My Porcelain Tears

Laughter once filled my existence with joy, and I relished in its afterglow. Sometimes, unaware of it's presence, a sadness crept into my being. 'Twas then that I cried my porcelain tears'.

So young was I, in those early years, my beauty was undenyed. I happily entertained the joyousness of being loved, feeling loved, and giving love, to those who shared their lives with me. We all were adored and our existence was a glorious dream.

My silken golden locks glistened in the sun and I danced in satin and lace with a white veil pulled over my face, so happy was I back then. My crystal blue eyes captured the sparkle of the joy we shared. There were no porcelain tears, all was good.

For many years we remained as one, a family joined in adoration. Each new addition seemed to make us more complete and as our family grew we matured and so did our love.

In our early years we played so many games, dressed up in all our finery, we battled the enemy, but we always won. We made up the rules as we went along. You can't lose if you make up the rules. Pirates captured and ravished the helpless, and plundered the bounty of the lost souls sent onto the briny deep.

Tea parties included all my friends, even the new additions to our family, and every chair was taken. Cups and saucers were set on the table, and the cups were filled to the brim. Sometimes, a little bit spilled on the lacy white tablecloth, and everyone was dressed in their finest clothes and wore jewels fit for a queen, but I was queen and I ruled over all my subjects. So happy was I back then with no porcelain tears.

For many years we shared joy, but soon the years took their toll. My hair was thinning, and the glimmer in my eyes got duller. Now my lacy white satin dress was yellowed with age. I was forgotten and put away. My moth eaten veil in tatters, lost somewhere in the darkened closet.

I learned a sad lesson that cold September morn. Nothing ever stays the same, things change and children grow up. No more playing Robin Hood and Maid Marion. No more trips to strange other worlds, no television or radio. No sunshine glistening on my silky golden hair. No more jewelry or beautiful dresses did I wear. Taken I was, from my safe haven where love abounded in such sweetness. I was stashed away, hidden from laughing eyes that sparkled with love for me. Stripped bare, for all to see. Shamed I was. Ashamed of what I had become. A castaway, from those I loved.

The darkness was so unwelcoming, scary and lonely. My bare chest was cold as ice, I was
cramped and left alone in my misery in this hard wooden box. Unyielding and unforgiving, it was a tightly sealed tomb, draining me of the warmth I once obtained from the love I felt. As I lie here alone in this darkened tomb I am resigned to my fate, and I cry my porcelain tears.

As I drift away in the darkness, behind my closed eyes I relish the memories of long ago. Memories that slowly drifted further from my thoughts. Soon they too will be forgotten, and then I will be nothing but an empty shell, put away in this cold, hard tomb, alone and abandoned.

My porcelain tears have all dried up now. No more tears have I left. I have cried them all. There is nothing left for me to do now, except to accept my fate.


************

"Grandma, Grandma, look what I have found, isn't she beautiful. Can I have her? Can I keep her?" the little girl cried.

"My goodness child, what have you found?"

"It's a doll Grandma. A very beautiful doll. Who's doll is it?"

"Why she's my old friend Hattie. She was mine when I was a young girl just about your age. She was my most favorite doll in all the world."

"Can I play with her Grandma, pretty pleeease?"

"Only if you promise to take very good care of
her. She is a very special doll."

"Thank you, thank you Grandma," the little girl shouts, jumping up and down and hugging her grandmother tightly.

After kissing her grand daughter on her cheek, she takes the doll carefully out of the wooden
box, smooths the silken golden tresses and hands the doll carefully to the little girl.

"Grandma she has no clothes."

"We can fix that in a jiffy," grandma replies.
Reaching into another wooden box she takes out a handful of carefully mended doll clothes.

"These belong to Hattie," the old woman says, as she hands the clothes to the little girl.

"Would you like me to tell you a story about Hattie?"

"Yes, grandma please do."

"Here, lets put Hattie's wedding dress and veil on her, and get her ready for the story."

"Grandma! Look, Grandma, she's opened her eyes. She is looking at me. She looks like she is smiling at me. Oh grandma, I love her, I love you Hattie," she cried kissing the beautifully dressed doll, and hugging it close to her.

Smiling at the little girl, grandma proceeded to tell the story of all the adventures she had had with Hattie. She told of the tea parties, wedding bells, pirates, trips to other worlds and more.....and oh so much more.

When Hattie found herself suddenly awakened from her long solitary sleep, she found herself in the arms of a little girl saying "I love you Hattie."

Hattie listened carefully as the little girl's grandma told their story. She told of grand adventures, and of days filled with love and happiness. She heard her say, she had put the doll away in this wooden box to keep her safe. Safe until she could give her to someone very special. Someone who would love her and take very good care of her. Someone named, ViVien.

"Why, that's me grandma, I'm ViVien," she shouted.
"I promise to take very GOOD care of her," the little girl cried, while kissing Hattie's now moistened cheek.

"I'm sure you will honey," grandma said, giving her a big hug and a kiss. "Now you remember she is very old and very special. She is not an ordinary doll, she is made of porcelain, and can break easily if you are not careful."

"OK Grandma, I love you." ViVien whispered lovingly in her grandma's ear.

Hattie was over joyed by what she had heard. That big person was once her little playmate.

"She hadn't forgotten about me, she still loves me. She just kept me safe until she found me another little playmate to love."

The attention lavished on Hattie by the little girl, filled Hattie with that same warm feeling she'd had so many years before. The little girl and Hattie played a new round of games and went on new adventures. Many adventures were shared by other dolls and stuffed animals, but Hattie remained ViVien's favorite playmate. She was the most beautiful bride, and ViVien made her the queen of all the rest of their family. Queen Hattie was again adored by all.

Life was good until one day the little girl, now grown and going off to college, put Hattie back in the little dark cramped wooden box.

"Good-bye old friend," she said to Hattie as a tear ran down her cheek and landed on Hattie's face. "I see you're sad too," she said to Hattie, wiping away the salty moisture from Hattie's cheek. "You wait here safely until it's time for your next big adventure," ViVien cried as she closed the lid on the box and placed it on the shelf in her closet.

"Good-by ViVien. Just don't forget me. I will wait here patiently until you come for me again.
I will lie here and dream of the pirates and the sailing ships, my love will soar through the sky like a bird. I will remember all my wonderful friends and the glorious tea parties we shared. The evening dances, sitting next to you watching TV as you gently brushed and curled my hair. I was entranced when you told me all about your first date, and your first kiss. And most of all, I will remember you. I will remember your gentleness, kindness and love. So until you take me out of my resting place again, I will wait here for my next new adventures. And if I should shed a porcelain tear, it will not be a tear of sadness for I know that you will always love me. It will be a tear of joy because you cared enough to keep me safe until I meet my next new playmate. I love you ViVien. Good-night."