don’t think anyone knew I was there. As much as I enjoyed the freedoms of college, I couldn’t be with my fires as I wanted to. People would become too suspicious in this new environment. I am really happy to be home, back in familiar territory.

June 7

Guess what? I am famous! I walked down to the warehouses in the old part of town today. There’s been no rain this year so the grass was dry and yellow, but I never thought it would burn that fast. The whole field went up like a torch. Before long, the media showed up. It was great! I was standing at the edge of the field and they asked me for an interview. I described the fire in vivid details and played up what a great job our fire department does. Idiots, they’re all idiots.

June 13

Before, it was always easiest to just use a lighter for my fires. Light the corner and run like hell. The only problem with that, is that you actually have to be present at the ignition of the fire and that’s dangerous. Today, I learned about a new ‘incendiary device’ (in Fire Science Magazine of all places!). You take a cigarette and wrap matches around it’s base with a rubber band. When the cigarette burns down, the fire starts. That gives me ten or fifteen minutes to get far enough away. God, I love modern journalism.

June 24

Tonight was amazing. I’ve never seen anything burn like that. I picked that building because it was old and made of wood and I hoped it would burn good. I stood across the street with the other voyeurs watching in morbid fascination as the firemen hurried to subdue the beast. What an amazing sight! You will never understand power until you’ve seen a fire at it’s destructive peak.

July 1

Have you ever watched a fire burn? She is the most exotic dancer of them all. She writhes and twists in a sensual continuous dance. And her colors! What a truly glorious sight. She can be every color of the rainbow. But rainbows are pale, weak, and washed out, while my fire is vivid, strong, and brilliant. She can be the softest yellows and oranges, like the branches of a Christmas tree or a pile of fall leaves set aflame. They burn fast, but not exceedingly hot. She can be a passionate red. Tires burn red, but the smoke is so dense that it’s not really enjoyable. Then there are the brighter, hotter colors. Blues, purples, and even green. Propane burns blue and purple, but you have to watch closely if you want to see the green flickers. But my favorite, the most rare of all fires, are the clear white flames. Only the hottest flames are white. I think it is this pure, virginal fire that I truly love.

July 4

The Fourth of July has always been my favorite holiday. I’m taking the night off to watch the fireworks.

July 11

Tonight was a night I will never forget. There was a small abandoned shack in the poor area of town. I was doing the town a service in burning it to the ground. I was standing with the crowd like I always do, when the county arson investigator came over and asked if anyone had seen anything. I asked him if the fires had started under suspicious circumstances. He told me that with the rash of recent fires, they were afraid they were dealing with a serial arsonist. No kidding? He asked me if I had any information. I told him I had seen kids playing in the area earlier and I would be sure to keep my eyes open. He earnestly took down all my information in his little notebook. Stupid, stupid, stupid.


July 17

Dear God, what have I done? This wasn’t supposed to happen. I always check my locations carefully to make sure they are empty. How was I supposed to know about her? What kind of parent would let their child play near an abandoned building anyway? God, I’m so sorry. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. At least I’m still free…I wonder what it feels like to burn?

July 19

The newspaper said her name is Danielle. She’s nine years old, and lives three blocks from the location of the fire. I didn’t really want to know anything about her but when I passed the newspaper stand, I couldn’t help but look. On the front page was a beautiful picture of my fire. The article though, was about that little girl. The paper says she’s expected to make a full recovery, but will always be scarred. I’m truly sorry for what happened to her, but I wish they would give a little more attention to my fires.

September 14

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to write anything down. I was supposed to go back to school two weeks ago. My car was packed and I was on my way when a van plowed into the back of my car sending me underneath the big rig in front of me. Somehow, something caught on fire in the engine compartment. I was caught between the seat and the steering wheel. I could feel the flames licking at my feet, my ankles, and up my legs. God the pain! You can’t imagine the pain. I don’t really remember what happened. Someone pulled me out I guess. I woke up a week later in a hospital bed with both legs amputated below the knee. I can’t believe this happened. And I’ll tell you a secret. My legs may not be there anymore, but they still hurt. I can still feel the burning, prickling sensation. I can feel the skin pulling and splitting and falling away. But that’s not even the worse part. It’s the betrayal. I loved my fires and that vengeful bitch turned on me! I wish they’d left me in that car.

September 24

I sat in the yard tonight and burned pages from my school books. I don’t need them. I’m not going back as a cripple. I’m not going back at all. I tore the pages out one by one, and lit the corner and watched them burn to ash. I started crying. I don’t know why I was crying. I didn’t know I could cry.

October 7

It probably won’t be painful. It will be like going to sleep. I’ve already picked the building. A big empty warehouse. People are so afraid of fires. There’s little reason to be. The smoke usually gets you first. You choke and cough, but then you just go to sleep. You don’t even feel yourself burning. That’s why I’m going to give myself to her. I’ve belonged to her for as long as I can remember anyway. She made me powerful, she crippled me, and now, hopefully, she will wrap me in her warm arms, hold me to her breast, and I will find peace.